Toilet training issue - nanny share

[geri]

I'll try to keep this brief but would really appreciate any suggestions for a toilet training issue that has arisen. My daughter is 26 months old and has been toilet trained for over 2 months. She hadn't had any accidents for quite a while. We nanny share 2 days a week with another little girl the same age. Her parents started toilet training her about a month ago but she is still wetting herself regularly when she is with the nanny and my daughter. Now my daughter has wet herself a couple of times (in circumstances where she could very easily have gone to the toilet) and when I asked her why she said because the other little girl does. I wouldn't normally be too concerned except that when I raised this with the nanny she said that in her view the other little girl isn't ready to toilet train but she has raised it gently with the mother and she wants to persist. So this could go on for a while and we are about to increase the nanny share to 3-4 days a week so the girls will be together more often.

Any ideas on what we can say/do with my daughter to help prevent her regressing? And at what point, if any, can I say to the other mother that something needs to change? I really feel for her because I know toilet training can be really hard but I am also concerned for my daughter.

 

[momhappy]

Regression is sometimes a normal part of potty training. However, it does sound like your situation might be exacerbated by the fact that your daughter is responding to the behaviors of the other child. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about the other child - when a child is not ready, they are not ready. Period.
I would just focus on your daughter and continue moving forward. Maybe have the nanny start taking her to the potty at regular, timed intervals in an effort to avid an accident. Since your daughter is so young, explaining the situation to her is not likely to help, but you could say something simple like, "so and so is learning to use the potty like you so maybe you can help her by showing her who to use the potty." Also, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on the whole process - if she has an accident, then just start taking her to the potty more frequently. Sometimes, making an issue out of things, can make bigger issues.

 

[Munchkin]

I wholly agree with the above poster.

In my experience, the VAST majority of 26 month olds are not ready to train. As I explain to parents, "your child needs to wake from naps dry, communicate their need to go and walk themselves to the toilet and pull down their own bottoms; otherwise, you are training YOURSELF to respond to cues and not your child. If a child is truly ready to train, daytime dryness will be accomplished in matter of days.

The other girl isn't ready and, in my opinion, very typical for her age. Your daughter was quite advanced. Unfortunately, it isn't your place to tell the other mom to back off for a while. Likewise, you can't get the other child more ready.

I think timed toileting for your daughter plus encouraging being a good role model are the best approaches here. Unfortunately, this is something that you can't change or control. It's also an area with huge variations of "normal" which can make nanny sharing troublesome. I can't imagine how frustrating this regression is! My 25 month old is still scared to sit on the potty, so you are light years ahead of us!

 

[geri]

Thanks Momhappy and Munchkin for your replies. It's very helpful. We are reminding her to go more often, although we don't make her sit on the potty as this really annoys her, and I really like the suggestion of role modelling, thanks. Both the nanny and I also had a chat to her about how she and the other little girl do different things (eg you drink cow's milk, she drinks goat's milk, she has a dummy, you don't). She has been fine the last couple of days so hopefully it was just a phase. I realise how lucky we were that she took to it so easily, which is probably why I am so nervous about this regression because maybe it was too good to be true? Hopefully we will be from here. Thanks again!

 

[ponder]

Proceed carefully. I too agree that 26 months is young not to expect regression. In my experience regression often occurs after the first month or two after the novelty wears off. I decided to train DD#1 around 26 months and after 3 weeks of doing a great job, full regression occurred. I pushed a little, she pushed back a lot. She wanted her diapers back NOW! As first time potty trainer I worried about it alot. Around 30 months I was afraid she may have a UTI and took her to the MD. The nurse gave me a cup a pointed to the bathroom. I was 9months pregnant and had a 14 month old DD#2 running around the bathroom as I perched DD#1 on big potty and explained that she had to pee in the cup. I'm thinking that this is never going to work, and she goes immediately, and I MISSED IT. I was horrified that I only got a drop or two when she looks at me and says "It's ok mommy, there is more." and proceeds to fill the cup. I realized in that moment that she had all the ability to be fully trained, but had no DESIRE. I stopped worrying and a month later, she told me that she wanted to be a big girl and wear panties. She now had the desire.

DD#2 started saying that she wanted to go potty at 24 months. She quickly pooped trained herself completely and was doing an excellent job with peeing. She started to show less interest in peeing, so I thought big girl panties may help. Nope, she could care less if she pees her panties or is sitting around in wet pants. We are mainly back in diapers and she poops in the potty, but still lacks the desire to be dry all day. This time in not worried about it. She will let me know when she is ready.

As long as you are encouraging and not pushing it should be ok. Remember, regression is not failure. You have given her the tools, she has shown you that she has the ability, it up to her to desire to do it.