*Vent*

[trillionaire]

I got engaged a year ago (wow, that was fast!) and began planning our elopement for our 7th Anni. This is now 2 months away.

We are getting married, just the two of us, and my parents had agreed to host a reception. We talked, and planned, and my parents expressed that their frustrations about not being invited to the wedding ceremony, but we just kept on planning and talking it out.

Today, I called my mom to remind her about the invites that need to go out for the October reception. She's busy, but says she's on top of it. When I call her back, I get my dad, and he declares that he is not paying for a reception if he is not invited to the wedding.

Now, I never asked for him to host or pay for the reception. My parents offered to do this. We've been talking about it for months, and I am pretty furious that they are waiting until now to pitch a fit. I don't know if I am more mad at them, or myself, because I told FI months ago that they would try to get to us by threatening the reception. It's so typical of my dad. Maybe their emotions are coming to a head because the date is getting near, but I feel lied to and manipulated, like my dad is trying to strong arm me to get what he wants. When I talked to my mom about it, she proceeded to take his side, and start listing everything they have ever done for me, and that I already didn't want kids, and how many concessions were they supposed to make as parents. It's all a bit unbelieveable. And they are trying to make me into the bad guy, which is frustrating (thank god FI and I are 100% on the same page), and the situation is compounded by the number of people who love and support us regardless of how we go about getting married. FI's parents are 100% understanding and supportive, and by contrast, mine look like controlling manipulative monsters throwing a tantrum. Then my mom tried to guilt me by saying that my dad was going to be difficult to live with if I didn't invite him.

Mostly I am just sad. My mom made it sound like they are going to hold this over our heads for years. I am not interested in attending My Big Blackmail Wedding. I feel stuck. I spent hours crying at work, and I don't even care about the reception (never have), it was always for everyone else anyway. I am just frustrated at being strung along, embarrassed for telling people about plans that are never going to happen, and utterly disgusted by the behavior of my parents. I have never taken any pleasure in the thought of changing my name until today. Never. Thanks for letting me get that off of my chest.

 

[yssie]

No advice, but ::HUGS:: trill! Sorry this is turning into such a difficult situation

 

[sctsbride09]

Trillionaire- *hugs* hon, I really feel for you. It is horribly unfair for your parents to be trying to manipulate you into being invited to your elopement. If you and your FI had planned it that way all along and they knew it, why complain NOW, when its only 2 months out? FWIW, my DH and I were in a some what similar situation with his side of the family, and we eloped just as we had planned, and guess what? A few members of his family were upset, but they got over it. My family was thrilled, and didnt care how/when we got married, just that we did. Looking back, I wouldnt have changed a thing, we got what we wanted, and I look back on our wedding day with such happiness, it would not have turned out that way if we had done what his family wanted. Our day would have been disaster, and Im glad we saved it. You should definitely follow through with your plans, as is. This is your first opportunity to show your parents that you and FI work as a family unit, and will not be strong armed into doing what others deem appropriate. Dont get me started on throwing the childfree by choice in your face, my MIL tried the same thing, and my DH(FI at the time) checked her rather quickly. That is not her decision to make for you and it has nothing to do with the situation at hand. Maybe try telling her that.

Im very sorry this is going on right now, it really stinks when people try to make your wedding about *them*. I can honestly say though, in my case, it was better to got through with the wedding we wanted, and deal with the minimal consequences of not inviting people, than doing what someone else demanded and being resentful for the rest of my life. I hope you have the elopement that you and your FI have been planning on.

 

[trillionaire]

Trillionaire- *hugs* hon, I really feel for you. It is horribly unfair for your parents to be trying to manipulate you into being invited to your elopement. If you and your FI had planned it that way all along and they knew it, why complain NOW, when its only 2 months out? FWIW, my DH and I were in a some what similar situation with his side of the family, and we eloped just as we had planned, and guess what? A few members of his family were upset, but they got over it. My family was thrilled, and didnt care how/when we got married, just that we did. Looking back, I wouldnt have changed a thing, we got what we wanted, and I look back on our wedding day with such happiness, it would not have turned out that way if we had done what his family wanted. Our day would have been disaster, and Im glad we saved it. You should definitely follow through with your plans, as is. This is your first opportunity to show your parents that you and FI work as a family unit, and will not be strong armed into doing what others deem appropriate. Dont get me started on throwing the childfree by choice in your face, my MIL tried the same thing, and my DH(FI at the time) checked her rather quickly. That is not her decision to make for you and it has nothing to do with the situation at hand. Maybe try telling her that.

Im very sorry this is going on right now, it really stinks when people try to make your wedding about *them*. I can honestly say though, in my case, it was better to got through with the wedding we wanted, and deal with the minimal consequences of not inviting people, than doing what someone else demanded and being resentful for the rest of my life. I hope you have the elopement that you and your FI have been planning on.

So reassuring to hear, you have no idea! It's easy to feel like the crazy person when EVERYONE around you is convinced that it would be simpler to give in, and that it's not a big deal. I am so glad FI is backing me on this. I think before he didn't understand just how much my parents try to interfere sometimes, but he can see it quite plainly now. My dad said he'd just send a check in the mail. FI said we don't want or need your money. God I love him.

 

[trillionaire]

No advice, but ::HUGS:: trill! Sorry this is turning into such a difficult situation

Thank you for the hugs! Perfect timing, too. I'm all cried out and ready to cuddle!

 

[sctsbride09]

You and FI sound like you already have teamwork down pat! That great, its half the battle, I think. As long as you both stick together like you already are, everything will turn out fine. Just remember Trill, that this is about you and your FI, as long as you are doing what makes you both happy, everything will be ok because you have each other. Your parents may be mad, but it will only be temporary, and I dont think they will be angry anyway, they are just acting out like kids do when they try to get their way. Best of luck to you, have a great elopement!


ETA- to be crazy would be to give in, wouldnt you say?

 

[slg47]

yeah sorry I don't have much to add either except more *hugs*...and I hope it works out. you and your FI should be able to get married when and how you want to! I am really sorry to hear this...a marriage is supposed to be a really happy time.

 

[Echidna]

Trill, I was lurking when you got engaged, so I remember a little bit of your back story. I just wanted to send you a ton of hugs and say that you have a brilliant silver lining here: how awesome is your FI?!?!?! I love the way he is supporting you and how strong this horrible stuff is going to make your marriage. Go Team Trillionaire!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Now, I never asked for him to host or pay for the reception. My parents offered to do this. I am not interested in attending My Big Blackmail Wedding. and I don't even care about the reception (never have), it was always for everyone else anyway.

trillionaire, i am so sorry that it has come to this!! I remember when you got engaged and how you have always known that you and your FI wanted to get married by yourselves and that the reception was for everyone else.

I 'highlighted' these words from your post because i feel that these are the things you need to be telling your parents (and reminding yourself how you felt about the reception in the first place) . Don't let them blackmail and manipulate you in to changing your wedding plans to suit them. You have been very clear and upfront with them all along, you have done nothing wrong at all and i am sorry that they are treating you this way.
If I was in your position right now i would be sticking to my guns and telling my parents that the reception was off, that i was still getting married with just my FI present and that no amount of manipulation or blackmail on their part was going to change my mind!

Lots of hugs to you and i hope you get it sorted soon.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Trillionaire- *hugs* hon, I really feel for you. It is horribly unfair for your parents to be trying to manipulate you into being invited to your elopement. If you and your FI had planned it that way all along and they knew it, why complain NOW, when its only 2 months out? FWIW, my DH and I were in a some what similar situation with his side of the family, and we eloped just as we had planned, and guess what? A few members of his family were upset, but they got over it. My family was thrilled, and didnt care how/when we got married, just that we did. Looking back, I wouldnt have changed a thing, we got what we wanted, and I look back on our wedding day with such happiness, it would not have turned out that way if we had done what his family wanted. Our day would have been disaster, and Im glad we saved it. You should definitely follow through with your plans, as is. This is your first opportunity to show your parents that you and FI work as a family unit, and will not be strong armed into doing what others deem appropriate. Dont get me started on throwing the childfree by choice in your face, my MIL tried the same thing, and my DH(FI at the time) checked her rather quickly. That is not her decision to make for you and it has nothing to do with the situation at hand. Maybe try telling her that.

Im very sorry this is going on right now, it really stinks when people try to make your wedding about *them*. I can honestly say though, in my case, it was better to got through with the wedding we wanted, and deal with the minimal consequences of not inviting people, than doing what someone else demanded and being resentful for the rest of my life. I hope you have the elopement that you and your FI have been planning on.

I just wanted to say that i think sctsbride gave you some really good advice.

 

[mrscushion]

Sending you a hug!

Don't change your plans. I love how you and your FI are completely on the same page. Who cares about the reception, anyway? Your parents are only hurting themselves with their manipulative behavior. What matters is that you guys get the wedding you've always wanted. Good for you.

 

[sonnyjane]

Trillionaire- *hugs* hon, I really feel for you. It is horribly unfair for your parents to be trying to manipulate you into being invited to your elopement. If you and your FI had planned it that way all along and they knew it, why complain NOW, when its only 2 months out? FWIW, my DH and I were in a some what similar situation with his side of the family, and we eloped just as we had planned, and guess what? A few members of his family were upset, but they got over it. My family was thrilled, and didnt care how/when we got married, just that we did. Looking back, I wouldnt have changed a thing, we got what we wanted, and I look back on our wedding day with such happiness, it would not have turned out that way if we had done what his family wanted. Our day would have been disaster, and Im glad we saved it.

This was our story exactly! I really wanted to elope and he was on board, but his parents, and a few of my close friends, were disappointed. Big deal! I am SOOOO glad that DH and I were the only two people at our wedding (other than the officiant and photographer). I think it made our union so much more special, like a secret between just the two of us. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world, even if it did hurt some of our friends and family temporarily. My friends and his parents all got over it and I'm glad we didn't compromise. Good luck and stick to your guns! We didn't have a reception and didn't miss it either, so if worst comes to worst, you will have lost nothing. We say it a million times here, but the only thing you need at that wedding is your groom!

 

[trillionaire]

Thank you all for your kind words and support. Can't say I wasn't a little leary to post, anticipating the 'you are being selfish" responses that I get IRL.

It is hard, despite being a strong person who is resolute about how I feel, to not feel a little selfish. I do know that it is really, really important to my parents, even though I cannot relate. I don't get mushy over weddings, though I think they are nice enough. I cannot imagine saying vows in front of one more person than absolutely necessary, and if it was possible to forgo it all together, and just sign a paper, I would do that too. It's hard to explain how I feel sometimes... we have been together for so long, and so much of your relationship, despite the support of friends and family, is so, so intimate. It is the moments, the love that is shared between two people, the daily nothings that are everything, the growth and change, the hope for the future, and the wedding 'moment', and even the title of marriage, is merely a reflection of what we have built, but it does not define it. It is more of a bookmark than anything else, not a beginning, not an end, just a special way to celebrate our 7th anniversary, and continuing to celebrate our bond.

I was willing to do anything else but say vows in front of people. Now, I feel a little like my family has abandoned me. I feel like they are robbing themselves of what could have been a lovely celebration, and I do feel a little hurt that they are unwilling to celebrate us, but, it is not my decision, and we all will deal with our hurt in different ways I suppose. I am very, very thankful for FI and his family, who love us, and claim me unconditionally.

FI and I are going to a travel presentation tonight. (highly suspect, btw, one of these timeshare like things). We are SUPPOSED to get a free 4nt/3day vacation out of it, and if it works out (crossing fingers), then, we'll go on a mini-moon after we get married instead of going to the reception, and we will fly out to see FI's parents after we get married, and celebrate with them. (if the mini-moon doesn't work, we're just visit his fam, maybe mine too if time allows) FI and I will decide if it's important to us to have a reception of any kind, and we'll go from there. FI did want a reception, to celebrate with his friends and family, so it will be up to him whether we will pursue one, and we will just have to plan and save accordingly if he does.

Thanks for listening, it means a lot to be able to 'get it out'.

 

[aliciagirl]

It is hard, despite being a strong person who is resolute about how I feel, to not feel a little selfish. I do know that it is really, really important to my parents, even though I cannot relate. I don't get mushy over weddings, though I think they are nice enough. I cannot imagine saying vows in front of one more person than absolutely necessary, and if it was possible to forgo it all together, and just sign a paper, I would do that too. It's hard to explain how I feel sometimes... we have been together for so long, and so much of your relationship, despite the support of friends and family, is so, so intimate. It is the moments, the love that is shared between two people, the daily nothings that are everything, the growth and change, the hope for the future, and the wedding 'moment', and even the title of marriage, is merely a reflection of what we have built, but it does not define it. It is more of a bookmark than anything else, not a beginning, not an end, just a special way to celebrate our 7th anniversary, and continuing to celebrate our bond.

This is so beautiful and it truly, is not you being selfish, just simply knowing what you want and what is important to you. And there is nothing at all wrong with that! Don't get bullied into doing something you may resent in the future. It should only be important to your parents because important to you - and it isn't! I think they will truly be the ones missing out if they decide not to go through with this reception for you.

I'm crossing my fingers for your mini-moon! Sounds awesome!

 

[onedrop]

I really do feel for your situation Trill. I wish your parents were more supportive of how you want your wedding day to proceed. You are not selfish in any way (at least in my opinion). In fact I think both you and your FI are very mature in planning your wedding YOUR way without bending to the pressure to please everyone else! I don't have a lot of advice, except to say that you should feel encouraged that you and your FI will have the wedding of your dreams and you did it on your terms. Perhaps your parents will come around after the fact and a celebration of sorts can still take place. Hang in there!

 

[katamari]

It's hard to explain how I feel sometimes... we have been together for so long, and so much of your relationship, despite the support of friends and family, is so, so intimate. It is the moments, the love that is shared between two people, the daily nothings that are everything, the growth and change, the hope for the future, and the wedding 'moment', and even the title of marriage, is merely a reflection of what we have built, but it does not define it. It is more of a bookmark than anything else, not a beginning, not an end, just a special way to celebrate our 7th anniversary, and continuing to celebrate our bond.

We felt this exact way, though I was never able to express it so eloquently. Have you said this to your parents?

We had some family fallout over our decision to only have our parents and siblings present. However, it was very soon after that all good feelings and relationships were restored. I promise you it will be okay. Just stay strong until the vows are exchanged.

(((((HUGS)))))

 

[Gypsy]

Oh honey. I'm sorry.

Right or wrong, here's what I would do.

I would cancel the reception. Have your wedding. Then when you come back from your wedding plan on something low key and affordable and a nice place for your friends and family at some later date so you have time to save up.

Honestly, I think the threat of canceling the reception will be enough to get them in line. But if it doesn't-- no worries. You still get what you want, which is your special day with your husband and a reception.

I would just be very calm and call them and say, Thank you for letting us know your feelings. We love you, and we are canceling the reception. When we come back we would be happy to have you both over to see the video.

 

[rosetta]

I don't take kindly to emotional blackmail. And I'm the kind of person who calls a spade a spade. I would have categorically told the parents that their behaviour was unacceptable and told them to cancel the reception. And I would make sure that everyone knew exactly why this had happened: just the cold hard facts.

You may think this is harsh but in real life, I have rarely found myself doing seething I even remotely dislike. I just say no. You'll be surprised how effective that is and has fewer repercussions than you may think.

My mother once said in exasperation: no one can make you do anything you don't want to Rosetta!

She's right. Now no one even tries anymore.

Now is a great time to make a stand.

 

[iheartscience]

I don't think you're selfish, but I think it's important to at least think about your parents' feelings on this one. Yes, they're blackmailing you, which is unfair. But you're their child and they're going to be left out of a hugely important day in your life. And parents traditionally have a lot to do with their daughters' weddings.

Would you be willing to have a second ceremony that's public after you two elope? Just a thought.

 

[Shoopy]

I don't think you're selfish, but I think it's important to at least think about your parents' feelings on this one. Yes, they're blackmailing you, which is unfair. But you're their child and they're going to be left out of a hugely important day in your life. And parents traditionally have a lot to do with their daughters' weddings.

Would you be willing to have a second ceremony that's public after you two elope? Just a thought.

Ditto this. I would be insanely crushed if I weren't there to witness my only child's wedding ceremony.

I also don't think you are selfish but I can understand your parent's feelings in this (not the emotional blackmail but the overall feeling of not being part of the ceremony).

 

[trillionaire]

I don't think you're selfish, but I think it's important to at least think about your parents' feelings on this one. Yes, they're blackmailing you, which is unfair. But you're their child and they're going to be left out of a hugely important day in your life. And parents traditionally have a lot to do with their daughters' weddings.

Would you be willing to have a second ceremony that's public after you two elope? Just a thought.

I've been clear with my parents all along that I was willing to do as much or a little as they wanted in terms of re-creating a wedding experience, EXCEPT for saying vows. Those are private (and also the crux of a 'wedding'), but I suggested perhaps having a blessing of the couple (despite FI and I being non-religious), and maybe reading something, but no vows (also not into the public kiss thing either). They are not interested, it seems, so what can I do? There is a huge difference between having just the two of us there, and having two sets of parents, 3-4 siblings, grandma and maybe 2 niece/nephew people. I would NEVER invite my parents at the exclusion of my siblings, and FI feels the same way, so either it's the two of us, or like, 10 people. That's a huge change, and at this point I am too emotionally drained to make any more changes. My parents have two other kids, and FI's brother is already married, so both set still got/will get weddings with their kids.

As for Fiery, I hope as a mother that you are understanding of the kind of child that you raise. I have always been the non-traditional independent one of the three of us, so this is not new. I have also been telling them for 2 yrs that I wasn't having a wedding, so this was not sprung on them. This is actually really, really important to me. I was the kid that didn't want to go to graduation, do debutante, or anything that really involved an 'all eyes on me' experience. I've sucked it up and done them all my life and been miserable over and over again. For once, I am going to get what I want and need. I love my family dearly, we just don't see eye to eye on this.

 

[tyty333]

Big hugs trill. It might have been easier if you just eloped without anyone knowing that you were engaged. They would
have been POed when you got back but you wouldnt be having to deal with it for so long.

I say just suck it up and forget about the reception. I would never trust them again to do something that they said they
were going to do.

 

[trillionaire]

Big hugs trill. It might have been easier if you just eloped without anyone knowing that you were engaged. They would
have been POed when you got back but you wouldnt be having to deal with it for so long.

I say just suck it up and forget about the reception. I would never trust them again to do something that they said they
were going to do.

Agreed on all accounts... kind of hard to do though, since the FI proposed at my family reunion!

 

[yssie]

Thank you all for your kind words and support. Can't say I wasn't a little leary to post, anticipating the 'you are being selfish" responses that I get IRL.

It is hard, despite being a strong person who is resolute about how I feel, to not feel a little selfish. I do know that it is really, really important to my parents, even though I cannot relate. I don't get mushy over weddings, though I think they are nice enough. I cannot imagine saying vows in front of one more person than absolutely necessary, and if it was possible to forgo it all together, and just sign a paper, I would do that too. It's hard to explain how I feel sometimes... we have been together for so long, and so much of your relationship, despite the support of friends and family, is so, so intimate. It is the moments, the love that is shared between two people, the daily nothings that are everything, the growth and change, the hope for the future, and the wedding 'moment', and even the title of marriage, is merely a reflection of what we have built, but it does not define it. It is more of a bookmark than anything else, not a beginning, not an end, just a special way to celebrate our 7th anniversary, and continuing to celebrate our bond.

I was willing to do anything else but say vows in front of people. Now, I feel a little like my family has abandoned me. I feel like they are robbing themselves of what could have been a lovely celebration, and I do feel a little hurt that they are unwilling to celebrate us, but, it is not my decision, and we all will deal with our hurt in different ways I suppose. I am very, very thankful for FI and his family, who love us, and claim me unconditionally.

FI and I are going to a travel presentation tonight. (highly suspect, btw, one of these timeshare like things). We are SUPPOSED to get a free 4nt/3day vacation out of it, and if it works out (crossing fingers), then, we'll go on a mini-moon after we get married instead of going to the reception, and we will fly out to see FI's parents after we get married, and celebrate with them. (if the mini-moon doesn't work, we're just visit his fam, maybe mine too if time allows) FI and I will decide if it's important to us to have a reception of any kind, and we'll go from there. FI did want a reception, to celebrate with his friends and family, so it will be up to him whether we will pursue one, and we will just have to plan and save accordingly if he does.

Thanks for listening, it means a lot to be able to 'get it out'.

Oh sweetie, it's okay to be selfish. I'm learning that now myself. It's okay to be more selfish than you expected you would be, to feel more - frustration, anger, resentment, anything - with this situation than you thought you might. Really, it's okay.

I understand why your family is crushed that they're not going to be there to witness your wedding, but - in the end, the wedding is not the important part - the marriage is. BUT It can be hard for everyone to remember that sometimes, and even if you and they know that, you're both allowed to feel whatever you feel - emotions aren't logical.

It's the way they're acting on those emotions - emotional blackmail, making you feel like they've somewhat abandoned you - that I have a problem with

We're here for as much as you need us

 

[charbie]

Ok, throw stones at me now, but trill...you've said this time and time again. How many posts have u written about getting eloped and having family mad at you for wanting to do that? Did you not know this would happen?if your parents were the ones planning this reception, why would you feel vested to even c are that the invited were being sent out? And if your FI did want a reception, you guys probably should have a lot more of the planning done together by now if this reception were to be happening...not having left every detail up to someone else since your FI expressed he wanted the reception was well.

I do feel bad that your family still hasn't come to terms with what your decision is, but you've been posting about this situation for the past year...it seems pretty par for the course.

 

[trillionaire]

Ok, throw stones at me now, but trill...you've said this time and time again. How many posts have u written about getting eloped and having family mad at you for wanting to do that? Did you not know this would happen?if your parents were the ones planning this reception, why would you feel vested to even c are that the invited were being sent out? And if your FI did want a reception, you guys probably should have a lot more of the planning done together by now if this reception were to be happening...not having left every detail up to someone else since your FI expressed he wanted the reception was well.

I do feel bad that your family still hasn't come to terms with what your decision is, but you've been posting about this situation for the past year...it seems pretty par for the course.

No stones, you are entitled to your opinion, obviously.

Did I suspect that this might happend? Yes. Did I think that my parents would pull this kind of stunt at the 11th hour? Not hardly.

However long I may have been talking about eloping and parents being unsettled with the idea, it is a significant change for them to stop progress on the event altogether. We had a venue, had been working with vendors, they've had our guestlist and things we moving along, and then, they suddenly stopped. Everyone else gets to do their laments, so here's mine. If my parents had never offered to host, I would not have cared in the least, and we would have planned totally differently, but, c'est le vie. As someone planning to elope, I had no expectation that anyone would celebrate us in anyway, whether that be a reception or gifts, but regardless of circumstance, it's a big blow to be lied to by your parents for a full year and find out that your plans are totally out the window. I haven't been around PS much lately, because I have been busy with other life stuff, including planning this reception with my parents. It's a lot of mental and emotional gymnastics.

Anyway, I'm very happy I posted. I have received lovely advice and support, which I appreciate immensely. I really can't say that enough. I don't really care to talk about wedding stuff IRL, so this is one of the few outlets that I have.

 

[junebug17]

Trillionaire, I just wanted to send you a hug and tell you I am sorry you are going through this situation with your parents. The sadness you are feeling comes through in your posts, and I can tell it's not about the reception but rather your parents' sudden change of heart. I am the mother of a 21 year old, and I'm not gonna lie...I was initially somewhat sympathetic towards your parents, because I too would be sad and disappointed if I couldn't witness my daughter's wedding. But then after reading your last post, I thought about it some more and realized that my daughter's wedding shouldn't be about "me" and what I want, but rather about what my daughter wants. I've had my chance to make choices and now it's her turn. Ok, so maybe I'd be sad if she eloped, but I'd live! I really think that I would still be happy and excited for her, and would want to celebrate her wedding with a reception. It's a damn shame your parents can't feel the same way.

Your parents are being cruel and manipulative by changing their minds like this, and I can see how hurtful all of this is to you. I would tell them to just forget about the reception, rather than give in to their demands. It's wrong of them to pull this on you now...as you said, they've known about your plans for your wedding for a long time. Everyone has a right to live their lives the way they want to. You have a right to be married the way you want. I'm so sorry you are feeling hurt and betrayed, and although I can understand your parents' disappointment, their behavior is just wrong.

 

[Rae~]

I read this thread with interest because if I could, I'd have a wedding without having a wedding... ie I'd have the ceremony with just FI & I, and no-one else. But I can't see how to do that without causing a lot of hurt to my parents in particular.

Best of luck with your decision, Trill.

 

[trillionaire]

Thanks Rae and Junebug for the recent supportive posts! Continued thanks to everyone else who has posted, or just read about my journey. (lurkers get love too!)

Overall, I think the experience has been a good thing. Though I am still very hurt by the actions of my parents, I know that they are reacting out of love, not spite. Maybe one day, they will come to that understanding about our elopement too. We are not giving in to their demands, we are preceeding as we planned to. I never wanted my parents to pay for the reception in the first place (I don't like them spending so much money on us), but my dad insisted that it was his money, and he would spend it how he saw fit (which is abundantly clear now!). So, we are taking ownership of the situation, as we should have in the first place. For now, we wil probably go to see FI's parents the weekend that the reception was supposed to be, and invite my parents to come out as well. To us, the entire point of the reception was to bring families together, so we are going to try to make that happen, at least with our immediate families. It will not be a formal reception, just dinner or something along those lines, but FI wants to invite his close friends, so there might be non-family people there too. I have at least one friend who say in no uncertain terms that she is showing up, not matter when or where. LOL.

For next year, we are looking at renting a beach house for a week for our anniversary, and inviting everyone to come and celebrate with us. They can get hotels or camp out at the house for a few days, or for a week. One big long party, that's what we are thinking. No gifts, just chip in for food and memories. The idea right now is still half cocked, and much later than we wanted (if we had known a month ago, we could have maybe done it this year), but that's where we are. No money for dj's or place settings, or trinkets that we don't care about... just a house, space and time for happiness and celebration... which is all we cared about anyway.

"You can't always get what you want, but sometimes, if you try sometimes, you get what you need..." - The Beatles

 

[junebug17]

Hugs to you sweetie, I'm so glad you're feeling better about things, I think your plans sound great!