My fiance went through with it. He gently broke it to his mom that he would like a destination wedding. He managed to finagle the thing with tact and poise. He even told me he was completely nerve wracked seeing how emotionally charged the conversation would be.
His mother reluctantly agreed.
Now, unfortunately, days later, we had a discussion. Not an argument, a real discussion of things. There''s a money issue since my mother can''t afford to fund the wedding (she''s a single mom with 3 kids to support) and his mom is funding. So he feels that his mother has more, shall we put this nicely, invested in this wedding than mine.
He pointed out that his mother didn''t have a wedding and was upset that we''d decided to do this destination wedding thing. I said mine wouldn''t be too happy either as she didn''t have a wedding either. We both felt that there were soul crushing amounts of expectations on both
Then I sat down and really thought about this: there was no way we could really get away with this. Really. His family would be upset. Mine would be somewhat upset. In the end doing what we both really wanted would screw us in the future.
So we talked about it again. Much frustration, venting and tears, and decided to stick with a home wedding. We''re both not ecstatic, but I think that we''ve made the point to FMIL that if we DO want something we''re not afraid to stick up for it and broach the subject. No matter how uncomfortable it is.
We''re hoping to somehow manage to stay financially solvent (ie. work overtime) and look forward to the honeymoon! We will choose the reception hall without input and just book it if we like it. We''ll call the shots on everything because we''ve really sacrificed our dream wedding for our families'' mutual expectations. This has been a good experience because we know what it was like to really feel like it was *our* wedding for a few days after we''d decided on a DW.
So while I''m bummed right now, as is FI, I think we''re both much more realistic about this wedding thing. We''re simply going to look forward to a great honeymoon.
His mother reluctantly agreed.
Now, unfortunately, days later, we had a discussion. Not an argument, a real discussion of things. There''s a money issue since my mother can''t afford to fund the wedding (she''s a single mom with 3 kids to support) and his mom is funding. So he feels that his mother has more, shall we put this nicely, invested in this wedding than mine.
He pointed out that his mother didn''t have a wedding and was upset that we''d decided to do this destination wedding thing. I said mine wouldn''t be too happy either as she didn''t have a wedding either. We both felt that there were soul crushing amounts of expectations on both
Then I sat down and really thought about this: there was no way we could really get away with this. Really. His family would be upset. Mine would be somewhat upset. In the end doing what we both really wanted would screw us in the future.
So we talked about it again. Much frustration, venting and tears, and decided to stick with a home wedding. We''re both not ecstatic, but I think that we''ve made the point to FMIL that if we DO want something we''re not afraid to stick up for it and broach the subject. No matter how uncomfortable it is.
We''re hoping to somehow manage to stay financially solvent (ie. work overtime) and look forward to the honeymoon! We will choose the reception hall without input and just book it if we like it. We''ll call the shots on everything because we''ve really sacrificed our dream wedding for our families'' mutual expectations. This has been a good experience because we know what it was like to really feel like it was *our* wedding for a few days after we''d decided on a DW.
So while I''m bummed right now, as is FI, I think we''re both much more realistic about this wedding thing. We''re simply going to look forward to a great honeymoon.
Good luck!
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