Vent, need a pat on the head

[Munchkin]

So, my little man, B, developed arching, screaming and non-projectile spitting at two weeks of life. He was started on Zantac without dramatic success. At three weeks he began having the classic 3 hours of evening screaming associated with colic. At four weeks he got a persistent stuffy nose and at five weeks he developed a rough, papular rash on his face that progressed over his body. We have an appointment with GI on April 7th, but the general consensus is that he has cow's milk protein allergy. It's not surprising, given that I have a multitude of food allergies (although not dairy). I've begun an elimination diet but we won't know for a while if my dairy intake was truly a source of his distress.

My primary frustration is that I've killed myself to store massive amounts of breastmilk as I have to return to work the second week in April. If the protein is the issue, I will have to discard all my milk. I've also been advised to pump and dump for the next TWO WEEKS as the milk protein can still be in my milk.

I really wanted to EBF for as long as possible, for so many reasons! I'm upset that per lactation's instructions, he will have to use formula all day at daycare because I won't have any "safe" milk stored in time. I know that this is all actually in his best interest, but I'm feeling like I'm letting him down. I also feel like I should have had the discipline to take dairy out of my diet weeks ago, when I first suspected that could be a cause. In truth, I was being selfish because I already can't eat gluten, soy or nuts and the thought of dropping dairy was upsetting. I feel like a terrible mom on so many levels and I just want my little guy to feel better!

 

[somethingshiny]

You are NOT a bad mom. It sucks that you may have to dispose of all the stored milk. But, he'll do fine on formula. And, although you want to continue bf'ing, since your diet is so restricted due to your own allergies, formula may be in your best interest. I totally get why you didn't cut out dairy earlier. I don't see it as selfish. I see it as Mom needs to eat too! I mean, what do you eat?? But, formula may be the way to go so you're both full and happy.

I'm sorry you have to see your baby unhappy. My first was colicky for 3 months. It was miserable and I ached for him. I kept thinking if I could have breast fed that maybe he wouldn't have had the issues. As mothers, we always think that it's our fault for what we did or did not do. You have to get past it and do what you feel is best.

You are doing a great job! You are being proactive in your baby's health and happiness. That's all he needs.

 

[Munchkin]

Thank you so much. I needed to actually type out all the thoughts running through my head and having someone reply that I'm not (already) screwing my child up makes me feel better.

 

[Jennifer W]

Oh honey! You aren't doing anything wrong, you aren't a bad mother and you aren't screwing up your child (eta that was my fear in the early months. I was convinced everything I did would lead to therapy...). Hey, there's plenty of time for that in those awkward teenage years. Here's a virtual pat on the head.

There's so much fuss made about feeding infants, and everyone and their dog has an opinion. Not just any old opinion mind you, but the definitive opinion. It's hard emotionally and practically to have to change your plans, and doubly so when people are chattering all over the internet and in real life about their view of the choices open to you. It's less than irrelevant, it's just background white noise. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Just don't feel bad about formula if it's what your LO needs right now. If you want to carry on with BFing, go for it - you can BF as well as giving formula. Or not. Whatever makes you and the baby happy and healthy. I understand this isn't what you planned and I know how confusing and upsetting that can be, but you're doing NOTHING WRONG! This is not your fault, this is not because you're a bad mother. Now, if you were telling us that your baby has an issue with your crack cocaine, hard liquor and 40 cigarettes a day habits, that would be another matter, but because you ate dairy? Oh please give yourself a break. You're doing your level best and my heart goes out to you, but you are not, not, not doing anything wrong.

Hugs.xxx

 

[Puppmom]

Munchkin, I'm so sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I know firsthand how awful it feels to dump the milk you worked so hard for. If it turns out that the milk protein is definitely the problem and you're able to sustain yourself on a dairy free diet AND that's what you want to do, then go for it. You don't need to have a stash when you go back to work. I just pump one day ahead of my little guy's needs.

Really I think you need to do what's best for your health - mentally and physically. Formula could be the answer so try to be open to it. I know it's hard when your expectations don't match outcomes. It stinks!

I can't wait to hear back that you have a smiley, cooing baby - I just KNOW that's right around the corner!

 

[swingirl]

I used to pump the day before, send whatever I could to the babysitter and supplement with formula if more was needed. That's the best you can do. Your baby doesn't have to get every single drop of nutrition from breast milk. He'll still get all the goodness and antibodies from any amount of BM you can feed him.

If you stop consuming dairy right now, in 2 weeks your milk will be fine and things will work out. I never even had a stash in the freezer (pre-electric milking machines). So don't be too hard on yourself. You are new at this, still learning and doing the best you can.