To the guys (or girls that know).. did you tell your own parents?

[dageman]

Just wondering what people think. I have already talked to my future fiancees dad and given him a heads up about asking.. but should I "warn" my mother? OR should it be somewhat of a surprise? What did everyone else do?

Thanks

 

[Elmorton]

Yes, I think it''s probably a good idea to tell people (if you''re comfortable with that). ALL of my friends and family knew that we had been discussing marriage and DH planned to propose, but it came out of left field for everyone close to DH because he never told anyone.

Since we''re both close with his mom, she knew we had been ring shopping and had even started to help me look for wedding venues since we wanted to get married in DH''s hometown...but DH told his dad he was "thinking about proposing" after he had purchased the ring AND had it in his possession. So, his dad was a little taken aback when a week later, over a game of golf, DH mentioned that he had proposed.

And that wasn''t the best reaction...DH''s best man, when offering us his congratulations, said "But don''t you think it''s a little soon?" Considering we had been ring shopping for 6 mos prior and been talking about marriage for a year....no, it didn''t seem to soon, but I can imagine that it came to a surprise to DH''s friends. DH was the first out of his friends to marry or even be in a serious, long-term relationship, so the reason that he never brought it up was that he wasn''t really sure how to bring up the topic.

Unless you think someone will mention something to your fiancee to be and ruin the surprise of the proposal, I''m really in the camp of "let people know" (unless you''re pretty sure everyone around you has been expecting this to happen for a long time - and even then, maybe it''s best not to assume). Afterward, DH felt awkward about the fact that he hadn''t brought it up to his friends and his dad...he''s mentioned several times that he wished he would have handled things differently so reactions would have been less "happy/shocked" and just happy.

 

[ringshopper2008]

Date: 5/11/2008 8:35:21 PM
Author: Elmorton
(unless you''re pretty sure everyone around you has been expecting this to happen for a long time

I think I fall into this category. I want it to be a surprise, so I don''t plan to tell anyone (aside from her parents, which I have not done yet but will).
I think in my case, I am not the 1st of my friends or her friends (in fact, I am far from it) - and people have been asking if we are headed down that path. This includes my mother and her mother each asking if a ring was coming soon. Thus I do not think there will be any shock when I do tell them, moreso just happiness.
One other factor is that our moms each have big mouths, so I don''t think they would be very good at holding a secret if I told them ahead of time.

 

[Rhea]

I told my parents that we were planning to get engaged. I have no idea if he told his parents or not.

 

[tevyk]

I''m currently in the midst of the process...

She and I have been dating for 5+ years, so everyone has got to see this coming. Nonetheless, I still want it to be a surprise for most.

My proposal is probably ~1 month away.

I talked to my dad last week, who is now trying to convince me to tell my mom beforehand as well. Not really too keen on doing so (seems more exciting to say "I''m engaged!" after the fact), but we''ll see. Maybe this thread will enlighten me as well

Aside from that, I''ve only told 2 of my friends (who''ve done this before) and 2 of her tight-lipped friends that I trust (for style advice).

I''m planning to talk to her dad (ask for *blessing*) sometime soon. Nottttt looking forward to that conversation, but my gf has mentioned in the past that ''it would be nice'' if I did, so I shall. Trying to decide if I should include her mom, too... I have a feeling that she wouldn''t be very good at keeping a secret, and ... it also sort of seems like something my gf would like to tell her herself.

 

[Dreamgirl]

My boyfriend and I have been together for many years, so the families know it will happen. Last summer his Grandpa introduced me to someone as boyfriend's "fiance" I replied "Im not his fiance!" showed him my hand and said "There is no ring!" (teasing him, he is too cute) and he replied "Well, but you kind of are..." and I looked at him like "Well yeah, but no!"

Anyhow, I wished so badly that my boyfriend would let my Mother know before proposing to me. I've told him I would like for him to do that and he thinks its "old school" so chances are he wouldn't do it.

I recently told my Mom when I thought a good time to get married for us is.

I've heard my Dad chuckle at a tv show where the guy asked the Father for permission. So I don't think it matters to Dad at all. Not sure it matters to my Mom either, and I don't really want him to ask for "permission," I just think it would be nice if he let her know before it happened, I know she would love that......

 

[Shameless]

Tell my own we were thinking/talking about it? Yes.
But my parents know my sexuality.

Telling someone else''s parents, when they''re not fully aware "how" close we are....
Not a good idea.

 

[bee*]

D asked my dad but he didn''t tell his own parents until we rang them from Barcelona to let them know we were engaged. Their reply was It''s about time

 

[Circe]

I proposed spontaneously, so parents were informed after the fact, along with everyone else ... but the surprise went over well. Though, my parents did seem a little nervous when I asked them to lunch because I had "something to tell them" ... methinks they were having flashbacks to my problematic adolescence!

 

[pocahontas]

My fiance asked my dad for permission, but aside from him no one else knew that we had bought the ring and were planning on getting engaged. Fiance didn't want us to tell my mom because she's horrible at keeping secrets and he wanted our engagement to be a surprise. However, having been together for almost nine years our families definitely expected it, but didn't know that we had actually begun the process. Truth be told I think they were starting to lose faith in the fact that it might actually happen - lol! Fiance also chose not to tell his mom because she's not exactly the most supportive mother

 

[gwendolyn]

My parents know our long-term plan and the possible times we might get married (one of which is 9 months from now [;P]), so they know that a proposal most likely is coming. They also know that J is ready to be married to me already, so once I say that I''m 100% sure instead of 99%, they''ll know it''s right around the corner.

 

[valleygirl]

My soon to be fiance is planning on telling his parents and mine, but not asking permission. We aren''t planning on actually getting married for about 3-4 years, so they''ll have time to get used to the idea. I have two younger sisters in high school that he has already mentioned everything to, but he told them to keep it a secrect. We don''t want anyone to know that I know.

We are trying to plan out a ring but it''s going to take a while and he wants to ask me sometime this summer so he''s going to ask me with a placeholder ring. (I still don''t know how he''s going to propose, that''s one thing he won''t tell me, but our first date was on the beach over four years ago, so I think something like that wouldn''t be too far off... just a guess..)

I would just let them know. They should be happy for you, and if not, well, they can at least pretend when your girl is beaming and showing off her ring.

 

[waterlilly]

my fiance asked my dad for permission, swore my dad to secrecy so he wouldn't tell my mom before I could!
and, yes, he told both his parents before hand.

 

[ladypirate]

My guy has already told his parents we''re going to be getting married within the next couple of years, and he won''t be proposing for another 6 months at least!

 

[Cass]

My fiance told his family before hand and asked my father if he could marry me... he just didn''t tell my mom. My dad and him didn''t think she could keep it a secret

She was very surprised.

 

[tevyk]

Just chiming in here quickly after the fact: both of my parents were very happy that I came to them beforehand.