very senstive topic - lubrication

[Samantha Red]

Hello All

I apologise in advance to anyone offended by this, but it is a genuine issue for me and one I would love feedback on.

All my life I have ''suffered'' with urinary tract infections and have got a little paranoid now, to the point where it is affecting our sex life. The last few I have had have occured a day or so after sex and it is affecting me psychologically. I have tried broaching to my DH of using some sort of extra lubrication, i.e. ky, to try to minimise the risk, but he sees it as a slight on his abilities

I have noticed (especially in the TTC forum) a lot of people mentioning the use of such products and wondered if anyone has experience of them being beneficial in respect of preventing/minimising the risk of UTI''s?

Many thanks

 

[monarch64]

SR, some women don't self-lubricate sufficiently and need extra foreplay or some help in the form of artificial lubricants, nothing wrong with that and it doesn't have any reflection on your BF/FI/SO at all!

Either try much more foreplay, or during foreplay go to the restroom and apply some artificial lubricant. Or bring it to bed. If he's not willing to try it you need to have a discussion with him again regarding this topic. UTI's I've never experienced but I'm sure dryness + intercourse can't be doing you any favors. I'm sure someone else (or several someones) will chime in and offer their opinions.

This is NOT an offensive topic, it is something that probably many women struggle with and please don't feel alone. We are all human and made of similar things, all of our bodies work in different ways and there is nothing shameful about any of it. I hope you find a solution.

 

[Samantha Red]

Monarch, thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it

 

[Echidna]

Samantha, I can''t answer your specific question, but there was a thread recently with some good preventative tips:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/utis.121320/

Maybe something in there might also work?

 

[noelwr]

I have never NOT used lube and wonder how women go without. guess they are lucky that their body creates it naturally.

I bought this stuff called Pre-Seed which is lube for conceiving. you didn''t mention that you are trying to, but I thought about it because you insert it into yourself (pretty much squeeze it through a tube inside) before intercourse (like 15-30 min before). so if your DH is not wanting to lubricate, you can secretly use this stuff yourself and he''ll never know the difference. my DH says it feels natural and not at all like KY. but of course you will have to continue with BC if you don''t want to conceive as this stuff is conception friendly.

 

[somethingshiny]

I''m really trying to phrase the following in a way that isn''t gross....


UTI''s are more often caused by a foreign substance than dryness. It could be that you are allergic to him. I have an aunt who is allergic to my uncles sperm and they have to use condoms if they''re not TTC to prevent any irritation. As I recall she gets UTIs and also has some lady parts issues when it happens.

Another possible cause of UTIs directly after sex is if the partner is using a non-sexually-safe lubricant on his own time IYKWIM. Hand lotions and the like are not safe for use during penetration. If there is residue on the man, it would transfer to the woman and could cause an infection very easily.

As far as lubricating yourself, you really need to talk to your SO (not in the heat of the moment) and assure him it has nothing to do with him. Lots of people love the whole "wetter is better" experience. We''ve only used water based lubricant for fun occasionally. I don''t think it''s really anything either of us can actually feel. You definitely feel the effects of it, but nothing sticky, slimy, etc.

And BIG ditto to more foreplay. Women are turned on by all sorts of things. You may need cuddling, real old-fashioned foreplay, dirty talk, etc. Don''t stress about lubricating, just enjoy the new experiences.

Some women experience a form of ejaculation. If you SO has been with a woman who achieves this, he may be doubting himself for not providing you with the same experience.

Sorry if that''s way too much info, but I heartily agree with Monnie in that these things need to be talked about. If one woman can have a better sex life, I feel I''ve contributed to the happiness of the world!

 

[megumic]

Samantha, nothing to be shy about! Here''s my few suggestions:

- re UTI''s -- I''ve always gone by the rule of thumb to pee both before and after sex to clear the urinary tract of any bacteria, etc. Do you do this now? Maybe give it a try and see if it lessens the UTI''s. Also, definitely speak to your ob/gyn about this since there may be some other imbalancement vaginally.

- re lubrication -- KY has the solution you need! There is a new product on their line called Liquibeads. I haven''t used them or seen them IRL, but here is the description from the KY website "K-Y® Brand LIQUIBEADS™ is the first and only vaginal moisturizer with the OVULE™ insert. It lasts up to 4 days, making intimacy more enjoyable day or night. This superior formula enhances comfort to give you peace of mind, and the freedom to act spontaneously." I guess it''s like a little oval bead full of lubrication that moisturizes the vagina over a period of time (maybe by dissolving???) This seems like something you could try with or without sharing it with DH.

Good luck!

 

[rhbgirl24]

We use astroglide or some other liquid lube everytime, just for comfort. It does help. I also have dealt with bouts of UTIs and ever since I started to pee before AND RIGHT after sex I haven''t had the issue.

Something to try at least!

 

[Lilac]

Samantha, I definitely know what you''re talking about! The thread Echidna linked was a thread I started. I get recurrent UTIs and they often occur the day or two after sex. It''s happened probably 5 or 6 times in the last year (the problem only started when I got married, and I assume that''s because I became sexually active when I got married).

The other thread that was linked had some great suggestions. Make sure you are both clean "down there" (maybe shower right before whenever possible) and pee both before and after sex. Drink LOTS of water. You can try drinking cranberry juice - I''ve heard that''s supposed to help prevent UTIs (but it won''t cure one if you already have the infection).

For me, it got so bad I went to my doctor and she gave me a prescription for medication to take immediately after we have sex every time. This seems to be working the best out of everything so far, as I''ve only had one case of UTI symptoms since I started doing that and it really wasn''t very bad that time. So for me, taking the medication each time after sex has been the best solution, but you would need to discuss that with your doctor.

As for the lubrication - I don''t know how people do it without extra lube. Maybe I''m not made the same way as everyone else

, but I always need some extra lube. That doesn''t say anything about my husband''s capabilities - I can be fully "ready" in every other way but I''ll still need to use lube. Astroglide was recommended to me by my gynecologist and she said to use as little as possible. Basically, use as much as you *need* but don''t use MORE than you need. My husband has no issue at all with it and even sees this as completely normal (but then again, I''m the only girl he''s every been with so I guess it is normal for him

). I think you should talk to your husband at a neutral time and explain your feelings. Discuss this with your doctor and tell him what the doctor said. It''s totally normal to need some extra lube sometimes (and for some people - ALL the time!) Everyone has a different body and they don''t all act the same.

Good luck with the UTIs and with the lubrication - and know you''re not alone!

 

[radiantquest]

I do not know if this will help. I do not have issues with UTIs, but I keep baby wipes on the back of the tiolet. I always use the bathroom first mostly so I dont ruin the moment having to go and then I clean up the area very well with a baby wipe ot two. DH also uses a baby wipe for his area to get whatever may be on his parts like sweat off too. That way both of our parts are as clean as can be without a shower. If you think lubrication will help tell him that it has nothing to do with a lack in ability on his part, it will just enhance. If it is sold in the grocery store, which it is, then it is something that is common and he need not feel offended. I recently purchased the KY His and Hers. I dont know if something like that would add to your problems, but I doubt it. If you went that route that it isnt just something that helps you it is something that helps the both of you and it may not seem as much of an assault on his abilities.

 

[drk]

I also get UTIs related to sex. We tried the pee before and after (not so romantic). The cranberry juice, drinking tons. With and without condoms. DH washing before (not fun or romantic). I get nervous any time he''d get close to my urethra during foreplay. I ended up being seen by a urologist and put on prophylactic antibiotics years ago, and take a pill after each time we have sex. If it happens to be more than once a day, I decided 1 pill would do it for 24h. With the antibiotics (norfloxacin), I never have a problem.

RE the lube: we never really used it before TTC, but I have to say it was much more fun for me when I''d use Preseed as part of TTC. Fantastic lube. But not cheap. Not sure if other brands are comparable in terms of feeling.

 

[Hest88]

If you feel you need lube (which may not have anything to do with your UTIs but won''t hurt), another reason you could give your DH is that birth control pills can often cause dryness.

 

[joflier]

Unfortunately, some women are just prone to UTI''s caused from sex. I''ve never known it to be a lube problem. Although, maybe that would help, I''m not sure. But it can be caused, sometimes just by your body''s individual anatomy, other times it''s just the reaction of a foriegn substance near the urethral area......Biggest things that could possibly help (and I think someone else suggested) is to hydrate with LOTS of water. Cranberry juice is good too, but especially H2O! And also urinating quickly after sex. Also, if your partner is uncircumcised, there can often be more bacteria present, as it''s not as easy to keep as clean as someone who is circumcised. So if that''s the case, he can just work to be more vigilant about cleaning down there.
Has your doctor suggested anything for you? If this is starting to affect you psychologically, and none of these easy at-home things don''t offer you a solution, it may be time to set something up with your doctor and see if there''s something else they can do for you!

 

[Haven]

I don''t know anything about UTIs, but finding and using a good lubricant can be a lot of fun for the both of you. Definitely stress that it has nothing to do with your husband and his ability. While more foreplay (that''s designed for you) will help, I say go to a Lover''s Lane type of place and ask the ladies who work there for a tour of their lube products. A lot of them have other effects designed to enhance male pleasure, too.

My current favorite is by Intimate Organics, it''s called "Embrace Tightening Pleasure Gel." They carry an entire line of lubricants, as well. This particular one isn''t technically a lubricant, but it still works as one. If you''re too shy to go to a shop, try to order some online and see what works best for you.

 

[onvacation]

If you use condoms, I believe there are pre-lubed ones available? Maybe you could just use those without him becoming aware of the issue. (Although, at some point down the line, you will probably have to talk it out if the issue continues.)

 

[FrekeChild]

I always used to get UTIs. HATE HATE HATE THEM. I went to the doctor and he said (as others have said before me) to pee before and after sex. Haven't had a UTI since.

 

[Novel]

Separate from the UTI issue, this kind of lubrication is a lot like all the rest our bodies do. I was told once that simply not drinking enough water or drinking too much caffeine, getting dehydrated in any way, could effect it. It has nothing to do with your DH! Its like blaming him if you had a dry mouth

 

[Samantha Red]

Thank you all for some truly fantastic responses. Armed with all of this information I am going to take the bull by the horns so to speak. Get some lube and have a good chat with my DH. Plus I am going to put into place the preventative measures that I didn''t already know about regarding UTI''s. If it all makes no difference I will definitely speak to my doctor about medication to take following intercourse

Thank you again

 

[Samantha Red]

Date: 2/23/2010 7:58:09 AM
Author: noelwr
I have never NOT used lube and wonder how women go without. guess they are lucky that their body creates it naturally.

I bought this stuff called Pre-Seed which is lube for conceiving. you didn''t mention that you are trying to, but I thought about it because you insert it into yourself (pretty much squeeze it through a tube inside) before intercourse (like 15-30 min before). so if your DH is not wanting to lubricate, you can secretly use this stuff yourself and he''ll never know the difference. my DH says it feels natural and not at all like KY. but of course you will have to continue with BC if you don''t want to conceive as this stuff is conception friendly.

Thanks Noel, I am 44 and was trying for children when I was married the first time in my early 30''s and never managed to conceive, even with medical intervention. I will look to see if we can get this stuff here in the UK

 

[lknvrb4]

When I was dating my husband I used to get UTI''s all the time. It got to the point of almost every other month. She recommended I start taking a supplement called Acidophilus to help balance the bacteria. I have been taking this for two years now and only have had one bladder infection but it was while i was preggo with my son.

 

[Winks_Elf]

You''ve gotten some great info, especially about urinating prior to and after having sex...the latter is most important because when you urinate you flush the urethra of bacteria that may have entered an otherwise sterile area of the body.

Astroglide makes a wonderful lube called "X". A tiny bit goes a long way, and it''s long lasting. It''s very thin, and very very slippery. If you insert a tiny bit with your fingertip and rub some on the outer area that needs a little protection, and your other half may not even realize you''ve used anything, but he''ll definitely enjoy it, and more importantly you will too. I''m 40 now, and have tried out several products for when my hormone levels are not cooperating with my own production, and I''ve found the X to be the best.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I have had UTI''s on three occassions in my life and they were aweful each time. And ALL of them happened on occassions that I did not take the time to tinkle afterwards.

 

[bee*]

I''ve only ever had one UTI and it was the only time I didn''t pee after sex. In terms of lube, maybe try one of the durex ones-they have a huge range of them and most of them are aimed towards providing some other pleasure.