upset...soulmates...?

[So_In_Love]

I recently got engaged and went to a work party a few days ago. One of the older ladies from another department congratulated me on the engagement and asked if I believe in soulmates. I said "umm no, not really", and then she responded with "oh, it means that you havent met him yet and he's still out there. trust me, when you meet your soulmate you'll know immediately. When i met my husband i knew right away that he is my soulmate, and we've been together for 20 years". I know that she wasnt trying to offend me, but it sounded like "nevermind your fiance, you still havent met your true love-soulmate"..i almost started crying

what a way to ruin the evening...

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/17/2009 11:20:38 AM
Author:So_In_Love
I recently got engaged and went to a work party a few days ago. One of te older ladies from another department congratulated me on the engagement and asked if I believe in soulmates. I said ''umm no, not really'', and then she responded with ''oh, it means that you havent met him yet and he''s still out there. trust me, when you''ll meet your soulmate you''ll know immediately. When i met my husband i knew right away that he is my soulmate, and we''ve been together for 20 years''. I know that she wasnt trying to offend me, but it sounded like ''nevermind your fiance, you still havent met your true love-soulmate''..i almost started crying

what a way to ruin the evening...

People say all sorts of idiotic things. It''s your choice if you let things like that ruin your evening. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"--Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

[sctsbride09]

Sounds to me like someone isnt as happy in their 20 year marriage as they would like you to think. I find when people make catty comments like that, it is usually out of jealousy. Dont let her ruin a wonderful time in your life. Congratulations.

 

[mayachel]

Woah! How upsetting and hurtful of that crazy woman. Congratulations on your engagement!

Meanwhile, a bit of folk lore/custom for you...

Judaism believes in the concept of soul mates...and guess what? My understanding is that, even if they weren''t to begin with, they become so over time and with the marriage.

 

[treefrog]

Welcome to Pricescope! What an odd thing for her to ask and say. She *may* have meant well but it sure didn''t come across that way.

Based on your user name here, I''d say you should quickly put it behind you and continue being wonderful!

Treefrog

 

[somethingshiny]

I may be in the minority but I don''t actually believe in "soul mates". I mean really, if there''s only ONE person that you could love wholly and completely, what are the chances that you''d actually find each other?? It also implies that if you have THE perfect partner, marriage is simple. It''s not, it takes work. I think there are many people that we could love if given the opportunity. It''s when you choose to love that person forever that makes the difference.

Congratulations and Best Wishes on your engagement and upcoming marriage!!

 

[So_In_Love]

Date: 12/17/2009 11:42:30 AM
Author: somethingshiny
I may be in the minority but I don''t actually believe in ''soul mates''. I mean really, if there''s only ONE person that you could love wholly and completely, what are the chances that you''d actually find each other?? It also implies that if you have THE perfect partner, marriage is simple. It''s not, it takes work. I think there are many people that we could love if given the opportunity. It''s when you choose to love that person forever that makes the difference.

Congratulations and Best Wishes on your engagement and upcoming marriage!!

LOL so true!!

thanks for your support ladies, you are so wonderful!

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 12/17/2009 11:27:59 AM
Author: mayachel
Woah! How upsetting and hurtful of that crazy woman. Congratulations on your engagement!


Meanwhile, a bit of folk lore/custom for you...


Judaism believes in the concept of soul mates...and guess what? My understanding is that, even if they weren''t to begin with, they become so over time and with the marriage.

I agree 1,000% If soul mates aren''t ''found'' - they can be created, by having a loving and fulfilling marriage!

Congratulations on your engagement!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 12/17/2009 11:25:06 AM
Author: sctsbride09
Sounds to me like someone isnt as happy in their 20 year marriage as they would like you to think. I find when people make catty comments like that, it is usually out of jealousy. Dont let her ruin a wonderful time in your life. Congratulations.

Ditto this! Sometimes crap just flies out of people''s mouths - hopefully she didn''t mean it the way it sounded. Congrats, and enjoy your fiance!

 

[Bia]

next time do

and walk away...(looking at her likes she''s crazy).

Even soulmates aren''t perfect! In fact, I know quite a few ''soulmates'' that are now DIVORCED. How does one divorce their soulmate?


>

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 12/17/2009 12:15:30 PM
Author: Bia
next time do

and walk away...(looking at her likes she''s crazy).

Even soulmates aren''t perfect! In fact, I know quite a few ''soulmates'' that are now DIVORCED. How does one divorce their soulmate?


<<I, personally, do not believe there is only ONE perfect person out there for you>>

 

[partgypsy]

God what a terrible thing for that woman to say! I agree with somethingshiny, that I also don''t believe in strict defnition of "soulmate" because there are what - 6 billion people on this planet and if we need to find that 1 other person in the world who is only meant for us well then I guess 99.9% of us are bound for unhappy love lives. But at the same time I feel my husband is my soulmate, not necessarily through fate but basic compatibility and our history with each other and our bonds through our children. That is, soul mates can be created, not just found.

 

[partgypsy]

And I guess it doesn''t have to be, but "soulmate" can have a kind of cheesy ring to it. Before I dated my husband a woman approached him when he was working, looked at his hand and matter of factly told him they were soulmates. So I kind of associate it with cheesy pick up lines.

 

[movie zombie]

soul mates are not just romantic partners: they are also really really good friends.....and are of both genders. she was out of line but hey from what i experience in life and read here at pricescope, many people have no concept of "manners"............

mz

 

[Liane]

Date: 12/17/2009 11:42:30 AM
Author: somethingshiny
I mean really, if there''s only ONE person that you could love wholly and completely, what are the chances that you''d actually find each other??

Pretty good, at least if you''re as blessed as these fine folks: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28554

Of course, there''s always a chance that you might subsequently come across a new, better soulmate: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39047

(As my reposting of these links should show, I think the entire notion of "soulmates" is pretty goofy. If your partner is a good friend and a good lover and you''re happy, that is wonderful. But at the same time, a strong relationship is founded on realistic expectations and open communications, not some froofy idealized craziness that the other person is magically going to know everything going on in your head and never ever disagree with you.)

 

[Bia]

Date: 12/17/2009 12:15:57 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 12/17/2009 12:15:30 PM
Author: Bia
next time do

and walk away...(looking at her likes she''s crazy).

Even soulmates aren''t perfect! In fact, I know quite a few ''soulmates'' that are now DIVORCED. How does one divorce their soulmate?


<<I, personally, do not believe there is only ONE perfect person out there for you>>

Elle is my internet soulmate

So glad I found you!

 

[lilyfoot]

Congratulations on your engagement!

As for that woman, she''s full of it

Forget about it!

Continue to enjoy this awesome time in your life, and brush the haters off haha

 

[Kay]

Date: 12/17/2009 12:16:28 PM
Author: part gypsy
God what a terrible thing for that woman to say! I agree with somethingshiny, that I also don''t believe in strict defnition of ''soulmate'' because there are what - 6 billion people on this planet and if we need to find that 1 other person in the world who is only meant for us well then I guess 99.9% of us are bound for unhappy love lives. But at the same time I feel my husband is my soulmate, not necessarily through fate but basic compatibility and our history with each other and our bonds through our children. That is, soul mates can be created, not just found.

I agree with this. I did not instantly think DH was my "soulmate" when I met him 15 years ago, but now we have history, he is my best friend and the person I plan to raise children with and grow old with, so in that sense he has become my soulmate and life partner, as cheesy as those phrases sound.

 

[LilyKat]

She sounds insecure and jealous - probably of your happiness and excitement at being newly engaged. Even if she THOUGHT that in her head, there's no excuse to actually SAYING it out loud

Some people just need to work on the brain-mouth connection.

And for what it's worth, I don't believe in "instant soulmates" either. I agree with the others on here that soulmates can mean best friends, and a special bond that you've created together over time. But I wouldn't choose to use the word, personally.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I would have had a hard time keeping in my laughter. I''m sorry she upset you, I can see how her lack of tact would be upsetting.

I''m not a soul mate kind of girl--I mean, I guess statistically there is one person on this earth with whom I''d be the best match, but he''s probably living on another continent or something. Unfortunately for him I''m married to my husband, so it wouldn''t work out.

I hope you''re feeling a bit better, please just try to disregard her thoughtlessness.

 

[decodelighted]

I *WISH* you had said ... "Oh really? Maybe you''re right. I better go let him know the wedding''s off" and just WANDERED AWAY.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Date: 12/17/2009 2:47:12 PM
Author: decodelighted
I *WISH* you had said ... ''Oh really? Maybe you''re right. I better go let him know the wedding''s off'' and just WANDERED AWAY.

haha how hilarious would that have been!

but seriously, people say dumb things alll the time before they think.

 

[drk]

I don't believe in soul mates either. DH was interested from the first time he met me (supposedly). It took me over a year to realize how great he was, and we started seeing each other. 3.5 years after that, I moved across the ocean and we were long distance for 4 more years. Then we finally decided to bite the bullet and get married, and he moved to be with me. Now we've been married over 4 years and together over 12. I think why I took so long to make up my mind about whether marriage was in the books for us or not was that my parents married young and divorced when I was 17. I was super scared to make a similar mistake.

It sure as heck wasn't love at first sight or a feeling that he was my "soul mate" at any point for me. What he is is reasonably attractive physically (how horrible of me to say it!), and just about the best person I know. He's the only one I can imagine feeling comfortable spending 24h a day with, 7 days a week. He's my best friend. And I didn't want a marriage based on mad passion, or feeling like he's "the one" after our glances met across a crowded room. I wanted someone I could trust, who was generous, understood me, and who had similar goals in life to me. So far, we've been very happy in all our years together.

Just ignore that stupid woman and be happy with your man! If people could only be happy with their soul mates, why is it that many arranged marriages end up with a deep and enduring love? They work at it and grow together as a couple, and I know a lot of couples who are brought together that way are very happy together.

 

[NakedFinger]

Even though I know its very sarcastic, and not what "romantic" girls like to hear....I think theplunge.com (wedding website for men) put it best in their article about determining whether the is "the one":

"Let''s start with the obvious. If you know in your heart and soul (ahhhhhhw) that she''s The One, perfect, skip this. Move on to another article.

Now if you''re more on the fence and wondering if she''s the ideal perfect one-in-a-billion?

Probably not. If you cling to the fairytale of a mythical, perfect girl out there—who both “completes you” and has flawless teeth—the one girl, the only girl…your girlfriend’s probably not it.

The odds are low. Let’s say you had a chance to meet, then kiss, have sex with, and then fall in love and live out your years with thousands—make it millions—of other women around the globe. You’d likely find an even more perfect girl in Munich, or one in Barcelona, or maybe one in San Pablo.

But here’s the thing. You’re not going to San Pablo. You’re not seducing Munich Girl. So even if some imaginary, theoretical girl in Barcelona could rightfully claim the mantle of “The One,” as a practical matter, it’s utterly irrelevant.

Think of your girlfriend like a hiking boot. It’s not important that she’s perfect; it’s important that she fits. So instead of asking if she’s “The One,” you should ask yourself: Is she “One-of-the-Many-Ones-Who-Would-Work-Out-Okay-Enough?”"

 

[that_someone_special]

WOW!!!!

 

[yssie]

Date: 12/17/2009 11:20:38 AM
Author:So_In_Love
I recently got engaged and went to a work party a few days ago. One of the older ladies from another department congratulated me on the engagement and asked if I believe in soulmates. I said ''umm no, not really'', and then she responded with ''oh, it means that you havent met him yet and he''s still out there. trust me, when you meet your soulmate you''ll know immediately. When i met my husband i knew right away that he is my soulmate, and we''ve been together for 20 years''. I know that she wasnt trying to offend me, but it sounded like ''nevermind your fiance, you still havent met your true love-soulmate''..i almost started crying

what a way to ruin the evening...

Wow. What a lot of rot.


Don''t take it to heart, some people delight in hurting others, seems like you had the misfortune of meeting one.



Congratulations on your engagement!!!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Wow, that article from the plunge.com is so offensive. What girl wants to be ''one of the many ones who would work out okay enough''. Be still my beating heart. Yuck.

Congratulations on your engagement, and try not to let the womans comments bug you. Marriage takes work and love is something you choose to do, on many days. You and your fiance can still be
soulmates. That can be a choice. If she is talking about the ''take one look at each other business and know he''s THE ONE, well that can certainly fade and life can overshadow those feelings
pretty fast. When he''s snoring in the bed or farting in the living room I don''t think your thinking ''oh he''s may soulmate''.. But your soulmate is someone you chose to share your soul with,
who keeps your secrets and always has your back. You can so have that. Love is a choice you make everyday, good times and bad.

 

[kenny]

Date: 12/17/2009 11:20:38 AM
Author:So_In_Love
I recently got engaged and went to a work party a few days ago. One of the older ladies from another department congratulated me on the engagement and asked if I believe in soulmates. I said 'umm no, not really', and then she responded with 'oh, it means that you havent met him yet and he's still out there. trust me, when you meet your soulmate you'll know immediately. When i met my husband i knew right away that he is my soulmate, and we've been together for 20 years'. I know that she wasnt trying to offend me, but it sounded like 'nevermind your fiance, you still havent met your true love-soulmate'..i almost started crying

what a way to ruin the evening...

What an insensitive and arrogant moron!

It never ceases to astonish me how people impose their beliefs on others.

 

[HVVS]

Congratulations on your engagement.

as for theplunge.com

ask yourself: Is she “One-of-the-Many-Ones-Who-Would-Work-Out-Okay-Enough?”"

There is truth to that. After all, when a man is ready to marry, he grabs the best of the choices he sees and marries her. And much of marriage is duty, and does not necessarily have much connection with romance or emotion, and requires a good working partner, not a "soulmate."

Romance feels nice, but sometimes isn't practical. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that says that marriages based on intense love and emotional involvement have a tendency to burn out, while arranged marriages last and evolve into great long-term intimate relationships. I was married once and may never do it again. My marriage was one of those "soulmate" relationship that felt incredibly, incredibly good. At first. And it fizzled out and left two people who realized that each was a totally impractical choice for the other. So now when I evaluate a man now, I look for practical, first. That "Soulmate dropped" thing from The Onion is too disgustingly true, lol.

 

[klewis]

Soulmate. I''m sure it means different things to different people and it seems to me that for the person you mentioned it was an instantaneous recognition. Your fiance may well be/become your soulmate. It can develop into that kind of thing with the right kind of give and take and hard work. So best wishes for a fun journey.