Home Want to dissect this one? Second baby shower

[Jas12]

haha, we are posting at the same time...i just read your email to her.
Good explanation. it should strike the right balance b/w trying to be a good friend/ trying to knock some sense into her

 

[LadyBlue]

Your friend actually does not bother me at all. Maybe because I''m practical in some aspects, if he wants x, w and y and she is paying for it. I don''t see the deal. At the end of the day, the party is for her, to make her happy and celebrate that she is having a baby.

I was thinking $60.00 drinks seems excessive. Maybe you can only offer juice, soda, coffee, tea.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 1:36:41 PM
Author: gaby06

Your friend actually does not bother me at all. Maybe because I''m practical in some aspects, if he wants x, w and y and she is paying for it. I don''t see the deal. At the end of the day, the party is for her, to make her happy and celebrate that she is having a baby.

I was thinking $60.00 drinks seems excessive. Maybe you can only offer juice, soda, coffee, tea.

That $60 IS for only coffee, tea and soda. Not even juice. Anyone who orders a drink costs $3. 20 people x 1 drink each is $60.

My friend had no intention of paying for the entire thing, it seemed. She offered to "pitch in". Only after I mentioned what that might cost, did she say, "I''ll pay for it." But yes, I agree that it is practical, and wish it were just clearer from the start. I initially thought she DID want to pay for the whole thing, but then it became clear that she only wanted to help with the costs.

 

[cara]

Hmm... I don't think this friend is really getting it from her response to you. Hand in the receipts and get reimbursed? Um, no. I'd was originally fine with her paying for her fancy shower as in your original post but you are right TGal, the way she is trying to go about this is all backwards and its clear she doesn't get the imposition or what 'hosting' is. She should really make the reservation at the restaurant and be on the hook for the big expenses personally and ask you 'hosts' to coordinate invites or cake or something she is at least willing to delegate to your judgment and budgets.

My only objection to your email to her is that it is, at least partly, about money and you might want to acknowledge that a bit more. If you could easily afford paying for her fancy shower I don't think it would be as bad that she is micromanaging stuff that you as the hosts are supposed to decide. But micromanaging COMBINED with the cost involved is really making it a big problem.

ETA: OK, missed your last post. Well if she wasn't actually offering to pay for the whole shower then she shouldn't dictate where its held. Sorry, that's rude. Suggest or state her preference when asked, sure. But to be completely oblivious to imposing expenses on her friends and expect them to shower her with a fancy shower?

 

[TravelingGal]

Her response...

Thanks TGal (for that explanation). It makes me feel good that you want to throw ME a shower. I don''t want to act like a ''diva'' demanding that I want this and that, but honestly I thought doing a lot of the legwork would relieve the burden on you guys. I just felt bad making you guys take time and money out of your lives, so I thought I would chime in and help as MUCH as I can. I thought last night that maybe I am burdening everybody (not just you guys as the hosts), but making everybody take a Sunday out of their lives to come to my shower. I have to realize that everybody is not like me (I like showers *now*, especially if it means getting the girls together for some champagne and nice food), and that people do dread going to showers.

I know you probably have a different outlook than G. I know she likes it better if I tell her what I want (cuz she has no clue). I don''t know what you think of me telling you guys what I wanted for my birthday, but I know G really appreciated not having to think of something to get me. I just thought it would be easier on you guys.

After hearing your explanation, I would like you guys to throw the shower however you want. It doesn''t need to be at restaurant X. I don''t mind having it at someone''s house either. I''m just happy to have friends that care!

 

[cara]

OK, well, her response shows you read her right Tgal! So much for me interpreting clues over the internet! Good to know she was trying to 'help' and just a little clueless about the ramifications.

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 4/29/2010 1:41:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/29/2010 1:36:41 PM
Author: gaby06

Your friend actually does not bother me at all. Maybe because I''m practical in some aspects, if he wants x, w and y and she is paying for it. I don''t see the deal. At the end of the day, the party is for her, to make her happy and celebrate that she is having a baby.

I was thinking $60.00 drinks seems excessive. Maybe you can only offer juice, soda, coffee, tea.

That $60 IS for only coffee, tea and soda. Not even juice. Anyone who orders a drink costs $3. 20 people x 1 drink each is $60.

My friend had no intention of paying for the entire thing, it seemed. She offered to ''pitch in''. Only after I mentioned what that might cost, did she say, ''I''ll pay for it.'' But yes, I agree that it is practical, and wish it were just clearer from the start. I initially thought she DID want to pay for the whole thing, but then it became clear that she only wanted to help with the costs.

I thought you meant $60 each

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 2:08:19 PM
Author: gaby06

Date: 4/29/2010 1:41:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/29/2010 1:36:41 PM
Author: gaby06

Your friend actually does not bother me at all. Maybe because I''m practical in some aspects, if he wants x, w and y and she is paying for it. I don''t see the deal. At the end of the day, the party is for her, to make her happy and celebrate that she is having a baby.

I was thinking $60.00 drinks seems excessive. Maybe you can only offer juice, soda, coffee, tea.

That $60 IS for only coffee, tea and soda. Not even juice. Anyone who orders a drink costs $3. 20 people x 1 drink each is $60.

My friend had no intention of paying for the entire thing, it seemed. She offered to ''pitch in''. Only after I mentioned what that might cost, did she say, ''I''ll pay for it.'' But yes, I agree that it is practical, and wish it were just clearer from the start. I initially thought she DID want to pay for the whole thing, but then it became clear that she only wanted to help with the costs.

I thought you meant $60 each

Gack no!

Cara, yes I''m glad I read it correctly. I''ll talk to the other girls and see if they still want to go ahead with throwing the shower we now know she wants, or if we should do it entirely on own without taking any money and do a shower at someone''s house. We still have a budget of $5-600, which should be able to throw her something nice.

 

[Sha]

''Paper and cake'' theme? Red roses to offset the tablecloth?

Sounds like she''s more interested in having a fancy party than enjoying this special time with family and friends.

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 4/29/2010 1:49:11 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Her response...

Thanks TGal (for that explanation). It makes me feel good that you want to throw ME a shower. I don''t want to act like a ''diva'' demanding that I want this and that, but honestly I thought doing a lot of the legwork would relieve the burden on you guys. I just felt bad making you guys take time and money out of your lives, so I thought I would chime in and help as MUCH as I can. I thought last night that maybe I am burdening everybody (not just you guys as the hosts), but making everybody take a Sunday out of their lives to come to my shower. I have to realize that everybody is not like me (I like showers *now*, especially if it means getting the girls together for some champagne and nice food), and that people do dread going to showers.

I know you probably have a different outlook than G. I know she likes it better if I tell her what I want (cuz she has no clue). I don''t know what you think of me telling you guys what I wanted for my birthday, but I know G really appreciated not having to think of something to get me. I just thought it would be easier on you guys.

After hearing your explanation, I would like you guys to throw the shower however you want. It doesn''t need to be at restaurant X. I don''t mind having it at someone''s house either. I''m just happy to have friends that care!

so, in my book, this takes care of everything. have the house party and stay within everyone''s spending limits. i actually think your friend means the highlighted.

mz

ps i still think 2nd baby showers are just a bit much.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 2:39:54 PM
Author: movie zombie

Date: 4/29/2010 1:49:11 PM
Author: TravelingGal


Her response...

Thanks TGal (for that explanation). It makes me feel good that you want to throw ME a shower. I don''t want to act like a ''diva'' demanding that I want this and that, but honestly I thought doing a lot of the legwork would relieve the burden on you guys. I just felt bad making you guys take time and money out of your lives, so I thought I would chime in and help as MUCH as I can. I thought last night that maybe I am burdening everybody (not just you guys as the hosts), but making everybody take a Sunday out of their lives to come to my shower. I have to realize that everybody is not like me (I like showers *now*, especially if it means getting the girls together for some champagne and nice food), and that people do dread going to showers.

I know you probably have a different outlook than G. I know she likes it better if I tell her what I want (cuz she has no clue). I don''t know what you think of me telling you guys what I wanted for my birthday, but I know G really appreciated not having to think of something to get me. I just thought it would be easier on you guys.

After hearing your explanation, I would like you guys to throw the shower however you want. It doesn''t need to be at restaurant X. I don''t mind having it at someone''s house either. I''m just happy to have friends that care!

so, in my book, this takes care of everything. have the house party and stay within everyone''s spending limits. i actually think your friend means the highlighted.

mz

ps i still think 2nd baby showers are just a bit much.

She definitely does. Like I said, she says what she means and means what she says. No guile.

 

[Sha]

Date: 4/29/2010 2:16:26 PM
Author: Sha
''Paper and cake'' theme? Red roses to offset the tablecloth?

Sounds like she''s more interested in having a fancy party than enjoying this special time with family and friends.

Oops...just read her last response! Glad to hear she understands where you guys are coming from.

 

[Clairitek]

Glad that everything has turned out OK with this situation TGal. It sounds like she is genuine in her last email about just wanting a chance to get together with her girlfriends and not needing the fancy party.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/22/2010 2:12:36 PM
Author:TravelingGal
Interested in your thoughts. I'll refrain from posting mine in the meantime.

Scenario: Friend is pregnant with second baby. She loves hanging out with friends and wants a second baby shower. She has assumed that certain friends will throw a second shower for her. Children will be 2 years, 9 months apart.

She has decided on the venue (without input from any of the people who she believe will host the shower). Either a fancy local golf club here or a very nice restaurant in Beverly Hills (which is a fair distance away from many of the guests). In said nice restaurant in Beverly Hills, she has said she wants a very specific event room at the restaurant, even though it may be too big for the party (20 guests). Should the room not be available, she is OK with doing it at the local club at the golf course.

Both venues are very costly. But she has offered to PAY for the meals at either venue as she understands that it's expensive and has no qualms about doing so. She did the same thing with her first shower...insisted on a location, but paid for all the meals.

So, cool? Weird? No big deal? Momzilla?

I'm late to the party (pun intended) but I'll reply anyway. I do think it's a bit odd to do this for a few reasons:

It's a second baby shower. It seems as if your friend is looking for more gifts.
She's planning it herself. It seems like she wants a LOT of attention paid to her and how much she's shelling out for the shower.
It's at a fancy gold club or a fancy restaurant. I'm assuming there will be kids there (but maybe not). The type of venue seems a bit over the top.

ETA: Having said that, I'd still probably go if I was invited. Your friend is paying for it and in the end, it wouldn't bother me. Yes, I'd think that it's odd but I'd keep my feelings to myself and have a good time wth friends.

Now I'm off to finish reading the thread.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/28/2010 10:10:18 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 4/28/2010 10:01:59 PM
Author: megumic
Uhm, I think she should throw her own darn shower. This seems ridiculous and over the top to me. If she really wants to get together with her girlfriends at X restaurant to celebrate her 2nd baby, SHE should just organize it her-damn-self! I don''t see what''s wrong with throwing yourself a shower in the first place - people throw their own birthday parties alllll the time!

I don''t think she''s being a mom-zilla per se, but I do think she should stop expecting so much and just throw her own shower.

+1. She knows what she wants, can pay for it. I''d let her have at it, you can be there to assist??? Makes sense to me???

OKay, I just read the email from your friend and your reply (that you''re not sending, or maybe you did, I''m still reading..), and WOW. Wow. Wow. I completely agree with Meg and Kaleigh.

I''ve thrown showers for friends before and they really do add up. I don''t get your friend''s take on it. She knows what she wants, where she wants it, what she wants it to be/look like. She should throw it for herself at this point.

I think you have every right to tell your friend how you feel. There''s NO WAY I would spend that much money on a shower, even if the expenses were split two or three ways. That''s ridiculous. Sorry -- I''m mad for you.

 

[zoebartlett]

Sorry for all the replies but I wanted to do it as I read so I didn''t forget anything. I was thinking that your friend was going to pay for the whole thing originally and then dwindled it down to pitching in. It seems like your friend is clueless about certain things, but I''m glad it''s worked out now. You can still throw a great shower for her at someone''s house and get nice flowers (?), a cake, great food, etc. with the budget you and your other friends have.

 

[janinegirly]

Seems like things worked out and there is an understanding. Your friend sounds nice...my diva friends are a lot more diva like!