Urgent! Need advice for response to sister-in-law!!!

[legallyspoiled]

I tried to get advice from my bridesmaids but they were all fuming over it so I didn't get any really advice.

Scenario: My parents are hosting our engagement party at their home. It will be a large party in that we are expecting in excess of 60 guests. My sister-in-law whom I never hear from and who never attends any family functions, contacted me via facebook to ask if she could sell her "____ ____" jewelry at our engagement party. She noted that it was "our" party so she wouldn't set up a table or anything. She would just carry it around in a bag.

Okay. Immediately, I knew the answer was NO. I'm just unsure of how to let her down easily. All of my bridesmaids said that she was rude to ask so I just say, "thanks but no thanks." I think that is a little curt.

Here is what I have: "Hi _____! I can't wait to see you guys on Saturday!! Please don't take offense but I don't think that the party is an appropriate time or place to sell your jewelry. All of my close family and friends will be there to meet ____ and celebrate our engagement.

I would love to hear your advice or suggestions.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

That sounds polite to me.

Of course, if it were me, I'd say "Are you out of your mind? In what world is this acceptable? Just stop."

 

[RhubarbPie]

Oh my goodness that is a REALLY weird request. Your response is much nicer than mine would've been. I would have said pretty bluntly that its completely inappropriate behavior, not just for your party, but for any affair that she might be invited to. What planet is she living on? Really weird request she made...

 

[yssie]

Very bizarre and totally inappropriate, and your reply is perfectly composed (much better than my initial response, certainly!)

 

[lucyandroger]

Yikes! How awkward. I think your response is perfect.

 

[sctsbride09]

I think your reply is very gracious, much more than mine would be. I wonder,did she seriously think that you would say yes?! That is certainly a very odd request.

 

[ts44]

That's so weird. She must have temporarily lost her mind, or maybe she was born without the tact gene? If she's super-sensitive and you really want to maintain family harmony, AND (big and) you're willing to do it, you could offer to hostess a jewelry party for her as an alternative to her hawking her wares at your engagement party.

 

[MissMina]

Maybe she can host a "Jewelry Shower" for you

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Your response is fine. You could also throw in that when she does hold her jewelry party, you wouldn't mind buying a piece from her.

That's all I've got!

 

[mrscushion]

Great response.

 

[TooPatient]

That's so weird. She must have temporarily lost her mind, or maybe she was born without the tact gene? If she's super-sensitive and you really want to maintain family harmony, AND (big and) you're willing to do it, you could offer to hostess a jewelry party for her as an alternative to her hawking her wares at your engagement party.

Great suggestion. IF you are up for it then you could suggest this...

Otherwise, your response is pollite but very clear. (and certainly far nicer than anything I would come up with)

 

[iheartscience]

Wow. Yes, go with what you have-it's extremely diplomatic. I mean seriously-that is SO RUDE AND RIDICULOUS to even ask.

 

[portia]

That is so unbelievable! Totally inappropriate of her to ask that. I think you're response is perfect.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

That is so unbelievable! Totally inappropriate of her to ask that. I think you're response is perfect.

My thoughts exactly! If I were a guest at this event (there to celebrate YOU) and someone came around peddling their goods, I'd be pretty irritated. She sounds like quite the entrepreneur.

I think your reply is tactful and to the point.

 

[missjaxon]

I think your response it perfect! I really think it is wonderful that you are being so diplomatic and taking the high road with your response. Good for you!

 

[dragonfly411]

I have been lurking a lot, but logged in just for this. I think your answer is more than appropriate, but had an idea to throw out as well. Maybe to show her you are interested in her hobby/work you could suggest she make a piece or two that you could give as door prizes if you have a game? Or suggest that she do that for the bridal shower?

 

[coco3]

Dragonfly's idea is a really good one. It sounds like you're going more than out of your way to be nice to this person (who sounds like she is routinely rude to you and your family), so there must be a good reason, like she is super sensitive, or something. If you give her jewelry as a door prize and announce that she made it and say people can get her card or whatever if they're interested in a piece, then that gives her some publicity. BUT honestly, I would only do that if there's some other family thing going on, otherwise go with your planned response or a simple "hell no!"

 

[luvshinyrocks]

Ew - that's very tacky of her.

I'm perhaps in the minority here, but if she's super-sensitive I'm not sure I would use wording like "not the appropriate time or place." It could come off as a reprimand (a la Ms. Manners), even if you don't mean it that way. I would probably just explain that since it's a social event that focuses on your engagement you wouldn't feel comfortable having someone there selling stuff. If you phrase it more in terms of what YOU are comfortable with it doesn't sound like you're judging (even though, let's be honest, we all are!), and since it's your event and your moment she can't really question your preference on the matter. If she does, you have my personal permission to slap her

I think most of us agree that you're within your rights to take the "H*** no!" approach, but if your goal is to avert drama I could see your proposed response causing problems IF she's very sensitive.

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm late to the party as usual (sigh) but I think your response might be just a bit too polite. Fo whatever reason, your SIL is so wrapped up in her jewelry business it seems to be getting in the way of her common sense. So... just as she thought her request was not out of the ordinary, she might look at your response and think "well, she didn't say 'no'". So if I were you I'd reword your response so that it reads "no" rather than "I'd rather you didn't." It can still be polite, but I'd suggest you leave no room for misinterpretation.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

As a guest, if I came to your engagement party and somebody was trying to corner me and sell me something out of a bag, I would be a little weirded out.

At least she asked you first, but I think your response is appropriate. Hopefully she won't ask to sell her stuff at your wedding too!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Hey there, I have been rather dormant since my wedding while I wait for my photos, but I just had to share my experience and thoughts. First, I think VRBeauty has a point, instead of saying "I rather you didn't", go for something closer to "I don't want you to" or "No, I am not comfortable with you selling..." These options leave no room for mistakes in communication.

So I went to a 4th of July party at friends of my in-laws. I love them, I think they are great, the Mrs. threw an amazing bridal shower for me. We walk into their huge and gorgeous house, and are greeted with three tables over-flowing with jewelry and hair accessories. Some one at the party was selling the items she had made/bought. I thought it was just the most bizarre thing! So my first thoughts in reading this was, "well gee I thought it was weird at a casual holiday party, how weird and intimidating will it be at an engagement party which I am assuming is a little more formal!" Good luck and I hope she doesn't get upset with you!

 

[turboflgrl]

I think you should tell her exactly what you stated - just make sure you are firm that she is not allowed to do that. Your engagement party isn't her next business opportunity. Weird!!!

Update us when she responds!

 

[Gypsy]

Has she suddenly gone insane? Seriously, who asks that? Can I solicit your guests at your ENGAGEMENT party. She's going to want to host an auction at your wedding. Your reply is fine.

I probably would have gone BEG's route myself.

How about:

"Dear -----,
Thank you for asking but I do not think that would be appropriate at our engagement party. I'm sure you will get asked about the personal pieces you are wearing that night, however, so perhaps you can just bring some extra business cards with you in the event of discreet inquiries".

The above is only IF I was feeling nice.

 

[decodelighted]

Next time she goes for a pedicure ... tag along & offer to give the Pedicurist a FREE PALM READING during the time she would otherwise be scrubbin' tootsies.

 

[Indylady]

"Hi _____! I can't wait to see you guys on Saturday!! Please don't take offense but I don't think that the party is an appropriate time or place to sell your jewelry. All of my close family and friends will be there to meet ____ and celebrate our engagement"

You are far too kind. I would phrase an answer that read:
"Hi _____! You may not sell your jewelery at our engagement party, it will not be an appropriate time or place to sell your jewelery. All of my close family and friends will be there to meet ____ and celebrate our engagement. We are looking forward to seeing you there."

Good luck. If I were you, I'd practice the above lines in case she does actually try to sell this jewelery anyway, and I'd tell my MOH about the incident so that she can keep an extra eye on FSIL.

 

[Haven]

Wow. I think your reply is super nice. I would have told my fiance to call her and tell her what she can do with her jewelry, if I were in your place.

Actually, is that an option? Would your FI call her and tell her no? Nicely, of course.

 

[legallyspoiled]

Sorry for the delayed update.

She replied back and said that "no offense was taken and thats why she asked...and that she looked forward to seeing me at the party."

Long story short. She didn't show up but my step brother did.

*shrugs shoulders*

 

[tyty333]

Sorry for the delayed update.

She replied back and said that "no offense was taken and thats why she asked...and that she looked forward to seeing me at the party."

Long story short. She didn't show up but my step brother did.

*shrugs shoulders*

So she didnt show up because she couldnt sell her jewelry there??? I know you probably shouldnt read anything into her not
showing up because it could have been for any reason, but makes you wonder doesnt it?