Ms.Goggles
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2008
- Messages
- 162
Ugh. I love my FI & I can't wait to marry him but I can't help but totally dig in my heels when it comes to all of our wedding planning. Before we got engaged, I was so excited for it all to happen. Now things aren't exactly what I would have hoped for & I don't know how to deal.
When we talked about getting married, both of us immediately talked about having a beautiful, intimate Napa Valley wedding. Neither of us want the Chicago thing & that's that. Destination wedding it is, but Napa is the only place that "seems right" for us. There are so many problems with this plan though. We will probably only invite around 50 people & with the economy being what it is, we will probably have far less than that actually attend. The venue that we think we're interested in (we're going to check it out next weekend) has a food & beverage minimum of $9500...well, that's obviously a lot to spend if we have 20 people show up in the end.
At the same time, though, I don't want us to give up the wedding of our dreams just to have more people attend. Neither of us is particularly close to our extended family & part of me thinks we will end up spending the same budget if not more if we ended up in Chicago. I just can't justify spending $30,000+ for a wedding with 20 people...
All of that is secondary though. The real problem is with my mother. My mom suffers from horrible depression &, over the years, I've seen her get worse & worse. She & I have never been close because she can't see or admit she has a problem. I am the only family member to point out her illness & she resents me for it. Frankly, she is an angry person & very difficult to be around. She doesn't know me, my FI, pr our relationship because she's so caught up in her own drama. She hasn't been involved at ALL since our engagement. I knew this would be the case but it is so painful now that it's reality. She called me yesterday & reamed me out saying she thinks we're stupid for spending money on our wedding when we should be spending it on a house or saving it for a life together but she will help out "a little bit". She isn't happy at ALL for me (I think she's too ill to know how to be) & there's wasn't a single positive comment from her. FI's family can't contribute so we will be paying for almost everything just the two of us which also makes me wince when I think of how much this thing could cost...
I feel like everything is sort of crashing down on me. I found the man I want to spend my life with but our celebration won't be what we want from a wedding. Do we spend an excessive amount of money when most of our family won't make it? When my mom will probably try to ruin the day by making mean negative comments? Do we concede & have a wedding in Chicago which will probably cost the same amount of money but somehow seem justified because of a larger guest list?
I don't feel excited about the planning at all because all of the "pictures" of what I would like my wedding to be like just can't happen. I have even considered eloping- just going somewhere insanely gorgeous with FI for an extra long honeymoon & getting married just the two of us. FI is very close to his mom & siblings though so I know it's not what he really wants & really it's not what I want....but with my mom getting more & more sick & less & less herself, I know I just can't have what I want. All I do is think about those moms who want to be involved, who call their daughters & talk about dress shopping & want to visit venues & who are so happy & proud & supportive...it kills me not to have that & to witness my mom fall deeper into her depression & watch the rest of family remain silent.
Sorry to be negative- I just really need some unbiased advice. How do you have the wedding of your dreams when so many factors are less than ideal? How can I come to terms with all of this? Thanks for your help, ladies.
When we talked about getting married, both of us immediately talked about having a beautiful, intimate Napa Valley wedding. Neither of us want the Chicago thing & that's that. Destination wedding it is, but Napa is the only place that "seems right" for us. There are so many problems with this plan though. We will probably only invite around 50 people & with the economy being what it is, we will probably have far less than that actually attend. The venue that we think we're interested in (we're going to check it out next weekend) has a food & beverage minimum of $9500...well, that's obviously a lot to spend if we have 20 people show up in the end.
At the same time, though, I don't want us to give up the wedding of our dreams just to have more people attend. Neither of us is particularly close to our extended family & part of me thinks we will end up spending the same budget if not more if we ended up in Chicago. I just can't justify spending $30,000+ for a wedding with 20 people...
All of that is secondary though. The real problem is with my mother. My mom suffers from horrible depression &, over the years, I've seen her get worse & worse. She & I have never been close because she can't see or admit she has a problem. I am the only family member to point out her illness & she resents me for it. Frankly, she is an angry person & very difficult to be around. She doesn't know me, my FI, pr our relationship because she's so caught up in her own drama. She hasn't been involved at ALL since our engagement. I knew this would be the case but it is so painful now that it's reality. She called me yesterday & reamed me out saying she thinks we're stupid for spending money on our wedding when we should be spending it on a house or saving it for a life together but she will help out "a little bit". She isn't happy at ALL for me (I think she's too ill to know how to be) & there's wasn't a single positive comment from her. FI's family can't contribute so we will be paying for almost everything just the two of us which also makes me wince when I think of how much this thing could cost...
I feel like everything is sort of crashing down on me. I found the man I want to spend my life with but our celebration won't be what we want from a wedding. Do we spend an excessive amount of money when most of our family won't make it? When my mom will probably try to ruin the day by making mean negative comments? Do we concede & have a wedding in Chicago which will probably cost the same amount of money but somehow seem justified because of a larger guest list?
I don't feel excited about the planning at all because all of the "pictures" of what I would like my wedding to be like just can't happen. I have even considered eloping- just going somewhere insanely gorgeous with FI for an extra long honeymoon & getting married just the two of us. FI is very close to his mom & siblings though so I know it's not what he really wants & really it's not what I want....but with my mom getting more & more sick & less & less herself, I know I just can't have what I want. All I do is think about those moms who want to be involved, who call their daughters & talk about dress shopping & want to visit venues & who are so happy & proud & supportive...it kills me not to have that & to witness my mom fall deeper into her depression & watch the rest of family remain silent.
Sorry to be negative- I just really need some unbiased advice. How do you have the wedding of your dreams when so many factors are less than ideal? How can I come to terms with all of this? Thanks for your help, ladies.