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Tweens with facebook pages!!!???? Inappropriate??

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princessplease

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Someone I know in my personal life has created a FB page for their daughter who is 12 (Her father. Her parents are separated, so the mother doesn''t know). At first, I was told that the child wanted to play games on FB (Farmville, etc), so that''s why the page was created. Ok, whatever. No harm no foul.

However, today, I was called by my aunt who told me that now the child has pictures of her on the page (my aunt was friend requested by the child)!! I went to check the page, and not only saw pictures of the child, but pictures of her friends on the page!!!!! I couldn''t believe it!!!!!


What are your thoughts on this topic? I wanted to get the PS view.

I find it grossly inappropriate, and even more inappropriate that other people''s children are on FB. This topic is not meant to pit people against each other on here, but I just want to get some views on this.
 
As I understand it, their terms and conditions say that nobody under 13 is allowed to use the site, with or without parental permission. If that''s correct, when/if the page is reported, it will be deleted.
 
I''m am old school and there is no way in hell that my tween will have a FB page. My friend''s daughter is 13 and has one BUT the rule set by her mother is that she cannot use her real name and she cannot post pics. I think this can work if the child follows the rules
 
One of my daughters is nearly 14. I still won''t let her use any social networking sites. I just don''t feel like its safe to let her do so. A man here has just been jailed for 35 years for befriending a 17 year old, persuading her to meet him then raping and murdering her.
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I''m sure these sites are used for this kind of stuff all over the world.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 6:27:58 PM
Author: Maisie
One of my daughters is nearly 14. I still won''t let her use any social networking sites. I just don''t feel like its safe to let her do so. A man here has just been jailed for 35 years for befriending a 17 year old, persuading her to meet him then raping and murdering her.
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I''m sure these sites are used for this kind of stuff all over the world.


Maisie I''m with you!
 
Date: 3/9/2010 6:29:46 PM
Author: atroop711

Date: 3/9/2010 6:27:58 PM
Author: Maisie
One of my daughters is nearly 14. I still won''t let her use any social networking sites. I just don''t feel like its safe to let her do so. A man here has just been jailed for 35 years for befriending a 17 year old, persuading her to meet him then raping and murdering her.
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I''m sure these sites are used for this kind of stuff all over the world.


Maisie I''m with you!
My kids often act like I am always overeacting. But the way I see it is this. If I can get them to adulthood in one piece, I have done my job. They aren''t wrapped in cotton wool but I just don''t trust the internet.
 
Teenagers, even tweens, are always going to be in the thick of whatever technological social trend is going on. We are past the generation that grew up on a computer, and now kids grow up with cell phones in their hands, texting, sexting, twittering, sending pictures, videos, you name it. It's very difficult to control their access, so I think the Koreans have the right idea- schoolchildren get lessons in "Nettiquette" from a very early age, so they teach kids how to be safe and responsible net users rather than trying to close the barn door after the horse is long gone.

This way, no matter what innovations come alone that expose even more of people than they currently do, the groundwork is already in place to evolve with them.
 
There is no reason a 12 yr old needs a FB page, whether for games or otherwise. There are plenty of online games that don''t require a minor''s picture to be posted. A 12 yr old is not capable of identifying a criminal online. A 12 yr old may offer too much info unintentionally, even wearing a school shirt in a photo and mentioning a teacher''s name. There is just too much risk. I can''t believe one parent would do it without the other''s permission!
 
Age 12 is way too young. A parent I know allowed her 16 year old daughter and she has pictures of her friends and all kinds of info. Overall, the parent has demonstrated a lack of judgement. On her wall, she posted a bit of personal info about me and I don''t even know anyone she''s "friends" with so a bunch of strangers all read that stuff
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FB makes me very uncomfortable, especially after it recently changed its privacy settings. I maintain a shell account, only to keep in touch with my cousin, who lives abroad.

I have a 16 year old cousin and the type of things I see on his FB absolutely HORRIFIES me. I think kids feel they are impervious to danger and do not understand the potential ramifications of making themselves so open to the world. FB allows friends of friends to see your profile so complete strangers could be checking you out without your knowledge.

I know a woman who maintains a separate FB page for her 5 year old and posts all kinds of info and pics, which I think is totally weird. I''d be worried about creepy folks lurking on it.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 6:42:29 PM
Author: panda08
FB makes me very uncomfortable, especially after it recently changed its privacy settings. I maintain a shell account, only to keep in touch with my cousin, who lives abroad.

I have a 16 year old cousin and the type of things I see on his FB absolutely HORRIFIES me. I think kids feel they are impervious to danger and do not understand the potential ramifications of making themselves so open to the world. FB allows friends of friends to see your profile so complete strangers could be checking you out without your knowledge.

I know a woman who maintains a separate FB page for her 5 year old and posts all kinds of info and pics, which I think is totally weird. I''d be worried about creepy folks lurking on it.
Wow, FIVE? My kids keep asking me when they''re going to get their own FB pages. They''re told by the time they''re old enough, they''ll have brain chips in our heads rather than computers!

Recently I was browsing friends and found a couple of them posting about vacations and saying when they are going!
 
I''m so very glad I don''t have children. If I had any, I would send them to a cloistered convent until they reached 21.
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(I''m not entirely sure I''m joking. . .)


At any rate, if my child wanted a Facebook page, she/he would be monitored and restricted as to content on theirs, and what they read in someone else''s. And no, breaches would not be tolerated if said child wanted to live to see 21. I''m mean like that.
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I don''t think I could let my daughter use social networking sites. Preferably until she''s 16 or older.

FB can be a wonderful way for adults to connect with friends they aren''t able to see often. But there is the risk of that information getting to the wrong person who has bad intentions and the risk of online bullying (as is rampant in the pre-teen world).

I couldn''t allow it. That''s just me.
 
It's pretty hard to keep 13+ year olds off social networking sites because they can do it on a friend's computer, at the library, use a different name or on the sly. I think it is wiser to teach them how to manage their privacy and understand how public the internet is. My kids had to do a lot of research on the internet by high school so I would rather they were aware of creeps and offerings of "free" things.

Some rules I implemented were NEVER accept a friend request from a stranger, either no photos or photos only viewed by friends, NO tagged photos, NO personal information (like city, school, name) and the very important one---I had to have the password. And I promised that I would go on periodically to check things.

By the time your kid is 16 and able to DRIVE they definitely have been exposed to facebook! That means they have had a lot of exposure without guidance.
 
I joined FB when you needed a .edu email address to join. Needless to say, FB has undergone many changes since then, and not for the better.

I think it''s highly inappropriate. My cousin also has a FB page, she is 13. There is no need for that. There are too many creepy people out there, not just ones that can find her, but ones that she can find herself.

Children are just losing their innocence so quickly these days, and things like this just make it happen so much quicker.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 6:58:30 PM
Author: girlface
I joined FB when you needed a .edu email address to join. Needless to say, FB has undergone many changes since then, and not for the better.


I think it''s highly inappropriate. My cousin also has a FB page, she is 13. There is no need for that. There are too many creepy people out there, not just ones that can find her, but ones that she can find herself.


Children are just losing their innocence so quickly these days, and things like this just make it happen so much quicker.

Ditto the bolded section.

Oh, heck...ditto the whole post.
 
I''m on the outside of the spectrum I guess. I had my first networking site account at age 12 as well. I never met up with anyone off of it but I did get to know several interesting people in my middle school and then high school via it. I think some 12 year olds have a little more common sense then we give them credit for. My kids will have to have a private profile that I will keep a password for also. No accepting friend requests from strangers. Since it is a private profile I would have no problem with them having photos up.
 
Tweens, I''m not sure. Was there inappropriate content or photos on the child''s page?

On a similar note, an old friend of mine recently made a facebook page for his one year old. That definitely surprised me! (Baby has more "friends" than I do!)
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I''m sorry, but did none of you have an ICQ account and frequent joint chat forums when you were 15? Kids are tech saavy these days, there is no stopping that. Hence, it is imperitive to teach them responsible net behaviour, NOT shelter them from the world.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 8:01:20 PM
Author: kama_s
I''m sorry, but did none of you have an ICQ account and frequent joint chat forums when you were 15? Kids are tech saavy these days, there is no stopping that. Hence, it is imperitive to teach them responsible net behaviour, NOT shelter them from the world.

15 and 12 are different - not by much, but by enough.

Also, as stated before, it''s against the terms of Facebook to use it if you''re under 13 (Section 4 - Rule 3).

I did have an ICQ account at 15 but did not do the random chats - anything starting with a/s/l was immediately deleted. I do agree that responsible behaviour is important, but I think part of that is parents keeping an eye on what their kids are doing, as well as making their kids follow the rules.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 8:11:17 PM
Author: princesss


Date: 3/9/2010 8:01:20 PM
Author: kama_s
I'm sorry, but did none of you have an ICQ account and frequent joint chat forums when you were 15? Kids are tech saavy these days, there is no stopping that. Hence, it is imperitive to teach them responsible net behaviour, NOT shelter them from the world.

15 and 12 are different - not by much, but by enough.

Also, as stated before, it's against the terms of Facebook to use it if you're under 13 (Section 4 - Rule 3).

I did have an ICQ account at 15 but did not do the random chats - anything starting with a/s/l was immediately deleted. I do agree that responsible behaviour is important, but I think part of that is parents keeping an eye on what their kids are doing, as well as making their kids follow the rules.
Firstly, I agree re: the rules. If facebook says minimum age is 13, then that is what kids should follow. No denying that.

That said, we were on ICQ when WE were 15. That was at the very minimum 10-15 years ago. Every generation matures faster than the previous. There is absolutely nothing wrong with monitoring your child's activities, but barring them is not the right way around this. They'll find a way to do as they please and they'll do it without your knowledge. I would prefer to allow my child online access after a long discussion on the potential dangers and clearly define their boundaries.
 
I do not think that every generation matures faster than the previous. Are they exposed to more things? yes. Are they more technologically advanced? sure. That does NOT equal maturity. There was a recent thread about babysitting age. Although most of us were babysitting by 12 yrs old, most would NOT allow a 12 yr old to babysit their own kids.

Just because you see it doesn''t mean you know how to handle it.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 8:24:41 PM
Author: kama_s
Date: 3/9/2010 8:11:17 PM

Author: princesss



Date: 3/9/2010 8:01:20 PM

Author: kama_s

I''m sorry, but did none of you have an ICQ account and frequent joint chat forums when you were 15? Kids are tech saavy these days, there is no stopping that. Hence, it is imperitive to teach them responsible net behaviour, NOT shelter them from the world.


15 and 12 are different - not by much, but by enough.


Also, as stated before, it''s against the terms of Facebook to use it if you''re under 13 (Section 4 - Rule 3).


I did have an ICQ account at 15 but did not do the random chats - anything starting with a/s/l was immediately deleted. I do agree that responsible behaviour is important, but I think part of that is parents keeping an eye on what their kids are doing, as well as making their kids follow the rules.

Firstly, I agree re: the rules. If facebook says minimum age is 13, then that is what kids should follow. No denying that.


That said, we were on ICQ when WE were 15. That was at the very minimum 10-15 years ago. Every generation matures faster than the previous. There is absolutely nothing wrong with monitoring your child''s activities, but barring them is not the right way around this. They''ll find a way to do as they please and they''ll do it without your knowledge. I would prefer to allow my child online access after a long discussion on the potential dangers and clearly define their boundaries.

I agree to an extent. I have no child-raising knowledge, but in theory I agree that teaching them HOW to use something is far more effective at getting the behaviour you want than just telling them NOT to do it. Allowing it just because they''re going to do it anyways doesn''t sit well with me, though. (Though I agree with you on having clearly defined boundaries. What do you do, though, if the boundary you set is something they''re just going to do anyways?)
 
Date: 3/9/2010 8:01:20 PM
Author: kama_s
I''m sorry, but did none of you have an ICQ account and frequent joint chat forums when you were 15? Kids are tech saavy these days, there is no stopping that. Hence, it is imperitive to teach them responsible net behaviour, NOT shelter them from the world.

It''s not my daughter I don''t trust. It''s the anonymous strangers that troll the internet looking for vulnerable kids. And it happens all the time.

I plan to teach my daughter online safety. But you can bet there will be some parental controls and monitoring of her online activity.

How many stories do we need to hear about dead and missing kids before the message sinks in? There is nothing wrong with saying "no" to FB at a young age. It''s my house, my computer, my rules. I don''t want her to not go online, but I don''t think a teenager needs to be in chat rooms. I really don''t. No offense. There are plenty of reasons to go online (research for school, talking to friends, shopping) that don''t need to involve talking to strangers.
 
PinkAsscher and Princesss, I do agree with both of you as well. Personally, I believe there should be a comfortable middle ground between no access and full access (and I think we're on the same page on that). There are ways to monitor what your child does online. I regularly 'snoop' on my brother's FB account (through my account, not signing onto his) to see who his latest friends are and what they're talking about.

When I was younger, my father would ask me to open up my hotmail account and go through each e-mail contact. He wouldn't open the messages, but he'd ask me who each one was. It was always 'kid in math class' or 'friend in guitar class', but he made sure he was monitoring who was sending e-mails to me and who I was responding to.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 9:14:56 PM
Author: kama_s
PinkAsscher and Princesss, I do agree with both of you as well. Personally, I believe there should be a comfortable middle ground between no access and full access (and I think we''re on the same page on that). There are ways to monitor what your child does online. I regularly ''snoop'' on my brother''s FB account (through my account, not signing onto his) to see who his latest friends are and what they''re talking about.


When I was younger, my father would ask me to open up my hotmail account and go through each e-mail contact. He wouldn''t open the messages, but he''d ask me who each one was. It was always ''kid in math class'' or ''friend in guitar class'', but he made sure he was monitoring who was sending e-mails to me and who I was responding to.

Okay, I understand more where you''re coming from. Thanks for clarifying! My siblings and I were not allowed to keep a password on our computer (i.e. anybody had to be able to access it at any time), and I shared an e-mail address with my parents until I was 12. I''m pretty certain that while my brother and sister both have FB accounts, my parents have their passwords. I think it''s hard to adapt to the ways new technology can be used - it must be exhausting being a parent around things like this!

I can''t remember how, but my parents definitely made it clear what could happen if I gave out too much information. My ex''s parents, while sweet, wonderful people, apparently didn''t make it clear enough to him because I remember he had a website when we were dating with his address (including apartment number!!!) posted for the world to see.
 
I don''t agree with it.. but I think it''s a sign of the times as well...
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Makes me feel old.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 8:01:20 PM
Author: kama_s
I''m sorry, but did none of you have an ICQ account and frequent joint chat forums when you were 15? Kids are tech saavy these days, there is no stopping that. Hence, it is imperitive to teach them responsible net behaviour, NOT shelter them from the world.

Here, here! Aside I said, this horse is long since bolted, shutting the barn door is not going to help. I''m always a bit perplexed when people are labouring under the impression their kids are innocent, and I''m sorry to say, simple-minded. Kids are not stupid. They are bored, inquisitive, and devious. Is it that hard to remember what one was like at that age? I knew what was up, but my mother raised me to respect myself and to have good judgment. Then you have those situations where something happens (13 year olds pregnant, what have you) and there is this hue-and-cry about "WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?!" Where else? With their heads in the sand.
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I know I wasn''t sexting at age 13, but I know kids today are. That was probably because cell phones were pretty much unknown when I was a kid, and now they are commonplace. Remember that study they did that showed how fast 7th graders devolved into sexually explicit chat when told they were chatting with members a little older than them and of the opposite sex? Oh noes, they''re only children! The fact is, today''s generations are pumped up with synthetic hormones so they hit puberty early and HARD.
 
Date: 3/9/2010 6:51:10 PM
Author: swingirl
It''s pretty hard to keep 13+ year olds off social networking sites because they can do it on a friend''s computer, at the library, use a different name or on the sly. I think it is wiser to teach them how to manage their privacy and understand how public the internet is. My kids had to do a lot of research on the internet by high school so I would rather they were aware of creeps and offerings of ''free'' things.


Some rules I implemented were NEVER accept a friend request from a stranger, either no photos or photos only viewed by friends, NO tagged photos, NO personal information (like city, school, name) and the very important one---I had to have the password. And I promised that I would go on periodically to check things.


By the time your kid is 16 and able to DRIVE they definitely have been exposed to facebook! That means they have had a lot of exposure without guidance.


+1
 
Eh, times are changing. I also joined facebook when you needed a .edu email address.

12 is not the same as when we were 12 or when our parents were 12. Social networking sites, chat rooms, message boards are a normal part of a "tween"s life now. It''s not a trend, it''s just life. I remember in college when they first started using blackboard and the chat rooms for assignments (you had to chat and say something at least once to get points). Now, my brother has assignments on facebook. Like he has to actually accept fan pages and comment on stuff.

Kids evolve but so does parenting. Sheltering your kids from these things can only go so far. Open communication, honesty, teaching how to protect yourself will get you much further.
 
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