Two visions, one wedding-same goal

[mainemomof2]

Hello!

My issue is that my FI and I have the same goal-to spend the rest of our lives together, and get married.

HOWEVER, we have two visions on what this day should look like.
It is my hope that we can use both of our ideas, and come up with something in the middle.

Do you all have any suggestions?

The Basics:
We live in the country, Maine.
He is on the Fire and Ambulance Service, and it is his life. He also lobsters.
My two children, who will be 5 and 7 when we get married, will be a part of the wedding (FI gives a promise and gift to them after our vows).
We are on a limited budget.
I was previously married, and it was a courthouse blah.
He IS open to my idea, and will go along with whatever I plan, however, I want his idea to be taken into consideration.


His IDEA:
Lobster bake/bbq and somehow during the ordeal we end up married.
Firetruck for our get away car.
Outside at his cousins by their pond.
No ''wedding'' per say, just a big ol'' get together.
Semi-formal.
Picnic tables, no seating arrangements.
All decorations would be firetrucks, or fire related.

My IDEA:
Outside wedding, maybe at the beach. His cousins is very pretty.
Rent an outside dance floor and tent area.
Have two seperate functions, or areas. Wedding, reception.
More formal. Tux and white dress.
Have a ''wedding'' feel.
Centerpieces, favors, etc.
Wedding party table, isle, etc.

HELP!

 

[kimberlina13]

Why don''t you use his idea for the rehearsal dinner? I think a lobster/clam bake would be so much fun for the rehearsal, comfortable, incorporated into the wedding activities, without totally sacrificing your wedding ideas. And I think the fire truck for the get away car would be totally awesome and unique as well! The black and white photos that could come from that would be so great! Just my .02 though!

 

[poptart]

Why can''t your idea be the ceremony and his idea be the reception? His sounds very much like a fun reception anyway! You could kind of just trim the edges of both of them to fit your budget, so you are spending half on the wedding and half on the reception. Are you determined to have everything at one location, or is it possible to relocate for the reception? If so, you could just do it at the cousin''s place, if it''s big enough, and incorporate the formality into the ceremony and the BBQ into the reception.

*M*

 

[luckystar112]

The other thread I wrote in is buried under piles of other threads so I''ll ask you again...What part of maine are you from? Southern? Central? Northern?

I grew up in southern maine (York county) so I know the area quite well. As of right now I''ve got two friends planning a wedding there AND a cousin AND I *could* be planning a wedding there soon depending on if I ever get fricken engaged, and if my boyfriend''s very ill grandfather will be able to travel when the time comes.

Anyway....the lobster bake idea sounds AWESOME and I should know because my mom had one when she got re-married a couple years back. They just threw it all together in a back yard and put up cute looking camping lanterns all over the place. Then we made a nice bonfire and pigged out. We even had smores! It was really fun and so much cheaper than doing a big formal reception somewhere. (Especially when you have a lobsterman in the family..hehe)

As for the wedding ceremony, I know people that have been married at a golf course in Arundel (between biddeford and kennebunk) and it was inexpensive and BEAUTIFUL. Getting married on a lake sounds wonderful too...I know for sure I will be getting married by some sort of water whether it be a lake or the ocean. Definitely take advantage of the ocean though! Laurel Hill in saco has beautiful views, as does pretty much everywhere on the coast. I''m sure you know that though. lol.

As for the firetruck decorations...um....you could compromise and tell him your wedding colors will be red orange and yellow? lol.

Good luck!

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 4/9/2007 9:44:45 PM
Author: kimberlina13
Why don''t you use his idea for the rehearsal dinner? I think a lobster/clam bake would be so much fun for the rehearsal, comfortable, incorporated into the wedding activities, without totally sacrificing your wedding ideas. And I think the fire truck for the get away car would be totally awesome and unique as well! The black and white photos that could come from that would be so great! Just my .02 though!

These were my exact thoughts too. Use his idea for the rehersal dinner, use yours for your ceremony/reception, and do the fire truck after your ceremony as your get-away car (I agree, the photos would be amazingly cool)

 

[E B]

I think some of his ideas could be easily incorporated into your more formal plan. Someone mentioned a lobster bake above, which I think is a fabulous idea. Perhaps you could present him with cuff-links shaped like little fire trucks.

Another thought might be to give him complete creative control of the rehearsal dinner. Casual, picnic tables, barbeque, invitations in the shape of fire trucks, the works.

ETA: Oops! I'm late with this idea, I see.

 

[jasper]

Maine Mom,

When my parents wanted to have a really special dinner (like to celebrate my college graduation), they took our family out for lobster. Plus, a wedding is really a zeroeth family reunion. So the lobster bake reception sounds like a wonderful idea to me. Here are some ways you could use both of your ideas:

* As PopTart suggested, you could have a more formal wedding ceremony, and a less formal reception.

* Y'all might want to go easy on the firetruck-themed decorations. (But I bet that they will color coordinate with roses....)

* I highly recommend having at least some "seating arrangements" at the reception. For example, you could have the typical "wedding party table", and/or a "parents table". If you do this, you should mark these tables as reserved.

* If you wore a white dress, and your groom wore a tuxedo, would you both need aprons at the reception? (Or are you tidier than that?)

* Do you want to have dancing at the reception? If so, renting a dance floor sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately, they are not free.

* A firetruck sounds like a very memorable getaway vehicle.

* You can put centerpieces and mathoms on the picnic tables.

Best wishes,

Jasper

 

[VRBeauty]

I don''t think you were around here when Decodelighted posted pictures of her wedding and reception. It was informal all the way, held in a barn no less, and is probably one of the most memorable weddings we''ve had the pleasure to attend -- vicariously -- via this forum. You can read more about it here:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/deco-decosbeau-get-hitched.51977/

Also someone, somewhere, posted pictures of a double wedding that featured an informal outdoor reception -- or maybe it was featured in a magazine I saw. They used vintage tablecloths (the 40''s style, with large flower prints) and lots of homwgrown flowers. Again, it stuck in my mind more than any variation of a formal wedding I''ve seen.

Just food for thought. If you really have your heart set on the more formal wedding and reception, see if your fiance will go for the informal wedding rehearsal dinner.

 

[surfgirl]

I was also going to suggest that you use his idea for either the rehearsal dinner the day before, or as a day after event. And do your traditional wedding for the actual wedding reception? Also, I think using the fire truck as your getaway car is sort of adorable but if you''re not into it, do it on the rehearsal/day after party and do a more traditional transportation on the wedding day.

Alternatively, if the above is too costly, why not have a traditional/formal wedding reception with the lobster bake as the food? And just do a day before or day after picnic/pot luck at the cousin''s place?

 

[cara]

These two ideas aren''t that far apart.

I think what you want is for it to be slightly more formal, especially with a separate "wedding", and I''m just guessing you don''t want to be overrun with fire trucks and drunken firemen/lobstermen treating it like (whatever the Maine word is for) a hoe-down or kegger. If you do the firetruck motif, just keep it to a minimum and don''t beat people over the head with it. Just a few well placed firetrucks (ie. the invites, the getaway vehicle, maybe somehow part of the centerpieces) should be ample.

Sounds like you agree on the cousin''s place as a venue. I think your idea to rent a tent and dance floor is great and will dress it up a bit, assuming it fits in the budget. I''m assuming you want summer for temperature/outside reasons. To keep the ceremony separate a bit from the reception, look for a different spot on the property and try to do it in the usual order of ceremony (ie. more formal/serious) followed by party!

If you object to eating lobster in tuxes, then do lobster the night before, but I think lobster would be great and if you wanted to compromise a bit with your FI you could do matching suits for the guys instead of tuxes. What will also help make it feel like a proper wedding is a well dressed wedding party, so go for 3 or more attendants on each side with your kids in appropriate kid roles as well.

To sell this to your FI, I would embrace the lobster bake/firetruck aspects, but tell him you want to dress it up a little to make it feel more special/formal than a typical lobster bake... At least that is what I get from your description.

 

[NYCsparkle]

why don''t you have a firetruck groom cake and decorate the groom cake table w/little truck decor...you could use small firetruck frames or something for seating cards...a clambake/lobster would be a great idea for the rehersal dinner or even have a small set up for cocktail hour. what about setting up the bar area in a firehouse theme--that way he gets a small area for firetruck stuff. i like the firetruck as the getaway car...very memorable and cute pics.

 

[NYCsparkle]

http://www.favorideas.com/wedding-themes/occupational-themes/firefighter-theme-weddings/

this site has some subtle cute ideas.

 

[mainemomof2]

Wow. Look at the replies. You are so wonderful! I have to get the kids to bed, but real quick here are a few responses.

I live in Wiscasset, Maine.

Does anyone have any idea on the cost of the large tent/dance floor rental? I looked online and I found places, but no prices.

The link to the informal but amazing wedding was great! I don''t want this to be so hickish that people think it is a joke, but not so formal that I feel like we are in a church.

More later....

Danielle

 

[firefamtinker]

You said being a part of the Fire and EMS system is his life, good start, but to become his wife you first have to realize just that. It has to also become your life. I am a daughter, sister and wife of firefighters and it just that a way of life. You have to be prepared to live that life as well. You can incorporate that into a beautiful wedding and reception. I was married in the bucket of a ladder truck and the Preacher, best man and maid of honor were on the top of a crash rescue truck. Very pretty and very fun. Our reception was in a fire station. This was all my idea and one we will always remember. Learn the life of a firefighter wife and you will survive. You can incorporate both into your wedding and it can still be very nice. I wore a Navy Dress with white lace, He wore his dress uniform. Since we were in the bucket of the ladder truck raised in the air I had to wear a helmet, my husband turned it into a veil covered in lace and satin ribbons. Beautiful and everyone loved it. Use your imagination and you can make it work. Good Luck

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 4/22/2007 3:09:30 PM
Author: firefamtinker
You said being a part of the Fire and EMS system is his life, good start, but to become his wife you first have to realize just that. It has to also become your life. I am a daughter, sister and wife of firefighters and it just that a way of life. You have to be prepared to live that life as well. You can incorporate that into a beautiful wedding and reception. I was married in the bucket of a ladder truck and the Preacher, best man and maid of honor were on the top of a crash rescue truck. Very pretty and very fun. Our reception was in a fire station. This was all my idea and one we will always remember. Learn the life of a firefighter wife and you will survive. You can incorporate both into your wedding and it can still be very nice. I wore a Navy Dress with white lace, He wore his dress uniform. Since we were in the bucket of the ladder truck raised in the air I had to wear a helmet, my husband turned it into a veil covered in lace and satin ribbons. Beautiful and everyone loved it. Use your imagination and you can make it work. Good Luck

Not to be a feminnazi b**atch, but isn''t that a tiiiiiny bit 1950''s? You can be behind someone''s career without becoming a "military wife" or a "firefighter wife"....my grandmother has been married to my Air Force Colonel grandfather for 50 years this summer and she just flat refused to become an "Officer''s Wife," yeah it may have set his career back a tiny bit but he managed just fine, retired bird colonel without even being a pilot.

Why can''t she have a nice *compromise* at the wedding? Some firefighter decorations, something that recognizes her identity as well as his!

I realize that some careers mean that the spouse has to be ready to sacrifice certain things, but you don''t have to give up your identity.

 

[firefamtinker]

This is in response to RainbowTrouts view of my posting. This attitude is definantly NOT 50''s. I have my own Career, my own life. I did not say you have to loose yourself when marrying a firefighter. I simply said you have to know and understand the life. My point is that it is a lifestyle not just a career. It goes both ways, the husband supports the wife and the wife supports the husband. The 50''s was a woman that stayed home and honored and obeyed her man, had dinner on the table when he came home and did whatever he said. Certainly not me.

 

[rainbowtrout]

I'm sure that's very true, I was just responding to what I felt was the tone of your post. Apologies if I misinterpreted.

BTW, you can hit the "quote" button if you want to show the post you are responding to.

 

[crown1]

hi! i think that you both want really different styles for the wedding. i think that there is room to compromise and meet somewhere that both can live with. a very casual affair like he wants is fine and the more traditional style you prefer is fine also.

the one thing i think is not such a good idea is the firetruck get away and decorations. i think a firetruck on a groom''s cake or something like that would be ok, but it is after all a marriage of two people not a fire department get together. if he were a banker and you were a clown would he be ok with a clown theme? i also don''t think using a fire truck owned by a municipality (if it is) is a good idea. jmho and whatever suits the two of you is how it should be.

 

[poptart]

Date: 4/22/2007 9:27:31 PM
Author: crown1
hi! i think that you both want really different styles for the wedding. i think that there is room to compromise and meet somewhere that both can live with. a very casual affair like he wants is fine and the more traditional style you prefer is fine also.


the one thing i think is not such a good idea is the firetruck get away and decorations. i think a firetruck on a groom''s cake or something like that would be ok, but it is after all a marriage of two people not a fire department get together. if he were a banker and you were a clown would he be ok with a clown theme? i also don''t think using a fire truck owned by a municipality (if it is) is a good idea. jmho and whatever suits the two of you is how it should be.

That totally caught me off guard and cracked me up!!! LOL!

*M*