Total meltdown..

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone,

Well I guess this is a followup, but after a really hideous weekend (more of the same of him being really irritable) everything just fell apart. Basically, today, I''ve been up since 5 am studying, have a really big exam this friday, that I''m petrified about. So my boyfriend says to me "do you mind if we go to a barbecue at my sister''s house?" So first I told him I would rather pass, because I had to study, but he insists. So I tell him, ok, but only if we leave at 6:00 so I can a) go see my mom for mothers day b) prepare food for fellow students tomorrow *stupid school tradition* c) Finish the two chapters I have to read. He agrees, and I check 3 times to make sure this is alright.

So we go to barbecue, going ok. Around 5:30, I remind him that I need to go home. He says sure. Then at 6:00, I tell him, well we need to leave. He says "after desert" OK. Then after desert, he proceeds to get HAMMAERED, starts playing Poker with his family, and basically ignores all attempts I remind him I have to go home. NOw I would have taken his car and just left but he drives MANAUL, and I only know how to drive automatic, not to mention that we''re 115 minutes away from my house, so taking a cab, would have been not possible.

SO I''m sitting alone in the living room (alone) literally about to cry my eyes out, because when he starts drinks he''s not reasonable..and I don''t want to make a scene. SO at 9:30, his MOM, goes and tells him 5 times, she thinks it''s time to leave because Ally has a lot of stuff to do.

So we went outside. AND I JUST LOST IT. It was the most inconsiderate, selfish, disrespectful thing ever. And he says to me, "you can still get everything done" so its 11 o''clock, and I have to cook, read, and I didn''t even see my mom for Mother''s day. And it cost me $154 for the cab home. And I have to get up tomorrow morning at 6:00 because I have class.

This after 2 weeks of torturing me. I can''t do it anymore. I''m done. I don''t want to be engaged anymore, I told him so, went home, and I''m exhausted. I''ve spent 2 weeks trying to figure out who this person is, trying to say it''s grief etc., but I don''t think that''s it. I think he''s just changing, having an early onset mid life crisis, or maybe realizing with his uncle''s death that he doesn''t want to be with me anymore. I don''t know because he won''t talk about anything says he''s fine, and at this point, I don''t care. I can''t imagine ever wanting to go back to that again. I just don''t understand how you can be with someone for over 10 years, and all of a sudden they morph into someone you don''t even know. I DON''T even LIKE him. This isn''t a person I would even have as a friend. We''ve been through deaths before, had some really terrible times, but it has never been like this, I think maybe I wanted to blame his behavior on his uncle''s death, because I wanted it to be that, but I''m not convincing myself anymore.

So that''s it. Needed to vent, now I''m going to cook some dumplings for the other students, and keep my mind off this. I still have to pass this final.

. I''m notoriously uable to concentrate when I''m upset, so I''m even more terrified then before.

 

[anchor31]

Wow, ally... I can''t blame you for feeling like this! I would be majorly pissed too. I''m not sure what advice to give you about your FI... Maybe take a break? Let him figure himself out and if he really wants to be with you, he''ll do what it takes.

I hope things work out for the best for you... I''m not so far from you, I wish I could give you a call!

 

[laila]

Oh my gosh ally! I''m sooo sorry!

I don''t know your whole story, but reading this was so sad. I agree, it sounds like he was very inconsiderate. I truly hope you guys figure out how to work things out for the best, whether that means being together or apart. Good luck also on your final tomorrow.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Wow hun I am so sorry! I don;t even know what to say to try and give you a little comfort. That was a completely horrible thing to do to you! I cannot imagine! It sounds like he has totally frwaked out and done everything possible to try and lose you without him having to do the dirty work. That just makes it even more horrible. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you! I know what its like to have your world falling apart and during finals. I honestly don''t know how I managed to make it through last year and pass classes with my normal grades! We are all here for you! Hang in there, one more week and you can concentrate on yourself I hope!

 

[Mannequin]

OH MY GOODNESS! Ally, I am so sorry for you after reading this. Nobody deserves to be treated this way, especially when you had to give up your time and plans to see his family with him. Has he tried to call to see where you are or how you are feeling since you left? If it were me, I''d turn the phone off and ignore him for a few days, I''d be so p*ssed off, but I''d try to reapproach later in the week after the exam is over. I am hoping that he gets his head out of his rear and either figures out how to turn himself back around or considers seeing someone to talk to about his uncle''s passing. I also hope that your comment about not wanting to be engaged anymore is enough to make him get his sh*t together - 10 years is a long time to spend with another person, and should not be casually tossed by the wayside. He should at least owe you cab fare reimbursement, too. For now, good luck with the dumplings and the exam. Try to relax and have a good week of serious studying. ((((HUGS))))

 

[E B]

I''m so sorry this is happening to you, and I agree with the others: let this week be YOUR week. No FI stress at all. Study for your exam at your leisure, perhaps go and see a movie, and just relax. It looks as though a break is in order, and I think what happens during/after the break will be quite telling. *Hugs*

 

[Blenheim]

Ally, I''m so sorry. That was terrible of him.

From what you''re saying, it sounds like you may be ready to move on. I know that that must be very difficult after being together for so long. If you''re still interested in working things out, is there any chance that he might be willing to get into counseling? From the recent death, drastic change in his behavior, and inappropriately getting hammered, it sounds like he may be depressed or something like that. If you still want to be with him, couples counseling might also help him learn not to stonewall you when you ask if something''s wrong. I also agree that a break may be in order.

In the meantime, good luck studying for your final and cooking. {{{hugs}}}

 

[jas]

I''m so sorry, Ally. It seems that these things always happen when we need support most -- finals time especially! It''s the time when you need understanding and unconditional cries of "what do you need?"

And it''s awful when you don''t get them.

I''m so sorry. You''re a nicer person than I, by the way. I have those forced stupid cook-for-the-gang things at work and they always come up at the worst time. I''m often tempted to spit in the brownies.

But that would be uncooth.

 

[Mara]

oh ally i'm so sorry to hear about this....i would have been spitting mad about this. total inconsiderate lack of respect! he basically is saying 'you don't matter' by his actions or lack thereof...and that is horrible of someone you love to do to you. i also think it's beyond horrible that you couldn't even get to see your mom on mother's day and he was busy hanging out with HIS family. gosh that would have made me livid WAY before 9:30. i probably would have just left and cabbed it over to mom's house.

i have to admit, lately i have kind of been wondering what is going on with you and him because it seems like you guys have been fighting alot (you mentioned it in the thread where the original ring was stolen) and then the other thread and now this...i kind of agree that you guys made need a break. i know you have been with him for 10 years and that is a long time and you have to respect that kind of time spent with someone but it IS important to think that you are planning to spend the rest of your life with this guy and if things are unraveling like this now before the marriage, it's a warning flag. anyway, i hope you guys can work it out...because i am sure there is alot of love there, but you guys may need some counseling or communications classes or similar.

anyway concentrate on your schooling now and put this other stuff aside, i know it's hard but that should take first priority. everything will be waiting for you to work it out afterwards. good luck and stay strong...my thoughts are with you.

 

[KristyDarling]

Oh no, Ally. HUGS!!!

I''m sorry to hear your BF was being such a jerk. Everything he did was completely disrespectful, inconsiderate, selfish, and just plain mean. You are right to be angry and you have every reason to question the relationship. Is his uncle''s death the only negative thing that''s happened to him lately, or have there been other factors? Even if he was super-close to his uncle and is just lost deep in grief, he should STILL not be doing this to you. In fact, he should be drawing closer to you for comfort and support, instead of pushing you away and being mean. Then again, a lot of men don''t know how to deal with grief so this could be his way of dealing....but either way, it''s not healthy and it''s NOT RIGHT that he should be taking things out on you to this extent. I agree that a break seems like the right thing for now....first take some time apart to get your bearings, and then get some outside help. I''ll be thinking of you!

 

[MissAva]

Ally- I am sorry that you are having to suffer so much right now. I hope you are able to focus on your final and get through that. *hugs*

 

[Boom]

Dear Ally,

I don''t usually browse this forum (been married for way too long), but somehow found myself here today. I was shocked to read your post about how your boyfriend treated you. I''m amazed you made it till 9:30pm, I would have made a scene much earlier. If DH shows such lack of respect for me, I''m certainly not showing him ''face'' either.

i''m sorry things are so difficult right now, but please know that we are here for you. Good luck with the finals.

PS. So sorry you missed seeing your mom on Mother''s Day, that alone would have been a deal-breaker for me.

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh Ally,
Biggest hugs to you. He was being a jerk to you. Maybe a break is needed. I hope you do well on your finals and can figure this all out. You''re a smart cookie and have a great head on your shoulders. What ever the outcome is, it will be the right one for you. So sorry sweetie.

 

[allycat0303]

Two hours of sleep later, I've started to feel a little peaked.

Thank you ladies for everything. I logged on this morning, saw the posts, and immediately feel better. So I talked with my sister all night (she who knows EVERYTHING) about my relationship and we both kind of got a better picture.

So basically, I think the whole thing started because of the structure of my school program. Basically, in med, you have finals EVERY month of the year. You start a new topic, final in 4 months. You fail any of the finals, you have to retake the ENTIRE year, and that means every single class. It created a constant 10 months of stress, basically, because no one wants to get kicked out, and every final, there are a few. So has many of you know, becoming a doctor was a my life long dream, the day that I was accepted was the BEST day of my life. Now, I've always told my boyfriend that my career comes first, something that he accepted. I think in reality, because it didn't *really* come first, maybe career and boyfriend were *equal*

1) Ok so, first up, Septemeber 2005, pretty much ends any free time I had. We never see each other, because I always have to study. I start school, it's a major ajustement because it's a french school, and I've never studied in french before, and I'm strung out.

2) Then 2 months ago my ring gets stolen and he gets mad. Out of propotion mad and says to me "You never listen" Ok. Out of character remark, but I don't dwell on it.

3) Ok. This is bad (happened in beginning of april), one week I say to him, "Hey baby, what day is it?" He tells me, and then I say, "I totally forgot, it's our anniversary this thursday (it was tuesday)" He's like, "You're right, I totally forgot." So as usual I had an exam on friday, and I said, "I don't have time to make you a present, can we move it to saturday?" Now this is unclear, but I'm pretty sure he said ok. Now I just want to say that I've made presents for him for the past 10 years, and it's labor intensive, at least a full day's work. So no store brought. So Thursday comes, I'm wired, and stressed, and he takes me out to a resturant for our anniversary, buys me a card, some presents etc. Ok, so I found out though, that he WAS expecting something. So he's hurt, I apologized (about 1000 times) because I thought it was understood that we were moving it. So I make him his present on Saturday, but suffice to say that he was REALLY hurt. He would bring it up at these odd times. He says I could have just brought a card, because that would have been better then nothing, but to me, it would have been wasting our anniversary, because I always make him something. But ok, I'm wrong on this event. I feel terrible, but it's passed, I can't change it. I tried to make up for it.

4) So we're in this uneasy truce, but he's still really hurt, and then his uncle is admitted to the hospital and I warn him that it's terminal.

5) His uncle quickly deteriotes, he dies two weeks ago, my boyfriend's attitude does a dramatic 180 turn.

So now that I've looked at it, it's not as much out of the blue as it seems. There are have been some micro issues all the way. Yesturday was totally too much, but at the same time I don't see what I can do to change any of it. When we first started school, the teacher told us "75% of the relationships you are in right now, won't survive the first year" I thought, "Well that's for other people, no one else has a 10 year relationship", my faimly doctor told me that too. My gut feeling is that he's had enough. That he supported me the whole way because it was my dream, but at the end of the day, the reality, day to day living of it, isn't what he thought. It's too much. And when I got in, I told him I wanted to be a surgeon, and started working like that's what I wanted. And then he just realized, what 10 more years of this is going to be like. And he wants out I guess. But that's ok with me too, because I don't think I should have to change who I am. SO GRRR.

It's so de stressing to talk. I have class, but I'm going to come back later and respond to all of you wonderful ladies this afternoon. Thanks so much for being there!

 

[icekid]

ally- First of all, I am so sorry that you had to deal with that yesterday! When you''re already crazy stressed, I know the last thing you need is relationship issues.

I will say that the vast majority of my friends in serious relationships did break up first year, or shortly after. Med school is seriously life-changing, and some relationships just can''t take it. I think it helped my FI and me out a lot that we live together, so I never had to go out of my way to see him when things got busy. And I start studying for USMLE step 1 tomorrow, so things are about to get reeeally crazy. Fortunately, he knows to do what I tell him when I am stressing haha. But if you''re going to be a surgeon- honestly, there will be MANY times when your relationship/family come second. I used to want to be a surgeon too, but I know now that I don''t want that lifestyle. It''s so difficult to balance!

That said, I would guess that it is not a coincidence that your boyfriend has suddenly started acting out right after his uncle''s death. It may or may not have anything to do with him wanting to be with you though. Maybe he is worried about losing you (to career or otherwise..). Or, who knows- maybe it made him realize he does not want to be with you anymore. I too would have been absolutely livid had he pulled that crap on me when he knew I had to study, see mom, PLUS cook! Even if he is upset for whatever reason- there are few things that are more hurtful for him to do!

Take care of yourself, sweetie! This week you just have to do what you have to do to get through exams. Problems will wait until then.

p.s. I am going to post a picture of FI and me later (just for you

), plus my new ring in SMTR!

 

[sumbride]

diitto all the other responses... just wanted to say don''t make any major decisions this week... you''ve got enough stress. It''s fine to make this YOUR week, but as stressed as you are, you may not be in the right place to make life-changing decisions. Just table it. next week be sure to tell him what a jerk he''s been. And it seems like maybe there''s more to it... maybe clinical depression, maybe something else.

your dream to be a surgeon should come first for you. It really should. Good luck!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I can relate to what you are going through. My boyfriends dadwas just diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. He gets mad and agnry just because he is mad at his dads cancer. I try not to take it personally but its hard. I had finals last week and he was all mad cuz we never spent time together, so I dunno. The best thing to do is just to get through the week. YOU need to pass these tests. GOOD LUCK! You have worked hard for everything. Ten years is alot. He can wait a week. He is taking his anger out on you. Write how you feel. YOu might not need to share it but it will help your stress level. out ALOT. He has no idea where he should start when it comes to grieving.

Loves and hugs**

Alexis

we are all here if you want to vent....

 

[decodelighted]

Hey Ally,
Awful stuff to be going through! I HATE it for you! Glad to see you got a wee bit of sleep & thought things through.

Everyone''s advice (& your own thoughts) have been very apt so I won''t say much -- just this ...

a) put a "pin" in the whole thing until you''re in the clear exam-wise, as best you can.

b) the relationhip has lasted 10 years, it doesn''t have to be over in a moment. If you two do need to move on from each other - you can let it happen over time. Be angry about this - speak your piece - but you don''t have to "declare" anything or make things "over" -- even if you do, you''ll still need to go back & unravel them (as exes) before you can really "move on". There aren''t any shortcuts IMHO.

c) after exams etc -- ya might want to gain perspective with some quick outside counseling. Will help you deal with the loss or change of this key relationship, the role of your career vs. your life ... how that affects your "woman-ness" (my sister had some issues w/ this in Law School) ... and maybe, maybe, maybe (and I say this as a casual, unaffected observer) why we unknowingly, unintentionally attract drama into our lives & how to shoo it right away again.

d) and WHOAH - this is gonna be out there. I think you should find a new avatar. I have a weird, otherworldly sense that it is jinxing you. I know that is CRAZY talk but I personally rememember bad stuff that happened to you everytime I see it. I think it''s bringing negative energy to your "identity". Just a thought.

 

[caligal]

Ally- I''m so sorry this happened to you. Do take this time to study for your exams and focus on yourself this week. Do know that he is being selfish and may need to have you away a bit to realize how special you are. And finally, it is wonderful to have your dream- he should support that! I think after some time away a good talk about support/careers/ and your lifestyle is in order.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Well hun I am glad you got a little sleep last night albeit not much. I had a little thought reading through other''s replies. Most schools offer free counseling and yours should too. (I would think) What about talking to them? They will also have some good perspective on how relationships can deteriorate during med school because I am sure they have seen plenty of it. You clearly have a good head on your shoulders and I know you will make it through this! Putting school first is the most important thing. Hang in there, we are all thinking and praying for you!

 

[JenStone]

ilovesparkles, you wrote exactly what I was about to write!

Ally, my heart goes out to you. Sending you lots of warm wishes...

 

[kissmyasscher]

Ally,

You are doing the right thing for yourself, however painful it might seem right now. The person we choose to share our life with should want the best for us and have our best interests at heart. Clearly, your FI is not doing that, whatever the reason. We all deserve to have someone in our lives that support and nuture us and will put our best interests first, before their own. It''s making those small (or large) sacrifices for our partner that really lets them know we have their backs.

I wish you only the best.

Melanie

 

[FireGoddess]

Ally,

Just wanted to get that out there first. Your original post in this thread had me stomping mad because honey, you do NOT deserve any of that and all things aside, I don''t care what else is going on with him that is NO WAY to treat you. Period. He completely disregarded your feelings and your needs and that was despicable, particularly the manner in which he did it. Now, having said that, and reading your second post here, it does seem like he is lashing out at you, perhaps because he truly is having a hard time dealing with your med school schedule. He has no excuse for handling it the way he is (which is, in effect, not handling it at all) and right now you just need to focus on your exam and drop everything else. Maybe afterwards you can talk to him if you wish and see if there''s something to be done. But it is RIDICULOUS for him to ditch you after you specifically make plans to go to a movie together (other thread) and get all your studying done, yet then ask you to come to a party and LEAVE you at the party for 4+ hours longer than you said you could stay, have you take a 2 hour and $150 cab ride home.....I would have murdered him. *hugs*

 

[Mara]

Date: 5/15/2006 11:40:10 AM
Author: decodelighted
Hey Ally,
Awful stuff to be going through! I HATE it for you! Glad to see you got a wee bit of sleep & thought things through.

Everyone''s advice (& your own thoughts) have been very apt so I won''t say much -- just this ...

a) put a ''pin'' in the whole thing until you''re in the clear exam-wise, as best you can.

b) the relationhip has lasted 10 years, it doesn''t have to be over in a moment. If you two do need to move on from each other - you can let it happen over time. Be angry about this - speak your piece - but you don''t have to ''declare'' anything or make things ''over'' -- even if you do, you''ll still need to go back & unravel them (as exes) before you can really ''move on''. There aren''t any shortcuts IMHO.

c) after exams etc -- ya might want to gain perspective with some quick outside counseling. Will help you deal with the loss or change of this key relationship, the role of your career vs. your life ... how that affects your ''woman-ness'' (my sister had some issues w/ this in Law School) ... and maybe, maybe, maybe (and I say this as a casual, unaffected observer) why we unknowingly, unintentionally attract drama into our lives & how to shoo it right away again.

d) and WHOAH - this is gonna be out there. I think you should find a new avatar. I have a weird, otherworldly sense that it is jinxing you. I know that is CRAZY talk but I personally rememember bad stuff that happened to you everytime I see it. I think it''s bringing negative energy to your ''identity''. Just a thought.

I think my kiwi-friend is speaking very wise words here....on all the points. I think that you have started to delve into maybe WHY this is all going on, but as to how to fix it or change it....I wouldn''t stick a fork in it just yet and I would try not to overthink things RIGHT NOW when you have these important tests coming up. You have made it this far, so stick with it...and then figure out the fallout or the changes later.

One interesting point you make is that you feel you should not have to change to stay in a relationship. While I kind of agree on some levels, on the other hand, relationships especially ones that make it to marriage, tend to INSPIRE change. Nothing can stay the same in life or in a relationship, change is inevitable. It is how you deal with change that will make you or break you, both of you. So I wouldn''t just say that you shouldn''t HAVE TO change. Do you want to change to stay with this man? You are engaged to him, you didn''t just end up here, you love him. Is there a compromise or middle-ground that can be made? Just some thoughts to throw out there, obviously you don''t have to answer ME...they are more meant to be thought-provoking for you.

And lastly, I agree about the avatar! I realized the other day you had never changed it...that whole experience with your cat was so sad, I think that something new would be really nice.

Anyway, hang in there, good luck on the tests and keep us posted.

 

[jesterjigger]

I''m so sorry Ally! I agree with what many others have said...definitely take a few steps back and reevaluate the relationship, no one, friend or bf should treat you that way, ESPECIALLY after ten years. Do what''s best for you, just take enough time to figure out what that is.

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 5/14/2006 11:16:40 PM
Author:allycat0303

So we go to barbecue, going ok. Around 5:30, I remind him that I need to go home. He says sure. Then at 6:00, I tell him, well we need to leave. He says ''after desert'' OK. Then after desert, he proceeds to get HAMMAERED, starts playing Poker with his family, and basically ignores all attempts I remind him I have to go home. NOw I would have taken his car and just left but he drives MANAUL, and I only know how to drive automatic, not to mention that we''re 115 minutes away from my house, so taking a cab, would have been not possible.


SO I''m sitting alone in the living room (alone) literally about to cry my eyes out, because when he starts drinks he''s not reasonable ..and I don''t want to make a scene.

Okay.... Naturally I''m upset at what he did and you have my deepest sympathy and support. Also you have every right to be pissed off with him. But the other lovely LIW''s covered this pretty well, so I''m going to concentrate on something that jumped out at me but hasn''t really been covered:

A) what the h@!! was he doing getting hammered when he was the only one who could drive back?

B) because when he starts drinks he''s not reasonable ... Um, hello? Not good sign there. Really not good sign.

 

[ephemery1]

So sorry you are going through this... just wanted to agree with the others that from what I''ve read:

A) You do have a right to feel the way you do... disrespected and a little fed-up and mostly just exhausted.
B) There is a lot going on in your life right now... no need to make a major relationship decision on top of everything else.
C) Counseling (especially as a couple) is sometimes a good forum for organizing your thoughts and gaining perspective on his. You might find from talking about it that the relationship was actually on a downward spiral for the past few years, or you might find that you have a strong foundation and enough shared goals for the future to sustain you even through this tough stuff.

But as for right now, just hold on to the belief that things DO work out the way they are supposed to... and no amount of worry or speculation is going to change that. Just focus on your studying and the things you CAN control... there will be a time to deal with everything else later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <-- good luck vibes for support!

 

[sanfranciscoellen]

I agree with everyone here, but wanted to add my own thoughts after nearly 11 years of marriage and 18 years total with my husband (and I''m only 33!). And watching many loved ones go through ups and downs in relationships.

My advice is this: It is how people treat others when they are at their lowest that says the most about them as people. We all screw up, but depression, grief, etc cannot MAKE a person disregard others, be selfish, get drunk. From what I have read here, I am not in your FI''s cheering section. At all. It sounds like in some ways his good behavior is a veneer covering up someone who is selfish, and expects too much from you. If I were him, I''d be mad at you IF you spent hours after a final hand making a gift, not if you DIDN''T. Wouldn''t it have been nice to have heard, "I''d rather spend time relaxing with you then being apart so you can make me a gift?"

Please take care of yourself first, your dreams/ambitions second, and see if he still fits in to that picture.

I don''t mean to be harsh, but I never ever believe the "He just changed out of the blue!" thing. I think we all overlook a lot of warning signs in our optimism.

Best to you, Ally...

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 5/15/2006 1:33:18 PM
Author: IndieJones

Date: 5/14/2006 11:16:40 PM
Author:allycat0303

So we go to barbecue, going ok. Around 5:30, I remind him that I need to go home. He says sure. Then at 6:00, I tell him, well we need to leave. He says ''after desert'' OK. Then after desert, he proceeds to get HAMMAERED, starts playing Poker with his family, and basically ignores all attempts I remind him I have to go home. NOw I would have taken his car and just left but he drives MANAUL, and I only know how to drive automatic, not to mention that we''re 115 minutes away from my house, so taking a cab, would have been not possible.


SO I''m sitting alone in the living room (alone) literally about to cry my eyes out, because when he starts drinks he''s not reasonable ..and I don''t want to make a scene.

Okay.... Naturally I''m upset at what he did and you have my deepest sympathy and support. Also you have every right to be pissed off with him. But the other lovely LIW''s covered this pretty well, so I''m going to concentrate on something that jumped out at me but hasn''t really been covered:

A) what the h@!! was he doing getting hammered when he was the only one who could drive back?

B) because when he starts drinks he''s not reasonable ... Um, hello? Not good sign there. Really not good sign.

Indie I am glad you brought this up. I was waiting for someone else to because my background makes me overly sensitive to this. But I wanted to scream when I read this. This fact alone is very scary in my eyes and something I would be overly cautious about. Coming from a family with an alcoholic, this SCREAMS RUN! I do not mean to imply things but be very carefulk with yourself!

Second, wallerama had a very good post IMO.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 5/15/2006 1:44:11 PM
Author: wallermama
I. If I were him, I'd be mad at you IF you spent hours after a final hand making a gift, not if you DIDN'T. Wouldn't it have been nice to have heard, 'I'd rather spend time relaxing with you then being apart so you can make me a gift?'

Ally, Please take time to understand the powerful sentiment expressed above. It is the sentiment of a TRUE partner. Making your priorities his priorities is the kind of selfless acts necessary in a relationship.

Do you want it always to be like this? Sounds like it's all about him. He's not going to change if he doesn't make the effort. The way tough times are handled is very telling.