Two Engagement Rings?

[hollywood]

My G/F and I are having a ring custom made for her e-ring by a jeweler in LA. We''ve been working together to pick it out, so its no surprise at all. (It''s going to be a 2.5 ct Asscher E, VVS2 set into a nice pave setting!) It''s going to be done in mid January. Im ready to propose now, so I was curious what people thought about getting a smaller ring (around .75ct asscher set into a halo/pave setting) which would be ready in a week. I could use this as the ''initial'' e-ring, and then later she could wear it as a fun right hand ring after we have received our ''official'' E-ring. What are people''s thoughts on this idea? Thanks.

 

[hollywood]

I forgot to mention that one reason to get the extra ring would be to propose before the ''official'' e-ring was ready, so that she had a little surprise about when the proposal would occur.

 

[marvel]

I think two e-rings sounds great...a girl can never have too many rings

But, I think it would better to have a ring that is a bit different then the original e-ring...maybe something like a three stone with sapphires on each side of the assher. Just my two cents

 

[bling*diva*]

~~I agree!! That sounds like a great idea to me!! Diamonds are a girl''s best friend... and you can never have too many friends!!!

 

[hollywood]

Thanks for the advice. I am still a little uncertain if it would bother her to have her proposal using the ''un-official'' ring (what would she show every one after the initial proposal?). Also, Im now, Im considering getting a colored legacy ring from Tiffany as the extra e-ring...

 

[SoonIHope]

I agree, I feel like even though she helped choose the "real" e-ring and it will presumably be the nicer of the two, it might be hard for her to part with the temporary one for sentimental reasons-since it''s the one you''d actually propose with. That and she won''t be able to show off her REAL ring with as much enthusiasm since everyone will already have oohed and ahhed over the temporary one, and congratulated her on how exciting it is to get engaged. That said, I can''t think of many women who would actively turn down a second ring.

So if you do do it, I agree that it should look quite different (colored perhaps, like your suggestion?) so that it doesn''t even look as much like an "engagement ring" so that when she gets the real one, there will be a very noticeable change. If it were me though, I would probably rather you lie to me a little about the date that the real ring is going to be finished, so there would still be a total surprise factor there, and I would get to wear the ring you actually proposed with. And then just give her the colored ring as a right hand ring later.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/2/2005 10:01:42 AM
Author: albicocca
she won't be able to show off her REAL ring with as much enthusiasm since everyone will already have oohed and ahhed over the temporary one, and congratulated her on how exciting it is to get engaged.

I TOTALLY agree ... it seems strange to discourage someone from buying a LOVELY, LOVELY gift (as are all the options you've described) ... BUT. There's going to be a lot of explaining for her to do that will take away from the excitement of "showing" people she's engaged.

Also sounds like mostly you want to do it this way 'cause you want to do it NOW. I agree with albicocca about "lying" about the finish date of the OTHER ring. And saving the dough you'd spend on your "early ring" and give her a fabulous tennis bracelet or earrings or necklace on your wedding day.

My sister's now husband had a groomsman bring over a box containing the most amazing bracelet I've ever seen while she and all her bridesmades were sitting around a sunday school room at the church. She nearly fainted when she opened it (and hasn't taken it off a year later) We also captured the moment on videotape/pictures so he could enjoy seeing her reaction later.

Also -- she had something new to show off at the RECEPTION, which was even more fun for her.

Just my two cents!

ETA: Also ... she's helped pick out that 2 1/2 carat ROCK. BELIEVE ME, that's what she's expecting to "show off", and greatly looking forward to it I might add. I do think no matter how pretty & suprising the "pre"-ring is ... it can't help but be a let down. JMHO.

 

[Psychobroker]

I just proposed to my girlfriend - and now fiance (woo hoo!) - this past weekend with a "stand-in" ering, but I didn''t go with a diamond center stone. I bought her a london blue topaz ring with two small side diamonds. Topaz is her birthstone, and I had been wanting to buy her something with a blue topaz anyway. This way, she can move the topaz ring to her right hand when the REAL ering is done. She''ll still get the "oohs and ahhs" once the real ering is done, even though this one is absolutely lovely -- and meaningful.

Just a thought.

 

[jcrow]

i agree completely with DecoD.

if you want to suprise her and have the two of you officially engaged for all, then just propose. like deco said, a necklace or earrings or bracelet or something else would be wonderful. when people ask about the ring - the two of you could say it''s being custom made. people would actually adore the fact that you and her are working on the ring together. trust me, she wants to show off that amazing asscher!!

my friend and her BF actually ran across this problem too. they worked on the ring together. she announced to friends and family that she was engaged and the ring was being made. that way-she was able to go ahead with all the wedding plans. about a month or so later, the ring was on her finger for all to ohh and ah over. it worked well for them.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/2/2005 1:29:45 PM
Author: Psychobroker
I just proposed to my girlfriend - and now fiance (woo hoo!) - this past weekend with a ''stand-in'' ering, but I didn''t go with a diamond center stone. I bought her a london blue topaz ring with two small side diamonds. Topaz is her birthstone, and I had been wanting to buy her something with a blue topaz anyway. This way, she can move the topaz ring to her right hand when the REAL ering is done. She''ll still get the ''oohs and ahhs'' once the real ering is done, even though this one is absolutely lovely -- and meaningful. Just a thought.

Correct me if I''m wrong, but I believe Psychobroker chose this plan because his Fiance was very much desiring a proposal on a certain date ... a date that the real e-ring was not going to be ready by. So, in effect, he was doing this to please her ...

I still stand by my plea to NOT propose with a "pre-ring ring" if she is indeed expecting a 2 1/2 carat rock to have for the oohs & ahhs phase. It will not be the same.

 

[Angel7]

I would rather wait and have the acutal ering (Asccher cut). It will be more meaningful then, ok take that ring off and now lets put on your real one.
Just what I would prefer!

 

[Psychobroker]

Date: 11/2/2005 1:43:56 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/2/2005 1:29:45 PM
Author: Psychobroker
I just proposed to my girlfriend - and now fiance (woo hoo!) - this past weekend with a ''stand-in'' ering, but I didn''t go with a diamond center stone. I bought her a london blue topaz ring with two small side diamonds. Topaz is her birthstone, and I had been wanting to buy her something with a blue topaz anyway. This way, she can move the topaz ring to her right hand when the REAL ering is done. She''ll still get the ''oohs and ahhs'' once the real ering is done, even though this one is absolutely lovely -- and meaningful. Just a thought.

Correct me if I''m wrong, but I believe Psychobroker chose this plan because his Fiance was very much desiring a proposal on a certain date ... a date that the real e-ring was not going to be ready by. So, in effect, he was doing this to please her ...

I still stand by my plea to NOT propose with a ''pre-ring ring'' if she is indeed expecting a 2 1/2 carat rock to have for the oohs & ahhs phase. It will not be the same.

No, I was NOT doing this to please her. *I* wanted to propose to her over the weekend, but the ring wasn''t ready. Sure, she had hinted at it because the getaway was romantic, one-on-one, etc., but I had been targeting this date before she ever dropped a hint.

 

[decodelighted]

Quote from Psychobroker''s earlier posts:

"My GF and I will be in San Francisco from 10/29-10/31 for the 49''ers/Bucs football game -- she''s a Bucs fan, I''m a 9''ers fan, so it''s not just for me . On top of this, we''ll be staying in a nice hotel and taking in romantic walks and dinners. I really want to propose to her while we''re there, and SHE wants me to propose to her while we''re there (dropping hints), but the ring won''t be ready by then! What should I do?"

Just going by what you said ...

The "pleasing her" scenario was clearly my own imaginings. Apology proffered!

 

[BrightSpot]

Date: 11/2/2005 1:41:41 PM
Author: jcrow
i agree completely with DecoD.

Me too--100%! It''ll be worth the wait so she can show off the magnificent Asscher ring you''ve created together when she announces her engagement. (might be a good idea to lie about the ring completion time if you want to surprise her)

Some things are worth the wait...

 

[UCLABelle]

Hello!

Great idea....Two rings is so much fun, but I agree that it should be a different type of ring. Maybe a gemstone ring that she could wear on the right hand, or an eternity ring to wear instead of the engagement ring and wedding band (that I assume will match the engagement ring you are having made) on casual days ...

Just a thought!

 

[hollywood]

So it seems that there are three main suggestions:
1. Propose now without the ring because its being custom made
2. Wait to propose and use the real ring, but dont let her know when it will be done, so it will be a surprise
3. Use the ''unofficial'' E-ring to propose now, but make sure its very different from the real e-ring.

Personally, I dont like 1, because it wouldnt be the same to me to propose without a ring. I dont like 2, because I want to stop delaying the proposal. I''d prefer 3 only because im getting to propose now with a ring. Still, with #3, i think it would be weird for her to show people her ''unofficial'' ring, but I guess, we could keep the proposal between us until the real ring is done, when she can announce to the world that she has her proposal and her new ring.

 

[decodelighted]

Hollywood,

Honestly, what do you think SHE would prefer you do? I''m not sure about your secret proposal idea for the same reason I turned down the idea of having a "suprise" wedding -- not being able to share the joy with my friends & family. I think there''s something about "the moment" that makes ya wanna shout from the rooftops & the "secret" pre-ring proposal takes that away from her (and you). Waiting to announce might just be as nerve-racking and un-fun as waiting to propose (for her at least - you seem fine with it).

My guess is that you''re just super charged up after the high of deciding to get engaged and then designing the ring together. You love her, she loves you, you''re getting married -- why not chill out for a few weeks, enjoy each other & the time will fly.

(Girls is this crazy - I''m advocating WAITING to propose - never thought THAT would happen)

Best of luck,
Deco

FYI - After a six-month long process, just last night my custom-made future e-ring was hidden somewhere in the house and it''s taking every last fiber of my being NOT to look for it, perhaps find it, peek & dampen the future proposal. BELIEVE ME I feel your pain re: anticipation.

 

[hollywood]

Thanks for all the advice. I guess my real goal is to determine what she would like best! I''ll post a little later on to let everyone know what I decided to do!

 

[MissAva]

Hmm you could use the same stone shape if you are sure that is what she wants....then she could have it as a pendent later.

 

[BrightSpot]

Date: 11/3/2005 9:20:51 AM
Author: decodelighted


(Girls is this crazy - I''m advocating WAITING to propose - never thought THAT would happen)

LOL--maybe a bit crazy, but I totally agree with you! I think it''s worth the wait to do it right. (propose w/ the real ring so that she can shout her news from the rooftops & show off that fabulous ring you guys designed together!)

Question for you, hollywood--is your gf going crazy waiting for the proposal or are you just really eager to get the show on the road? If it''s the latter, that''s super sweet, but it might be better for her if you wait a bit & enjoy the anticipation. If she''s really going nuts waiting for you to propose, maybe you should do it sooner rather than later. (though the actual ring not being ready yet does present a bit of a problem) I think, as deco said, you need to find out what SHE wants, not necessarily what you want to do.

 

[Psychobroker]

Date: 11/2/2005 4:32:12 PM
Author: decodelighted
Quote from Psychobroker''s earlier posts:

''My GF and I will be in San Francisco from 10/29-10/31 for the 49''ers/Bucs football game -- she''s a Bucs fan, I''m a 9''ers fan, so it''s not just for me . On top of this, we''ll be staying in a nice hotel and taking in romantic walks and dinners. I really want to propose to her while we''re there, and SHE wants me to propose to her while we''re there (dropping hints), but the ring won''t be ready by then! What should I do?''

Just going by what you said ...

The ''pleasing her'' scenario was clearly my own imaginings. Apology proffered!

*I* inferred that she wanted me to by the hints i.e. "this is going to be so romantic" ; It''s going to be a wonderful time away for us", etc. I just deduced that she wanted me to from her comments about how great the weekend was going to be. She didn''t come out and say she wanted me to propose to her.

So no, I wasn''t pleasing her, I was pleasing me

 

[Psychobroker]

Date: 11/2/2005 10:18:59 PM
Author: hollywood
So it seems that there are three main suggestions:
1. Propose now without the ring because its being custom made
2. Wait to propose and use the real ring, but dont let her know when it will be done, so it will be a surprise
3. Use the ''unofficial'' E-ring to propose now, but make sure its very different from the real e-ring.

Personally, I dont like 1, because it wouldnt be the same to me to propose without a ring. I dont like 2, because I want to stop delaying the proposal. I''d prefer 3 only because im getting to propose now with a ring. Still, with #3, i think it would be weird for her to show people her ''unofficial'' ring, but I guess, we could keep the proposal between us until the real ring is done, when she can announce to the world that she has her proposal and her new ring.

I was in your same boat. Definitely do NOT go with Option #1 -- that''s just not proper IMHO. #2 delays things. But #3 can be a very meaningful ring as well. It''s not just a stand-in if she can wear it on the right hand. Who cares if others know there''s a CUSTOM ring coming soon. That just shows them how thoughtful and meticulous you are. Giving her a ring with say, a birthstone, would carry meaning for her the rest of her life. That''s how I see it.

 

[Psychobroker]

Date: 11/3/2005 9:53:11 AM
Author: hollywood
Thanks for all the advice. I guess my real goal is to determine what she would like best! I''ll post a little later on to let everyone know what I decided to do!

PS Don''t forget to think about YOU when deciding on the ring. Of course, HER likes/dislikes are primary, but this ring signifies BOTH you and her in an engagement to be married.

 

[valeria101]

Date: 11/2/2005 10:18:59 PM
Author: hollywood

I guess, we could keep the proposal between us until the real ring is done, when she can announce to the world that she has her proposal and her new ring.

She must be a very cool and extremely patient lady for that!

Can't you rush the jeweler a bit ?

... not that it is a bad thing to line up yet another piece of gorgeous jewelry - after the proposal.


Just a thought, of course.

 

[diamondlil]

Proposing on your romantic get-away would be very nice. Proposing with a ring that is in any way similar to her *real* e-ring would not be so cool, IMO. I would either get something completely different (birthstone or colored stone that she likes) in a setting that would be a nice RHR when she gets the real real ring, OR I''d propose with another piece of jewelry altogether like a diamond pendant.

My personal preference would be to propose with the pendant so that she always feels like the asscher is her engagement *ring*. I hope that makes sense.

 

[hollywood]

Thanks for the advice, though I cannot rush the jeweler, especially now as the holidays approach. Due to all your suggestions, I still have little idea about what to do. Here are my two latest ideas:
1. I am thinking that I may wait for the real e-ring. In the mean time I may just give her another special gift (I suppose for X-mas). (Im thinking one of those colored legacies from TIffany or one of their celebration rings.)
2. Actually propose with the colored RHR style ring now and then in a month or so when the real ering is ready, I can surprise her with it (double surprises/proposals) (since I wont be telling her exactly when it will be done.) I could potentially do this on a getaway trip or the like.

Opinions? Which one wins the most votes?

 

[valeria101]

Date: 11/7/2005 7:39:37 PM
Author: hollywood

Which one wins the most votes?

#1.

A sapphire in her favorite color would be great, I would think - hoping that the jewelers you would go for happen to have every choice in case the favorite color is not blue...

And it could be a pendant of earrings of asscher cut diamonds to match her future ring too. Anyway, I am pretty sure you will end with something great.

With such a gift and your right presentation of it, the end of year Holiday could become a celebration of your engagement before the fact. Since the ring is in the works, it would be great to break the 'expecting' mood like this.

Just a thought...

I had this sort of thing happening to me and definitely enjoyed it

But that's just one random case, of course.

 

[peachy]

You are so sweet - your excitement is contagious!! Just as it should be. I vote that you get engaged now with a gorgeous asscher pendant in a smilar style to the e-ring for a beautiful matchy set. She''ll be thrilled to be engaged, thrilled to show the pendant off now, and will be able to wear it close to her heart forever. She''ll be surprised now - and then have the sweet anticipation of waiting for the ring (another surprise "proposal") and then showing it to your family and friends. And you''ll get to go through the holidays as a newly engaged couple - always a high on it''s own.

 

[flopkins]

I vote for #1, simply because I''m very sentimental and would want the real deal... I had a lot to do with picking out my ring too, and I would''ve been very disappointed if my FI had proposed with a different ring, even though I would have still loved it... simply because it wouldn''t have been what I''d been expecting...

 

[JDgirl]

I feel very strongly that you should wait until you have the ring. I really think the proposal will be more special. It would be different if you already had a vacation planned that you couldn''t move. But it''s just a month. My BF and I would be getting engaged now if it weren''t for the fact that he''s still saving for the ring. I certainly wouldn''t want him to buy a little something now to hold me over. I''m going to spend the rest of my life with him, so I can wait for the real thing. Just my opinion.