fieryred33143
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 18, 2008
- Messages
- 6,689
I''m really embarrassed to write this and have been debating for weeks over whether I should seek out advice or not. But the one thing I enjoy the most about PS is that there are a lot of really insightful people here that give good comments/advice.
When I met my fiance I was much, much thinner. At the time I had joined a weight loss group, had a roommate that cooked low fat meals, and I spent my days working 3 jobs, going to school, and partying so I was always moving.
After I graduated undergrad and got a desk job, I started packing on the pounds again but so did FI. Over the years I would flip flop-lose some, gain some as did FI. However, he always made me feel beautiful and desired.
When I got pregnant, I was at the heaviest I had ever been in my life and unfortunately I added on 45lbs to that number.
At 20 weeks (in Feb.) sex stopped. He claimed it was due to their being a 3rd person now and it made him feel weird. I had read that this happens to a lot of men so I didn''t think much at the time. However,throughout the remainder of my pregnancy I was very emotional over it. I didn''t want sex because I wasn''t in the mood but I needed to feel wanted in order to boost my ego and help my insecurity but I never got that from him.
After DD was born we had to wait for our 6 week appt to get intimate again. It has now been 5 weeks since and still nothing. He has had 2 excuses:
1. Feeling strange since DD slept in our room. She has not been in our room for going on 3 weeks.
2. Afraid I''ll get pregnant again. This is total bs and I called him out on it. We spent 6.5 yrs using condoms as protection and never had an oops or scare. I got pregnant because we decided to not use protection one evening and, well...it really can take just one time.
My gut tells me that the reason why he''s being so standoffish is because he isn''t attracted to me anymore
The thing is that I get it. I understand that people are entitled to be attracted to a certain type of person and I also understand that in a relationship, both partners should try to maintain themselves in the way that they did at the beginning. I''m not making excuses for myself. I''m really trying to get myself together but its hard. I didn''t just gain weight, I gained inches and my body has completely transformed. I don''t know how to fix it but I''m working hard. I''ve joined weight watchers and renewed my gym membership at work, got a PT, and am doing some at home workout dvds.
However, as I''m working on getting myself back, I''m growing more and more resentful. I keep thinking that if I do lose the weight and all of a sudden our intimacy reappears, will I really be happy or will I feel as sad as I do now or maybe even worse?
He tells me I''m being ridiculous and sticks to his two excuses above but I just don''t buy it.
I guess I''m just looking for opinions and also looking for words of wisdom on how not to grow resentful about the whole situation. Do you think I have a valid reason or maybe its just post partum insecurities? I''ve tried talking to him about it but he just says that things will get better in time. I don''t even know what that means.
Also please know this isn''t about sex. This is really about the lack of intimacy and closeness that we once had that is now gone. We barely even hug each other or hold hands like we used to
When I met my fiance I was much, much thinner. At the time I had joined a weight loss group, had a roommate that cooked low fat meals, and I spent my days working 3 jobs, going to school, and partying so I was always moving.
After I graduated undergrad and got a desk job, I started packing on the pounds again but so did FI. Over the years I would flip flop-lose some, gain some as did FI. However, he always made me feel beautiful and desired.
When I got pregnant, I was at the heaviest I had ever been in my life and unfortunately I added on 45lbs to that number.
At 20 weeks (in Feb.) sex stopped. He claimed it was due to their being a 3rd person now and it made him feel weird. I had read that this happens to a lot of men so I didn''t think much at the time. However,throughout the remainder of my pregnancy I was very emotional over it. I didn''t want sex because I wasn''t in the mood but I needed to feel wanted in order to boost my ego and help my insecurity but I never got that from him.
After DD was born we had to wait for our 6 week appt to get intimate again. It has now been 5 weeks since and still nothing. He has had 2 excuses:
1. Feeling strange since DD slept in our room. She has not been in our room for going on 3 weeks.
2. Afraid I''ll get pregnant again. This is total bs and I called him out on it. We spent 6.5 yrs using condoms as protection and never had an oops or scare. I got pregnant because we decided to not use protection one evening and, well...it really can take just one time.
My gut tells me that the reason why he''s being so standoffish is because he isn''t attracted to me anymore
The thing is that I get it. I understand that people are entitled to be attracted to a certain type of person and I also understand that in a relationship, both partners should try to maintain themselves in the way that they did at the beginning. I''m not making excuses for myself. I''m really trying to get myself together but its hard. I didn''t just gain weight, I gained inches and my body has completely transformed. I don''t know how to fix it but I''m working hard. I''ve joined weight watchers and renewed my gym membership at work, got a PT, and am doing some at home workout dvds.
However, as I''m working on getting myself back, I''m growing more and more resentful. I keep thinking that if I do lose the weight and all of a sudden our intimacy reappears, will I really be happy or will I feel as sad as I do now or maybe even worse?
He tells me I''m being ridiculous and sticks to his two excuses above but I just don''t buy it.
I guess I''m just looking for opinions and also looking for words of wisdom on how not to grow resentful about the whole situation. Do you think I have a valid reason or maybe its just post partum insecurities? I''ve tried talking to him about it but he just says that things will get better in time. I don''t even know what that means.
Also please know this isn''t about sex. This is really about the lack of intimacy and closeness that we once had that is now gone. We barely even hug each other or hold hands like we used to