Uh oh! Parents Gifts?!

[Mara]

So in the midst of the insane last 4 weeks before the wedding, I realized today that I hadn't even given a thought to gifts for our parents. ARGH!




A quick search of Google on 'wedding gifts for parents' turned up a hodgepodge of the cheesiest gifts ever. Embroidered poems on fabric in frames? Nope.




Help! I'd like to actually give EACH parent a gift that means something special to that person, but that seems so tedious when I actually stop and think about it. I don't have alot of time to add another 4 gifts to the list to search, buy, ship, etc. Greg is useless to me in this area, he usually just hands over the credit card when I buy his family gifts. It's all up to me.




I found a few sites that had ideas on gifts, some were good but seemed so time intensive for us to do for every parent (e.g. a picture of the gal as a baby on one side and her wedding pic on the other side, engraved etc). Throw in that there is my parents (mom and dad) and Greg's 2 sets of parents (mom and stepdad and dad and stepmom) so we'd have to have 3 sets of gifts regardless.




I am leaning towards giving them all the same thing which would be either an engraved photo album (probably from RedEnvelope.com) or an engraved picture frame (found a beautiful silver one that comes in larger sizes at Pottery Barn), with a few fun things thrown in (e.g. cigars for the dads and embroidered hankerchiefs for the moms).




Thoughts? If we do the picture album, we can order and have it engraved now (with something like 'Mara and Greg's Wedding, May 12, 2004' on two lines) and give it to them AT the weding...but if we do a framed picture of us (engraved with pretty much the same thing) it would have to be AFTER the fact and I'd like to give the parents something at the wedding.




Couple this with the fact that MOTHER'S DAY falls while we will be in Hawaii so I also want to have a gift for my mom there with us on Mother's Day...so that adds to the hodgepodge. I'm surfing around RE but nothing is really jumping out at me which saddens me since I adore RE for beautiful gifts. So far the most I have found which is cute is the Mother pillow.




UGH! Any thoughts?!

 

[Nicrez]

PARENTS GIFTS?! What the heck?!

Why are you required to give your parents GIFTS, when it's YOUR wedding?! Ok, I take issues with that. We like to spoil our parents with things year round, like the ring and earring set I got my mom for Christmas, or the amethyst and gold earrings and ring we got HIS mom on Christmas. For his parent's birthday we are sending them to St.Thomas, all expenses paid, including spending money...

Now on the eve of what could be considered the most expensive watse of money that is done to celebrate YOUR impending union, why gifts to the parents? I suppose if they paid for the whole thing, you would, but aren't YOU paying for it? I am not trying to be cheap, but is this common practice, and do they know they are supposed to get GIFTS? In my parent's culture, it is supposed to be the parents that give the wedding, and give a great big gift. The two getting married traditionally need all their money to start their new life together, and everyone pitches in to give them money for the honeymoon, etc. Now all of a sudden, the married couple who needs the money is GIVING away most of their OWN money. When did this happen?!

To me the whole giving gifts is batty. OK, to a MOH, who does so much for you pre-wedding and during. OK, bridesmaids, but to your own hubby and wife? Why? The gift is the damned wedding and oh, the REST OF YOUR LIFE?! Ok, it's considerate. So the grooms' men get gifts, the best man, and now the PARENTS? How about the priest or rabbi? Does the organist get a gift? Any gifts for the caterer?!

Sorry Mara, I am just so freaked out that I have never heard of all these details...

I say the photo albums to each is a lovely gesture, and with the engraving could be very nice and personal. Otherwise, to get REALLY personal will be such effort and perhaps with your time, not feasible?

 

[Mexi]

I, also, have never heard of gifts for the parents!?!

 

[Mara]

Well I know during the rehearsal dinner is when you can present your attendants with their gifts (or before/after etc)...and was just thinking...hmmm maybe I should give my mom something. Something cute and sentimental. Then I thought...oh wait then I need my dad. And Greg's family!




Obviously since there are writeups on it on the web as well as categories for 'parent gifts', it DOES happen. I don't know if its 100% of the time or what. I don't have a problem giving parents the gifts because they ARE our parents and they did raise us, wipe our little buts, and it is a very important day for them as well (losing a daughter, gaining a son, etc). So I think it would be touching for the parents to get gifts...its not really about the $$ but more for the THOUGHT in my mind. I'd just like to say...yes we remembered you.




I am liking the photo album idea as well...we can present all the parents with it during the rehearsal dinner so that when they order their pictures after the wedding, they have something for them all ready.

Ay carumba, speaking on gifts in general, I am at my wits ends with gifts! Greg didn't know we are 'supposed' to exchange gifts the day of the wedding...so god only knows what he will give me (dandelion weeds from the beach maybe), I went to Tiffany to price out cufflinks for him and of course I have to get him the shirt studs too so we are talking like $500 out the door. Then for the BM's I was going to get them the Adina circle necklaces which are $55 each and I have 5 BM's. Then one of the BM's was complaining about having to buy $30 earrings, so I'm thinking maybe I should buy them their earrings as well. Lastly, we got the guys in the wedding party silk shirts from Tommy Bahama for them to wear during the wedding reception..and they were initially $110 each and there are 7 guys...but lucky for us we found them at the outlet (they moved them there after we bought the first one) for $70. But still pricey. So YES in the end..the GIFTS are costing us a pretty pretty penny. I don't bedgrudge anyone anything, we love giving gifts (okay I do) and I really appreciate everyone taking the time and making the committment for the wedding and the expense....but I'm a little tired of shopping & ordering stuff! Wait, did I really say that?

I must be losing my mind.

 

[Nicrez]

Mara, you are a wonder! Bless you for being so giving, just make sure there's some left for you two!!!

Looks like you have the whole thing nailed and every little peg in place!

In my family, my parents are collectors of stuff, both of them! They don't need more, and they are not good about using anything you give them, they will keep it in the box for years and stock pile it. Plus, they are the simplest of people, who never like to spend on themselves. Usually more self-sacrificing than is necessary, so they are old school like that. I wouldn't get them anything, they have everything they need, and even gift certificates go unused for years. my mom doesn't wear the PRICEY jewelery I bought her, as she says "it's too nice to not wear out", and she doesn't go out...

I would personally acknowledge them at a dinner, the main dinner, and address a part of that speech to each of them. Being sincere and heartfelt, and explaining how they have helped make this moment so special through out the years, etc. I think parents don't get enough credit, and sometimes a little credit is what they need! I know my parents are more emotional than anything. Plus, my dad loves looking the hero!

BUT, if I did get them something it would be a picture of us as a couple and engraved with "dear mom and dad, thanks for being there for us! Love always..." As this would make my mother most likely cry, and would most likely be the only thing they take out of the box that I gave them. It's going to be an emotional day, I would just make sure that they understood what they meant, and I am sure neither eye would be dry.

So when you have the dinner, let everyone know how wonderful these people are, and how much you both truly appreciate them, and then back that up with the picture frames or albums and I think you got yourself an unbeatable wedding memory. I doubt there'll be a dry eye in the Luau! Good luck and again, so impressed with keeping those details and minutea straight. Ever thought of wedding planning? Maybe in the VI?

 

[Mara]

Haha thanks Nic...we do want to say something special and then present the families with their albums...

Speaking of wedding planning...yes I'm a marketer but I started out wayyyy back when doing events/trade shows where you HAVE to be detailed or else you get fired (e.g. when you forget to order the catering for a big speaker) or at the very least demoted to dust mote counter. So I actually love the small details and working under pressure...I am sure things will come off great but now that we are down to the wire, it's hard to breathe. Mostly I am worried not really about the big day or that ...but getting there...the packing (for Hawaii AND Tahiti), the forgetting something really big at home (e.g. the wedding rings?!), of not remembering to do something really important until the day before. Things like that. I always get stressed before a trip *anyway* but this is a huge trip so it's even worse! Plus I've got a huge to-do list that I keep ADDING things to...and I also have to keep parents and BM's from flipping out as well! Eloping sounds good.

Nahh..we'll make it. I actually can't wait to see all of the planning come to a long-overdue fruition. Oh and I really want to be able to use the cute 'Greg & Mara Tyler' thank you cards that I just ordered too (see below).

 

[Mara]

 

[aljdewey]

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On 4/13/2004 7:12:43 PM Nicrez wrote:





PARENTS GIFTS?! What the heck?!

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HA. I have felt that way through much of this process. It seems the "wedding" industry is alive and well, telling folks what they should spend their time and money on. It really could make lesser folks feel inadequate.

I think my "moment of clarity" on this whole thing came when I read about folks making customized tissue packs....yes, that's what I said....TISSUE packs! I realized then that I don't give a tinker's darn about half of the things that have been added to the list of some folks' "must haves".

There is a lot to be said for simplicity.....that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. hehehehe

 

[Mara]

Whatever Al...you know that 3 weeks before you will be freaking out just like me and going 'Mara help me find something inexpensive but touching'. HEH! Just wait.

Mwahahhaaaa.

 

[winyan]

Actually Mara, I have to chime in w/others. I never heard of 'parents' gifts' other than a small copy of the wedding album way after the fact. I think it very admirable of you to want to gift them, however I don't think it's necessary.

However the frame idea, (perhaps with a note saying the frame will be filled when the wedding pics are back?) is a nice idea.

win

 

[kelbel]

I don't know how computer savvy your family members are, but here's an idea that has gone over quite well with us. Instead of a photo album, have pictures of yourselves, from birth through adulthood, put onto cd. Obtain one of the software programs where you can drag pictures, sound bytes, music, etc and create a little slideshow for them. I did this for my husband while he was flying over Iraq and included pictures of the kids, dogs, etc. I used two of our favorite songs throughout the slideshow, and it turned out quite touching, to put it mildly. You can dedicate the cd cover to each set of parents for personalization. It may seem work-intensive, but it was actually quite easy. I will admit, however, I do love Red Envelope and Pottery Barn...two of my favorite stores.




Kelly

 

[fire&ice]

Mara, we gave nice picture frames for a wedding photo. It really wasn't a gift persay - but a token of appreciation. Since I gave my parents one, I was forced to give my MIL one

Don't get me started.!!!

Also, I think just the earrings & a small token ($20 - something) is in line for your BM. But, you know I'm a dinosaur.

Regarding the cufflinks & studs, I bought hubby's on ebay. They are soooooooo cheap second hand. And, I have since bought him some real cool moderne ones. Cufflinks aren't worn as much today as in the past...so lots of supply ...less demand.
Or visit some vintage jewelers - they may have some really nice gold enamel ones - still less than Tifs.

Edited to add: for the most part the quality is better & the designs more inspirational.

 

[PaulaW]

Hi Mara!
I'm with you... I've been trying to figure out what to do for our parents too. I did see one thing that I thought was really cute - it is a small table top family tree that has 12 photo frames that hang off the branches (kind of like the ones hallmark had). there is room for a 13th frame, or a small engraveable plaque for the family's name. I do like your album idea, especially with the thought that the proofs that fill it will come later.

 

[Mara]

Great idea on eBay...F&I. I will have to check it out. I did fall in love with the Elsa Peretti bean cufflinks and stud set from Tiff though....however, as you well know, the markup has me choking on writing the check!




We shall see I suppose. We are about to finalize the BM shoes (the ones from Zappos were REALLY cute and the gals are trying them tonite) and I may just fork over the $$ for those and get them their necklaces. Then they can wear whatever earrings (though I will still have to point a few of them in a specific direction as they aren't 'shoppers') they want as long as they are simple. That may work. Hmm. Oh and the RE picture albums are a GO...I am ordering them today for the parents. A gift may not be REQUIRED but I really would like to give them something that has meaning and this works perfectly but is not time intensive.




The other idea about childhood pictures etc I have seen elsewhere in a similar fashion (one idea was cute...a double hinged frame and one side was the childhood and the other side was the wedding day) and I really like the sentiment, but honestly, that is even too time intensive for me right now. I need to be able to point and click!




Thanks for the ideas all!

 

[luckyhonu]

I like the engraved photo album from redenvelope.com. I'm not familiar with the tradition of giving the parents a gift but most of the weddings I've been to, the couple gives their parents a beautiful bouquet during the ceremony. Does that count?

 

[Bethanying]

Quick idea.... My mom collects teapots, and I'm going to give her a teapot from my china pattern.... I think it would mean a lot to her....




As for Daddy... hmmmmm..........

Bethany