Unexpected comments from friends...

[Indylady]

My SO and I recently began to plan our engagement ring in earnest. Our budget is one that we are both very happy with and one that I think is more than enough. Its an amount we''ll have to work towards but one that we can afford comfortably in a year or so of saving, without financing, dipping into savings, credit cards, etc. All in all, my SO and I are both very excited about saving for and working on our ring.

I mentioned our plans and the price range we''re considering to a few of my closest friends, and I got a chorus of, "Every ring I''ve ever designed online is at least $9,000" and "Why don''t you wait a few years till he makes more money so you can have a really nice ring?" and "I''ve never liked a ring that was less than $5,000" (both of these sums are larger than our range). Well phoo.

They''re my friends and I''m sure they didn''t mean badly by their comments. But, I can''t help but feel just a little crummy anyway. We have a four digit budget, and as students, I didn''t think that was modest at all! Its just realistic. My friends are students too, and 2 out of 3 are single (the third just started dating her SO a few months ago), and we live in a small town where expensive rings aren''t common, so I wasn''t expecting this response. Sigh..I really needed to share, so thank you all for listening.

 

[vc10um]

Don''t let them get you down. You can get a BEAUTIFUL ring for way less than $5K...as you''ve seen on here, I''m sure!!!

So long as you do your homework, I''m sure you''ll end up with a stunner that will knock their socks off and make them wish they''d never said anything bad about your budget!

Shame on them for butting in where they don''t belong, by the way. But might I suggest, when people ask your budget (unless you''re talking to a jeweler you plan on woring with) just tell them that it''s "One that will get you exactly the ring you want" and leave it at that.

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/1/2010 1:20:16 PM
Author:IndyLady
My SO and I recently began to plan our engagement ring in earnest. Our budget is one that we are both very happy with and one that I think is more than enough. Its an amount we''ll have to work towards but one that we can afford comfortably in a year or so of saving, without financing, dipping into savings, credit cards, etc. All in all, my SO and I are both very excited about saving for and working on our ring.

I mentioned our plans and the price range we''re considering to a few of my closest friends, and I got a chorus of, ''Every ring I''ve ever designed online is at least $9,000'' and ''Why don''t you wait a few years till he makes more money so you can have a really nice ring?'' and ''I''ve never liked a ring that was less than $5,000'' (both of these sums are larger than our range). Well phoo.

They''re my friends and I''m sure they didn''t mean badly by their comments. But, I can''t help but feel just a little crummy anyway. We have a four digit budget, and as students, I didn''t think that was modest at all! Its just realistic. My friends are students too, and 2 out of 3 are single (the third just started dating her SO a few months ago), and we live in a small town where expensive rings aren''t common, so I wasn''t expecting this response. Sigh..I really needed to share, so thank you all for listening.

This quote itself raises so many red flags for me.

You''re willing to put off marrying the man you love and know you''re going to spend the rest of your life with just because you want a bigger ring???

I''m not sure if tihs friend really ready for marriage.

The amount of money spent on the ring has no relation to how beautiful or meaningful it is to you. Paris Hilton''s Assher? You can bet how much money that is worth... and I think it looks horrible. And plus... you can see where that relationship went. You seem down to earth and a girl who understands what should take priority in life. Good for you! Ignore those silly comments and know you''re well off and stable in your relationship!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I'll let you in on a little secret. My ring was less than $5k and it's damn impressive. Don't listen to them and carry on. When they ask you later about the cost just say, "I have no idea how much it cost" of "none or your d*mn business."

 

[KittyGolightly]

People talk really big when it isn''t their money on the line.

Plus, they may be just a *tad* jealous that it''s you getting ready to buy a ring and they''re not.

 

[janinegirly]

this is why i would say it''s not a good idea to discuss $$ with friends. Why get so specific? People are competitive and will either try to one up or go and gossip to others. Or they will think you are bragging,etc.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/1/2010 1:31:58 PM
Author: KittyGolightly
People talk really big when it isn''t their money on the line.

Plus, they may be just a *tad* jealous that it''s you getting ready to buy a ring and they''re not.

This sounds about right.

Maybe they want you to put off your engagement longer so that one of them can be engaged first.

I''d like to beleive women wouldn''t do this to a friend, but (as is demonstrated on PS pretty often) weddings/engagements can bring out the crazy side of people.


Ignore them and get the ring you love with the budget you are comfortable with.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Date: 4/1/2010 1:29:05 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I''ll let you in on a little secret. My ring was less than $5k and it''s damn impressive. Don''t listen to them and carry on. When they ask you later about the cost just say, ''I have no idea how much it cost'' of ''none or your d*mn business.''

Sorry to go off topic, but my God, that''s a beautiful ring!

 

[LadyJane83]

Booo!

I wouldn''t discuss it with them, sounds like they could be jealous... I don''t know why else they would put you down like that. It''s silly to suggest that you not marry someone unless you have tons of money for a ring. I never quite understood this argument. If you are ready to get married, get married. I understand that having stable careers or getting to whatever point in your life that you want to be factors into "readiness" but it shouldn''t be based on what you can afford for a ring.

Spend what you are comfortable spending. I know people who make 6 figures each who decided not to spend tons of money on the ring. Personally, we''re not spending anywhere near the three (or even two) months salary. You can ABSOLUTELY get a gorgeous ring for under 5K. I''ve seen beautiful rings at every budget. And I agree with Cinna''s comment about Paris Hilton... I wouldn''t have worn that ring is you gave it to me!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Thank you.

Seriously the cost of your ring is no one''s business but the person putting down the cold hard cash.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

You guys are absolutely doing it the right way--saving the money, not dipping into savings, using a credit card, etc. If your other student friends want to spend more money and go into debt for a luxury item, they can...and then still be digging their way out of it years later. You will have an absolutely beautiful ring and will be able to have a better life because of it!

 

[Miscka]

Wow, what awful responses to your exciting news! A lot of people who don''t know how to shop smart about diamonds, etc. are just clueless. $ does not mean beauty!

My ring is a 1.33ct OEC from JBEG, we paid I think $2400? It was a steal. I don''t ever ever tell people that. It''s a low color, but people freak out over it all the time, over the fire and size. I just dont tell them what we paid or the color, it''s not their business! I will tell you all day long when I got my shirt at goodwill for $2.50 or whatever, but my ring is our business

Plus you are a PSer, and anything you get with any budget will blow 90% of other stuff out of the water. Kudos to you for being smart about your budget anyway

 

[Anonymous]

Well that''s disappointing! I''m afraid I''d have to say something along the lines of "several reasons, actually...1. $9K for something that''s more than I *WANT* just to impress others seems...foolish. 2, you''re spending what you and your SO are comfortable with, and like another poster said, probably getting a ring that would cost nearly that much in a maul store anyhow! 3. If you''re anything like me, you''d probably feel very uncomfortable spending a ridiculous amount of money on a ring when you could use the extra to do something nice for BOTH of you (save for a home or car, take a wonderful trip, etc.).

/end rant

As another person said, it''s really NONE of their business what you''re spending, and suggesting that you spend more???

 

[sunnyd]

My ring was less than $2500 and it''s freaking beautiful!

Don''t tell your friends what you''re spending, because everyone always has something to say.

Annoying but true. You guys are doing it the right way and you should be proud of that!

 

[winelover23]

Tell your friends to shove it. My ring was a penny under 4k and I dare anyone to comment on it not costing 10k. What is up with the "keep up with the jones''" mentality? Tell your friends if they want to buy beyond their means go right ahead but you''ll be sitting back enjoying your price savvy beauty while they have to take theirs to the pawn shop because they are so in debt. Jerks.

Here is my ring if you want to make fun of it. It''s a .73 ACA in a platinum halo from WF, it''s a real piece of crap

 

[lilyfoot]

Honestly, these comments are right in line with "I wouldn't accept anything less than 1 carat"-type of comments. Those girls are jealous because you are actually on the engagement path, while they are single and/or in a brand-new relationship, as you stated.

I seriously doubt if they met Mr. Right, and he proposed with a ring that cost "less than $9,000" or "less than $5,000", they would say no. And if they did say no because of the cost/size of the ring, then they're just immature girls who are not ready for marriage.

Personally, I think you should a) not share so much details with these "friends" in the future, and b) keep focusing on your BF and your relationship. It is an extremely exciting step to set a budget, and have a plan for a ring. Congrats!!!

ETA: I guess my whole post could be summed up with the statement "Shake the haters off!"

 

[Callisto]

Oh thats so rude IndyLady, I can''t believe some people think that''s appropriate. Sorry you''re dealing with that but definitely don''t let them get to you. My budget will also be well under $5000 and my ring is going to be stunning... I have no doubt about that. I''m sure yours will be too.

First of all your friends prolly don''t know crap about diamonds and think you need to have a D IF to have a good diamond which is why their online rings are costing so much. They''ll be stunned and jealous when you get something gorgeous for your budget.

Keep your head up and ignore their rude comments. Enjoy your ring choosing process, I can''t wait to see the beautiful ring you end up with!

 

[legallyspoiled]

I agree. That was pretty rude. They may have meant well but it wasn''t their place to interject on your budget especially if they aren''t willing to chip in! And I''d be willing to bet that they don''t have a clue about what type of ring you can get for your budget!

 

[MissMina]

So the couple is in their favorite romantic secluded spot.
The guy gets on bended knee and says "Will you....."
And out of the shrubbery pops an appraisor who says "Wait"
And pulls out his loupe.
Silly yes. But not half as silly as your friend''s attitudes.

Now is probably a good time to institute a need to know basis
for disclosing financial information of any kind.
Otherwise it will be the same story when you buy your dress,
pick your venue etc.
I wish you the best. You two sound like you have a very mature
and sensible plan for your future.

 

[jewelz617]

Just say "Well, my priority is to marry the man I love and not going into insurmountable debt doing it. Darn adult responsibilities!"

 

[AprilBaby]

Let''s hope your friends marry rich men.

 

[Haven]

Can I just ditto this entire thread?

I''m sorry your friends aren''t being supportive. It''s none of their business what you spend on your ring, and if any of them says anything other than "OH MY GOSH CONGRATULATIONS I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU THAT RING IS GORGEOUS!" once you *are* engaged and have said ring on your finger, then they just aren''t great friends, in my opinion.

Either way, you can come on here and share your ring with us and we''ll gush all over it because I''m sure it will be beautiful, no matter what the budget.

Girls can be so nasty sometimes. I hope they get over it and start acting like friends sooner rather than later.

 

[RaiKai]

Well of course, we all know that the love of the man for the woman is proven by the amount of money he can spend on some metal and rock! (I just threw up a little in my mouth there...I am kidding of course).

Wow. I know they are your friends...but....what inane comments!

My original engagement ring cost $0! (as in, I did not even have one!). We wanted to get married. We did not want to spend an insane amount of money on a ring, nor did we have an insane amount to spend due to circumstances at the time. Should we have put off getting married just so I could have a piece of jewelery when we were ready, and wanting to get married? My "new" engagement ring and wedding band are going to be FAR below $5,000 (your friends would have even more to say to me...as I am having a man-made stone which I know is verboten around these parts!)....and I already know they are going to be beautiful. And....my marriage, and my husband, rock. I would not trade either in for a $1,000,000 ring, never mind a $10,000 one!

Some of my fave rings around PS are ones that I am either certain or fairly certain cost under 5K!

I find it even more sickening that such a suggestion is accompanied by "why don't you wait a few years until HE makes more money". What is this, circa 1800? He needs to be able to show he can afford taking you from your father's care? Next they should start making comments about you better be "pure" in trade

I would not even tell your friends your budget anymore. I echo other posters that either they are jealous, completely uninformed (i.e. they have done all their pricing at maul jewelers) or trying to rain on your parade. Or just really...materialistic.

 

[Indylady]

Thank you ladies for your responses! I just read this thread about three times, and I feel so much better. My friends made it sound like my budget was so low and like I was making a huge compromise by accepting it. Full frowns and all.

VC- You''re right, I shouldn''t have mentioned it at all!

Cinna- Yup. Its actually funny in retrospect. My actual response was, "That''s a doo-doo idea!" and then I actually apologized for calling my friends idea "doo-doo" and tried to explain that it might be years until he ''makes more'', and that he might never ''make more'' but I''d still want to marry him.

HH- Your ring is gorgeous. I shouldn''t have even mentioned my budget, or I should have shown them your gorgeous ring and maybe then they would have stopped talking.

Kitty- I wonder if it was jealousy, but they seemed honestly...well, shocked. It makes me feel a little awkward to wonder if they''re jealous.

Janine- Point taken!

Too Patient- Same as what I said to Kitty. Its definitely possible because one of the girls has never had a boyfriend and the other commented she couldn''t hold onto a man for more than two weeks; the second wanted to get engaged two years ago to her then boyfriend, so I can imagine a little jealousy.

LadyJane- I agree entirely. There are many factors that go into readiness for engagement and marriage, but I never thought "ring budget" was one of them.

NewEnglandLady- Thank you for your support! I also thought it would be a good idea to save for the ring rather assume debt for it.

Miscka- Your ring is seriously beautiful! I bet it is a fireball, and one of a kind.

Tammy- The reasons you posted are pretty much why we picked this ring: its what we want, its what we can afford, and we wouldn''t be comfortable with more. Perfectly logical, right?

SunnyD- You''re probably right. If I had said 9k, maybe they would have said they''d never spend that much because of x, y, and z.

Winelover- Again, another stunner. Seriously, I should have just shown them these rings and said, "What more could you want?"

Lilyfoot- Thank you!! That''s actually a response I didn''t receive from my friends at all: Congrats! I really appreciate hearing it. It is definitely an exciting time. I''ll keep my ring budget convo''s limited to me and SO from now on.

Callisto- I bet they are looking at overpriced sites and Tiffany, which is why less than 5k seems like squat to them.

I have to run out to dinner but I''ll be back later to respond to everyone! I want to give you all a sincere thak you for giving me support and advice.

 

[ms.halo]

Date: 4/1/2010 1:33:03 PM
Author: janinegirly
this is why i would say it''s not a good idea to discuss $$ with friends. Why get so specific? People are competitive and will either try to one up or go and gossip to others. Or they will think you are bragging,etc.

I second, third and fourth this. It''s NEVER a good idea to talk about money with friends.

 

[FrekeChild]

LMAO! My ring was under $700, and it''s way bigger than any of my friend''s diamonds (like 4 times the size of my SIL''s diamond ering for one, more than twice the size of everyone else''s) and actually looks bigger than my mom''s 1.5ct princess.

I already know your ring is going to be awesome. And my bet is that it''ll outshine their "possible future" $9k diamond rings.

 

[jcarlylew]

i think you''ve got some excellent support on this thread! The only value in a ring is the value you put into it. Don''t let anyone tell you different!

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/1/2010 1:58:32 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
You guys are absolutely doing it the right way--saving the money, not dipping into savings, using a credit card, etc. If your other student friends want to spend more money and go into debt for a luxury item, they can...and then still be digging their way out of it years later. You will have an absolutely beautiful ring and will be able to have a better life because of it!

I agree with New England Lady! completely true

 

[onedrop]

Ditto, thritto what every one else has said. Those comments are coming from people who have no idea that you can get a beautiful diamond and setting w/o spending a boatload of cash!! Your experience is why I rarely talk $s with my friends.

 

[Indylady]

Legally spoiled, MissMina (Mina is my aunt''s name! I think its a very pretty name, PinkAsscher, April Baby, Haven, RaiKai, MsHalo, Freke, JCarly, Maevie, and One Drop- Thank you all! Thank you for the support and excitement. I feel like

now!