Vent!

[trillionaire]

Just need to get this off of my chest...

So, FI and I set our date! Woot Woot!

It will be our 7th anni, next year!

So FI calls his mother and is all excited, and she wants to know if she can tell people, but he said not yet, because we haven't figured out our plans yet.

FI and I had discussed, ad nasuem, eloping privately, and then having a reception/party. He calls me two days ago, and says he thought we were doing a small DW!

They are NOT the same thing! Moreover, I REFUSE to believe that the one person that I talk to everyday did not know that I wanted to elope privately with just the two of us when EVERYONE else does! His mom sent out an email after we got engaged and told all of his family that we would probably be eloping privately, so how is it even possible that he was confused about this?

We will figure it out and everything will be fine, but I was beyond miffed at feeling like he was changing his mind mid-stream and acting like I was somehow unclear about my intentions, or that he had said he wanted to do something different. I have a million posts on PS talking about our wedding plans... I have been very clear the whole time and never changed, excepting the addition of a reception/party that he requested.

WHAT.IN.THE.WORLD!?!?!??!?????

*takes deep breath*

Okay, I feel better now! Had to get that out

 

[rhbgirl24]

Hmm... not even sure what to say here. Obviously you have been clear! Is this his wishes as well or do you think maybe he wants something else and doesn''t want to voice that?

Good luck!

 

[MagsyMay]

Well first off, congrats on setting a date!! That is exciting and how cute it is on your anniversary!

I know quite a few people who had planned on small DWs or eloping and made that very clear PRIOR to the engagement. However, AFTER the engagement, either the bride or groom later decided they would prefer to be able to share the actual wedding with more of their close friends and family members, and nixed the elopement/DW plan... It''s as though once they got engaged, they were so excited to finally be getting married and really did want friends and family with them on the actual day.

Do you think your FI might have had a change of heart and now wants to be able to share the wedding day with family and friends? Or do you think he is being pressured by family or friends? I''m sure it is not that he just "forgot" or somehow never got your message loud and clear! Maybe he is just so excited and wants to share it with others?

Either way, I hope you both can figure out what will work best for you and make everyone the happiest! Good luck!

 

[Rock_of_Love]

It''s okay...breathe...

A very small DW can be similar to a private elopment. My bestest, oldest friend was going to elope privately...she didn''t want anyone to feel obligated to attend a far off destination, and didn''t want to deal with the family drama. Her sister and I told her we would be really bummed not to be there...would love to go no matter where it was...but understood. Well, she and her FI did some talking and decided they would like some close friends and close family there, but no obligation cuz it really is more like an elopement. So, they are now still eloping...but with just a few close friends/family who want to make the trip. I think it is maybe 10 people, if even that.

Soooooo...my point is just that maybe he has some friends and/or family that he would like to include? Maybe this is why he said this?

Anyway, I''m sure you two will figure it out.

 

[trillionaire]

He has made it clear that he wanted to celebrate with friends and family, which is why we were doing the party/reception... it''s all for him! I specifically asked him if he wanted to do a small DW with our families, but once we start adding friends and other folks, it would get quickly out of hand. He declined that, saying he wanted to have a party ''for our fans''. (yes, he actually said that, LOL)

It might be a case of him changing his mind, or him just being really excited... most of the women I know did not want weddings, and the grooms insisted on it, so it wouldn''t surprise me, but I really don''t want to be miserable at my own wedding. I guess I just thought we would have the party/reception shortly after we returned, and everyone would be happy. I''m fine with us working together to come up with a situation that meets both of our needs, but I was just frustrated because I thought that we already HAD figured that out, and am still baffled that he could say that he didn''t know or was confused about we had agreed upon.

LOL, clearly I am going to have to treat him like a wedding vendor and get everything in writing and put it into a contract!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 9/29/2009 4:30:11 PM
Author: Rock_of_Love
It''s okay...breathe...

A very small DW can be similar to a private elopment. My bestest, oldest friend was going to elope privately...she didn''t want anyone to feel obligated to attend a far off destination, and didn''t want to deal with the family drama. Her sister and I told her we would be really bummed not to be there...would love to go no matter where it was...but understood. Well, she and her FI did some talking and decided they would like some close friends and close family there, but no obligation cuz it really is more like an elopement. So, they are now still eloping...but with just a few close friends/family who want to make the trip. I think it is maybe 10 people, if even that.

Soooooo...my point is just that maybe he has some friends and/or family that he would like to include? Maybe this is why he said this?

Anyway, I''m sure you two will figure it out.

I understand completely where your friend is coming from, and we too have people that want to be included, no matter what, but I still have a problem with doing that at the exclusion of others who would WANT to be there, but couldn''t afford it. Even with just our immediate families, FBIL and FSIL would have to struggle to attend, and I have a crazy aunt that would probably disown me if some people were invited, and she was not. I''d rather just avoid the drama and elope privately, then come back and plan a party focused on everyone else.

We''ll see though... clearly it''s about two people, not just me, but his family is being a lot more understanding! lol