Ugh! Wedding planning

[aprilcait]

I almost feel like I must be missing some "girly" gene because I really cannot stand planning my wedding. It throws my stomach into knots thinking about all of the details (i.e.: flowers, music, programs, invitations, etc.) I just feel so overwhelmed and out of my element. So many women, it seems, had their wedding planned out by the age of eight and seem so excited to plan events, parties, and weddings. Me? Not so much.

Thank goodness my FI has been GREAT about the planning so far. He absolutely believes that the wedding is for him and me so we should share the work in planning it. I can''t imagine what kind of hot mess I would be if he wasn''t doing his share.

Is anyone else feeling this sense of dread in regards to planning their wedding?

 

[ammayernyc]

I am the same way.

I feel massive amounts of guilt that I''m not into it. It''s horrible.

 

[janinegirly]

i go through phases.

some days i''m into it and making progress and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

other days i hate it and can''t wait for it all to be done with already. however, i''m the one who wanted the traditional route so i feel like i can''t really say anything to anyone (other than here). FI is not into wedding planning so it''s just me and my mom sometimes.

i also am trying to work to a budget and that''s a an extra element of guilt thrown in. and then i see single friends flying to europe on a whim with their bf''s and i wonder why i''m spending so much $ on something no one cares about except me!!

so i can relate. also never thought of my wedding until after engaged. so it''s been a crash course. if the internet didnt'' exist, i''d be in deep doo-doo.

 

[Mandarine]

Then why do it?....seriously, I''m not trying to be mean or anything...but if this is not what you want, then why not go for what YOU wnat. If you just want to have something very small, just the two of you, that is ok. If you are doing all this for someone else then I would say you really shouldn''t. This is about the two of you...and it shouldn''t be something that in any way resembles a "dread" feeling!

I can undesrtand getting stressed about it. I haven''t done much yet, but I dream about it every signle day!. Last night it was my hair, the hair style was terrible...another day is flowers, etc...I think I''m jut excited. It''s similar to when I go on vacation, I can''t sleep because I have so many things on my head!.

The way you talk about it does make it sound like this (the party, not the actual wedding) is not what you want....I just don''t get why you are doing it then. If it''s the actual planning that you don''t like, then could you have a smaller party so you can save some money and use it on a planner that can take care of all these things for you? Just a thought!.

Also, I have many friends that want to help (more than what I thought they would!). You would be surprised how much other girls like crafts, or planning or just want to help. It is ok to delegate some stuff...don''t sweat the little things because it''s just not wroth it!. I have my priorities so I won''t let things that are minor to me stress me (such as invitations or flowers).

Sorry you''re feeling this way! hopefully you can find a way to make this process more exciting and fun!!

M~

M~

 

[KimberlyH]

I was not the little girl that dreamed of her wedding day. So when we got engaged we decided it would be a simple event that suited us. We love good food, so that became the key. I wanted music, so we hired a fabulous guitarist/singer. I bought a dress that i loved, but never thought of it as "the" dress, it was just a beautiful gown, and I loved it. I just focused on what mattered most and forgot about the rest of it. I only ordered a boquet because my mom was beside herself that I didn''t want one, it took me 10 minutes to pick it out. I had her select the invites, enlisted a friend to address them. Skipped the wedding party, because, well, I didn''t need one. I didn''t have a wedding shower, we didn''t register for gifts, we just kept it simple and stress free. It was the most amazingly fun day and everyone who attended was thrilled to actually be served good food for dinner and have a nice relaxing meal, no cake, no cake cutting, no first dances, just all the people we cared about there to spend a wonderful evening with us.

I was engaged once before and called it off about 2 months before the wedding, we had done all of the planning and were addressing invitations (150 of them!!!), it was not at all a fun experience. He wanted nothing to do with planning, his family was furious about what church we were getting married in, it was just not fun. My husband and I went to all of the appts. together, and made it into fun evenings out (we''d meet with the photographer then go out to dinner, etc.). He didn''t have much input, he just wanted me to have whatever it was I wanted, as long as we kept it small, but it was so great to have his companionship through the process, even though wedding planning, party planning of any kind for that matter, is simply not his thing.

So my lesson learned was that it''s all in the approach and that it can be fun if what you''re planning reflects who you are as couple, whether you are someone who deosn''t care about about the flowers matching the bridesmaids dresses, matching the centerpieces or your someone who can''t imagine it being any other way.

Good luck, aprailcait...and know that you are not alone! But if you''re truly dreading it and not just because you''re not a detail person who doesn''t enjoy planning, perhaps you should rethink your approach as this should be a happy time.

 

[aprilcait]

Mandarine, you definitely have a good point. We both would like to just elope and avoid the whole thing and do a wedding with just the two of us and a couple of witnesses on the beach, but we''re both Catholic. So we have to get married in the church for our marriage to be recognized by the church. Plus our families would be really hurt if we didn''t include them. Other than that, it''s a lot of family pressure and being worried that we''ll regret it later if we don''t have the big traditional wedding now.

I think once I get my reception site pinned down, I might feel better. Plus, I need to stop thinking details and start concentrating on the big picture.

Delegating tasks is a good idea. I''ve definitely been doing some of that, and that certainly helps.

 

[Mandarine]

I hear you on the catholic church thing. It''s actually not impossible to get married in a catholic church in another state though.

I''m meeting with the priest tomorrow to see if he will marry us at his church (even though it is not my parish)...they seem to be very open about it!...not all churches are though...so you have to call around.

It''s funny because I called two churches that said "absolutely not, that''s like ''church trespassing!!!''"....then I saw in the knot magazine that this girl got married at the place where I am having my reception and she got married in the local catholic church there. I called and they are being so nice! (so far!)....so that''s not impossible. I know for example, the catholic church in Key West does it all the time...also one of the most popular churches here in Coral gables. So anyway, it''s not impossible if that is the route you want to take.

Just don''t let all these "things" ruin your day!. Like Kim said, think of what is important to YOU and forget the rest.

For example, I didn''t want a wedding party, but my FI does. So I said ok...as long as my girls can just wear whatever they want! hehe.. I''ll just give them one color to choose from and they can just play with it however they want. Invitations? I have a friend that did her own so she can''t wait to get to work on mine!...we''re taking a class together and then I''m doing a "DIY invitations weekend" and inviting all the girls that want to help. I will give them wine and great food, they give me their crafty hands and a good time!

I think getting the place is the most important part...but think about what you want. Don''t sweat the small stuff....don''t add something to your day just because it is what "everyone else does".

Write down three words that describe how you want your wedding day to be like, your main "goals" (in my case: fun, romantic and fun again..hehe). Then write down three things that are your priorities (in my case: good drinks -good wine!-, photography, good music). Then write down the things where you don''t mind compromising (in my case: flowers, dress, invitations). So anything that you are doing that doesn''t drive one (or all) of your main goals...is just not worth doing...or sometimes is something you *have* to do, but just go the easy route (delegate, order online, etc).

Oh...I also wrote down the thing that would stress me the MOST!!!. Budget and negotiating...so that I have delegated to FI. It is my money...but he will be the one doing all negotiations!. I''m not good at it and I just hate doing it!...

Good luck!!

M~

 

[onedrop]

Mandarine has already given you some great advice, but I just wanted to assure you that you are not alone!! Because I know that I am definitely missing the bride gene, I went for something less stressful...a destination wedding. You''ve explained already why in your case you are unable to do that. But I totally agree with Mandarine. Sit down and really think about what you want the wedding to be given your circumstances. And then kind of map out what you want to happen and what you want things to look like. You might feel pressure to do things a certain way because it''s tradition or "everyone" does it that way. But trust me, it''s so much better in the end when your wedding is really YOUR wedding.

 

[zoebartlett]

I really like Mandarine''s advice. Write down what your thoughts are on different things regarding specifics and maybe that will shed some more light on what you want and where to start.

My friend and I had this type of conversation not too long ago. I had mentioned how I really didn''t want a traditional wedding (my boyfriend and I are fairly private and being in the spotlight doesn''t appeal to either one of us really). I told my friend how when my sister got married, I accompanied my mom to the florist, the tent rental place, etc., and I realized how little I cared for all the little details. Granted, it wasn''t for my wedding, but I don''t think that would have mattered. I told my friend that I wanted a simple party, catered dinner and all that, but I wanted to skip the traditional dancing, etc. My friend said that so many people tend to do things the way they THINK they should, not necessarily becasue that''s how THEY would choose to do things. I''m not sure how old you are, but could age play a factor? I think people in their 20s tend to focus on the more traditional weddings, but people in their 30s tend to think outside the box a little more and venture out to do things that THEY want and not what''s expected by others. This could be an overgeneralization but it made me think.

Trust me, there are PLENTY of girls out there who didn''t dream of their perfect wedding. I don''t think I was born with that gene either. I hope you don''t mind me bringing in a personal experience into your post, but I wanted to share my thoughts on planning, and I wanted to let you know that you''re not alone.

 

[So_happy]

I am completely empathetic to how you feel as I too feel as if I was missing a gene. However, after 5 long months of begin paranoid that I was throwing a party for 110 people (yikes!!) my paranoia hoisted me up out of my gene lackage and now I have to say I am not as lacking!! I still like the advice of the pros on here But I am more willing to say "hey....I bet I can recreate that for cheaper!" or "sure, why not try to grow my own bouquet flowers!". And I''m really liking this creative development within myself

I guess I''m saying I don''t know if it''ll happen to you or not, or even if is should, but it may...............

Untill then, just do the best you can or hire a weddign planner!!!

 

[aprilcait]

Thanks, everyone, for the great advice and for sharing your personal experiences! I definitely like the list suggestion...I''ll have to borrow that one.

 

[mainemomof2]

You are NOT alone. While I WANT to have a dream beautiful wedding, the idea of planning it is BLAH! Overwhelming, seemingly impossibly. Maybe it is because I am CLUELESS and since we are on a limited budget unable to hire a wedding planner type services, I feel lost. It may be because I already have two children that my days are so busy. I am not sure. I am trying to get into it, I am REALLY excited about it, I just feel lost.

Danielle

 

[dixiebride07]

I understand! Even though I am the one who wanted the wedding (FI wanted to go to the courthouse!), I am pretty overwhelmed, too! It is a lot of work to plan a wedding, and things that never even occured to me before are suddenly a huge deal. I am trying to throw a casual wedding that is more like a "big party with a wedding theme" to please FI, since he compromised by agreeing to have a wedding at all, and find even that to be a TON of work.
Hang in there, in the end you''ll have a beautiful day that was completely worth it and be married to the man of your dreams (at least that is what I keep telling myself!)

 

[Pandora II]

I''m not someone who had planned their wedding by age 8, but I am an events organiser and love doing this kind of thing.

My advice for those that aren''t this way inclined and the way I do all my big events is:

1) Get an idea of the overall look that you are after.
Look at magazines and the internet. Cut out pictures or save them to a folder. Just pick out everything that you like.
Then when you have had enough of doing that, have a look at what you have selected and see if you can see a thread running through them - maybe a colour or a type of flower or maybe it''s very country/city chic/oriental etc
Now you can start to build on this

2) Less is more
Don''t have too many ideas going on - keep it simple. Try not to use more than 3 colours - ideally 1 base, 1 main and 1 accent.

3) Lists
I swear by my lists.
Make a list of what is needed:

Pre-Wedding
Ceremony Venue
Reception Venue

Then a list for each...

Pre-Wedding

Literature - invites, rsvps, order of service, thank you cards, place cards, menu cards

Bride - Dress, veil, shoes, underwear, jewellery, makeup, hair, nails

Bridesmaids - Dress, shoes, jewellery, makeup, hair, nails

Flowers - Bouquet, boutonnieres, BM bouquets

Transport

Rings

Ceremony Venue
Venue
Celebrant
Flowers
Candles
Music
Readings

Reception Venue
Venue
Caterer - canapes, menu
Drinks
Favours
Centrepieces
Entertainment

etc etc

You can get loads of help on what to put on the lists from the Knot etc.

It looks horrific when you see the whole thing, but if you can split it into smaller chunks it''s much more manageable and you can tick bits off as you do them which is very satisfying.
If you have plenty of time try and buy bits and pieces as you go along so you haven''t got so much to do or spend in the last months.

 

[little miss sunshine]

I found this thread after I posted another, expressing a similar feeling of "ugh!" I am glad to hear there are others out there like me. It is not that I am dreading my wedding AT ALL... but just the organization of it all is so daunting... I definitely WANT to have all of the little details that traditional wedding has, I just really am so impartial when it comes to invites. centerpieces. colors. etc etc.

I think it''s a preference thing and there are plenty of women out there who are crafty and skilled when it comes to designing/organizing events and I am just lacking in that department....


Good luck to everyone!!

 

[surfgirl]

Just elope! You can get a package and it''s easy and it can still be romantic and lovely. Do what YOU want to do.