venue regret - 2 months to go...

[wendy23]

I wonder if you could give me some words of wisdom. I am having serious second thoughts about my reception venue - 2 months out.
I initially liked it, but we have had a few hiccups along the way with the management (nothing serious, just them not being perfectionist enough/taking on our ideas, preferences enough). I had some serious reservations 3 months ago, to the point where I was almost going to change venue. But they addressed (or partially addressed) my concerns, which related to food presentation etc. Now with only 2 months to go, the doubts are flooding back - it is very expensive (which is fine and budgeted for) but I wonder whether it is "high end" enough given the price - like will people realise that its a high end wedding or will they think that its very average (which would be fine, if we were paying average prices!). However I don't think that a change of venue is realistic at this stage with all of the guests booked in for accomodation (and also in the area, there aren't really any viable alternatives).
I'm just wondering whether you have any tips for me? Although I have done the planning myself to date, I am going to hire a planner to do the venue decoration and "day of" coordination - I just don't have much trust in the management - they seem to want to get away with doing the least amount possible......any other tips...??

 

[lilyfoot]

.... seriously? You are worried that people won't think your venue is expensive?

I thought getting married was about making a lifetime commitment to your partner, not impressing your friends with a swanky venue?

Seriously?!



If your venue's management team fails to comply with your contract, then you will have legal right to take action against them.

 

[rhbgirl24]

I understand what you are saying. Simply put, you want to get what you paid for, period. Regardless if it is 10K or a million.

If you have doubts about the venue, hire a day of coordinator. We had a few things go wrong with our very expensive venue. Thankfully nothing the guests could see, but we knew. A day of coordinator would have prevented these things.

Good luck, its natural to worry, just have your bases covered!

 

[TooPatient]

I get what you are saying. I think the suggestion of DOC is a good one. You could also look at a DOC+ some. I've seen coordinators who offer little mini-coordinator packages so they do day of and help with things the last couple of months as well. Something like this may ensure the details you want.


What you are saying (seems to me) is that you paid for a 1ct., excellent (x3), color- d, FL diamond and they are trying to push off a .82, good (x3), color - H, S12 now that they have your money. (sorry, my best attempt at comparing your venue to a diamond -- I think it shows your problem though -- there is nothing "wrong" with either diamond, it is just that you paid for the one and want to get what you paid for)

 

[wendy23]

thanks for your feedback.

Lily, I think you have misinterpreted my post - its not that I am attaching greater importance to the material issues surrounding my wedding than to its many other aspects. As I said, it would be fine if the reception appeared to be moderately priced if we had paid moderate prices! I would seriously have no issue with that. Its more the feeling of being ripped off. I'm clearly upset about this and wouldn't have posted if I hadn't been upset or worried. I didn't mean to come across as though my main purpose in getting married is to "keep up with the joneses"....which it most definitely isn't - I value the other aspects of a marriage much, much more. At the same time, we are sacrificing a lot to make this wedding happen and I would like it to be nice.

also, in relation to your comment on legal action - that is not a path I want to take for two reasons (a) the issues are subjective matters such as the standards of presentation, attention to detail etc. These are not set out in a contract and (b) I would rather enjoy my wedding and feel confident about it than see it as a means of suing for compensation...which is ultimately no good as you only get one wedding day!

 

[lucyandroger]

If I were you I would make a list of all of your concerns and the details you think the venue may look over. Then hire a good wedding planner with capable assistants. Go over the list with your wedding planner and let her be in charge of making sure it all gets done to your standards.

If there are things that need to be changed or taken care of beforehand, have your wedding planner set up a meeting with the venue and stay on top of them to get it right.

It's hard to give any more detailed advice because you didn't really say what it is you are concerned about. I hope your wedding day turns out how you imagined...and paid for!

 

[CharmyPoo]

A great wedding is not determined by how expensive the venue seems or how expensive the food is. Stop worrying and focus on how to make your wedding fun and memorable. I honestly won't want people only remembering my wedding as expensive or in an expensive looking place. In fact, we are having our wedding at the Science Center which was expensive to rent but certaintly doesn't look or seem expensive.

 

[lilyfoot]

thanks for your feedback.

Lily, I think you have misinterpreted my post - its not that I am attaching greater importance to the material issues surrounding my wedding than to its many other aspects. As I said, it would be fine if the reception appeared to be moderately priced if we had paid moderate prices! I would seriously have no issue with that. Its more the feeling of being ripped off. I'm clearly upset about this and wouldn't have posted if I hadn't been upset or worried. I didn't mean to come across as though my main purpose in getting married is to "keep up with the joneses"....which it most definitely isn't - I value the other aspects of a marriage much, much more. At the same time, we are sacrificing a lot to make this wedding happen and I would like it to be nice.

also, in relation to your comment on legal action - that is not a path I want to take for two reasons (a) the issues are subjective matters such as the standards of presentation, attention to detail etc. These are not set out in a contract and (b) I would rather enjoy my wedding and feel confident about it than see it as a means of suing for compensation...which is ultimately no good as you only get one wedding day!

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I really don't think I misinterpreted what you wrote at all. I went off the words that you wrote, there wasn't anything to "interpret". Maybe what you wrote doesn't reflect how you truly feel?

Your original post (and the one above), doesn't actually specify any of the issues that you are concerned about. You just say that they are "not being perfectionist enough/taking on our ideas, preferences enough" and that you think you are being "ripped off". Maybe you haven't been clear with the venue as to what your expectations are, just as you are not being clear here.

The point of a contract is to outline what the venue is responsible for. If they have been promising you other things OUTSIDE of the contract, then you might be screwed in that regard.

I obviously don't know you, so I can only go off of what you write here. I am not trying to pass any type of judgement on you, or the type of person that you are. I just don't know what you're upset about!

 

[Bunny007]

"I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I really don't think I misinterpreted what you wrote at all. I went off the words that you wrote, there wasn't anything to "interpret". Maybe what you wrote doesn't reflect how you truly feel?"

Words are almost always open to interpretation. My life would be much easier were this not the case (and you would never witness the delightful drama-filled outbursts on PS otherwise)

 

[lilyfoot]

... never mind.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

.... seriously? You are worried that people won't think your venue is expensive?

I thought getting married was about making a lifetime commitment to your partner, not impressing your friends with a swanky venue?

Seriously?!



If your venue's management team fails to comply with your contract, then you will have legal right to take action against them.

I think your post was uncalled for. Just because YOU didn't feel the need to have an expensive looking wedding, it doesn't mean that wendy is not entitled to get what she paid for.

wendy, i would bring in the extra help.

 

[lucyandroger]

Yeah, I think we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt that even if we're stressing over table linens, the dress, or even how fancy our reception venue is, we still feel that the most important part of the wedding day will be making a lifetime commitment to our partners. The OP never said that her venue being "high-end" was more important than her marriage - it's just something she cares about.

 

[lilyfoot]

.... seriously? You are worried that people won't think your venue is expensive?

I thought getting married was about making a lifetime commitment to your partner, not impressing your friends with a swanky venue?

Seriously?!



If your venue's management team fails to comply with your contract, then you will have legal right to take action against them.

I think your post was uncalled for. Just because YOU didn't feel the need to have an expensive looking wedding, it doesn't mean that wendy is not entitled to get what she paid for.

wendy, i would bring in the extra help.

.... did you even read my post?

I would LOVE for you to point out exactly where I ever said, or implied, that the OP isn't "entitled to what she paid for."

 

[lilyfoot]

Yeah, I think we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt that even if we're stressing over table linens, the dress, or even how fancy our reception venue is, we still feel that the most important part of the wedding day will be making a lifetime commitment to our partners. The OP never said that her venue being "high-end" was more important than her marriage - it's just something she cares about.

Because this is probably directed at me (or at least somewhat?), I would like to point out that the bolded statement above is not something I said here either.

 

[lucyandroger]

Yeah, I think we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt that even if we're stressing over table linens, the dress, or even how fancy our reception venue is, we still feel that the most important part of the wedding day will be making a lifetime commitment to our partners. The OP never said that her venue being "high-end" was more important than her marriage - it's just something she cares about.

Because this is probably directed at me (or at least somewhat?), I would like to point out that the bolded statement above is not something I said here either.

This is the sentence that made me think that. Glad to see you're saying you didn't mean that!

I thought getting married was about making a lifetime commitment to your partner, not impressing your friends with a swanky venue?

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

.... seriously? You are worried that people won't think your venue is expensive?

I thought getting married was about making a lifetime commitment to your partner, not impressing your friends with a swanky venue?

Seriously?!



If your venue's management team fails to comply with your contract, then you will have legal right to take action against them.

I think your post was uncalled for. Just because YOU didn't feel the need to have an expensive looking wedding, it doesn't mean that wendy is not entitled to get what she paid for.

wendy, i would bring in the extra help.

.... did you even read my post?

I would LOVE for you to point out exactly where I ever said, or implied, that the OP isn't "entitled to what she paid for."

Oh, that's right lilyfoot, sorry! I forgot that you were the only one around here that is allowed to infer something from another persons post.

 

[lilyfoot]

.... seriously? You are worried that people won't think your venue is expensive?

I thought getting married was about making a lifetime commitment to your partner, not impressing your friends with a swanky venue?

Seriously?!



If your venue's management team fails to comply with your contract, then you will have legal right to take action against them.

I think your post was uncalled for. Just because YOU didn't feel the need to have an expensive looking wedding, it doesn't mean that wendy is not entitled to get what she paid for.

wendy, i would bring in the extra help.

.... did you even read my post?

I would LOVE for you to point out exactly where I ever said, or implied, that the OP isn't "entitled to what she paid for."

Oh, that's right lilyfoot, sorry! I forgot that you were the only one around here that is allowed to infer something from another persons post.

... and again, did you even read my post?

And again, I would love for you to point out where I inferred anything.

I feel like I'm talking to a 12 year old. I'm not even sure how long I can keep this up.

 

[Should Be Studying]

Sorry you are going through this wendy. I would definitely think about getting a DOC to help make sure things run smoothly, rather than trusting the venue's option since you have had some issues already. Check your local knot boards to see who comes highly recommended. You have already put so much effort into this, a good DOC should be able to make your day run smoothly and handle any issues that arise. Good luck!

ETA: I would also meet with the management and go over the details and the responsibilities to make sure that your day runs smoothly.

 

[monarch64]

So the venue isn't up to your standards as far as food presentation, decorating, and day-of coordination is what I think I'm hearing you say. Or, at least up to the standards you would consider reasonable compared to what you are being charged for the location, right? I don't know...if they won't listen to you, as the bride and the person who is paying them, why would they listen to a 3rd party/planner? If you're not requiring them to do things that are completely outside of the original contract, and they're just unaccomodating, I would still consider changing venues.

Sure, there is a loss of money, inconvenience to guests, etc., but YOU and your husband to be have to look back on the day and feel satisfied with it. I would use the inconvenience to your guests to your advantage as leverage with the venue staff--do they really want you to tell all of your friends and family (I don't know how many people 1-200 I'm guessing?) that because of the crappy accomodations you had to cancel and relocate at the last minute? Makes them look pretty bad, especially if they are being the unreasonable ones.

OTOH, if YOU are expecting miracles and being unreasonable and are asking for changes that just aren't feasible for them, then maybe take a step back for a few days and re-evaluate the importance of some of the things you're asking. I'm not saying "settle for less," just that sometimes we get a little over-zealous when planning the perfect occasion. Hope this helps.

 

[Gypsy]

I would get a DOC planner, because I had one myself and was just amazed at how wonderful it was to have someone directly reporting to me that had only my interests in mind. My DOC was fabulous. That said, I think you are probably just freaking out a little-- honey, you picked your vendors with care and though things have gone a little wonky it will be fine on the day off. I understand the nerves I really do (I changed venues 3 months out from my wedding!), and for the additional peace of mind I say get the planner, and make it clear what she's there for. Your wedding will be wonderful. And honey, if you are a happy carefree bride (instead of a stressed out and worried one) THAT is what people will remember. You are the host, you set the tone... so just concentrate on the positive and remember that it's about the joining of two people--- not about the food or the venue. Celebrate, and your guest will remember the smile on your face and the joy. The rest is just background noise!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

A few things to ask yourself:

1. Can you even FIND another venue that is unbooked in <2 months?
2. Can you get your $ back from you current deposits?
3. Is anybody else going to care about the presentation of the food, etc. as much as you?
4. Do you want to contact all of your guests and ask them to re-book their reservations?
5. Are your guests going to mind re-booking their reservations?

I'm sorry that you feel that you're over-paying, but at least you're in the position to be able to afford it (even if it isn't 100% what you want). Most wedding vendors ARE over-priced because they know you're willing to pay top dollar for it.

I don't think it's feasible to find a new venue at this point. You can try to raise hell to try and get the venue to meet your demands, or you can relax and let things flow as they will. Your stress level will be much lower if you can accomplish the 2nd. I wouldn't be overly concerned with what your guests "think" about your wedding. It's only 1 night of your life and 1 night of their lives. That one night will be more special to you than it is to your guests. If you enjoy your wedding, your guests will too.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

.... seriously? You are worried that people won't think your venue is expensive?

I thought getting married was about making a lifetime commitment to your partner, not impressing your friends with a swanky venue?

Seriously?!



If your venue's management team fails to comply with your contract, then you will have legal right to take action against them.

I think your post was uncalled for. Just because YOU didn't feel the need to have an expensive looking wedding, it doesn't mean that wendy is not entitled to get what she paid for.

wendy, i would bring in the extra help.

.... did you even read my post?

I would LOVE for you to point out exactly where I ever said, or implied, that the OP isn't "entitled to what she paid for."

Oh, that's right lilyfoot, sorry! I forgot that you were the only one around here that is allowed to infer something from another persons post.

... and again, did you even read my post?

And again, I would love for you to point out where I inferred anything.

I feel like I'm talking to a 12 year old. I'm not even sure how long I can keep this up.

You know as well as I do that I inferred that message from your post for myself. But i can see how you would be confused as to how i came to that conclusion. Perhaps I should have expanded my statement for you. "Just because you didn't feel the need to have an expensive looking wedding, it doesn't mean that Wendy isn't entitled to worry about these details herself, or to ask for advice on how to get what she paid for, without being subjected to your nasty comments."

You can throw your arms up in the air and act all exasperated and call me a childish 12 year old for choosing not to get into an argument over the semantics of my post, because we both know that those words were not the point or the purpose of my post. MY purpose was to point out how unnecessarily rude you were to the OP and that it certainly wasn't warranted.

 

[wendy23]

Monarch, Amanda, Gypsey, Hawaiianorangetree, shouldbestudying
thanks for all your replies. I have hired a DOC since my OP and I have a lot of confidence in her. Also, I have sent an email to the venue noting the items on which haven't been clarified/dealt with as yet. I am sure that with a little supervision, we can get this wedding back on track....

 

[monarch64]

Oh, good. I hope the DOC works out and that everything goes smoothly for you from here!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Monarch, Amanda, Gypsey, Hawaiianorangetree, shouldbestudying
thanks for all your replies. I have hired a DOC since my OP and I have a lot of confidence in her. Also, I have sent an email to the venue noting the items on which haven't been clarified/dealt with as yet. I am sure that with a little supervision, we can get this wedding back on track....

That's great news Wendy! Good luck with the rest of your planning. I do hope you come back and share some photos with us after your big day!

 

[Gypsy]

Great news. I know things are really stressful, I've been there. Be sure to take care of yourself. A LOT of brides get sick just before, during or after their weddings (I did, and so did a bunch of PS brides around my wedding date). Just remember that this one time: It IS all about you and your fiance. So take care of yourself so you can enjoy the result of all of this stress. The actual day of goes by so fast... so you should be healthy and happy to enjoy all of it.