To the women who know they want kids...how do you know?

[Bleed Burnt Orange]

I decided to post this here and not on Hangout because of the other thread about when and if. If it needs to be moved, please do so.

I was wondering...to the women who KNOW they want kids or say they're ready, what are the feelings you have about kids? Do you see yourself with them? Do you feel completely nurturing? How do you know?

The reason I ask is because I am at the point where I'm telling myself and keep telling my FI that...I don't want kids! Every time I think of them, I just think of how much I'd be frustrated, or annoyed that they're being bad or something. Also, recently, I've had an issue come up with my brother, his wife and their toddler, that makes me REALLY grateful I don't have a child, and especially proves that I shouldn't have a child. The thing is...will I ever? I am honest with myself and my FI that I am too selfish with my freedom to have a child.

Again, to the women who KNOW they want kids, did you feel the way I did, and what made you change your mind?

Thanks, ladies!

 

[KittyGolightly]

I don't think you should feel guilty or selfish for not having kids. You may want to check out some of the recent studies that indicate that couples who choose not to have children are the happiest!

Once I was settled (owned my our home, had a stable and well-paying job I really liked, had a relationship I felt really confident in), I could feel myself starting to relax and want a kid. I really felt a change - I noticed other people's babies the same way I tried to scope out other people's rings when I was a LIW. I would find myself randomly wandering through the Pottery Barn Kids store of the baby section of Target.

I will say, though, that my mom always says that she didn't have a nurturing bone in her body before she had her own kids. She hated babysitting and looking after younger relatives. She claims it's different when its your kid.

Hope that helps.

 

[merilenda]

Let me just say that I am not a kid person. I just tend to feel awkward around them. When I was younger, I thought I'd never want kids.

As my 20's have progressed, I've realized that I can't see myself NOT having kids. I may not be a kid person in general, but I know that I'll love my own fiercely and do my best to be a good mother. As the years pass, I get more pangs when I see babies and other small children. Not in a jealous kind of way at all! It's just a feeling that I want that for myself when I'm ready.

 

[blacksand]

I've always wanted kids, though, as I described in the other thread, it was more of a far-off, misty, dreamy sort of wanting until my 30th birthday, when it suddenly became incredibly real. I babysat growing up and worked at a nursery school for a few years. I loved it. I love the happy moments, when the kids are laughing and telling you they love you, but I also really love the challenges. I worked for a year with a three-year old child with autism, and wow, was it challenging. But it was the most rewarding job I ever had. Every little breakthrough felt like a miracle. He made eye contact for a few seconds! He answered a direct question! He didn't scream when we had to alter his routine slightly! I would be on top of the world. I loved watching him grow and develop, even though he often struggled. It's really just a fascinating thing to watch, and I've never found another experience to be so fufilling. Exhausting and frustrating? Yes. But also more fufilling than anything else I've done. So I've always known I wanted to be a mother. Add to that the crazy biological urge I started feeling a few months ago (i.e., I not only want kids, I want to be pregnant), and you've got one slightly crazy lady. But I'm being patient. Kind of.

 

[Bleed Burnt Orange]

KittyGoLightly: That does help. Thank you. I'm pretty much in the same place you are, home, blanced relationship, I have a good job (well paying), but I HATE IT and I am looking. My sentiments towards kids are, IF it happened (say...an accident after we're married), I'm confident that my husband would be a great dad, and very helpful. That knowledge puts my mind at ease, but it still doesn't make me want the FULL responsibility of having kids.
It's funny you mentioned your mom. My mom doesn't really talk to me about stuff like that, but...I have noticed her with her grandkids, my two nephews, and I think I am actually way more nurturing toward them. I've been told by my SIL that I'd be a good mom.

Merilenda: Thanks for the reply. I see what you mean and that makes sense. Maybe there will come a point where I see the joy others have with their kids and want it for myself. I guess I've been fulfilling that with my nephews, not as a parent, but as someone they love. I am very reluctant to say anything about love, but I do truly love my nephews.
I must say though, I'm 27 now. I'll be 28 when I'm married and my FI will be 31. I hope my urge...if it comes...comes before it's a struggle.

Blacksand: That so great, the feelings you have towards kids and the fulfilment you feel. I was in the delivery room when one of my nephews was born, and I have seen him grow up so far. It really is amazing. I do love when he gives he hugs and kisses. I haven't had a moment of wanting it to be with my own kids yet, so...I'll be aware if that occurs.

The funny thing is, the only time I ever think about wanting kids is when I watch 16 and Pregnant and see them struggling with crappy boyfriends. It makes me grateful and realize that I wouldn't have to struggle that way. Then I snap back to reality and think...not yet!

 

[Tigarlily1]

I know I want kids because when my fiance and I sit down for dinner I feel like someone is missing. I feel like all of the fun amazing things that we do are just that fun and amazing... but empty. I look forward to the joys and difficulties of parenthood. I just don't feel like my life would be complete without having a family of my own.

We aren't decided about timeline yet however... I think knowing I want kids was easy... the when is a bit harder.

However, tv shows like SuperNanny or other peoples naughty children do make me nervous. I really hope its true that its different with your own kids. I don't have any nephews or nieces, I babysat when I was young but thats been a long time. I'm kinda disconnected from what children are all about and feel awkward with them. I think its just a matter of practice though... if I spent more time, if I was with them since birth, if I raised them it would be different.

I know my FI is ready for kids because a year ago or so we were on vacation in this area with lots of bars and parties going on. But there were also families and fireworks. It was just us two and we went into a dance club/bar to have a drink. We had a nice time but as we were leaving he said I just feel like I don't really fit in this scene anymore... I'd rather be pushing a stroller.

 

[Bleed Burnt Orange]

I know I want kids because when my fiance and I sit down for dinner I feel like someone is missing. I feel like all of the fun amazing things that we do are just that fun and amazing... but empty. I look forward to the joys and difficulties of parenthood. I just don't feel like my life would be complete without having a family of my own.

We aren't decided about timeline yet however... I think knowing I want kids was easy... the when is a bit harder.

However, tv shows like SuperNanny or other peoples naughty children do make me nervous. I really hope its true that its different with your own kids. I don't have any nephews or nieces, I babysat when I was young but thats been a long time. I'm kinda disconnected from what children are all about and feel awkward with them. I think its just a matter of practice though... if I spent more time, if I was with them since birth, if I raised them it would be different.

I know my FI is ready for kids because a year ago or so we were on vacation in this area with lots of bars and parties going on. But there were also families and fireworks. It was just us two and we went into a dance club/bar to have a drink. We had a nice time but as we were leaving he said I just feel like I don't really fit in this scene anymore... I'd rather be pushing a stroller.

Oh wow! That's awesome. Thanks for posting your reply. This offers a lot of insight, for something else that I should be conscious of, if and when it happens to me.