travelling gal

[janinegirly]

i hope this isn''t too personal, but i love your posts and i think you have a great attitude about love and life. i''m also in my mid 30''s (yikes!) and was wondering if you and FI are thinking of kids? how does it fit into your plan (or not)? I''m excited for the future but alot of thigns could potentially be crammed into 1-2 yrs..wedding, new house, furniture, moving to burbs, kids (if i''m so lucky).

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/27/2007 9:23:24 AM
Author:janinegirly
i hope this isn''t too personal, but i love your posts and i think you have a great attitude about love and life. i''m also in my mid 30''s (yikes!) and was wondering if you and FI are thinking of kids? how does it fit into your plan (or not)? I''m excited for the future but alot of thigns could potentially be crammed into 1-2 yrs..wedding, new house, furniture, moving to burbs, kids (if i''m so lucky).

Hi Janinegirly...

No, it''s not too personal. Thanks for the compliment!

To answer your question...we are in discussion about having children. The discussion goes something like this:

(enter child stage left. child is screaming.)

Me: I''m not going off the pill. You can''t make me.

I am turning 35 this year. Eggs are close to expiration date. Chances of cracking one and having rotten yolk are pretty good, so they say. In addition, we had the (mis)fortune of getting married the year of the dog (2006). I had no idea, but apparently the year of the dog is a GREAT year to get married. And if you get married in the year of the dog, you are even luckier because you can get busy and have a baby in the rare year of the GOLDEN pig. Random Asian people tell me this all the time. My canned response these days is that TGuy and I were both born in the year of the rat and are waiting to have a kid in 2008 - also the year of the rat. We desire to be rat pack.

But in all seriousness, we hang out with about 8 other couples. 4 of them have kids. 1 is pregnant. 2 are trying. 2 are not (which includes TGuy and me, and interestingly, my cousin. It must run in the family...she is already 35). I am one of the oldest gals in the group who doesn''t have kids or who is not trying. I never thought much about it until I saw all the attempts to breed around me. The one who is pregnant now actually left a party to have sex with her hubby because she was ovulating!

Lots of us here on PS got married later on in life. It just makes things a bit more interesting because I think as people get older, we still feel young. I don''t feel like my clock is ticking, but I am faced with the reality that it is. I want to enjoy my husband for a few more years. I want to enjoy this time in our lives...happy, worry free, mortgage free, CHILD free! I could easily wait 5 more years. That puts me at nearly 40. But I don''t want to be a 40 year old first time mom.

So in a long roundabout way, I guess I am saying I am clueless. Come back and talk to me in the year of the porcupine.

 

[janinegirly]

i am also born in year of the rat!
and it would be nice to have a rat pack i agree.

i do want kids, but fear expiration of eggs too. we are marrying in sept which means i''m hoping to try right away. it''s kind of a lot of pressure, since marriage, house, kid in same year is a hell of a lot to want to accomplish. So probably not the best approach. Some people tell me i still have plenty of time, but i know that''s not the case for everyone and chances dimish with each year. Sometimes i wish my bf had hurried up and proposed earlier (he took several years), but you can''t control fate!

sounds like you have a healthy outlook, and it''s nice that you don''t feel pressured (by others or yourself) and that your husband is behind you on it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Hey, it''s my body, my life and my baby''s life. I''m not going to be pressured into anything, period.

As for having a wedding, buying a house and a kid in the same year - EEK! I couldn''t do it. I would want each of those things to be fun, and if it all happened close together, it just wouldn''t be a joy to me. I wish you the best of luck if that is what you will be doing!

 

[janinegirly]

well it could be within a year, but of course a lot of factors.

i agree outside pressure shouldn''t have any influence, but there are other pressures like biological and just plain fact that the longer one waits, the less chance it might happen (or so it seems). I guess for me, I feel that if I take too much time or relax a few years, i could miss the boat, and i''m not sure how i''ll handle that. taht''s why i was curious how you feel--seems like you''re more at peace with it than me!

wedding, house and trying for child is a lot. even though house is already saved for..the actual moving (and to the burbs no less!) will be a big change. and then thinking of children. it''s hard to imagine just 4 mo''s ago, i was just hoping for a ring, but now that seems so small in the big picture of life! don''t get me wrong, i''m v. excited about the prospect of it all, but a little scared at the same time too!

 

[TravelingGal]

Who knows Janine...you may miss the boat. But maybe while you were missing the boat you were taking a wild ride on a jet ski, and should have enjoyed the wind in your hair, ya know?

Case in point, at age 30 I wanted to quit my job and bum around Europe. I had the money saved so finances were not a problem. However if posted my dilemma on PS back then, maybe people would have said I was crazy. That I should take my money on put it down on a house, as spending $$$$ on traveling was irresponsible.

I''d probably agree to a point. And as that was back in 2002, I sure would be a hell of a lot richer now if I bought a house in L.A. back then. I also had some people in my life who were pretty blunt and saying I wasn''t getting any younger and should be finding someone to settle down with - and that going to Europe would postpone that for awhile. Well, I had always wanted to do student exchange when I was in college, but thought, oh my god...I can''t postpone graduation by a year! I gotta get out and start earning money in the real world! Well, believe me, my first two years out of college were a waste anyway...I should have done the exchange.

So I went to Europe when I was 30 and cherished every minute of it. For 4 months I randomly zigzagged around the continent and just LIVED! And go figure...I managed to inadvertently find myself a husband in a process.

Lots of things in life are so out of your control. You just have to do your best and enjoy the things you do have control over and learn to be happy with the results, whatever they may be. Don''t be worried about missing the boat when you''re in the water. Just lay on your back, float, and look at the great big sky for awhile.

 

[labbielove]

Date: 2/27/2007 3:06:48 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Who knows Janine...you may miss the boat. But maybe while you were missing the boat you were taking a wild ride on a jet ski, and should have enjoyed the wind in your hair, ya know?

Case in point, at age 30 I wanted to quit my job and bum around Europe. I had the money saved so finances were not a problem. However if posted my dilemma on PS back then, maybe people would have said I was crazy. That I should take my money on put it down on a house, as spending $$$$ on traveling was irresponsible.

I''d probably agree to a point. And as that was back in 2002, I sure would be a hell of a lot richer now if I bought a house in L.A. back then. I also had some people in my life who were pretty blunt and saying I wasn''t getting any younger and should be finding someone to settle down with - and that going to Europe would postpone that for awhile. Well, I had always wanted to do student exchange when I was in college, but thought, oh my god...I can''t postpone graduation by a year! I gotta get out and start earning money in the real world! Well, believe me, my first two years out of college were a waste anyway...I should have done the exchange.

So I went to Europe when I was 30 and cherished every minute of it. For 4 months I randomly zigzagged around the continent and just LIVED! And go figure...I managed to inadvertently find myself a husband in a process.

Lots of things in life are so out of your control. You just have to do your best and enjoy the things you do have control over and learn to be happy with the results, whatever they may be. Don''t be worried about missing the boat when you''re in the water. Just lay on your back, float, and look at the great big sky for awhile.

TG, you''re my hero! I love it- as a first time bride (in Sept) at 39, we haven''t made a final decision but are leaning toward the no children decision. I NEVER would have imagined I would not have children. Seriously. And I still worry that I may/and probably will at some point regret it a bit. But-

If I would''ve met FI at an earlier point in my life, where I could''ve enjoyed a few years alone with my hubby before bringing kids into the equation then we may have decided differently. For me, and us, we really want to enjoy that time, build a strong marriage/family unit into which to welcome a child which puts me at over 40 for trying to become pg the first time. I know people do it, many of my friends do. I have a few physical issues that are factoring into the decision as well. That''s the beauty of being a bit older- I''ve learned to make decisions for "me", for "us", not based on the "shoulds". We have discussed perhaps fostering in a few years, mentoring, being a big brother/big sister, or even adopting an older child needing a home.

So, here''s hoping that although I''ve missed (or may miss) the boat that I will have a FABULOUS ride on a jet ski, screaming with joy, sun on my face, right next to my dear FI!!!!! I love that saying- thanks!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/27/2007 4:48:38 PM
Author: labbielove
TG, you're my hero! I love it- as a first time bride (in Sept) at 39, we haven't made a final decision but are leaning toward the no children decision. I NEVER would have imagined I would not have children. Seriously. And I still worry that I may/and probably will at some point regret it a bit. But-

If I would've met FI at an earlier point in my life, where I could've enjoyed a few years alone with my hubby before bringing kids into the equation then we may have decided differently. For me, and us, we really want to enjoy that time, build a strong marriage/family unit into which to welcome a child which puts me at over 40 for trying to become pg the first time. I know people do it, many of my friends do. I have a few physical issues that are factoring into the decision as well. That's the beauty of being a bit older- I've learned to make decisions for 'me', for 'us', not based on the 'shoulds'. We have discussed perhaps fostering in a few years, mentoring, being a big brother/big sister, or even adopting an older child needing a home.

So, here's hoping that although I've missed (or may miss) the boat that I will have a FABULOUS ride on a jet ski, screaming with joy, sun on my face, right next to my dear FI!!!!! I love that saying- thanks!

Labbielove, congrats in advance!

I do agree that many of us older brides somehow learned to make decisions for ourselves and not based on "shoulds". That's why we can cut guest lists, get married in barns, have backyard wedding bbqs, and the like.

As for that wind in the hair thing, I really did have a bit of an epiphany a few years ago. I was in Italy, traveling with TGuy (whom I had recently met in Europe). We are on the Amalfi coast wanting to get from Sorrento to Positano. TGuy wanted to rent a scooter, but I said, NO WAY. Europeans are deadly projectiles on those things and I did not want to die. I made him take the bus.

If anyone has ever been there, they may know that getting on the bus is CRAZY...Italians don't believe in lining up! After fighting to get on the bus, I got serious motion sickness since the road is massively windy and the pack in the bus in such a way that you can't see out the window on the other side. It was a nasty experience.

After that day, I said screw the bus, and told TGuy to get the scooter. So there I was on the back of this thing scared to death on those crazy roads again. But after a little bit, I began to enjoy the ride...the view was so gorgeous and I began to urge TGuy to drive like an italian, skirting by tour buses and cutting them off. We had lunch in Amalfi and coffee in Ravello. At the end of the day we tried to find the scooter rental place and ended up going down a narrow downhill sidestreet/alley which was all cobblestones. I hung on for dear life, shrieking and laughing and thinking we were going to eat it in a big way any minute. I felt like I was in a Roman Holiday type movie.

All that day, I thought...if I died now, I really would die happy with the wind in my hair!


(Here's a pic of the view of positano that day)...

 

[TravelingGal]

And a pic of a lovely little cove TGuy and I stopped at. We just hung out and skipped stones.

It was really just icing on the cake that I ended up marrying the guy!