Wedding Ugh! Ceremony wording and vows....

[miraclesrule]

are very difficult to create. I feel like my DD has to have the whole thing scripted purposely to exclude any spirituality. It is at times like this, and probably only times like this, that I miss tradition. But not so much for the religious tradition as for a deeply spiritual one. I am one of the most spiritual people I know. But not in a religious sense. In fact I don't believe that any one religion has a monopoly on God, but it's hard for me to wrap myself around a ceremony that doesn't have some spiritual heft to it.

So, I get to do the "blessing" before the final announcement of "husband and wife". But it's hard to write because I want it to be in the form of a prayer. I know my daughter knows that I couldn't possibly do a blessing without it sounding like a prayer or saying "Dear God" and "Amen".

What are your thoughts? Have you attended ceremonies that felt devoid of any spiritual enchantment? Did it feel cold to you?

Have you attended religious ones that turned you off completely and made you want to elope and do a civil ceremony?

I think the difficulty is based on the fact that my daughter has been to eight weddings in the last two years and officiated at one of them, and she just doesn't want to use anything that anyone else has said. Even though she created one of the best ceremonies for the couple she wed.

Boo....

How do you feel about the length of ceremonies that aren't traditionally religious? Did you feel they were too short?

Am I asking too many questions????

 

[miraclesrule]

Okay, I''ll just have this conversation with myself.

I did get half the blessing written....Saaaa-weeet!

 

[marchswallowbird]

Whose wedding is it, yours or hers?

I believe everyone has some form of spirituality inside of them, even if they are not "religious." You can have a blessing that is spiritual but not necessarily religious and I think it would be lovely. However, I'm not sure how you would do a blessing in the form of a prayer and not mention "God" or "Amen."

 

[mimzy]

i think it''s the difference between viewing the ceremony as a formality versus something a bit miraculous, god joining two people into one. i''ve heard lots of people complain that ceremonies were too ''churchy'' or something, which i guess is a bad thing for them. i guess it just depends on the couple. our wedding will be chalked full of spirituality, because for us our wedding is a very spiritual thing and god is going to play a big part in it. i''m sorry you''re disappointed in your daughters choice of keeping it more on the formality level

(it would probably bum me out too!).

as for the ''blessing'' you get to say, did your daughter give you any guidelines? i imagine it would be pretty tough trying to merge the whole "no god stuff!!" thing with "god please bless this marriage".

i really had nothing to contribute, i''m just trying to put off writing this research paper that''s due thursday!(eek!tomorrow!) and say good luck!

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/23/2008 1:15:51 AM
Author: mimzy
i think it''s the difference between viewing the ceremony as a formality versus something a bit miraculous, god joining two people into one. i''ve heard lots of people complain that ceremonies were too ''churchy'' or something, which i guess is a bad thing for them. i guess it just depends on the couple. our wedding will be chalked full of spirituality, because for us our wedding is a very spiritual thing and god is going to play a big part in it. i''m sorry you''re disappointed in your daughters choice of keeping it more on the formality level

(it would probably bum me out too!).

as for the ''blessing'' you get to say, did your daughter give you any guidelines? i imagine it would be pretty tough trying to merge the whole ''no god stuff!!'' thing with ''god please bless this marriage''.

i really had nothing to contribute, i''m just trying to put off writing this research paper that''s due thursday!(eek!tomorrow!) and say good luck!

ahaha, I didn''t really have a huge problem with this. I was just trying to put off having to write the blessing "right now" so she could send it to the officiant. I''m no fool, she justs want to see what I am going to say.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/23/2008 1:13:56 AM
Author: marchswallowbird
Whose wedding is it, yours or hers?

I believe everyone has some form of spirituality inside of them, even if they are not 'religious.' You can have a blessing that is spiritual but not necessarily religious and I think it would be lovely. However, I'm not sure how you would do a blessing in the form of a prayer and not mention 'God' or 'Amen.'

It's ours!

Well, the wedding is theirs, the blessing...meh, that is inspired from a higher source. I just sent it off to her. I think she is going to be more than fine with it. There is a story to why she didn't want to use any of the "blessings" she used when she married her friend. I won't go into it...even though it is good drama. But the couple has weathered the most destructive storm and I like to think it's because of the strength of my daughters blessings, and not attibute or associate the turbulent times to her officiating at their wedding.

Plus that couple will be at the wedding, so my daughter doesn't want her ceremony to sound a lot like the one she created for them. Which is really a bummer because it was awesome.

It's not like I'm gonna whip out some sage and start burning it and chanting or anything......

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/23/2008 1:29:37 AM
Author: miraclesrule

Date: 7/23/2008 1:13:56 AM

Author: marchswallowbird

Whose wedding is it, yours or hers?



I believe everyone has some form of spirituality inside of them, even if they are not ''religious.'' You can have a blessing that is spiritual but not necessarily religious and I think it would be lovely. However, I''m not sure how you would do a blessing in the form of a prayer and not mention ''God'' or ''Amen.''

It''s ours!

Well, the wedding is theirs, the blessing...meh, that is inspired from a higher source. I just sent it off to her. I think she is going to be more than fine with it. There is a story to why she didn''t want to use any of the ''blessings'' she used when she married her friend. I won''t go into it...even though it is good drama. But the couple has weathered the most destructive storm and I like to think it''s because of the strength of my daughters blessings, and not attibute or associate the turbulent times to her officiating at their wedding.


Plus that couple will be at the wedding, so my daughter doesn''t want her ceremony to sound a lot like the one she created for them. Which is really a bummer because it was awesome.


It''s not like I''m gonna whip out some sage and start burning it and chanting or anything......

LMAO

, that could be interesting ''

The blessing and the formality might strike a nice balance between the two ideals.

 

[miraclesrule]

OMG Deelight, that is the best emoticon!!

Side story....
I used to be a huge fan of burning sage when I went through massage therapy training. And when I bought my daughter her first car, I went out and "blessed" it. As I was walking back to the house it dawned on me that I forgot something....

I ran back to the car and walked around it and blessed "anything and anyone that the car came in contact with" lolololol My daughter was

Exactly one week later my daughter called me and I could tell she was freaked out. She had been in an accident. She was a cheer squad instructor at La Jolla high school and she had a few girls in the car and was distracted and pulled out into the path of a car.

Luckily no one was hurt and although her car bumper had a huge dent in it, the other driver she hit left us a nice phone message telling us that her husband said he could buff the red paint off her white SUV and not to worry, and just cautioned her to be more careful.

I told her " Aha!! See that last blessing worked!!!!

 

[WishfulThinking]

miracles- I think what you wrote was probably fine. It sounds like you know how to toe the line between what both you and your daughter are comfortable with. Let us know whether she likes it!

Date: 7/23/2008 1:15:51 AM
Author: mimzy
i think it''s the difference between viewing the ceremony as a formality versus something a bit miraculous, god joining two people into one.

I don''t think that is necessarily fair. We are not having any religious OR spiritual aspect to our vows. It would be the difference between having a wedding that actually reflected who we are as people and how we live our lives, and playing the part of people we are not for the sake of tradition. It would be very out of character for us. That doesn''t mean we are doing any part of our ceremony as a formality. However, I think our ceremony will be incredibly miraculous; after all, it''s our love for one another, and we consider that love to be a bit miraculous as well, although not in a distinctly spiritual way. It''s definitely not going to be a cold formality or lacking in emotions.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 7/23/2008 2:07:41 AM
Author: WishfulThinking
miracles- I think what you wrote was probably fine. It sounds like you know how to toe the line between what both you and your daughter are comfortable with. Let us know whether she likes it!

Date: 7/23/2008 1:15:51 AM

Author: mimzy

i think it''s the difference between viewing the ceremony as a formality versus something a bit miraculous, god joining two people into one.

I don''t think that is necessarily fair. We are not having any religious OR spiritual aspect to our vows. It would be the difference between having a wedding that actually reflected who we are as people and how we live our lives, and playing the part of people we are not for the sake of tradition. It would be very out of character for us. That doesn''t mean we are doing any part of our ceremony as a formality. However, I think our ceremony will be incredibly miraculous; after all, it''s our love for one another, and we consider that love to be a bit miraculous as well, although not in a distinctly spiritual way. It''s definitely not going to be a cold formality or lacking in emotions.

i totally understand what you''re saying and i hope i didn''t offend you with the statement. what i meant by ''a bit miraculous'' was that what would happen at the wedding would actually be a miracle - god joining two people, and an actual transformation of sorts would take place, so i meant miraculous in a very literal sense. and i didn''t mean to imply that formality = lacking of emotions or cold if i did. obviously a wedding can be emotional no matter what!

 

[miraclesrule]

I''m going to post this just because it makes me laugh....

[/i]

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/23/2008 2:04:28 AM
Author: miraclesrule
OMG Deelight, that is the best emoticon!!


Side story....

I used to be a huge fan of burning sage when I went through massage therapy training. And when I bought my daughter her first car, I went out and 'blessed' it. As I was walking back to the house it dawned on me that I forgot something....


I ran back to the car and walked around it and blessed 'anything and anyone that the car came in contact with' lolololol My daughter was

Exactly one week later my daughter called me and I could tell she was freaked out. She had been in an accident. She was a cheer squad instructor at La Jolla high school and she had a few girls in the car and was distracted and pulled out into the path of a car.


Luckily no one was hurt and although her car bumper had a huge dent in it, the other driver she hit left us a nice phone message telling us that her husband said he could buff the red paint off her white SUV and not to worry, and just cautioned her to be more careful.


I told her ' Aha!! See that last blessing worked!!!!

All things considered thats a fantastic outcome no serious damage and no one was hurt

As for the emoticon you can find it here
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/emoticons-in-one-place-together.74763/page-5 halfway down the page LOL there are some really good ones there

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 7/23/2008 2:43:03 AM
Author: mimzy

Date: 7/23/2008 2:07:41 AM

Author: WishfulThinking

miracles- I think what you wrote was probably fine. It sounds like you know how to toe the line between what both you and your daughter are comfortable with. Let us know whether she likes it!

Date: 7/23/2008 1:15:51 AM


Author: mimzy


i think it''s the difference between viewing the ceremony as a formality versus something a bit miraculous, god joining two people into one.

I don''t think that is necessarily fair. We are not having any religious OR spiritual aspect to our vows. It would be the difference between having a wedding that actually reflected who we are as people and how we live our lives, and playing the part of people we are not for the sake of tradition. It would be very out of character for us. That doesn''t mean we are doing any part of our ceremony as a formality. However, I think our ceremony will be incredibly miraculous; after all, it''s our love for one another, and we consider that love to be a bit miraculous as well, although not in a distinctly spiritual way. It''s definitely not going to be a cold formality or lacking in emotions.

i totally understand what you''re saying and i hope i didn''t offend you with the statement. what i meant by ''a bit miraculous'' was that what would happen at the wedding would actually be a miracle - god joining two people, and an actual transformation of sorts would take place, so i meant miraculous in a very literal sense. and i didn''t mean to imply that formality = lacking of emotions or cold if i did. obviously a wedding can be emotional no matter what!

Thanks. I get the context, definitely. I guess as someone who is neither religious or spiritual I have my own definitions for things that don''t necessarily jive with the literal definitions. I didn''t mean to be so touchy. I think I am having some off days here.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 7/23/2008 3:27:16 AM
Author: WishfulThinking

Date: 7/23/2008 2:43:03 AM


Thanks. I get the context, definitely. I guess as someone who is neither religious or spiritual I have my own definitions for things that don''t necessarily jive with the literal definitions. I didn''t mean to be so touchy. I think I am having some off days here.

haha don''t worry about it - i think i''ve had to go back and post a "what i meant was...." post after nearly every post i''ve made in the past two days! so clearly i''m not an an articulate roll, so to speak

 

[VRBeauty]

Miracles: I also feel like a wedding ceremony withoug a spiritual element is missing something, but... it is your daughter's wedding. Would your DD and her FI accept a blessing packaged in very neutral, universal terms? Like "we wish for you" (invoked on behalf of the assembled guests) or "May you have"or "May you be blessed with"....?

 

[musey]

Okay, first of all, let me say that I'm trying very hard not to take your... "questioning" of the... significance? meaning?... of non-religious ceremonies personally. Let me say though, that it bums me out (though I understand, given your beliefs) that anyone could think of a wedding ceremony as "cold." Seriously.


No, I don't think that a couple expressing their profound love for each other, regardless of their acknowledgement (or lack of) of a higher power, can or should ever be seen as "cold."

Yes, I have attended religious ceremonies that have turned me off completely. I'd lose interest during the religious bits and my ears would perk back up when it was back to "love" and "life." That's obviously because of my own beliefs, and I'm sure it's different for absolutely everyone--and for me, the religious bits aren't the parts that hold meaning. For me. I could go on and on about what that type of ceremony "says" to me (and you may be surprised), but I don't think that this forum is the right place to discuss anything like that, especially given that it's against forum policies to discuss religion.

I don't personally think a ceremony can be "too short," obviously within reason--and I don't think that being devoid of religious/spiritual elements is what makes a ceremony "too short." I think ceremonies can be too long, though, and the meaning of each section can get lost amongst the clutter of ALL of the other things being done.

To your last question: yes, you're asking too many questions

if this is how your daughter wants HER ceremony, one of the most meaningful and special moments in her life, to be--then it's your duty as her mother not to question it or put it down (sorry if that's not your intention, but that's the way that it comes off).


We aren't including any elements of religion or spirituality in our ceremony. I know that to people who are religious, this is somewhat incomprehensible, but: our life--and wedding, for that matter--are absolutely NOT empty or devoid of meaning without spirituality. It doesn't make the joining of our lives ANY less meaningful--though to you, it may indeed seem that way. But that's based on your beliefs... and quite honestly, it does twinge a bit to hear anyone (even a stranger) suggest that our wedding is any less meaningful just because religion isn't a part of our lives.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/23/2008 2:43:03 AM
Author: mimzy

Date: 7/23/2008 2:07:41 AM
Author: WishfulThinking

Date: 7/23/2008 1:15:51 AM
Author: mimzy
i think it's the difference between viewing the ceremony as a formality versus something a bit miraculous, god joining two people into one.

I don't think that is necessarily fair. We are not having any religious OR spiritual aspect to our vows. It would be the difference between having a wedding that actually reflected who we are as people and how we live our lives, and playing the part of people we are not for the sake of tradition. It would be very out of character for us. That doesn't mean we are doing any part of our ceremony as a formality. However, I think our ceremony will be incredibly miraculous; after all, it's our love for one another, and we consider that love to be a bit miraculous as well, although not in a distinctly spiritual way. It's definitely not going to be a cold formality or lacking in emotions.

i totally understand what you're saying and i hope i didn't offend you with the statement. what i meant by 'a bit miraculous' was that what would happen at the wedding would actually be a miracle - god joining two people, and an actual transformation of sorts would take place, so i meant miraculous in a very literal sense. and i didn't mean to imply that formality = lacking of emotions or cold if i did. obviously a wedding can be emotional no matter what!

Wishful, I was thinking the same thing (I see that it's been resolved). I understand the distinction for you, mimzy, but for me "formality" means just going through the motions, doing something that doesn't actually mean anything in order to get to a desired point. Google dictionary tells me that it means "A requirement of etiquette or custom; 'a mere formality.' A customary ritual without new or unique meaning."

So I suppose that bums me out. I don't think that's what you meant, so I'm not pointing fingers at you. It's just an extension of my frustration that people of the religious persuasion tend to think that those of us who are, well, not... are somehow "empty" or "hollow." Our ceremony feels very meaningful to me, and a deep expression of our own choices and work at the relationship... and most of all, the profound love that we have for each other.

 

[musey]

In threads like this, when my window to "edit" posts is closing, I always sit there and debate whether or not to delete my whole post

tick, tock....

 

[cdt1101]

Musey don''t delete your posts

I agree 100% w/ you. Our ceremony had no reference of God or a higher being but it was 1000% us! And it was definitely not devoid of anything. It was all about our love and commitment to each other and our journey to get to that day.

i have nothing to add really, you said everything perfectly

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/23/2008 12:11:17 PM
Author: musey
In threads like this, when my window to 'edit' posts is closing, I always sit there and debate whether or not to delete my whole post

tick, tock....

Hahaha, I feel ya, but I usually do that "tick, tock" before I post and then just roll with it!!

My daughter loves my blessing.

She said it was exactly what she had in her miind only I made it much better.

I gotta admit, I did add a few elements she didn't expect, but it's short and sweet and I just hope I can read it without shedding a tear. I didn't tear up while I was compiling it, but I did after I read her email this morning, telling me how much she loved it and then I read it back and started tearing up...Ugh.

I'm going to have to practice.

Musey,

I guess that was my greatest disconnect from reading over her ceremony, and trust me, if my daughter didn't want my input, she wouldn't keep sending it to me to ask me for opinion. My daughter knows I will be honest. I felt it lacking in the "love" and "life" feel, but I just read a thrid draft and it's sound awesome!! Her and her FI and officiant did a great job.

I have to say that aside from the seriousness of love and marriage, one of my favorite parts is a line my daughter put in her vows:

"I will try my best to not be an evil cave troll in the morning when you try to wake me up."

Ahahahahahaa, I didn't miss that after she graduated.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/23/2008 12:25:43 PM
Author: cdt1101
Musey don''t delete your posts

I agree 100% w/ you. Our ceremony had no reference of God or a higher being but it was 1000% us! And it was definitely not devoid of anything. It was all about our love and commitment to each other and our journey to get to that day.

i have nothing to add really, you said everything perfectly

Thanks, cdt

I know that I''m not alone, which is the only reason I post in these threads in the first place. People don''t usually speak up, though, so thank you!! It''s always in the religious/lifestyle threads that I have that internal debate, and I don''t delete most of the time, but sometimes it just doesn''t feel worth the backlash. I suppose that''s why we''re not supposed to discuss such subject on here

 

[mimzy]

musey - formality was just a poor choice of wording! it was late and i just couldn't find a better word. of course i don't think (or ever have thought) non-religious ceremonies are devoid of meaning or are less special than religious ones and i really didn't mean to or try to imply that at all, i was just trying to make the distinction (which you know

), i didn't mean to bum you out - i hope you accept my apology!

ETA: #1,501 poorly worded post by this girl. just ignore me! i'll learn someday to just shut up

 

[musey]

Date: 7/23/2008 12:38:28 PM
Author: mimzy
musey - formality was just a poor choice of wording! it was late and i just couldn't find a better word. of course i don't think (or ever have thought) non-religious ceremonies are devoid of meaning or are less special than religious ones and i really didn't mean to or try to imply that at all, i was just trying to make the distinction (which you know

), i didn't mean to bum you out - i hope you accept my apology!

ETA: #1,501 poorly worded post by this girl. just ignore me! i'll learn someday to just shut up

No no! Like I said, I knew that that wasn't what you meant, it was mostly a reaction to miracles' post, aggravated by that word. Don't worry about it

I think everyone gets touchy where religion and weddings are concerned. It's tough when everyone throws around words like "meaningful" as related to their choices... then people who aren't making the same choices can interpret that to mean that theirs are less meaningful, blah blah. It all just boils down to different things holding different meaning(s) to different people.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/23/2008 9:08:32 AM
Author: MINIMS
Miracles: I also feel like a wedding ceremony withoug a spiritual element is missing something, but... it is your daughter's wedding. Would your DD and her FI accept a blessing packaged in very neutral, universal terms? Like 'we wish for you' (invoked on behalf of the assembled guests) or 'May you have'or 'May you be blessed with'....?

Minims- that is mostly what I did. But it does say "Dear God" and it does say "Amen". She has absolutely no problem with that whatsoever. She just didn't want any part of the ceremony itself to be "religious" in nature because she feels religion is so divisive. Gee, I wonder where she picked up that opinion. :::::scratching head::::::

But she does believe in the God=Love concept, and she definately believes in blessings and prayer. We just happen to share a more universal spirituality than most of our American friends do, but have a profound respect for most people to choose their own beliefs.

 

[EricaR]

Musey said exactly what I was thinking. Since the matter appears to be resolved I almost didn''t want to post, I keep thinking about this thread so I figured I might as well.

I have been going out of my way to specifically exclude religion and spirituality from my wedding. I am an atheist and my FI is agnostic. Together we have asked everyone involved with the ceremony to respect our beliefs. This means no mentions of God, no amens, no prayers or blessings. My mom is really offended by this and has out and out told me that she won’t really consider us to be married unless we have a minister officiating. Sorry mom, no go.

We have not yet started to write our ceremony but when we do it will be filled with sentiments about life, love, and two becoming one. I hope that no one considers it to be cold, but if they think it is cold because we will not mention a God we don’t believe in, well, then there is nothing I can do about that.

 

[mimzy]

Date: 7/23/2008 1:06:55 PM
Author: musey

Date: 7/23/2008 12:38:28 PM

Author: mimzy

musey - formality was just a poor choice of wording! it was late and i just couldn''t find a better word. of course i don''t think (or ever have thought) non-religious ceremonies are devoid of meaning or are less special than religious ones and i really didn''t mean to or try to imply that at all, i was just trying to make the distinction (which you know

), i didn''t mean to bum you out - i hope you accept my apology!

ETA: #1,501 poorly worded post by this girl. just ignore me! i''ll learn someday to just shut up

No no! Like I said, I knew that that wasn''t what you meant, it was mostly a reaction to miracles'' post, aggravated by that word. Don''t worry about it

I think everyone gets touchy where religion and weddings are concerned. It''s tough when everyone throws around words like ''meaningful'' as related to their choices... then people who aren''t making the same choices can interpret that to mean that theirs are less meaningful, blah blah. It all just boils down to different things holding different meaning(s) to different people.

amen to that! (

)it''s funny and sad at the same time, and strangely enough i relate to getting ''bummed out'' about others perceptions of the wedding. all over the bride forums on the internet i read people''s posts who rip on ceremonies for being too christian-y or church-y, or how they just went on and on about god, etc (i imagine these are mostly our generation brides) and it makes me really sad, not because they dont'' want that for themselves, but because just because it''s present at the ceremony it means it''s overkill or phony or weird or something

. i would never think that someone should add it to their ceremony if it wasn''t appropriate for the couple, but it seems that a lot of these ladies are equally judgmental as they think others are of them (i''m so not talking about you at all, just continuing my pity vent!). it''s just one big judgment cluster, well, you now.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/23/2008 2:32:38 PM
Author: EricaR

Musey said exactly what I was thinking. Since the matter appears to be resolved I almost didn't want to post, I keep thinking about this thread so I figured I might as well.

I have been going out of my way to specifically exclude religion and spirituality from my wedding. I am an atheist and my FI is agnostic. Together we have asked everyone involved with the ceremony to respect our beliefs. This means no mentions of God, no amens, no prayers or blessings. My mom is really offended by this and has out and out told me that she won’t really consider us to be married unless we have a minister officiating. Sorry mom, no go.

We have not yet started to write our ceremony but when we do it will be filled with sentiments about life, love, and two becoming one. I hope that no one considers it to be cold, but if they think it is cold because we will not mention a God we don’t believe in, well, then there is nothing I can do about that.

Oh Erica,

I'm so sorry that your Mom is feeling this way toward you. That's just not right.

I have been to many weddings of friends who were agnostic/atheist and the wedding ceremony was a beautiful celebration of love and a reverence for life. I think the confusion lies in the fact that everyone has a different defination of "religion" "spirituality" and "God".

My daughter and I share a very unique opinion on the matter of naming the human potential inherent in our species, but honestly, I wish I hadn't even started this thread. One has to really understand me and my daughter and the whole situation. So, it was a bad, bad idea to thread my thoughts, which really didn't exactly reflect the angst I was feeling by trying to compile something that didn't sound like something neither of us wanted it to sound like. Ugh, see I can't even explain it.

Love...Love is what we are talking about here. And I just love, love, love, the way her ceremony reads and the vibe that she has created for her special day. And I am certain that your ceremony will be just as warm and love-filled, maybe even more so, than some traditional religious ceremonies.

I'm sure your Mom will hear that, and then she will forget she ever said that to you. At least that is my hope.

Can we just delete this thread...I didn't mean to cause this type of energy. I was just being a stressed out, down the stretch MOB.

 

[EricaR]

Miraclesrule - I never meant to make you feel bad! I just wanted to throw my thoughts out into the mix. I actually enjoy discussing religion/belief and have had many spirited debates about the topic.

My mom is a bit of an odd duck too. Instead of being offended I mostly just laugh at what she says. When my FI and I moved in together a few years ago she called me up to suggest we not do so and that "living in sin is a first class ticket to hell." I just told her that I'd have to believe in hell for that to be a valid threat.

 

[miraclesrule]

I hear ya Erica...but I have already realized that this is not a topic that should be discussed, so I should have never brought it up.

I love the way you deal with your Mom though.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Musey and cdt said what I was trying to say more articulately than I could. I am glad this thread is taking a nice, respectful route, though! Really, I think everyone has a difficult time writing and interpreting text. The internet can be a very scary place because of this communication issue! I just had a MAJOR misunderstanding/boo-boo in another thread that I feel awful about. I almost feel scared to post now because of it.

Okay so, to be real, I am the only one who still thinks it was *that* bad... but it makes me so uncomfortable!

Erika- I am so sorry that your family is putting pressure on you in that way. It doesn''t make any sense for an athiest and agnostic [that is my FI and I as well] to include things in their ceremony that do not represent them as people or as a couple. What you have decided to include sounds BEAUTIFUL and meaningful. That could never be cold.

mimzy- I am so sorry you are encountering criticisms about the religious aspect of your [or others''] ceremonies. I have no connection to either religion or spirituality, but of course it would make perfect sense for people who are to include it! It is obviously important to you and many others, and a large part of your lives that should be recognized in that way. I say go for it! Other people can be very disrespectful on both sides of this issue, in my opinion, and it makes me so sad.