Home TTC and wedding etiquette - what would you do?

[Mela4567]

Hi all,

DH and i have been ttc for a few months now. Next summer Dh 's brother is getting married out of the country. My question is, should we postpone ttc this month despite the fact that the summer is the best time for our family to have a baby due to a bunch of personal circumstances, or take our chances knowing we might get pregnant and have to miss the wedding? Are we jerks for even considering missing the wedding due to *hopefully* being nine months preggo or having a newborn, or do we dl what is best for our own little family and activley try this month? Thanks for your feedback!

 

[ponder]

So many variables here. What's your priority? Making the wedding? Having a baby ASAP? Repercussions of not going? How does DH feel? How will DH's family feel if you don't go? His brother? His mother? does everyone know you are TTC? Can you pretend an oops happened?

 

[Haven]

I would not hold off on TTC because of a destination wedding. When people plan destination weddings they must realize that their choice is going to make it difficult or impossible for some of their loved ones to attend.

 

[tammy77]

I would not postpone TTC.

 

[aviastar]

So if you get pregnant this month you'll be nine months along/have newborn; if you get pregnant next month you'll only be eight months along- which would probably stop you from going anyway. So, truly, you'd have to postpone TTC for several months in order to ensure a 'still-able-to-travel' window and you could even be 12 weeks along and so sick you can't leave the bathroom (knock on wood that's not the case!).

You can't guarantee that out of the country travel + any stage of pregnancy is going to be do-able, comfortable, or fun. Don't postpone; you guys are ready to have a baby and summer is a good time for you to have one; that means Get Busy, Lady!

 

[that_someone_special]

I wouldn't postpone either. Also, I'm 24 weeks and still vomit every day. No WAY would I want to travel for a wedding right now. I had one to go to two weekends ago that was only 20mins away and I still hated it.. AND it was my brothers wedding. Point being, life sucks when you don't feel well. Hopefully you don't get any sickness but if you do, eww. Plus, what if it takes a year of trying to get pregnant?

 

[amc80]

I would not hold off on TTC because of a destination wedding. When people plan destination weddings they must realize that their choice is going to make it difficult or impossible for some of their loved ones to attend.

This. We had a destination wedding knowing full well that not everyone we wanted there would be able to make it. How would you feel if you held off TTC for them and then the wedding was called off?

 

[Mela4567]

Thanks for the advice everyone. My gut feeling was not to hold off and DH also supports the choice to leave it up to fate and take our chances this month. That being said there are so many variables that are still up in the air. I would ultimately like to be there to support my brother in law and have my husband and daughter there on his special day, but whatever will be will be, I suppose. Our families don't know we are actively TTC (although we have a toddler and they might suspect) so we can always say it was a wonderful "surprise".

 

[qtiekiki]

I wouldn't postpone TTCing for the wedding. It's not a guarantee that you will get knocked up right away or it'll take a few months or longer. It's so unpredictable that it's silly to wait.

 

[lliang_chi]

I wouldn't hold off TTC either. If the summer works best for you and your family, then you should try. Sounds like your DH is totally supporting you whichever way it goes, which is important too. Hoping it'll be a happy year for your family.

 

[Haven]

It's a great point that you never know if you'll be able to travel at all during your pregnancy. I was so sick with HG that we canceled our trip to Spain, and I was only going to be around 14 weeks (I think, can't remember) at the time. It turned out that I remained very sick throughout most of the pregnancy. I'm 35 weeks now and I'm still sick most mornings--no travel for me during this entire pregnancy!

I was thinking about how I'd feel if this were my own sister's wedding, which I don't think I would ever want to miss. But on the other hand, if one of my sisters was engaged, she'd probably ask me if we were TTC before planning a destination wedding, because we're all so close and she wouldn't want to possibly have one of us miss out on her big day.

I think you're smart to carry on with your TTC plans. I hope it goes well for you!

 

[gem_anemone]

OP I was going to say that I think you should continue to TTC especially since it has been going on for months with no luck so far. You wouldn't want to miss out on your month if that was it!

I have a question regarding TTC and wedding etiquette too, but the situation is different. Do you mind answering or should I start another thread? My story is that without thinking about our plan for TTC I agreed to be a bridesmaid in my DH's sister's wedding which is tentatively set for Sept 2013. The couple is very young and so far there is nothing set in stone for the wedding (no set locations or money down) even though it is supposedly 10 months away. IMHO they may not even pull it off by the tentative date. That said, DH and I have a plan to start TTC in July 2013. Obviously nothing is guaranteed about that and it may take months or more to get KO. My question then is do you think it would be unwise to try to get KO knowing that the wedding may fall in my first trimester? Do you think that his sister will be annoyed that we are announcing a pregnancy right before her wedding? We could try earlier than July, but it is in our best interest (financially) to wait until at least July. As far as waiting until after their wedding in September, well....lets just say I'm likely not going to budge on the July TTC date being the latest date to start trying. Also I don't want to be a huge pregnant bridesmaid, so going too early is also not acceptable for me. I'm so torn! How do you ladies decide?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,
I wouldn't post poned TTC if I were you. Are they getting married in a country that you would feel comfortable being in while pregnant, anyway? You might not feel like traveling no matter how far along you are! Good luck!

 

[amc80]

My question then is do you think it would be unwise to try to get KO knowing that the wedding may fall in my first trimester? Do you think that his sister will be annoyed that we are announcing a pregnancy right before her wedding?

Even if you have horrible morning sickness, you'd still (probably) be able to suck it up for a few hours to do wedding stuff. And depending on when you get pregnant and when the wedding is, you could always wait until after the wedding to announce it.

Deciding to start TTC is a huge thing. It's something that needs to be decided on the involved parties ONLY (you and DH). As you said, the wedding date isn't set in stone. So why base such a huge life decision on something so tentative?

 

[aviastar]

I agree- don't tie your TTC schedule up with outside stuff.

And just a thought; I was MOH for my best friend a little over a year ago. At that point only one of the bridal party was married and she was TTC. She bought her BM dress a little big, just in case, with the idea that she could always alter it down if she wasn't KO, but would need the room if she was. She was KO and it was awesome! She was still in her first trimester by the wedding so it wasn't common knowledge yet, but we all knew and it made being able to be together even sweeter; the bride was so happy for her and she was so happy for the bride, it was infectious. If your friends and family are at all rational and kind people, they know that celebrating babies and weddings only compounds the joy.

 

[gem_anemone]

And depending on when you get pregnant and when the wedding is, you could always wait until after the wedding to announce it.

Good point. I was thinking about this as a possibility too. Though I'm pretty sure people would guess what was up since I regularly enjoy adult beverages, but wouldn't be able to if pregnant LOL

 

[gem_anemone]

I agree- don't tie your TTC schedule up with outside stuff.

And just a thought; I was MOH for my best friend a little over a year ago. At that point only one of the bridal party was married and she was TTC. She bought her BM dress a little big, just in case, with the idea that she could always alter it down if she wasn't KO, but would need the room if she was. She was KO and it was awesome! She was still in her first trimester by the wedding so it wasn't common knowledge yet, but we all knew and it made being able to be together even sweeter; the bride was so happy for her and she was so happy for the bride, it was infectious. If your friends and family are at all rational and kind people, they know that celebrating babies and weddings only compounds the joy.

Awww what a cute story! My sis-in-law is very sweet and if I had to guess I would think she would be happy to become an aunt and a wife all wrapped in to one!

 

[Dreamer_D]

TTC when you want to and don't worry about far off future events. There is a lot of unpredictablity in TTC, and pregnancy, and childbirth, so planning timing so carefully, and especially "holding off", is not something I recommend. You never know what will happen. All the "what ifs" are out of your control.