w/o being embarrassed...how can the guy tell his gf

[Dancing Fire]

that he couldn't afford the $40K Ering she saw displaying in the jewelry store window ?

the gf said...that's my dream ring. ...in his mind..$40K??..

 

[fleur-de-lis]

The hypothetical man should ask whether she meant style, or price. The first is a helpful clue about her likes/dislikes; the second means it may be time to have an open discussion about money if they have not yet already.

 

[ForteKitty]

His gf should know his finances better. If she doesn't, they have bigger issues than that!

If i were a guy, my response would be, "better find yourself a rich husband then!"

 

[Amys Bling]

The hypothetical man should ask whether she meant style, or price. The first is a helpful clue about her likes/dislikes; the second means it may be time to have an open discussion about money if they have not yet already.

Couldn't agree more with this. If she honestly picked out a 40K ring and thought that the price was reasonable and expected that to be spent on her ring- then they would have an open discussion about expenses and expectations on saving- spending- income etc. If she meant style then he could definitely get one of that style but on a smaller scale to fit the budget.

 

[suchende]

I'll bet she has no idea it costs $40k.

If she does, she may very well think that marriage is many years off... or with another man.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I'll bet she has no idea it costs $40k.
If she does, she may very well think that marriage is many years off... or with another man.

there was a $40+K price tag in front of the ring..

 

[yssie]

I'll bet she has no idea it costs $40k.
If she does, she may very well think that marriage is many years off... or with another man.

there was a $40+K price tag in front of the ring..

well that kinda answers that, dun'it?

 

[packrat]

He'd have no reason to be embarrassed. If she was expecting something like that knowing full well he couldn't afford it, she's the one who should be embarrassed for being an entitled bag. If she expects the expensive things in life she can go on out there and contribute towards them and not rest on her laurels expecting someone else to hand them to her.

 

[merilenda]

Are you sure she didn't mean it in a "if I had unlimited resources, that would be my dream ring!" kind of way? I mean, in the same way that you might say "that's my dream home" when you see a house way outside of your financial means. It might not mean that she actually expects the SO to actually buy a $40k ring.

 

[Kilops]

Beg, borrow, steal, do whatever you need to get the ring. Either that or change professions and/or GF. While she might be currently satisfied with a lesser ring, buying a lesser ring will never "make her dream come true".

 

[jaysonsmom]

I drool over crazy-expensive rings when we are window-shopping. I also make comments about a lot of them being my "dream ring". I don't REALLY expect my husband to buy them for me!

He usually just laughs it off, and says things like:
1) Sure, on our 50th anniversary if we make it to 50 years! Kill me now...
2) Let just sell our house and live on the street with you and your rock!
3) It's cheaper to upgrade the wife than the rock.

 

[AmeliaG]

Time for this couple to have a frank discussion on finances. If they have had one, then she's not a keeper.

 

[fieryred33143]

My coworker took his girlfriend (now wife) looking at styles. She found one she love but it was $35k. She said she really wanted that one and he was honest with her. Said he didn't think spending that much was something he could do. She was bummed and told him that she could help pay for it if that was the case and he said he wasn't comfortable with that. They both left feeling sad.

Later on in the day he said that he was really sorry but didn't want to start out their marriage having spent $35,000 on a ring. She looked at him and said "what?!?! That ring was $35,000?? I thought it said $3,500!"

 

[JewelFreak]

Very likely she just meant, "If I could have anything....that's my dream ring." I say that kind of thing every day (after being on PS ). When I come up with it looking in a jeweler's window, DH laughs & says, "Who's gonna buy it for you?"

Ask her! If you can't do that, you don't know her well enough to marry her.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Beg, borrow, steal, do whatever you need to get the ring. Either that or change professions and/or GF. While she might be currently satisfied with a lesser ring, buying a lesser ring will never "make her dream come true".

Then she probably isn't the girl for him.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Very likely she just meant, "If I could have anything....that's my dream ring." I say that kind of thing every day (after being on PS ). When I come up with it looking in a jeweler's window, DH laughs & says, "Who's gonna buy it for you?"
Ask her! If you can't do that, you don't know her well enough to marry her.

did you say... my sugar daddy?..

 

[wannaBMrsH]

My coworker took his girlfriend (now wife) looking at styles. She found one she love but it was $35k. She said she really wanted that one and he was honest with her. Said he didn't think spending that much was something he could do. She was bummed and told him that she could help pay for it if that was the case and he said he wasn't comfortable with that. They both left feeling sad.

Later on in the day he said that he was really sorry but didn't want to start out their marriage having spent $35,000 on a ring. She looked at him and said "what?!?! That ring was $35,000?? I thought it said $3,500!"

I know a woman who did this! Sat down and found her dream ring and the now DH said not only no! but HECK NO! She replied that she knew it was a little more than they agreed to spend but she could help him pay for it. He again said no. They left and she burst into tears and said, "We agreed on $10,000.00 and I know $12,000 is a little more, but we aren't hurting for money. My parents are paying for the wedding and we each already have a home. I really don't understand." He very slowly turned to her and said, "Baby...that ring isn't 12,000 dollars, it is ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!"

Even now, she is so embarrassed when she tells the story...they ended up passing on her "dream ring" and she still has a stunning ring that I hear was definitely in their budget!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

that he couldn't afford the $40K Ering she saw displaying in the jewelry store window ?

the gf said...that's my dream ring. ...in his mind..$40K??..

This is a bit enigmatic. "Dream ring," or she-must-have ring? We ALL have dream rings. I've pointed quite a few things to my DH...doesn't mean I expect him to buy them for me. But, we've been together a long time and he knows me. When I oogle, he steers me away and then takes me into an electronics store and tortures me for an hour by pointing out all the gadgets HE wants!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My coworker took his girlfriend (now wife) looking at styles. She found one she love but it was $35k. She said she really wanted that one and he was honest with her. Said he didn't think spending that much was something he could do. She was bummed and told him that she could help pay for it if that was the case and he said he wasn't comfortable with that. They both left feeling sad.

Later on in the day he said that he was really sorry but didn't want to start out their marriage having spent $35,000 on a ring. She looked at him and said "what?!?! That ring was $35,000?? I thought it said $3,500!"

I know a woman who did this! Sat down and found her dream ring and the now DH said not only no! but HECK NO! She replied that she knew it was a little more than they agreed to spend but she could help him pay for it. He again said no. They left and she burst into tears and said, "We agreed on $10,000.00 and I know $12,000 is a little more, but we aren't hurting for money. My parents are paying for the wedding and we each already have a home. I really don't understand." He very slowly turned to her and said, "Baby...that ring isn't 12,000 dollars, it is ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!"
Even now, she is so embarrassed when she tells the story...they ended up passing on her "dream ring" and she still has a stunning ring that I hear was definitely in their budget!

lol they could always refinance the house And, that must have been some ring!

 

[TooPatient]

Very likely she just meant, "If I could have anything....that's my dream ring." I say that kind of thing every day (after being on PS ). When I come up with it looking in a jeweler's window, DH laughs & says, "Who's gonna buy it for you?"

Ask her! If you can't do that, you don't know her well enough to marry her.

This!

It probably wasn't meant as a "buy me this $40,000 ring!" and was just a simple misunderstanding..... and if it was meant that way they need to seriously discuss their views on finances and maybe re-think their relationship.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Beg, borrow, steal, do whatever you need to get the ring. Either that or change professions and/or GF. While she might be currently satisfied with a lesser ring, buying a lesser ring will never "make her dream come true".

You are WAY too hung up on material possessions.

Any woman that expects her man to get her a ring that she knows he can't afford, is not the kind of woman you want to be with.

 

[lliang_chi]

Agreed, probably a miscommunication between imaginary "if money was no object" and actually something she'd want him to buy.

Also it's quite true about the missing a decimal place issue. I've done that a few times myself.

If she really wants that $40K ring that she knows they can't afford, then time to get a new girlfriend.

~LC

 

[Gothgrrl]

My husband said that I'm worth getting a million dollar ring. Does that mean I'm going to get it?

 

[AmeliaG]

As someone that loves to look at expensive jewellery, I KNOW I can't afford, I think ladies need to practice some due diligence before admiring a hugely expensive piece.

I know I've said more than a couple of times, "Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to buy; I just like to look."

A little preventive medicine goes a long way.

 

[cookies]

I think what the gf really meant is, "I love that ring; it would be great to have, but I don't have to have that particular one."

I myself have expensive taste and like to have lots of beautiful (and usually expensive) things, but that doesn't mean I have to have them. There are more important things to do in life. My DH knows me well, and he won't feel nervous when he hears me say, "that desk looks decent; the price is, uhm, $8k", "I want an indoor pool in our next house as it won't get cold", "I like that ring, let me check the tag..." etc.

 

[VapidLapid]

he should turn around and point out his dream wife.

 

[Amys Bling]

Are you sure she didn't mean it in a "if I had unlimited resources, that would be my dream ring!" kind of way? I mean, in the same way that you might say "that's my dream home" when you see a house way outside of your financial means. It might not mean that she actually expects the SO to actually buy a $40k ring.

Totally this! Many times I have said- that's mye dream house/ring/car... but not really expecting my FI to go and get me that. To me that is the "if I had unlimited funds..."

 

[Dancing Fire]

Agreed, probably a miscommunication between imaginary "if money was no object" and actually something she'd want him to buy.

Also it's quite true about the missing a decimal place issue. I've done that a few times myself.

If she really wants that $40K ring that she knows they can't afford, then time to get a new girlfriend.

~LC

or propose with a CZ ...

 

[janinegirly]

Um, how about the guy just say it? If the couple is going to be married, there will be (or should have already been) alot more "embarrassing" things of substance to come clean about. He should say, "well it's good to know the style you like but obviously we will want to make sure I stay within my budget so we can be better prepared financially for our future".

Wow I sound like such an old fuddy duddy!

 

[kenny]

he should turn around and point out his dream wife.