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Untraditional weddings?

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zoebartlett

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I''m a LIW but I check this board occasionally. My boyfriend and I have been talking about what type of wedding we want to have after we get engaged (which will be fairly soon, hopefully). I''ve never been the type (unlike some of my friends) who have had their wedding planned since they were little. I could never picture myself in a traditional white gown either. I''ve never wanted a big wedding with a lot of dancing (my boyfriend and I hate to dance, and the whole ''center of attention'' thing makes me want to elope). I know that anything goes these days, and it''s a matter of personal preference as to what type of wedding a couple chooses to have. Obviously, my boyfriend and I want (someday) to create a special day for ourselves and our guests, and we''d like to have more of a relaxed party atmosphere rather than a formal wedding. I can''t help but feel, however, that that won''t be memorable for people, and they''d be bored if there''s no danicng.

Has anyone planned an untraditional wedding? How did you choose to celebrate your special day?
 

larussel03

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I knew a girl whogot married in hawaii (only immediate family came) and then a couple months later, her family threw her a reception party (with BBQ, but a nice, classy setup) in their backyard with friends and extended family. No DJ, no games, none of the traditional wedding stuff. That seemed great to me b/c she got the low(er) key wedding that she wanted, but also got to celebrate with family and friends later in a more relaxed environment.
 

mela lu

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 21, 2006
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Hi zoebartlett! Welcome!







I too have never had visions of a wedding (can’t say the same for the rock!!) and when it came time for me and my FI to make some hard decisions, we went for the untraditional route. My whole family (aunts/uncles/cousins/mom/dad/siblings) were planning a family “reunion” in Italy, in Aug 2007. We thought “perfect” – we’ll crash the get together and make it into a wedding. Once we announced our intensions, everyone was thrilled, and allowed us to pick the venue and lodgings.







This is the plan:







Both families (his and mine, total: 20 people) are staying together at this villa just outside of Florence:









It has a consecrated Catholic chapel on the grounds, where the local preist will do the ceremony





We''ll have a dinner catered at the villa for all the guests and for our Italian family (so roughly 45 people for the dinner) and that''s it!

After the week, we''re going to honeymoon in Italy and Croatia, and then when we get back, my mom and dad are going to throw a cocktail party for us, so that thier friends can come and pay us their congratulations!!!

It''s perfect because I''ve never wanted a huge wedding, or to be the center of att. but I do want to honour the sacrament of marriage with my family (the most important people to me).

My BFF is going to come with her husband, and I''m going to ask her to be my MOH and be my witness. Even though I''m not having BM/MOH gowns, (she can wear whatever she likes) I think she''ll be honoured at the gesture. I figure her and I can each have a bouquet and that''ll be enough to signify our "positions".

I''m still looking for the right gown, although I have fallen in LOVE with this one:



It''s bridal-ish, but still suits the venue.

All in all, I think it''ll be PERFECT!
 

aljdewey

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 25, 2002
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9,144
Date: 1/22/2007 10:18:34 AM
Author:zoebartlett
I''m a LIW but I check this board occasionally. My boyfriend and I have been talking about what type of wedding we want to have after we get engaged (which will be fairly soon, hopefully). I''ve never been the type (unlike some of my friends) who have had their wedding planned since they were little. I could never picture myself in a traditional white gown either. I''ve never wanted a big wedding with a lot of dancing (my boyfriend and I hate to dance, and the whole ''center of attention'' thing makes me want to elope). I know that anything goes these days, and it''s a matter of personal preference as to what type of wedding a couple chooses to have. Obviously, my boyfriend and I want (someday) to create a special day for ourselves and our guests, and we''d like to have more of a relaxed party atmosphere rather than a formal wedding. I can''t help but feel, however, that that won''t be memorable for people, and they''d be bored if there''s no danicng.

Has anyone planned an untraditional wedding? How did you choose to celebrate your special day?
My husband isn''t a dancer, and we were having a fairly small wedding. Considering those factors, it didn''t really make sense for us to go the traditional reception route.

Instead, we hosted a reception cruise aboard a tall ship/schooner. We had a catered meal and a nice 2.5 hour sunset sail.

It was VERY memorable, and we got many compliments from our guests that it was the best wedding they''d ever attended because it wasn''t the stereotypical dinner/dance thing.
 

N-jo

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 18, 2006
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256
"traditional with a twist on a budget" was our wedding. I'm an older bride, chubbier than 18 years ago when he and I met (when I was 33 and he was 19)-- I wanted a winter wedding (it snowed lightly that day) and I wanted a velvet bolero in cranberry. I also had cranberry velvet beaded sequinned ankle strap shoes. I designed the bolero and had it made to top the matte satin split panel dress. I planned everything myself.

We did not have ANY attendants -- a bagpiper preceded me down the aisle, playing Highland Cathedral, with organ and horn accompaniment. Big gothic old church. My flowers were black magic roses with stephanotis, which used to be different, but lately lots of people are using red flowers.

The reception was at 100+ year old "saloon", with brick walls, tin ceiling. We had stacks of pizza and magnums of champagne, plus a butter cake with raspberry filling and two what we call "Texas sheet cakes" made by the groom's mother.

It was a party! Tunes from my Ipod hooked to the sound system, and ages 5 months to 92 years all enjoying. All but the 5 month old were piling up the pizza, and saying what a treat it was. It was a blast! No dance, just a cocktail reception from 6-9. I'll never forget my elegant, sophisticated 88 year old first grade teacher gliding by me with pineapple pizza stacked on her plate while biting down on another piece, making her way to her table.

The champagne was served in stadium "go" cups, with our names, "It's About Time" and For Keeps, plus Team O on the other side (our last name) Red on white. (when we announced our engagement after 18 years, that's the first thing about 80% of friends and family said, "well it's about TIME")

Favors were ivory organza drawstring bags filled with pale pink, hot pink, red and white m&ms, personalized with our names & date, "love of my life", "for keeps", "met 1988, wed 2007", and various other things. MANY MANY bags of them. Yet only 71 attended. Ice storm at the last minute kept about 30 guests from making it. It was intimate and I got to visit with all our guests.

The Highland Cathedral processional was new to probably almost everyone there which blew them away... everyone had a fit over the pizza and the cups -- and our ceremony was brief and sweet. The women, on the average, called it the sweetest yet most fun wedding ever, and the men, all said almost exactly the same thing "this is one cool wedding"

It was magical, from our point of view. Our personalities, both the serious sides and the silly sides
N-jo

kncandid.jpg
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 30, 2005
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I originally thought we''d have a more traditional wedding until I realized that I just didn''t want to bother with all the fuss and that he hates fuss.

So we''re getting married in Hawaii with just our immediate families, a grand total of 8 other people! We''re not having a big party or anything. Maybe a little dinner party for local friends, sort of a house warming party type of thing. We''re just going to send out cards to everybody that we would have invited to a big wedding saying ''hey, we got hitched!'', or something like that.
 

olyelr

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Messages
20
Well, I suppose that we are having an untraditional wedding. It''s coming up quickly now, 2/14/07. We are both total ski freaks and have been dating for so long that when we announced our engagement, most people said ''we thought you were already married'' (but, only 7 years). We were going to do the justice of the peace thing but that''s not worth a lifetime of guilt trips....

So, every year on Valentine''s Day, Loveland Ski Area does a ''mass wedding'' on skis, at the top. Only those that can ski can attend and that''s okay. Then we limited the guest list to parents, siblings and siblings'' spouses. The ski area hosts a free (for us) reception ($15 for each guest) with cake and champagne and then we''re going to do a pot luck dinner at a friend''s house after. No attendents, no presents, I''m making the cake - just a cake, not a ''wedding cake''. but, i still get a dress, a day off of work and him in a tux (thank you, ebay!).

I have never dreamed of the big, fancy wedding but did buy a dress (used, $40 but awesome!) and I''ll ski in it. It is something that I will always remember and although we compromised on what we wanted to do to make everyone else happy... we still get a day to ski (on a Wednesday!) and see our family from out of state for that one day. Then, the next morning it''s back to work, like always.

do what you want, how you want to do it and enjoy the day!
 

Cehrabehra

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11,071
waaaa I just typed out a huge long answer and it got lost

we got married in white shorts, white shirts, he in vans, me in birkenstocks.... two years later for our renewal we had a more formal thing in the park and all the attendants wore white (whatever they wanted, dresses, jeans, shorts, pants - as long as it was white white) and I wore a dress and he a suit and everyone was barefoot and that was awesome too :) White is my favorite color so everyone wore white, I had white roses and the maids/groomsmen had colored roses - I let the girls choose whatever color they wanted as well as the moms and everyone else.... there was more in the other post that was lost lol
 

zoebartlett

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Dec 29, 2006
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12,450
THey all sound so fabulous!

Sweetpea: One of my best friends got married a few years ago in Ireland and we were able to go. They only invited family and close friends to the wedding, but they had a big BBQ later that summer and invited everyone else they hadn''t invited to the wedding. It was a fun way to celebrate with everyone, just in different ways.

Mela-lu: What an elegant wedding! Italy..ahhh... very romantic!

Aljdewey: I love the idea of getting married on a schooner!

N-Jo: What a blast! Your wedding sounds like it was a very special day!

Okay, now I feel great about having the type of untraditional wedding we want. Well, the actual details won''t be figured out until we''re actually engaged. One idea we had is to get married here in New England and then take a mini honeymoon in Quebec (where we took our first vacation together on New Year''s Eve three years ago) for a few days. Then, a year later - for our first anniversary, take a vacation with my family (sister, brother-in-law and parents) to Portugal, where my dad''s father was from. We''ll see if that happens but it''s fun to think about. Now, if only money grew on trees!

Thanks girls!


PS - Cehra: What does "My aptop atesme" mean? I''ve been wondering that ever since I began posting on PS a couple months ago.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
Our wedding was sort of traditional, but really informal. We only invited 30 guests, the ceremony was at sunset, then cocktails and a four course, three hour meal. We hired a guitarist who played from ceremony through the end of dinner, no dancing involved. We took pictures before the wedding and visited with guests. We skipped on attendants, everyone who was close to us was sitting in the audience. Oh wait, my nephew, who was 9 months old at the time, served as our ring bearer, he had on cargo pants and we stuck the rings in his side pocket. We all ate at a gigantic table together and were able to have real conversations with every single one of our guests. I did have a formal wedding gown (long, lacy, white) but no veil. Hubby wore a nice suit. My mom wore white too (and she looked stunning!!!). It was just a ton of fun, a nice meal (most guests stated it was the best one they''d ever had at a wedding) no stress and good times with our closest family and friends. I''d do it all over again exactly the same way.
 

mercoledi

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Joined
Jun 20, 2006
Messages
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Date: 1/22/2007 4:47:11 PM
Author: zoebartlett
THey all sound so fabulous!

Okay, now I feel great about having the type of untraditional wedding we want. Well, the actual details won''t be figured out until we''re actually engaged. One idea we had is to get married here in New England and then take a mini honeymoon in Quebec (where we took our first vacation together on New Year''s Eve three years ago) for a few days. Then, a year later - for our first anniversary, take a vacation with my family (sister, brother-in-law and parents) to Portugal, where my dad''s father was from. We''ll see if that happens but it''s fun to think about. Now, if only money grew on trees!


Thanks girls!
We totally did exactly this.
We got married in November in this awesome inn in the Berkshires with just family (small wedding? large elopement?) then retreated to Quebec for about a week and threw a party for friends/co-workers when we got back. It was fun and it suited us to a T. I never saw myself getting sucked into all of the stress and details of traditional weddings, and I''m glad we were largely able to skirt that.
We didn''t have dancing either, just a room full of people all of whom claim to have had a great time. Talk it out and see what''s important to you two. Small weddings allow you to do very cool things, like get married in an art gallery, historic home, night club, whatever suits you.

Good luck, there are some fab places in NE for small low-key weddings!
 

N-jo

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 18, 2006
Messages
256
Date: 1/22/2007 4:47:11 PM
Author: zoebartlett
THey all sound so fabulous!




N-Jo: What a blast! Your wedding sounds like it was a very special day!




it WAS a blast. not planned as a dance, but people did start dancing... here''s one of our champagne cups...
 

N-jo

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 18, 2006
Messages
256
ooops, here''s our elegant champagne vessel...

favors.jpg
 

Clarygrace

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 29, 2006
Messages
158
ZoeBartlett:

I like the idea of a small family celebration and an outdoor open house casual party for guests afterwards, if there is a theme you both enjoy, go for it...it doesn''t have to be the "wedding thing"....just enjoy the celebration and your loved ones...

Mela Lu: OMG, I will be marrying in Tuscany this year as well! Our wedding is Sept 1 at the Castello di Meleto in Gaiole in Chianti. Would love to hear more about your plans!

Ciao
 

nytemist

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 11, 2005
Messages
962
Hi Zoe!

We went the route of doing what we wanted. We got married this past Halloween. I''m Wiccan so we did a handfasting. My BM handmade beaded wire bouquests for us, so I spent very little on flowers(just lilac roses for the centerpieces). We had little Halloween touches around the room. I certainly knew I didn''t want a white dress- I had it made in lilac.

I was never the type that dreamed about what my wedding day would look like either, because I never thought I would get married. It wasn''t until after a month of being engaged that I started coming up with ideas. It was planned in 8 months and we loved every bit of it.

I got weird looks from some when they found out my plans. Their tune changed when they saw my pictures. In the end make sure you do what you two want.
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Hi Nytemist,

Can you tell us more about your wedding and the Wiccan attributes (if ''attributes'' is the right word)? I think I saw another thread where you posted your dress. Very pretty! You''re from the Boston area, right? Where did you have your wedding?

Thanks everyone!! I realize it''s too soon to be doing any real planning since we''re not even engaged yet, but it''s fun to think about. Now I have all sorts of ideas!
 

nytemist

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 11, 2005
Messages
962
Thank you for the compliment! Our wedding was at the College Club of Boston. It''s on Commonwealth Ave near Berkley. We chose there since we had a hard time finding places that would do a real small wedding. We had 32 guests. The executive chef is also the event coordinator, so it made things so much easier.

Typically a Pagan ceremony is done outside during a full moon, but we decided on Halloween instead. We had a hands bound together, which is the actual physical representation of our union, we wrote our own vows, which is the spiritual and the rings are the daily symbolic representation. We were allowed to do a sage burning (that cleares away bad energy) we had amythest stones at the north, south, east and west points on the floor and at the end of the ceremony we did the blessing- "Heart to thee, soul to thee, now and forever, so mote it be". My mother and sister weren''t to thrilled with how we did it and there were other Pagans there, but we did it our way. Everyone though it was great

We plan on doing a full ceremony during the summer, possibly presided over by his sister. She is a witch also. It really made us happy
 

nejarb

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
324
melalu: that dress is so pretty! i think your wedding sounds perfect. mine will be very similar, but at a ranch in colorado rather than a villa in tuscany. who makes that dress? i just found & bought my dress yesterday. my computer isn''t letting me post a pic but it''s on the weekly workout thread for this week under home/fam/health on the 3rd or 4th page...
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 1/24/2007 8:20:41 PM
Author: nytemist
Thank you for the compliment! Our wedding was at the College Club of Boston. It''s on Commonwealth Ave near Berkley. We chose there since we had a hard time finding places that would do a real small wedding. We had 32 guests. The executive chef is also the event coordinator, so it made things so much easier.

Typically a Pagan ceremony is done outside during a full moon, but we decided on Halloween instead. We had a hands bound together, which is the actual physical representation of our union, we wrote our own vows, which is the spiritual and the rings are the daily symbolic representation. We were allowed to do a sage burning (that cleares away bad energy) we had amythest stones at the north, south, east and west points on the floor and at the end of the ceremony we did the blessing- ''Heart to thee, soul to thee, now and forever, so mote it be''. My mother and sister weren''t to thrilled with how we did it and there were other Pagans there, but we did it our way. Everyone though it was great

We plan on doing a full ceremony during the summer, possibly presided over by his sister. She is a witch also. It really made us happy
I remember the pictures of your wedding. It looked like a lot of fun! I have always wanted to go to a Wiccan ceremony to see what it was like, so thanks for sharing. My DH and I were invited to a ceremonial drum circle once, but weren''t able to go, sadly.

*M*
 
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