Vow renewal...?

[Ara Ann]

Hi there anyone who cares to read...

I guess I need to vent a little. This is kind of long, sorry in advance!


First, my husband and I have been married 21 years, we were married very young (I was 19 and he was 22)...so we aren't 'that old' LOL, for being married as long as we have been.

Anyway... We had a beautiful wedding (we STILL get compliments about it!) and have two sons, 19 and 14...we've had a strong marriage over the years, but it was a real struggle sometimes too, especially this last year. My husband had a very deep, emotional-personal issue he had kept secret since his childhood...he never dealt with this fully (I knew about it after our oldest son was born), but decided to come to terms with this problem and went into counseling both with a therapist and a friend/pastor at our church last year.

We have both gone through a lot as a result...it's bee one of the most difficult years of our marriage, but we are now stronger as a result...and I can honestly say most marriages would not have survived this kind of trial.

A few months ago, we decided we would renew our vows, to signify a fresh start and a new beginning... Since it's a renewal, we could really have the ceremony anywhere and decided to have it in our favorite historical outdoor museum, in a Cotswold Cottage that dates back to the 1600's. (the cottage was moved to the US from England)... We made some pretty nice plans, including asking our pastor friend to do the ceremony...we were going to have about 35 people in attendance and have dinner at the historic inn, also on the museum grounds. We were going to dress in 'old fashioned' attire for the ceremony (my sister was going to make me a beautiful vintage looking gown). My niece is a professional photographer, so she had agreed to do our pics for us.

Since my wedding ring has been missing and presumed stolen for over a year, I am getting a new e-ring, etc.

Things seemed to be going along smoothly, this was going to be a low pressure, but elegant ceremony. Then on Christmas Day I came down with Bell's Palsy, which is a result of a virus that attacks the facial nerve...this nerve controls the eyelid, cheek, mouth/lips, chin...basically anything that moves from the eyebrow down to the jaw. The right side of my face is affected and paralyzed for now. This condition is supposed to clear up as the nerve regrows, but it can take months before it is cleared up. I am in my sixth week of recovery and still can't smile...I basically look like this if I try to smile:

This has our renewal plans all up in the air...I don't want pictures taken of me on what is supposed to be our special day and not even be able to smile!

Our options are basically to wait until later in the spring/summer, to see how my progress is going, but my husband wants to wait until next year for our next anniversary, he wants to do the renewal on or as close to our date as possible...if we had done this this spring, it would have been one week after our actual date, as the park re-opens after our actual anniversary.

I am just trying to deal with the disappointment I guess. On one hand, it is good in a way, we will have more time to plan...and I would have more time to get into the shape I wanted to be in (no exercising while recovering from this nerve damage)...but I am bummed in the meantime... I am getting my new e-ring later this month, and it's going to be a 'year old' by the time we do our vows...I wanted the new ring and the new vows to go together...and there is no way I can wait a year to wear it, LOL, after having gone without one for a year already.


So I see the pros and cons, but it is upsetting too...this has been a harsh winter and I was looking forward to spring and our ceremony and now that it's probably not going to happen, just makes me sad.





Thanks for reading and for letting me share. Maybe I can share our new plans as we make them for our renewal ceremony for next spring, if you will you let an 'old lady' hang out in the brides area!

 

[LostSapphire]

Ara Ann:

Your plans sound absolutely amazing. I hope you will continue to look forward to the day!

I am sorry to hear you are dealing with facial nerve trauma....I have experienced the same thing twice in my lifetime. Long story short, the first time was 15 years ago after a brain tumor was removed. I had some swelling in my brain afterwards and so developed a palsy for about 3 months after that.

I am currently recuperating from a 2nd brain surgery. The left side of my face is a bit droopy and my mouth doesn''t look right either. You and I are probably twins in that department. I''ve been using this emotie for a while too:

I don''t know the extent of recovery time in your situation. Would imagine that is on a case by case basis. I DO know that part of my facial nerve loss is permanent. I am hypersensitve about it but try really hard to not dwell on it, because there''s nothing I can do about it. So life goes on.....I guess what I''m trying to say is don''t put your beautiful day on hold indefinitely in the thought that all will be ''perfect'' face-wise. What would be perfect is the vow renewal, your family and people you love.

Can you possibly arrange for the photog to take all of the pics from a side angle? That would maybe eliminate your discomfort as to the photographs of the day. Might not solve it completely, but would maybe help with your comfort level.

Anyone who is there with you on your special day would understand your facial issue: they would be there because they LOVE you, doesn''t matter how you look!

Sorry for rambling, but your post hit really close to home. I hope you come to a decision that makes you happy.

LS

 

[Ara Ann]

HI LS! Here's a

for you!

Thanks for your reply...it means a lot.

I am sorry to hear of your current situation...I hope things will continue to improve for you too...I realize our situations aren't exactly the same, hopefully mine will clear up completely, but many people with this also do have some permanent residual effects. I won't know for sure how I will be, until about 18 months have passed. If needed, I can do therapy at that time, but hopefully it won't come to that. I never realized how much work one little nerve really does. It's amazing.

My brother had to have surgery earlier in the year, he had a non cancerous tumor under his jaw and also had the risk of nerve damage...thankfully he is alright, but still has a slight hearing loss and numbness on that side of his face.



And yes, I do realize the vow renewal is more about our love than our pictures , but that is just one facet of the postponement... I had to go to the ER the day this hit (to be sure I was not having a stroke, or something else) and that took a big chunk out of our budget, which was small-ish to begin with. We want to have a short getaway of some kind too and that wouldn't be possible if we push this through for this spring.


We'll still celebrate our anniversary, but just not in the way I had been planning on... I can still look forward to it, for next year and we can keep planning...we'll probably still do the same thing, it is a very special place for us, but will have a bigger budget to work with too.

Thanks again for your reply! (This one works for me too right now)

 

[LostSapphire]

Today it''s more like this:

(not the "sick" emotie but the crooked face!).

Good luck with your health and future. I''m sure everything will work out just great for you. The vow renewal plan sounded dreamy.
LS

 

[Ara Ann]

I hear ya LS, my face is pretty stiff and ''wonky'' today too...some days are better than others, that''s for sure.


And yes, our plans are dreamy...we intend to keep that part intact, and build from there...hopefully the whole thing will be even better, after having put a whole year into it! I guess this new plan kind of goes along with our wedding...we got engaged at Christmas and married the following spring. I got my new diamond this Christmas and we''ll keep planning for next spring!

BTW, I belong to a ''Bell''s Palsy'' support forum...there are other people there who also have facial paralysis as a result of surgery...do you belong to anything like that? It has really been a Godsend for me during these last six weeks.

Let me know if you are interested!