nycbkgirl
Brilliant_Rock
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- Sep 13, 2008
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- 1,176
Date: 7/25/2009 6:23:54 PM
Author: ellaila
All I can say is ... wait it out! For us, it got noticeably better at about 4 months, and then once they could sit up at six-ish months, it got *drastically* better. Those first three months though were exhausting for sure, and I remember being so so frustrated. Two infants require an incredible amount of work, so you will - and should! - feel overwhelmed at times. Unfortunately, that''s just par for the course of parenting.
We never had any help, and I am at home with them all day long and have been since day one. It''s hard but amazing, and even though it''s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel those first few months, I guarantee that in the next few weeks it''ll get better ... and then in the following weeks, even better .... and in the following weeks, even better ...![]()
Good luck, and enjoy those li''l babies!!
i shall say it again..u are one AMAZING mama!...Date: 7/25/2009 9:31:21 PM
Author: ellaila
Oh, to clarify - I''ve got an awesome husband who is incredibly helfpul with the babies ... er, kids (almost 20 months old now!). I am alone with them during the day, but he''s great with them in the AMs before work and when he gets home - always helped with feedings, baths, etc. I am very, very lucky!
As for feeding, not sure if you''re BFing or bottle-feeding or both, but I did both for three months but then stopped BFing b/c I had a low supply and basically wasn''t giving them anything anyway. If you''re BFing or doing both, then yes, it''s exhausting and you feel like all you''re doing in the beginning is nursing and pumping, nursing and pumping around the clock. Once I switched to all bottle feeding, my life got a lot easier! (That said, I really wished that BFing had worked for me, and it was really hard to stop even though I knew I had to.) If you''re nursing, def. try to tandem nurse b/c that will save SO much time.
As for crying, sleeping, etc., have you read/watched The Happiest Baby on the Block (I rec. the video b/c really, you don''t have any time to read right now!)? I definitely suggest following his tips. Swings saved our lives and sanity, and my babies slept in them more nights than I care to admit. Hey, whatever works! Don''t worry about forming bad sleeping habits right now; if they''re happy sleeping in the swing or a bouncy seat, then let them. At this point, sleep itself matters more than *where* they''re sleeping.
I remember that I kept hearing about the ''magical'' three-month mark, and honestly nothing got better for us at three months. It did at four months though, once my son started sleeping on his belly (we put him on his back but he was rolling onto his belly). I promise you things will fall into place soon. Soon they''ll be sleeping better, any colic (if they have it) will start to ease, they''ll start eating solids and getting onto more of a schedule, etc.
The first few months seem to last an eternity - I remember that feeling well. Though I don''t remember too much else about that time, I absolutely remember feeling overwhelmed and like there was no way it was ever going to get easier. But I swear to you it will. I wish I had some ''do this and everything will get better'' advice for you, but really all I can say is grin and bear it and take lots of photos of this time because your babies will be sitting, crawling, standing, walking, talking before you know it!
Oh, and the forums at twinstuff.com helped me a LOT. There''s a first year forum and also a BFing one that should be helpful to you ...
ditto...i said there is no way in gods given earth that i would ever do this againDate: 7/25/2009 9:42:56 PM
Author: pennquaker09
The first three month were like, ''What in the hell did I get myself into?!'' After that, it exponentially better. I stay at home and for the first month, my MIl came up from Atlanta to help out. She definitely taught me a lot and my SIL lives a few minutes away, so she also gave us a lot of help.
I let my twins schedule themselves. I didn''t want to try to make them go opposite of their own clocks. Our daughter, Savannah, was a dream baby. She was the best infant ever. We never had any issues with her, she''s kind of tough. She didn''t do a lot of crying, she just ate slept and pooped in regular intervals. Now, our son, Grayson, is a different story. He was and still in a needy baby. Since they started walking, he''s gotten a bit more independent, but for the most part he''s attached to me in some form for most of the day.
I mentioned in the other thread that we have a part-time nanny. It was something that I didn''t necessarily want, but it''s turned out to be a blessing. My SO is a doctor and he''s not at home for many hours of the day, so having someone around to watch them while I could do laundry or run a few errands was needed.
how did u cope jas? what was it like?Date: 7/25/2009 10:17:02 PM
Author: jas
+1 to everything Ella said. She was my twin mentor and knows of what she speaks!
It''s funny, I would never have thought to use the word "cope." I believe, to paraphrase Ginot, that I am the decisive element in my babies'' lives at this time. Mine, like others have mentioned, pick up on my state of mind. Loving babies can sometimes be hard work, but it''s important work. I plan my day out like I was doing a lesson plan. I look for places to laugh. I talk and sing to my babies all the time. At those times when both are teething and fussy and tricky, I remember how much I wanted them, how excited I was for them to come into the world, how I''ve been given a sacred charge. It''s not about me anymore. Not to say I don''t take me time...after 7PM it''s all about me...I recharge. But 14 hours a day, nonstop, is my job and my joy right now. And, like others have mentioned, they cry sometimes when I can''t get to both. The funny thing is that now, at almost 11 months, they don''t fuss too much. They see if I''m tending to the other twin and they are pretty patient. They have each other and they also are pretty darned independent. That helps.Date: 7/25/2009 10:41:49 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
how did u cope jas? what was it like?Date: 7/25/2009 10:17:02 PM
Author: jas
+1 to everything Ella said. She was my twin mentor and knows of what she speaks!
Date: 7/26/2009 8:50:48 AM
Author: jas
Date: 7/25/2009 10:41:49 PM
Author: nycbkgirl
Date: 7/25/2009 10:17:02 PM
Author: jas
+1 to everything Ella said. She was my twin mentor and knows of what she speaks!
how did u cope jas? what was it like?
It''s funny, I would never have thought to use the word ''cope.'' I believe, to paraphrase Ginot, that I am the decisive element in my babies'' lives at this time. Mine, like others have mentioned, pick up on my state of mind. Loving babies can sometimes be hard work, but it''s important work. I plan my day out like I was doing a lesson plan. I look for places to laugh. I talk and sing to my babies all the time. At those times when both are teething and fussy and tricky, I remember how much I wanted them, how excited I was for them to come into the world, how I''ve been given a sacred charge. It''s not about me anymore. Not to say I don''t take me time...after 7PM it''s all about me...I recharge. But 14 hours a day, nonstop, is my job and my joy right now. And, like others have mentioned, they cry sometimes when I can''t get to both. The funny thing is that now, at almost 11 months, they don''t fuss too much. They see if I''m tending to the other twin and they are pretty patient. They have each other and they also are pretty darned independent. That helps.
In more stressful times, I do ask myself what will matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 years. Keeping my cool will matter in 5 minutes, 5 years. Cheerios crushed into the dog will not matter.
I''m only speaking for me, but I can only control my attitude and perception of things. When they squawk it''s because they need something, when they scream they are frustrated because they can''t use words (mine are older than yours).
I know I sound very new-agey, but every moment with my babies is a choice. Sometimes my choice is to call for backup -- yea Grandma! -- but more often than not, my choice is to be present and in the moment and know, when it''s bad, that this too shall pass. The more I can stay like that, the fewer stressful moments there actually are.
I never thought I wanted kids and was actually told I couldn''t have them. These were a double surprise. It''s been the hardest job in my life, just in terms of responsibility and energy needs. But as I see their wee personalities develop, I''m pretty darned happy with the choices I''ve made on a daily basis. SO much more often than not, it''s been a delight.
As others have mentioned, you are just about over the tough hump. Brace yourself for the fun!
Date: 7/26/2009 8:50:48 AM
Author: jas
And, like others have mentioned, they cry sometimes when I can''t get to both. The funny thing is that now, at almost 11 months, they don''t fuss too much. They see if I''m tending to the other twin and they are pretty patient. They have each other and they also are pretty darned independent. That helps.
Date: 7/26/2009 9:50:36 PM
Author: neatfreak
Date: 7/26/2009 8:50:48 AM
Author: jas
And, like others have mentioned, they cry sometimes when I can''t get to both. The funny thing is that now, at almost 11 months, they don''t fuss too much. They see if I''m tending to the other twin and they are pretty patient. They have each other and they also are pretty darned independent. That helps.
Honestly I think this is a great skill that we ''teach'' our twins by just not being able to get to them right away sometimes! My boys are also very chill and don''t fuss much at all. They never had the chance to be spoiled because often it was only one person with two babies and you just can''t hold both of them all the time!
It seems like twins are often like this...obviously this is just speculation but I do wonder if these are inherant traits or learned ''skills''. And I would tend to think that at least some of it is learned skills making me think that a bit of CIO every now and then just can''t be too scarring or else all twins would be really messed up.![]()
Our last baby was adopted from China at age 5.5 months. She almost never cried. Our assumption is that the crying didn''t get results in the orphanage, so she learned to wait for what she needed. She truly was and still is the best natured child I have ever seen. So my opinion is, it really does not hurt a baby to have to wait a few minutes for something. In fact, it may result in them becoming less demanding than if someone runs every time they start to whimper. I am sure the vast majority of moms with twins do not have daily help after the first week or two home.Date: 7/26/2009 9:50:36 PM
Author: neatfreak
Date: 7/26/2009 8:50:48 AM
Author: jas
And, like others have mentioned, they cry sometimes when I can''t get to both. The funny thing is that now, at almost 11 months, they don''t fuss too much. They see if I''m tending to the other twin and they are pretty patient. They have each other and they also are pretty darned independent. That helps.
Honestly I think this is a great skill that we ''teach'' our twins by just not being able to get to them right away sometimes! My boys are also very chill and don''t fuss much at all. They never had the chance to be spoiled because often it was only one person with two babies and you just can''t hold both of them all the time!
It seems like twins are often like this...obviously this is just speculation but I do wonder if these are inherant traits or learned ''skills''. And I would tend to think that at least some of it is learned skills making me think that a bit of CIO every now and then just can''t be too scarring or else all twins would be really messed up.![]()
Date: 7/27/2009 10:27:08 AM
Author: Mandarine
What a great thread NYC!!!
To answer your question for mommies of twins to be...I HAVE NO IDEA!!! haha.
I just think I will take it one day at a time. I have been reading books such as the Happiest baby on the block and some twin books that talk about schedules....but I really think I have to go into it with an open mind and adjust as necessary. It helps a lot to read what other moms of twins recommend. On my local group, the women were recommending ''Babywise'' (I guess it''s another book).
You can do it...and you''re almost over that hump!...so hang in there![]()
I do have a question for the twin mommies...
Did you guys breastfeed?. I really want to because I think it will make a lot of things easier (some harder, but some certainly easier!). Do you have any tips?. I''m taking a class in August but I know breastfeeding is not easy (my sister had a REALLY hard time)...so if there''s anything you can share let me know
M~