unromantic man

[TooPatient]

After 5 1/2 years the time has nearly come. I got the go ahead to start finding my diamonds. (I''m picking my loose diamonds and a custom setting). The problem is that he is super UNromantic. His idea of how to give me the ring is probably when we go pick it up at the jeweler (no way am I leaving it to him to make sure my diamonds weren''t damaged or anything during setting) he''ll hand it to me and say "here you go". I''m not kidding. Romance is not his strong area.

I really want it to be special though. How can I tell him exactly what I want and still keep it special?


My dream proposal:

I get a single long stem red rose delivered to my office every day for a week. Each one with a note from him. "I love you because...", "You are beautiful", "You are intelligent", "You are caring", "You make me happy" etc.
And then we have a dinner in a private room at some nice place. Another red rose on the table. A deliciously gooey chocolate cake for dessert with a nice wine. And then he asks.


Of course he could alter this a bit. Maybe more roses in the private room with dinner. Maybe a nice outdoor picnic thing (if the weather was nice -- we live near Seattle).

I''m finding the diamonds & setting. Dealing with the jeweler. Telling him what the inscription should be.
I''d like to have a little surprise left.

Any advice?

 

[Nomsdeplume]

You can''t tell him how to propose!!!
You have to let him do it his way. Don''t expect your dream proposal. Would it really still be your dream proposal if you told him what to do??? He will just resent you for taking away something that''s supposed to be HIS idea. You can''t control every aspect of your relationship.
Don''t do it.
When he''s ready, he can look up plenty of romantic proposal ideas online. Just tell him you want it to be unique, special and romantic and that you want him to put some thought into it.
And then leave it at that.

Good luck!

 

[D&T]

you know I really thought I wouldn''t get a romantic proposal from my DH, because well he doesn''t think of these things, but to my surprise I got a very surprise romantic proposal, so who knows maybe he''ll give you one. you could hint to him or tell stories of other''s proposal and hopefully he gets a clue maybe.

 

[KristyDarling]

That is certainly a very romantic dream proposal, but to give him details about it and "tell him exactly what you want" would leave him feeling emasculated. He may not be the romantic type, but I doubt he'd appreciate being told about all the different ways you'd like to be proposed to. It comes off as controlling. If I were you, I'd just let him know that you are looking forward to this next exciting phase in your lives together, and that you know he'll make the proposal special for you. He should take the hint.

PS -- I have an unromantic man myself. When he proposed, it was on an ordinary street corner in front of a restaurant while we were waiting for the valet to pull our car around. No bending down on one knee, no heartfelt speech...just a plain ole out-of-the-blue "Will you marry me?"

Simple, effective, got the job done...but not romantic at all. LOL! I think the fact that your man wants to marry you is romance in and of itself!!!

 

[packrat]

Next time you''re on the computer and he asks what you''re looking at, tell him "Oh, I''m reading these proposal stories. They''re so sweet and romantic" or something like that. Maybe he''ll get the hint?

My poor husband wanted to be romantic, but I think he got scared-so he just stuck the open box in the cupboard with a stuffed animal and asked me to get the measuring cup for him. But, that didn''t lessen the fact that I was over the moon to be engaged, and if your BF doesn''t propose all gushy romantic like, that doesn''t change how he feels about you.

 

[jet2ks]

Date: 9/3/2009 12:06:50 PM
Author:TooPatient
After 5 1/2 years the time has nearly come. I got the go ahead to start finding my diamonds. (I''m picking my loose diamonds and a custom setting). The problem is that he is super UNromantic. His idea of how to give me the ring is probably when we go pick it up at the jeweler (no way am I leaving it to him to make sure my diamonds weren''t damaged or anything during setting) he''ll hand it to me and say ''here you go''. I''m not kidding. Romance is not his strong area.

I really want it to be special though. How can I tell him exactly what I want and still keep it special?

Any advice?

You can''t. It has to be HIS proposal to you, not your proposal to you. I agree that dropping a few hints may help, but here is my suggestion. When the ring is done, tell him something like, "Honey, the engagement ring is done. I don''t want to see it yet because I want you to present it and propose when you are ready" and let him do the proposal his way. Surely the jeweler has a return period if there are any setting issues, but by going down there with your boyfriend to pick up the ring, you are just setting up an unromantic proposal like you fear.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 9/5/2009 4:02:06 PM
Author: jet2ks

Date: 9/3/2009 12:06:50 PM

Author:TooPatient

After 5 1/2 years the time has nearly come. I got the go ahead to start finding my diamonds. (I'm picking my loose diamonds and a custom setting). The problem is that he is super UNromantic. His idea of how to give me the ring is probably when we go pick it up at the jeweler (no way am I leaving it to him to make sure my diamonds weren't damaged or anything during setting) he'll hand it to me and say 'here you go'. I'm not kidding. Romance is not his strong area.


I really want it to be special though. How can I tell him exactly what I want and still keep it special?


Any advice?

You can't. It has to be HIS proposal to you, not your proposal to you. I agree that dropping a few hints may help, but here is my suggestion. When the ring is done, tell him something like, 'Honey, the engagement ring is done. I don't want to see it yet because I want you to present it and propose when you are ready' and let him do the proposal his way. Surely the jeweler has a return period if there are any setting issues, but by going down there with your boyfriend to pick up the ring, you are just setting up an unromantic proposal like you fear.

I agree...

all girls want a dream proposal but that's really the thing the guy has to do his way, on his own end of story. If you tell him exactly how you want it it still [/u]won't[/u] be romantic, or thoughtful, just "hey my girl told me to do this so I am". Hint that you want something special, but even if it isn't that romantic remember he is asking you to spend the rest of your life with him , that's the epitomy of romance right there.

 

[Gullfoss]

Date: 9/3/2009 12:06:50 PM
Author:TooPatient
After 5 1/2 years the time has nearly come. I got the go ahead to start finding my diamonds. (I''m picking my loose diamonds and a custom setting). The problem is that he is super UNromantic. His idea of how to give me the ring is probably when we go pick it up at the jeweler (no way am I leaving it to him to make sure my diamonds weren''t damaged or anything during setting) he''ll hand it to me and say ''here you go''. I''m not kidding. Romance is not his strong area.

I really want it to be special though. How can I tell him exactly what I want and still keep it special?


My dream proposal:

I get a single long stem red rose delivered to my office every day for a week. Each one with a note from him. ''I love you because...'', ''You are beautiful'', ''You are intelligent'', ''You are caring'', ''You make me happy'' etc.
And then we have a dinner in a private room at some nice place. Another red rose on the table. A deliciously gooey chocolate cake for dessert with a nice wine. And then he asks.


Of course he could alter this a bit. Maybe more roses in the private room with dinner. Maybe a nice outdoor picnic thing (if the weather was nice -- we live near Seattle).

I''m finding the diamonds & setting. Dealing with the jeweler. Telling him what the inscription should be.
I''d like to have a little surprise left.

Any advice?

This could have been written my me. That was my proposal only he said "are you really going to make me ask?". DH and I have a great marriage otherwise but he is not romantic at all. And that doesn''t change after marriage, as has been my experience anyway. We were the first of our group of friends to get married. Eight years later other friends have been getting engaged. They were all totaly surprized by their SO. After all this time has passed I still get a pang of hurt in my heart when I hear about someones proposal and think of my own. IMHO the fact that you are picking out your ring ruins most if not all of the element of surprize already and if you have to tell him what your dream proposal is then it takes all the romance out of it. If I could go back I would have at least planned a special evening, even if it wasn''t a surprize and not have let him give me the ring as soon as we left the store. You have already decided to get the ring and spend the rest of your lives together so why not sort of plan the proposal together? You could go ahead and make dinner reservations and have him get you flowers, let him pick them out, and then do or go somewhere special and just enjoy the evening. That way you can have a special evening and it will probably make him feel better too if he is as unromanticaly challenged as my huband. Yeah, it''s not a "dream" proposal but it is better than being asked in a mall parking lot, trust me, I know.

 

[TooPatient]

That is what I am afraid of. I don''t want to spend the rest of my life hurt because of something that I missed out on. If I leave it to him, I am 95% sure I won''t even get a "will you marry me" from him in any location.

I don''t want big or expensive. It doesn''t even have to match my dream proposal. There are many different ways that I have thought would be just perfect if he asked that way. Including a simple "will you marry me" over dinner at home. (he loves to cook so maybe he could even prepare dinner)


I would really have loved for him to have picked the ring and surprised me. He knows what I like. I even sent him links to a few things. But he is NOT a jewelry person. He doesn''t understand why people wear it. And he is especially against diamonds. He thinks that the entire system from finding them all the way through selling them is corrupt and harmful.

Anyway, I have to find the stones and setting or he just won''t purchase them. (he said so -- don''t need a ring to get married) I think I''ll let him know that even though I selected the ring and have seen it I''d still like to receive it from him. Maybe tell him about some of the great stories I''ve read here (in passing). And hope for the best.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 9/8/2009 12:39:54 PM
Author: TooPatient
That is what I am afraid of. I don''t want to spend the rest of my life hurt because of something that I missed out on. If I leave it to him, I am 95% sure I won''t even get a ''will you marry me'' from him in any location.


I don''t want big or expensive. It doesn''t even have to match my dream proposal. There are many different ways that I have thought would be just perfect if he asked that way. Including a simple ''will you marry me'' over dinner at home. (he loves to cook so maybe he could even prepare dinner)



I would really have loved for him to have picked the ring and surprised me. He knows what I like. I even sent him links to a few things. But he is NOT a jewelry person. He doesn''t understand why people wear it. And he is especially against diamonds. He thinks that the entire system from finding them all the way through selling them is corrupt and harmful.


Anyway, I have to find the stones and setting or he just won''t purchase them. (he said so -- don''t need a ring to get married) I think I''ll let him know that even though I selected the ring and have seen it I''d still like to receive it from him. Maybe tell him about some of the great stories I''ve read here (in passing). And hope for the best.

TELL HIM THAT! tell him the proposal is very important to you and you want something special and from the heart. Talk to a good girlfriend of yours and maybe have her help him, that;s fine.... BUT I would not however tell him exactly how you want it!

 

[KristyDarling]

^^^ I whole-heartedly agree with ckrickett!!!! If you are that sure that he is incapable of a thoughtful proposal, then tell him very explicitly beforehand how that will make you feel. Nip this potential disappointment in the bud!! I think the girlfriend idea is a good one...tell him that he can feel free to pick her brain if he needs help. Good luck and keep us posted!