"To each their own" + *sniff!*

[ForteKitty]

Can I just say that i absolutely HATE that phrase? especially when it's followed by the "i know i'm right and you're wrong but i'm just saying this so you will shut up" sniff!

My friend always says that when she knows she's losing a debate. and it drives me batty. Just admit that you can't back those claims up already!

 

[TravelingGal]

I hate that phrase because it should be "to each, his own", not "their." But everyone always uses "their!"

So your friend gets the double whammy of wrong phrase + a non-wronger-admitter.

 

[ChloeTheGreat]

I like to say "to each, HER own" Does that make it ok?

 

[ForteKitty]

Chloe~ As long as you dont sniff and turn up your nose afterwards!

TG~ It's especially funny because she's a linguistics major. I should bring that up next time.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

In the South we just say "bless your heart."

 

[manderz]

I hate when someone calls your name, and then says oh, well, never mind.

 

[monarch64]

This thread is teaching me! I have always said "to each their own." Apparently I have been wrong and so have relatives. Please set me straight.

 

[meresal]

I use that phrase when people start an unwanted debate with me, about something I have said, or an opinion I have had.

So, it doesn't bother me. If people get annoyed that I say it, then maybe they should just accept what people have to say and move on. Not everything has to be an arguement.

*I am a little bitter right now, because this happened to me last night. I mentioned that I liked the Halftime show of the Super Bowl., and for some reason, 3 people decided to point out that I must be deaf... It couldn't be that I just had my own personal opinion, that doesn't effect a single person.


Sorry that you friend added on the lovely ending.

 

[Bunny007]

When I use the phrase (as I did in a recent post), I use it in the correct way , but I also usually mean, "hey, this is my position but I don't feel strongly enough to defend it, so please don't make this into a debate."

So I guess I agree with Mer.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I still think it's more tactful than saying 'Well you're an idiot".

 

[ForteKitty]

It's annoying because she starts the debates, and I think the stuff she says is rather ignorant.

Such as:

"there is no such thing as depression, people need to snap out of it" - um, yes there is. it's called a chemical imbalance.
"fibromyalgia, isn't that the thing people make up to make themselves feel like they're not crazy?" - oh wow.
"there is nothing wrong with puppy mills. MY dog is from a puppy mill and he's fine." - i'm not even going to start on that here.


I dont think i should have kept my mouth shut.

 

[dragonfly411]

In the South we just say "bless your heart."

I don't have to be hateful I can just say Bless your Heart.....

That's how I was raised too. Bless your heart, sounds so much sweeter anyways.

 

[Circe]

It's annoying because she starts the debates, and I think the stuff she says is rather ignorant.

Such as:

"there is no such thing as depression, people need to snap out of it" - um, yes there is. it's called a chemical imbalance.
"fibromyalgia, isn't that the thing people make up to make themselves feel like they're not crazy?" - oh wow.
"there is nothing wrong with puppy mills. MY dog is from a puppy mill and he's fine." - i'm not even going to start on that here.


I dont think i should have kept my mouth shut.

... I'm assuming she has some redeeming qualities?

I've used "to each his/her own" as necessary, but we're talking about issues where NO ONE is going to change their mind, and it's become obvious after two or three hours of debate (politics, religion, etc.) Doing it to shut people up when they disagree with you right off the bar, though, that's just ... bullheaded.

 

[meresal]

It's annoying because she starts the debates, and I think the stuff she says is rather ignorant.

Such as:

"there is no such thing as depression, people need to snap out of it" - um, yes there is. it's called a chemical imbalance.
"fibromyalgia, isn't that the thing people make up to make themselves feel like they're not crazy?" - oh wow.
"there is nothing wrong with puppy mills. MY dog is from a puppy mill and he's fine." - i'm not even going to start on that here.


I dont think i should have kept my mouth shut.

FK, these are the kind of comments that I just ignore when people say them. Trying to prove people they are wrong is a waste of time, energy, and oxygen.

In all honesty, maybe if you guys just ignore her craziness she will realize her comments aren't even worth saying.

ETA: You shoudln't have to keep your mouth shut. However, if it is driving you crazy, then why continue to perpetuate the problem by acknowledging her?

 

[Jennifer W]

In the South we just say "bless your heart."

In Scotland, we say "aye, right." Load it with sarcasm/

 

[ForteKitty]

Southern ladies- I think i need to use "bless your heart" next time. But she might keel over from shock.

NEL- tbh, if i'm being an idiot, i'd rather someone call me out for being an idiot!

Circe- she's got some good points. However, I can't seem to think of any right now. And yes, she does cut you off right after she makes her offensive comments, and tells you that "you'll come around" or "you'll realize the truth". Why do i put up with it? because i feel sorry for her, and while her comments are irritating, it certainly doesn't hurt any because i know she's wrong. (ha!) Her social skills are a little rusty (she's working on that with a therapist), and i feel her comments are half out of fear. She developed that behavior over the last 10 years due to a verbally abusive relationship.

 

[ForteKitty]

Mere- It's a really long story. I've known her for a very long time, and she wasn't like this before her abusive and isolating marriage. She gets very argumentative now. She knows that her behavior is not right sometimes, but she has a very hard time distinguishing what is acceptable. Her therapist asked her to warn her friends about that, so we all know. Most of the time when she gets into one of her moods, we call her out and tell her it's not acceptible, but she doesn't understand why. She recently joked that dealing with her must be like dealing with a child raised by wolves.

She uses "to each their own" a LOT, so that's why the phrase is so irritating to me right now.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Southern ladies- I think i need to use "bless your heart" next time. But she might keel over from shock.

NEL- tbh, if i'm being an idiot, i'd rather someone call me out for being an idiot!

Circe- she's got some good points. However, I can't seem to think of any right now. And yes, she does cut you off right after she makes her offensive comments, and tells you that "you'll come around" or "you'll realize the truth". Why do i put up with it? because i feel sorry for her, and while her comments are irritating, it certainly doesn't hurt any because i know she's wrong. (ha!) Her social skills are a little rusty (she's working on that with a therapist), and i feel her comments are half out of fear. She developed that behavior over the last 10 years due to a verbally abusive relationship.

I agree, Forte. I at least appreciate the honesty instead of a passive-aggressive remark.

 

[chemgirl]

I find the phrase to be passive aggressive. In my opinion,its up there with "Its none of my business, BUT..." as one of the worst fake-polite things you can say.

 

[zoebartlett]

In the South we just say "bless your heart."

I don't mind the phrase as long as it's grammatically correct, as Chloe mentioned. What can I say? I'm a stickler.

 

[qtiekiki]

Off topic - FK, so the marriage was abusive? Glad she is working on herself now.

 

[ForteKitty]

Off topic - FK, so the marriage was abusive? Glad she is working on herself now.

Verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, and she (by her own choice) isolated herself for 10 years. Told us off via email, said she didn't want to have anything to do with us, even tho we didn't say or do anything to her! She didn't have any friends, they lived in another state where she met him and never made any new friends. She is a professor, so while she talked TO her students, she never really had any interaction with people. Then a few years ago, she emailed us and apologized, after she realized what she'd done.

She said it's like stepping out of a cult compound for the first time. She doesn't know how to converse with people, and she does't know what a normal relationship is like.

I'm glad she's out of it. But i have to admit it's really really hard on us. We're having a tough time dealing with her because she has a hard time understanding every day stuff. we have to explain a lot of things that most people consider common sense. But it's getting better!!

 

[Circe]

I find the phrase to be passive aggressive. In my opinion,its up there with "Its none of my business, BUT..." as one of the worst fake-polite things you can say.

See also, starting or ending any sentence with "No offense ...."

 

[LGK]

I find the phrase to be passive aggressive. In my opinion,its up there with "Its none of my business, BUT..." as one of the worst fake-polite things you can say.

See also, starting or ending any sentence with "No offense ...."

Heck yes. Two of my least favorite phrases of all time. Amazes me what people will think is OK to say to another person. Lord.

I love the Southern snarky "bless your heart". Some years ago I worked with a true southern belle who was in her late 70s I think, and a real kick. (She had the greatest name, Jimmie Sue; abbreviate at your own risk.) She busted out the bless your hearts anytime somebody got out of line. Worked wonderfully! And truly entertaining for the bystanders. I watched her take out this ranting guy with one once, totally derailed his train of thought. it was awesome.

Fortekitty, it's awesome you're sticking by your friend through a tough time. It can be really difficult though; one of my friends is in a similar situation (also someone I've known for decades) and I sometimes just want to shake some sense into her when she's talking about leaving her kids with her abusive, herion addicted, convicted bank robber of an ex. Or sleeping her way through her 18 year old co-workers (ew) or other icky shennanigans related to not having a clue how to handle life/people after being isolated by a creep for years on end. Mostly she's reverted to acting like a teenage party girl (at 33 with two kids), rather than being argumentative, but it's not easy to deal with either way I'm sure. Good luck!

 

[Gypsy]

I still think it's more tactful than saying 'Well you're an idiot".

ROFLMAO. That's exactly how I feel. I use "to each his/her own" when I really mean: "you have a right to be an idiot, and I have a right to not continue talking to an idiot."

 

[Gypsy]

I find the phrase to be passive aggressive. In my opinion,its up there with "Its none of my business, BUT..." as one of the worst fake-polite things you can say.

See also, starting or ending any sentence with "No offense ...."

This always sets my DH laughing. Even if it's just his eyes laughing and the rest of him is poker faced. The minute someone says "No offense" you KNOW they just shouldn't continue the sentence.

 

[portia]

I find the phrase to be passive aggressive. In my opinion,its up there with "Its none of my business, BUT..." as one of the worst fake-polite things you can say.

See also, starting or ending any sentence with "No offense ...."

This always sets my DH laughing. Even if it's just his eyes laughing and the rest of him is poker faced. The minute someone says "No offense" you KNOW they just shouldn't continue the sentence.

LOL! I just got that comment directed at me by my client this afternoon. I'm really busy at work and he walks up to me and says 'Oh, there's so-and-so Jr. I need to talk to you.' (where 'so-and-so' is the name of another female co-worker of mine that had worked at this client previously). Then he follows it up by saying 'No offense'. I was thinking 1) No offense taken because I really don't care and then 2) why would you even say 'No offense' if you really didn't really mean that comment? I thought it was funny that happened today and then saw this thread.

My SIL loves to use 'Awww, aren't you cute.' which to me is kind of similar to 'bless your heart'. Another one... I was working long hours on a project at work and she says to me 'Well, aren't you a little trooper!'.

 

[Circe]

I find the phrase to be passive aggressive. In my opinion,its up there with "Its none of my business, BUT..." as one of the worst fake-polite things you can say.

See also, starting or ending any sentence with "No offense ...."

This always sets my DH laughing. Even if it's just his eyes laughing and the rest of him is poker faced. The minute someone says "No offense" you KNOW they just shouldn't continue the sentence.

I tend to substitute "dude." It doesn't quite fit with my general persona, but somehow, saying, 'Dude, you're being stupid' seems to sting less than, "No offense, but that's a terrible idea ...." I assume it's because the tone undercuts the judge-iness.

 

[Imdanny]

http://audiolatinproverbs.blogspot.com/2006/10/cuique-suum.html

It's a Latin proverb. I don't dislike it.

I think the problem comes in when the person follows it up by saying, "haha, nana, I didn't mean it."

I used to know a kid who said dumb, antagonizing things like this. Needless to say the friendship didn't last a lifetime.

 

[soocool]

I believe if people spoke less, then we would all get along.

I am a very good listener. This is probably why people (some I don't really know) seek me out. I see how they struggle to "spit out" their words so that I can empathize with them. In all honesty, these people just say the first thing that comes to mind rather than stopping to think first before they speak. I think I will start using the phrase "Bless your heart" and see how quickly they all just shut up.