Home Want to dissect this one? Second baby shower

[doodle]

$800?!?!?!

I should clarify my earlier statement and say that I''ve got no prob with a shower per baby since I view them as a celebration of the baby more so than the mother, but I''m talking about friends at my home, maybe a cake and some finger foods, and homemade entertainment. The last baby shower I threw was actually both the mother and the father present along with family and friends, it was about 30 people, we spent $50, and it was a blast. Granted, I realize grilling burgers at home may work great for us but not others, but at that steep of a price tag, I understand your hesitance a lot more!

 

[Haven]

We don't do any baby showers at all in my religion/culture, so I'm JEALOUS!

Seriously, though, over the last year I've really turned a corner and all those old expectations and concerns about what *should* be done have gone out the window. Now I'm more inclined to say "Life is short! Let's celebrate every little thing we can!"

I wish she would throw it herself and call it a luncheon, though. That way it isn't a shower so the gift issue would be moot and you wouldn't have to deal with the details.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/22/2010 9:42:35 PM
Author: doodle
$800?!?!?!

I should clarify my earlier statement and say that I''ve got no prob with a shower per baby since I view them as a celebration of the baby more so than the mother, but I''m talking about friends at my home, maybe a cake and some finger foods, and homemade entertainment. The last baby shower I threw was actually both the mother and the father present along with family and friends, it was about 30 people, we spent $50, and it was a blast. Granted, I realize grilling burgers at home may work great for us but not others, but at that steep of a price tag, I understand your hesitance a lot more!

Yeah, I know. I think that was what the girl was thinking who wanted to contribute, then rescinded. And it''s not like they haven''t showers like that in this group. I totally resisted having a shower but agreed to one just at someone''s house and we had Popeye''s Fried Chicken and PB&J sandwiches (it was a nod to the SATC Miranda baby shower, since they thought I was acting just like her).

We just went all out for the triplets baby shower...it was much more than 800 bucks, but that was after YEARS of infertility and we knew this was pretty much going to be her one shot since she was having three babies at once. For a second baby, I''m much more reluctant to throw a full out bash.

Anyway, she sent us an email saying she didn''t like another venue she checked out and to do it at the golf course. She also gave us another option, and said we can check out "cute and charming" options ourselves if we''d like. She then also offered to chip in.

I spoke to TGuy about it and I just decided what the hey. She''s a friend and if it''s what she wants, it what she wants. I''ll do it and make her happy as long as she doesn''t go crazy momzilla on me.

But here''s a question...she gave us a guest list and it''s only names and home addresses. Is it totally tacky to do an e-vite for this second baby shower?

 

[swingirl]

No one really should know how an event is financed. It''s a party. If that''s what your friend wants there isn''t any harm done to plan it "her way". She''ll have fun, the guests will have fun and, if you don''t mind being the "secretary" and taking orders, it could be fun to plan.

I believe invitations should be mailed. I HATE evites. I really don''t like where everyone can see who is coming and who is not.

 

[yssie]

Date: 4/22/2010 4:14:22 PM
Author: monarch64
It''s a little eyeroll-worthy to me but I can''t really find concrete fault with it. I would think that she just loves a party and wants to open lots of gifts because that is her idea of a fun time. My practical side would rather see someone take the money they''re using to pay for sort of an extravagant event like that and just buy the items they think they need rather than inviting people to a party to buy them for her, but that''s just me. Everyone has their own way of doing things and even if it seems a little back-a$$wards, it''s not a big deal.

This was my thought too, but it''s no real harm one way or another

 

[geckodani]

Date: 4/22/2010 5:24:16 PM
Author: Pandora II
We don''t have showers here at all (I suppose the odd person might but it is not common), it''s usual to send a card and/or gift when the baby is born if they''re a close friend.

My take on it would be:

a) You want x restaurant and you will pay - great, but YOU organise it all, send out the invites and we''ll happily show up with some baby booties.

b) You hope that one of your friends is nice enough to arrange something for you and leave it all up to them as it''s THEIR event in your honour.

Showers for second babies... I think that is okay, but I do find it odd what people register for. Here gifts are things like a cute sleeper or nice baby blanket, no one would give boring (burp cloths/diaper bins etc) or big items except possibly the grandparents. DH & I paid for everything for Daisy as did most of our friends for their babies.

This, precisely. If you want a specific venue and atmosphere, plan it yourself. Otherwise, let your friends do something fun for you to celebrate.

My sister''s sister in law is pregnant with their second child. Their first is a girl, this one will be a boy. My sister is throwing a surprise brunch with friends and family to celebrate, and the invitation specifically says gifts are not required. Although I think most of us will bring some baby boy clothes or diapers anyway.

 

[TravelingGal]

OK, can I copy this here? Because I don''t want to send it. I''m writing it and it sounds snarky and I just am going to put it here so I don''t send it.

My friend is saying she would like to contribute $500. Not that she will pay for the entire shower (fair enough, I don''t mind putting in money of course). She''s chosen her theme. She wants red roses for centerpieces. She wants to play at least one silent game at the shower. I''m trying to calm down.

Here''s her email the group...which I CAN see is trying to be helpful and sweet.

Hey guys,

If we can''t find a color printer, we can always print them out at Kinko''s or Staples.

I don''t really have a budget, but I think the cost per person at X restaurant is $30.00. X restaurant is probably a better choice since they have a private room, and it is closer to everybody anyway. I would like to pitch in around $500 for the shower. I can give the money to whoever is handling the finances. Of course if the shower gets to be really expensive (which I doubt) I will pitch in more. I know this is my second shower, so I don''t want to burden any of you with added stress....in fact I would be more than happy to be involved with the planning. You know I love this stuff! I am excited to have this second baby, and I think having a luncheon/get-together/shower with just the girls would be nice!! Especially when our husbands play golf, go to Lakers games, drinking and watching football at each other''s houses so frequently.

As I said, I would like to be included in some of the planning. I already told G that if we go with the ''paper and cake'' lavender and toile theme, I would like red roses for the flowers (something bright and striking to complement the light toile). I''ll work with G on that. Also, I don''t need to have any interactive games for the shower, but perhaps one silent game? That''s all I can think of right now. But I''ll let you know if I have any other thoughts.

Thanks again for helping host my shower...you guys are the best!!

My irritated and unfair email that I am not going to send until I get a grip and rewrite the bloody thing:

Hi E,

Thanks for the clarification.

Assuming all 20 people come to the shower, you''re talking about an $1100+ event, and yes, that''s at X restaurant. This is NOT including any decorations or party favors.

Food = $599 (29.95 each)
Drink if each person ordered one drink: $60 (3 each)
Corkage for 4 bottles of champagne $60 (15 each)
Subtotal: $719
Gratuity: 129.42
Subtotal $848.42
Tax: $69.99
TOTAL for event: 918.41

Champagne at $25 per bottle that we bring = $100
Invitations and postage = $30?? (I have no idea how much these things cost)
Prizes for games = $100 (this might be a bit much, but I threw it in there)

Total possible shower cost = 1148.41 + decorations.

I''ll talk to A tonight, but I know what my budget is and I know what G''s budget is. As it is, I do think it is an expensive shower, but I don''t know what your definition of expensive is. Of course, if only half your guests show up, it''s a moot point as it becomes far more reasonable.

That''s great that you want to pitch in for the shower, and it''s appreciated. But I''ll be honest - I see a shower as something that your hostesses throw for you in the manner in which they would like (taking into consideration your preferences, of course). As it seems you are somewhat particular about theme, venue, etc, that is fine but it puts us in an awkward position of having to make this shower up to snuff for you. And it puts us in a stranger position where we have to take money from you because we really can''t afford the shower you want us to throw for you.

People want to do things because they want to do things. Not because they are directed by the person who is supposed to the honored guest telling us where to get the invitations, what theme, what decorations and what games if any to play..


(I couldn''t finish the rest of the e-mail because even I could see it was b*tchy and would hurt her feelings. So OK if I vent here?)

 

[cara]

awwh tgal... yes your email was entirely reasonable, but it would lead probably lead to hard feelings between you and your friend. Not that that isn''t a factor already on your end but just make sure you want to go there.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/28/2010 8:12:56 PM
Author: cara
awwh tgal... yes your email was entirely reasonable, but it would lead probably lead to hard feelings between you and your friend. Not that that isn''t a factor already on your end but just make sure you want to go there.

I don''t. Thank goodness for Pricescope.

I will alert her to the cost privately though, without the rest of it.

 

[E B]

I don't know that I'd help to cover the extra expenses even if I could afford to. She said she'd consider other "cute and charming" (cheaper?) venues right? Maybe you, G, and A could find a few different locations that'd stretch $500 a lot further. Once you've presented your less expensive plans to her, she may decide to kick in a few hundred more to have the party she wants.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/28/2010 8:19:45 PM
Author: E B
Wow. She''ll chip in $500 for this $1200+ event that she planned down to the decorations?

I don''t know that I''d help to cover the extra expenses even if I could afford to. She said she''d consider other ''cute and charming'' (cheaper?) venues right? Maybe you, G, and A could find a different location that''d stretch $500 a lot further. Once you''ve presented your less expensive plans to her, she may decide to kick in a few hundred more to have the party she wants.

Do. Not. Get. Me. Started.

I am about to send her the email, minus all the bitchy bits, sent only to her and not the other girls, with a lighthearted joke thrown in. I don''t think she''d mind being aware of the cost of the event and that it''s still a stretch, especially for G, because guess what? We had dinner at Osteria Mozza (Mario Batalli''s restaurant) that SHE chose for her birthday and G and I split the bill to take E and A out for their birthdays. $500 dinner bill split 2 ways. Not a big deal, but to do this and the shower together in the span of a month is a big hit for G who is a SAHM with a husband working 2 jobs to keep them afloat.

Gotta say though, Osteria Mozza was mmm mmm gooooood.

 

[megumic]

Uhm, I think she should throw her own darn shower. This seems ridiculous and over the top to me. If she really wants to get together with her girlfriends at X restaurant to celebrate her 2nd baby, SHE should just organize it her-damn-self! I don''t see what''s wrong with throwing yourself a shower in the first place - people throw their own birthday parties alllll the time!

I don''t think she''s being a mom-zilla per se, but I do think she should stop expecting so much and just throw her own shower.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 4/28/2010 10:01:59 PM
Author: megumic
Uhm, I think she should throw her own darn shower. This seems ridiculous and over the top to me. If she really wants to get together with her girlfriends at X restaurant to celebrate her 2nd baby, SHE should just organize it her-damn-self! I don''t see what''s wrong with throwing yourself a shower in the first place - people throw their own birthday parties alllll the time!

I don''t think she''s being a mom-zilla per se, but I do think she should stop expecting so much and just throw her own shower.

+1. She knows what she wants, can pay for it. I''d let her have at it, you can be there to assist??? Makes sense to me???

 

[Maria D]

Tgal, I hate showers too. With a passion. So like you I may be biased but that doesn't change the fact that this chick is crazy! I don't think your email is bitchy at all. It is as straightforward as her directive. As I see it, this shower (as she proposes it) is a celebration analogous to a wedding reception. When you plan your wedding reception you pick your theme, venue, menu, flowers, etc. You register for gifts and guests are expected to bring one (on or off the reg.). This is not tacky. The big difference, of course, is that you (or your parents) are planning and paying, NOT YOUR FRIENDS! It's not the fact that it's a 2nd shower that makes this ridiculous; this "request" (more like demand?) would be just as unseemly for a first shower.

If she wants to have a celebration, she should just plan it and pay for it!

eta: I was typing while others were so I missed the part about throwing your own b-day party. I do this all the time! haha, no one else would bother....

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/28/2010 10:01:59 PM
Author: megumic
Uhm, I think she should throw her own darn shower. This seems ridiculous and over the top to me. If she really wants to get together with her girlfriends at X restaurant to celebrate her 2nd baby, SHE should just organize it her-damn-self! I don''t see what''s wrong with throwing yourself a shower in the first place - people throw their own birthday parties alllll the time!

I don''t think she''s being a mom-zilla per se, but I do think she should stop expecting so much and just throw her own shower.

Agreed.

 

[Jas12]

Oh boy

Her email is ri-DIC-ulous

so i get wanting the shower (not my style, but i was anti shower for the first kid so i am not the best person to chime in)
but the detailed direction is inappropriate and asking way too much of friends (not to mention the cost--that is plain ballsy IMO)
She clearly wants to plan this from top to bottom but since it''s tacky to throw yourself a shower she''s masking it as giving you girls ''help'' when really she just wants total control.
Fine.
Then she should foot the bill, order the stuff herself, do up the invites and then just ask you girls to be the RSVP contact/coordinator on the day of.

The alternative is the way things are normally done: Wait until someone kindly offers to throw you a shower. Graciously accept. show up on the day of.

 

[steph72276]

Wow, TGal...you are nicer and more patient with your friend than I would be. $1200???? This is COMPLETELY over the top extravagant for any baby shower at all, but especially for a second shower. I would have written her back and said that the party is extremely expensive and that if she wants to have it at X place, she needs to just go ahead and finance it herself. And I feel especially bad for your friend who's husband works 2 jobs...obviously they don't have the money for these types of frivolous things and he's not busting his booty working like that to finance her friends fantasy land parties! Whew, I would be so over this situation!

 

[steph72276]

Date: 4/29/2010 11:21:46 AM
Author: Jas12
Oh boy

Her email is ri-DIC-ulous


so i get wanting the shower (not my style, but i was anti shower for the first kid so i am not the best person to chime in)

but the detailed direction is inappropriate and asking way too much of friends (not to mention the cost--that is plain ballsy IMO)

She clearly wants to plan this from top to bottom but since it''s tacky to throw yourself a shower she''s masking it as giving you girls ''help'' when really she just wants total control.

Fine.

Then she should foot the bill, order the stuff herself, do up the invites and then just ask you girls to be the RSVP contact/coordinator on the day of.


The alternative is the way things are normally done: Wait until someone kindly offers to throw you a shower. Graciously accept. show up on the day of.

Big Ditto!

 

[TravelingGal]

This is what I sent last night.

> Hi E,
>
> Thanks for the clarification.
>
> Assuming all 20 people come to the shower, you''re talking
> about an $1100+ event, and yes, that''s at X restaurant. This
> is NOT including any decorations or party favors.
>
> Food = $599 (29.95 each)
> Coffee/tea/soda if each person ordered one drink: $60 ($3
> each)
> Corkage for 4 bottles of champagne $60 (15 each)
> Subtotal: $719
> Gratuity: 129.42
> Subtotal $848.42
> Tax: $69.99
> TOTAL for event: 918.41
>
> Champagne at $25 per bottle that we bring = $100 (I''m
> assuming you don''t want us to bring Korbel, hehehe).
> Invitations and postage = $30?? (I have no idea how much
> these things cost)
> Prizes for games = $100 (this might be a bit much, but I
> threw it in there)
>
> Total possible shower cost = 1148.41 + decorations.
>
> I''ll talk to A tonight, but I know what my budget is and
> I know what G''s budget is. Of course, if only half your
> guests show up, it''s a moot point as it becomes far more
> reasonable. But as of now, even with your
> contribution, it''s going to be a stretch for us.
>
> That''s great that you want to pitch in for the shower, and
> it''s appreciated, because I don''t know if we could throw you
> the event you want otherwise.
>
> Talk to you later!
>
> Cheers,
> TGal

To which I received this:

Hey TGal,

Thank you for doing the breakdown. I didn''t think it could come out to that much, and if it does (which I doubt), I am more than willing to pitch in more money. I was even thinking about taking two girls off of that list (not because of money), but because I never see them (and I was only thinking about inviting them because I''m inviting two other girls from that group). Anyway, I really don''t want to burden you, G or A, so I would like to pay for the whole bill. And any thing you guys pay for (flowers, cake, etc.), just give me the receipts and I''ll pay you back. I want to make this easy on everyone. And I don''t even want you guys to stress on the planning, so that''s why I would like to be involved.

And I''m guessing you called X restaurant already? Thanks for doing that. Do they have X date available?

----

So...your two cents? Time for a call instead of an e-mail? I''ve typed the out, but am mulling this whole thing over and haven''t sent anything. Time for me to wear my big girl panties and shut up and just do this?

----

Hey E,

Sorry for the delay in response. I was at A''s until nearly 2 am last night just chatting. I got there at 7:45 but we didn''t get a chance to sit down and talk until around 11pm, because she had to Bathe, feed and put the kids back down!

I did call X restaurant yesterday and tentatively booked the room for X date, lunchtime.

E, I''m going to be blunt - it''s not about the money (although it is a concern). It''s about how showers are thrown. It''s that we WANT to throw you a shower. Customarily the way it''s done is that the people throwing it put it together and pay for it. I KNOW you are trying to be helpful and I know where your heart is that you really don''t want to be a burden. I know you are trying to take the guesswork out of it. But it takes the FUN out of planning something nice for someone when the honored guest is directing where the venue should be, what themes, what décor, etc.

We don''t WANT to take money from you, because then what you are essentially doing is throwing your own shower and we''re just doing the legwork. But because of the shower that you want, we don''t have a choice but to accept the money.

Does that make sense? And I''m speaking for myself here...I have no idea what G and A think.

 

[steph72276]

LOL, turn in your receipts...like it''s some kind of business meeting where you will get reimbursed. Seriously, this chick sounds like she is out of touch with reality and she is sucking all the joy out of hosting an event. I''m with Jas12, I would tell her since she wants everything such a specific way, she should just go ahead and take care of the details and put you guys down as the RSVP contact.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 12:34:48 PM
Author: FL Steph
LOL, turn in your receipts...like it''s some kind of business meeting where you will get reimbursed. Seriously, this chick sounds like she is out of touch with reality and she is sucking all the joy out of hosting an event. I''m with Jas12, I would tell her since she wants everything such a specific way, she should just go ahead and take care of the details and put you guys down as the RSVP contact.

Haha, I didn''t even look at it that way!

I can''t pull out (or, actually I don''t want to because she IS a friend), but I''d just like to tell her to sit back and let us plan a bit.

 

[steph72276]

Yeah, I understand, and actually I wouldn''t either, but man would I want to!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 12:41:14 PM
Author: FL Steph
Yeah, I understand, and actually I wouldn''t either, but man would I want to!

It''s amazing that I don''t want to...I guess I understand what she''s like. She''s a what you see is what you get kind of girl. No guile, but that almost makes her tactless sometimes. It is one of the things I most appreciate about her is that I don''t often have to secondguess her. She''s having a baby girl this time and she tells me all the time when Amelia is wearing something cute, "I want that when you''re done with it." I never take offense because she is just telling me what she wants...it''s refreshing most of the time. So I guess I gotta take the good with the bad.

 

[Jas12]

hmm, tough call

i think the email response is well written and totally reasonable.

Do you want to give her a lesson on social graces & say what everyone is thinking knowing that it''ll create tension, or do you ignore the gall and just say "okay, iam chipping in x amount and we''ll let you know what the rest comes up to"?

i am a whimp and i''d *love* to send that email and hope that she can read it like an adult. But i also think if a person is brazen enuf to make demands in the first place, she''s lacking a bit of common sense and so i''d probably shy away and just plan the thing & harbor resentment

. It''s not the right thing to do, but like i say, i am a whimp!
(and yes, i know she has now offered to pay the full amount, but it doesn''t excuse her assumptions to begin with. Too little too late IMO. She may be a great person and all, but she was out of line with this shower planning)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 12:59:23 PM
Author: Jas12
hmm, tough call

i think the email response is well written and totally reasonable.

Do you want to give her a lesson on social graces & say what everyone is thinking knowing that it''ll create tension, or do you ignore the gall and just say ''okay, iam chipping in x amount and we''ll let you know what the rest comes up to''?

i am a whimp and i''d *love* to send that email and hope that she can read it like an adult. But i also think if a person is brazen enuf to make demands in the first place, she''s lacking a bit of common sense and so i''d probably shy away and just plan the thing & harbor resentment

. It''s not the right thing to do, but like i say, i am a whimp!
(and yes, i know she has now offered to pay the full amount, but it doesn''t excuse her assumptions to begin with. Too little too late IMO. She may be a great person and all, but she was out of line with this shower planning)

You know, this is the heart of it. I guess the real bottom line is do I want to be the bigger person? The bigger person would just suck it up, IMHO. But I think at this stage, if I don''t clear up what I''ve said, she may just perceive me as being not being a good friend. And I dunno, maybe I''m not.

I don''t think I''m the person who needs to give anyone a lesson on social graces. Perhaps the real lesson here is for me to suck it up. Maybe I''ll recraft the email and be more gentle...say that I''d really like to chip in X amount, and I was a little frustrated because it would have been nice to be able to throw her the shower she wants without having her pay for it.

 

[TravelingGal]

I tempered it down and sent this. I think I do want to explain that we did want to throw her a shower...it just may not have been exactly what she wanted. Here''s the meat of it:

E- it''s not about the money (although it is a concern.) It''s that WE want to throw YOU a shower. Customarily the way it''s done is that the people throwing it put it together and pay for it. I KNOW you are trying to be helpful and I know where your heart is that you really don''t want to be a burden. I know you are trying to take the guesswork out of it. But it takes the fun out of planning something nice for someone when the honored guest is directing where the venue should be, what themes, what décor, etc.

We don''t WANT to take money from you, because then what you are essentially doing is throwing your own shower and we''re just doing the legwork. But because of the shower that you want, we don''t have a choice but to accept the money. Maybe your other friends were fine with this for your first shower, but it just feels weird to me. What I am saying is that it would have been nice for us to throw you a shower - one where we are really throwing one for you, and not one where you are practically throwing for yourself. You''re a great friend and I would have liked to be able to throw you something on our own to show you how much we appreciate you and how excited we are for this baby. And no, that shower would NOT have been pizza at my house.

 

[movie zombie]

hey, she said she''d pay for the whole thing. an e-mail back stating that you''re relieved to have the expenses taken care by her 100% is greatly appreciated. i''d also suggest at least 1/2 of that upfront will be necessary as some things are going to require a deposit being paid in advance. or that you''ll let her know when the restaurante and/or other vendors need their $ so she can contact them and take care of it.

the tone of her e-mail sounds like she really does not want to burden anyone and wants to be the responsible party. i''d be upfront that for some fronting the costs and getting reimbursed afterwards isn''t an option [it might be for you but not for the others involved in making this happen]. thank her for her understanding.

in essence you''d be doing the leg work of making phone calls, confirming dates, etc. let her be responsible for making sure the payments are made.

you indicate that you value her friendship and appreciate her directness. your e-mail was great and to the point. her response was not negative. personally, i guess i''m not understanding what the issue is now.


mz

 

[Jas12]

well, that's probably what i would do Tgal
the only thing that bugs me is that she might go away from it thinking " well, i am paying for my own shower b/c my friends are not well off enough/care enough/interested enough to do it all themselves"

verses what she should come away with:

"i am throwing this shower myself, with the limited help of friends, b/c i am acting a little entitled, controlling and have realized that it's wrong to expect someone to want to pay for something that i've dictated so explicitly...esp something that is traditionally "hands off" for the honoree"


ETA: didn't see that last post Tgal. I think that email is very clear. It's still kind, but doesn't let her off the hook either.
Iam interested to hear her response.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 1:23:55 PM
Author: movie zombie
hey, she said she''d pay for the whole thing. an e-mail back stating that you''re relieved to have the expenses taken care by her 100% is greatly appreciated. i''d also suggest at least 1/2 of that upfront will be necessary as some things are going to require a deposit being paid in advance. or that you''ll let her know when the restaurante and/or other vendors need their $ so she can contact them and take care of it.

the tone of her e-mail sounds like she really does not want to burden anyone and wants to be the responsible party. i''d be upfront that for some fronting the costs and getting reimbursed afterwards isn''t an option [it might be for you but not for the others involved in making this happen]. thank her for her understanding.

in essence you''d be doing the leg work of making phone calls, confirming dates, etc. let her be responsible for making sure the payments are made.

you indicate that you value her friendship and appreciate her directness. your e-mail was great and to the point. her response was not negative. personally, i guess i''m not understanding what the issue is now.


mz

LOL mz. Call me crazy, but if I told her that I appreciate her paying for the entire thing, but that I would need money upfront to deal with it and that receipts/reimbursement are not an option, I''m pretty sure she''d blow her top!

I like the way you think though.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 4/29/2010 1:27:47 PM
Author: Jas12
well, that''s probably what i would do Tgal
the only thing that bugs me is that she might go away from it thinking '' well, i am paying for my own shower b/c my friends are not well off enough/care enough/interested enough to do it all themselves''

verses what she should come away with:

''i am throwing this shower myself, with the limited help of friends, b/c i am acting a little entitled, controlling and have realized that it''s wrong to expect someone to want to pay for something that i''ve dictated so explicitly...esp something that is traditionally ''hands off'' for the honoree''

Yup Jas...I don''t want her to think that, which is why I decided to say something. We had another gal who was interested in partaking but rescinded very quickly after finding out this would be a venue event. She wanted to offer up her home and cater in food. I probably would have done something similar...host it at a house, but gone all out on the decor and food. Or maybe thrown it at a restaurant but with only our immediate group of friends, which is about 10 people.