Tired of all the hassle...followup to "I am not sure what to do"

[DonaBella]

I thought I''d best start a new thread since my former thread was so long...For those of you just joining this, skim over "I am not sure what to do" thread...

We are still going to family therapy with my oldest daughter, oldest son, second daughter, hubby and myself. Last night did not go very well at the session however. We had our first family therapy session 2 weeks ago on a Thurs. morning following my eldest son''s lashing out at me and his younger sister. This therapy session did not go as I had hoped however. This mtg was intended to set boundaries or rules badly needed for our 4 eldest adult children, not to clear up the discord that was between myself, my younger daughter and my oldest son. Nonetheless, it was WAY over due.

At this initial meeting towards the end, daughter #2 said clearly out loud that due to work, she was not available to attend the family therapy sessions Sunday evening. Son #1 suggested that maybe on Sunday morning or Sunday afternoon might be a better option. Husband agreed. Unfortunately, we left without rescheduling to a Sunday afternoon and our appt. stayed scheduled for Sunday night.

For our second family therapy session, Son #1 was there and so was Daughter #1, but Son #2--who had not been at the former mtg--was not, despite reminders, and Daughter #2 was at work. Son #2 admittedly via cell phone that he totally forgot and was with friends. The consequence for not attending is a $25 fine. Son #2 said he was sorry to have forgotten and since he was so far away from home--about 25 miles--he would just pay the fine this time. Daughter #2 left for work at 3pm to a local restaurant.

My husband was going to cut daughter #2 some slack due to her work schedule but Daughter #1 and Son #1 and even the therapist said he needed to be fair. Keep in mind that no one--including me at the time--remembered what Daughter #2 said at the previous mtg that she would not be available. Daughter #2 is finishing her last 3 weeks at the restuarant and she has given her notice. She is planning on moving out to attend a vocational college about 25 miles from home, as well as to escape the drama and prejudice from her two older siblings.

I am not sure how it is going to settle with my husband, but I sent him an FYI email to gently remind him of what Daughter #2 said by making us aware of her schedule two weeks ago and how we failed to listen and reschedule this mtg. I feel she should not be fined--this time. I do not want to be perceived as giving her "special treatment" but the facts are that we failed to hear her. I include myself.

Any ideas on this?

 

[DonaBella]

Sorry my post was so long, but I was trying to encapsulate alot to paint the picture accurately of what is going on...

 

[decodelighted]

We all like you Deanna so I wonder if sometimes people don't respond 'cause they don't want to "go against" your take on things.

My first thought is ... how did you all of a sudden remember what D#2 said in the last session and no one else did? Did SHE remind you and you believe her. That isn't fair IMO. $25 seems a small price to pay to not appear to be (or actually) be showing favoratism.

Why didn't she follow up re: the scheduling? Or wonder if the session was changed to when she COULD make it.

BTW ...Your language, adjectives etc speak volumes about how you really feel about each of these kids (and their treatment of you). I do hope continuing the family therapy will lead to peace in what seems to be a VERY uncomfortable living situation.

ETA ... being fined could actually be GOOD for D#2, as one of HER issues seems to be sticking up for herself & BEING HEARD & acknowledged. If NO ONE heard her need to reschedule, then she'll know whe has to speak up more next time, follow up more, BE HEARD! Babying her & "making it all better" afterwards helps NO ONE. Just MHO.

 

[sarita]

Deanna,

I came across your other thread yesterday, and while I cannot say that I have much helpful advice for you, I did want to post my feelings.

You seem to be a strong, compassionate and selfless woman and I really wish the best for you surrounding this whole situation. It''s not fair and it''s awful to hear how you are being hurt so undeservedly. Like many other posters and your therapist I agree you are putting Son #1 and Daughter #1''s considerations above yourself, and they are clearly taking advantage of you. I know that is what mothers do but right now their behavior is damaging you deeply and you do not owe it to them anymore to come at this from the nice-guy stance. It seems like distance - combined with the family therapy - is the best method to approach this, as you are doing. I hope Daughter #2 feels better soon, with the much-needed break from the drama, and glad to hear the other kids seem to be handling the siutation okay.

As hard as it seems right now (and I am in NO position to tell you to chin up, so please don''t take this to mean that) I am so happy that you have the love and support of your partner in all of this, your husband. The communication and loyalty that you two share is incredible - if I ever saw myself in a situation like this I could only pray to have a union as solid as yours seems to be. Can you imagine how it would be climbing this mountain alone?

Of course, we are hear for you too. You will certainly be in my thoughts.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/16/2006 12:27:51 PM
Author: decodelighted
We all like you Deanna so I wonder if sometimes people don''t respond ''cause they don''t want to ''go against'' your take on things.

My first thought is ... how did you all of a sudden remember what D#2 said in the last session and no one else did? Did SHE remind you and you believe her. That isn''t fair IMO. $25 seems a small price to pay to not appear to be (or actually) be showing favoratism.

Why didn''t she follow up re: the scheduling? Or wonder if the session was changed to when she COULD make it.

BTW ...Your language, adjectives etc speak volumes about how you really feel about each of these kids (and their treatment of you). I do hope continuing the family therapy will lead to peace in what seems to be a VERY uncomfortable living situation.

I appreciate what you are saying Deco...and I do want an honest take on what is read here.

I don''t want anyone here to think I just want people to agree with me...I truly want things better, but I will be honest, I am sincerely tired of the whole mess.

You deserve an answer your fair question on why I came to remember what D#2 said about her availability...Last night at the session, we were asked by the therapist to make a list--just one page--listing who had done what to us. It was my turn first. I mentioned something having to do with S#1''s behavior and how I was hurt that he was short on patience, yet quick with anger and how I wished he would be able to get a grasp on this because it can be scary to me. D#1 became emotional over her brother''s change, saying she appreciated him the way he was and that our family is and has been deteriorating and how that made her feel.

D#1 is very guarded so this vulnerability that shared with us was very poignant and caught all of us off guard. I was very glad she shared and permitted us to see her feelings. My husband asked a question of her that unfortunately time did not permit us to get an answer. With all of that raw emotion floating in the air and still taking that in, it wasn''t until later at home as I prepared for bed that I even recalled D#2''s comments.

Yes, she got a note on her door from her Dad and yes, she called me regarding the note. I re-directed her to her father to discuss her feelings about the fine with him. I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself as to not interfere with her dad and her. Was it hard? Yes...I admit it was, but I am making all attempts possible with all of my older kids--and younger ones, too--to put it back on them to go make things right with whomever they have issues with.

In the not too distant past, it was automatic for me to try to "make things better", when in fact it made things worse. I am working diligently to hold my tongue and re-direct...

And, Deco, you are further correct...D#2 needs to do the rescheduling with hubby, D#1 and S#1. I could not agree more...Part of being a part of the problem is needing to be a part of the solution as well, I feel...That is why I am stepping out of further talks on that. You have made excellent and well received points...I am not arguing that.

Deco, would you help better understand what you meant by the last part of your post? What do you mean by my adjectives and language saying what I feel for these young people? I just want to be clear...

And thank you for your comments...I want to be better and it does help...

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/16/2006 12:27:51 PM
Author: decodelighted
We all like you Deanna so I wonder if sometimes people don''t respond ''cause they don''t want to ''go against'' your take on things.

My first thought is ... how did you all of a sudden remember what D#2 said in the last session and no one else did? Did SHE remind you and you believe her. That isn''t fair IMO. $25 seems a small price to pay to not appear to be (or actually) be showing favoratism.

Why didn''t she follow up re: the scheduling? Or wonder if the session was changed to when she COULD make it.

BTW ...Your language, adjectives etc speak volumes about how you really feel about each of these kids (and their treatment of you). I do hope continuing the family therapy will lead to peace in what seems to be a VERY uncomfortable living situation.

ETA ... being fined could actually be GOOD for D#2, as one of HER issues seems to be sticking up for herself & BEING HEARD & acknowledged. If NO ONE heard her need to reschedule, then she''ll know whe has to speak up more next time, follow up more, BE HEARD! Babying her & ''making it all better'' afterwards helps NO ONE. Just MHO.

I also support what you have said here about D#2 speaking up for herself. Believe me, she is not a quiet girl and she can and should say something...I cannot find fault with that bit of advice.

What I hear you say is "You want to be heard and recognized? Then you need to stand up for YOU and don''t think that dear Mama is gonna do it for you cuz she''s not and shouldn''t" ...and that''s true.

If she is old enough to date. go to college, move out or whatever, then she is old enough to make a stand for herself and share what''s on her mind.

When I say I "want things better" I really do...that is why even though we we attend family therapy as a faily, I still faithfully go to individual therapy with my own doctor/therapist. She is helping me to draw boundaries and to help me with my personal areas of weakness. Also, when to say something and what that something should be and when to be quiet and hold my tongue...

It takes time for anything worth having to evolve, but I am doing what I personally can. I have never denied--nor would I--my part in enabling the situation. In the same breathe, however, I can only work on me and won''t allow myself to take the fall for the actions or reactions of others...been there, done that and won''t anymore.

That is why this is all so tiring and challenging...

 

[DonaBella]

Just thought I''d update you a bit further...

Hubby has just emailed me that he did recall us discussing a change of time and that we--he and I--forgot when we confirmed our usual Sunday night time slot with the therapist. Since we made the appt., he said, we failed to act. Hubby wants D#2 to try to get Sunday nights off. If she can''t, he said he will work something out with D#1, D#2 and S#1 so that we all can be present. S#2 will have to get in to the act as well. So far, he has yet to show up to a Fam. Therapy mtg...and he paid his $25 for missing last night''s...

I wanted to bring things up to speed thus far...

 

[decodelighted]

Language is a funny thing. I probably read WAY more into it than is intended ... and most of my thought re: languqage were on the previous post. But in the interest of keeping things to THIS post, and honoring your request for examples ...

Date: 1/16/2006 12:00:12 PM
Author:DeannaBana
Son #2 said he was sorry to have forgotten and since he was so far away from home--about 25 miles--he would just pay the fine this time.

Things about Son #2 & Daughter # 2 (and you) always seem couched in the best possible light. Don''t think this is how it would have been stated had this been Son #1 or Daughter #1 .... Might have gone: "That irresponsible, selfish b*itch didn''t even have the courtesy to show up ... but CALLED on the cell phone AT THE LAST MINUTE claiming that they FORGOT then, instead of SHOWING UP LATE had the nerve to decide paying the $25 fine was a more CONVEINENT option for them. Oh the lack of respect!!!"

She is planning on moving out to attend a vocational college about 25 miles from home, as well as to escape the drama and prejudice from her two older siblings.

Daughter #2 is "escaping" ... Would Son #1 or Daughter #2 be "escaping" if they left?

I sent him an FYI email to gently remind him of what Daughter #2 said by making us aware of her schedule two weeks ago and how we failed to listen and reschedule this mtg.

Again ... you''re all "gently reminding" not "butting in despite the therapist advice not to be unfair" (best possible light) ... then instead of Daughter #2 "failing" to get her needs met ... you blame everyone else for "failing to listen."

AGAIN ... I''m sure this is WAY overanalyzing everything, but since I''d already mentioned my reaction to it - and you wanted to know specifics - I spelled it out. If you just wanted back-patting & high-five-ing, I''m sure you wouldn''t be laying out such detail.

Please don''t think I''m not sympathetic to the situation. I truly do wish the best for you and EVERY member of your family!

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/16/2006 1:18:23 PM
Author: decodelighted
Language is a funny thing. I probably read WAY more into it than is intended ... and most of my thought re: languqage were on the previous post. But in the interest of keeping things to THIS post, and honoring your request for examples ...

Date: 1/16/2006 12:00:12 PM
Author:DeannaBana
Son #2 said he was sorry to have forgotten and since he was so far away from home--about 25 miles--he would just pay the fine this time.

Things about Son #2 & Daughter # 2 (and you) always seem couched in the best possible light. Don''t think this is how it would have been stated had this been Son #1 or Daughter #1 .... Might have gone: ''That irresponsible, selfish b*itch didn''t even have the courtesy to show up ... but CALLED on the cell phone AT THE LAST MINUTE claiming that they FORGOT then, instead of SHOWING UP LATE had the nerve to decide paying the $25 fine was a more CONVEINENT option for them. Oh the lack of respect!!!''

She is planning on moving out to attend a vocational college about 25 miles from home, as well as to escape the drama and prejudice from her two older siblings.

Daughter #2 is ''escaping'' ... Would Son #1 or Daughter #2 be ''escaping'' if they left?

I sent him an FYI email to gently remind him of what Daughter #2 said by making us aware of her schedule two weeks ago and how we failed to listen and reschedule this mtg.

Again ... you''re all ''gently reminding'' not ''butting in despite the therapist advice not to be unfair'' (best possible light) ... then instead of Daughter #2 ''failing'' to get her needs met ... you blame everyone else for ''failing to listen.''

AGAIN ... I''m sure this is WAY overanalyzing everything, but since I''d already mentioned my reaction to it - and you wanted to know specifics - I spelled it out. If you just wanted back-patting & high-five-ing, I''m sure you wouldn''t be laying out such detail.

Please don''t think I''m not sympathetic to the situation. I truly do wish the best for you and EVERY member of your family!

I appreciate you taking the time to respond back...Let me see if I can respond to what you have described here...

You said that S#2 and D#2 and myself are always seen couched in the best possible light...I think I feel more at ease with with both of these two and my natural inclination is to describe them--even when they are most certainly wrong--is not as harsh as I do S#1 and D#1. As for myself, I know where I have failed with myself. I hold nothing back in admitting that I can slip all too easy in my fair share of lashing out. I do not now or in previous posts say that I am free from enabling this or any other family situation...BUT the difference is I am working diligently on ME to change ME. I cannot coerce anyone else to do the same for themselves...and the two in question--S#1 and D#1--are not in a position to judge me or advise me, yet they do and thus, my natural ''man" to give a zinger back comes out. I am working it and am actually getting along just fine with both daughters as I write this...

I do see and understand what you are saying, Deco...and I take ownership of it and am very careful with my responses to them vocally--for their sakes and for my own. I am their mom and need to set the example and so the burden falls heaviest on me.

Let''s see...You also mentioned about S#2''s call that he wasn''t coming to the mtg. Yes, it was very disrespectful of him and when he came to my hubby to pay his fine, he apparently was very regrettful and shared that with my husband. Nonetheless, he still had to pay the fine and he still was disrespectful. That didn''t change, but at least by the time he came to deal with his mistake face to face with his Dad, he handled himself in an appropriate manner.

If the older two had chose not to come, I would have been very upset, but I can''t agree that I would have quickly jumped to what you described...not unless there had been some drama and disrespect that accompanied it, and even then, I don''t know for sure. Deco, I am not sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next episode of turmoil...Believe me...I am SO way tired of all of this...

Yes, in previous posts, I admit I was more emotionally charged, hurt, desperate for change and tired of being mistreated and from that, came my choice of adjectives that attempted to capture my frustration. And yes...I struggle to get along with the older two, but I love all of them equally. I can''t and wouldn''t say I like them all equally because that would be a lie. They are 4 seperate young adults and have different temperments. One approach does not work for all and that is part of the art of parenting. Its life long and arduous. Just when I want to throw in the towel and go for easy, I remember how important each one is to me...THAT is propels me forward.

You commented about D#2 "escaping" and whether or not it would be considered the same for the older two...well, yes and no. Yes, because everyone wants to get out and away from what is uncomfortable or distasteful...which is what it is when you perceive as she does that your older two siblings are ganging up on you and you want "out" to survive...It''s a feeling I personally have felt and it is just natural, not right or wrong...And No, because, the older two are at a different place than D#2. If they don''t like our rules in our home, they can leave and probably would if things become too restrained for them. Neither of the first two young adults--S#1 and D#1--have anyone "lashing out" at them making them feel like leaving.

You are right that D#2 needs to make her own way and voice be heard, but it is in HOW that is accomplished that will be most helpful to her and the entire family. Any size of family will have issues of every member being heard, valued and given their time in the sun. It''s harder the bigger the family. On that, I am well educated on. As a mom of 9 kids, its my job to make sure every one''s ''pot'' is stirred, so to say...even as they get older, but I won''t force myself onto anyone and they do know I love them, even now with us not getting on as good as we should...the love still there...

Oh...and as for hubby, he was appreciative. He is a very busy businessman and appreciated the reference so all is well there. Its better for me to "gently remind" him than to arrogantly TELL him what he should or shouldn''t do...that would not be right or honoring to my husband.

Backpatting is not what was hoped for here, Deco...insight was. You actually were very helpful and I thank YOU...I can''t expect you and anyone viewing this thread to fully understand and for what you do get from this, I appreciate comment on.
I am the one who lives it and whether or not I fully capture it in words to adequately describe it, is mine alone to discern.

So many here have helped by recommending books to read, different approaches,***hugs***, prayers, etc., but quite frankly, I use this an an opportunity to vent, to refuel, to redirect myself, and to recharge my spirit...

My family IS very important to me and it affects everything I do, but in the same breathe, I need to have my views or thoughts reinforced whether it be by any of you here on PS or here in my neighborhood that are close to me. Everyone wants to be seen as doing their best, but my truest of friends know me and help me to make me the best I can be, even if they need to show me my faults to help move me forward...THAT''s what real friends do and its how they do it that has the most effect of all...

 

[MrsFrk]

I am glad to hear that family therapy is continuing.

I think that regardless of the actual situation, you must bend over backward to not be seen as an advocate for daughter #2. Son #1 and daughter #1 will jump on the opportunity to play "See! You are playing favorites!" and will be able to psychologically invalidate all other constructive criticism of their own faults.

If things are as chaotic and tense as they seem, I would totally understand if Son #2 simply keeps paying the 25 bucks and avoids therapy. He would be utterly justified in thinking "Mom and Dad let things get this bad, and I don''t see why I should have to take time out of my Sunday to help fix it." You may need to reach out to him and let him know how sorry you are that you have let things get so bad, and that you really feel that he would be able to provide some valuable insight to the situation. There are a lot of innocent victims in this dynamic, and they need some special care and feeding.

((((((((hugs))))))) Good luck! I''ll be praying for you.

 

[monarch64]

Wow, I wish my family had invested the time and patience in family therapy when I was still at home! Deanna, all I can say is bravo to you for keeping the faith alive! This is a tough period to go through in any family situation, and you have dealt with it head on like there''s no tomorrow. I applaud your efforts and for taking the bull by the horns to steer your family through a difficult time. I hope and pray for you that all of these heartaches will pay off in the end and someday you will all look back and thank your lucky stars that you worked through the hard times as a family. I''m pulling for you guys!

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/17/2006 2:55:33 AM
Author: MrsFrk
I am glad to hear that family therapy is continuing.

I think that regardless of the actual situation, you must bend over backward to not be seen as an advocate for daughter #2. Son #1 and daughter #1 will jump on the opportunity to play ''See! You are playing favorites!'' and will be able to psychologically invalidate all other constructive criticism of their own faults.

If things are as chaotic and tense as they seem, I would totally understand if Son #2 simply keeps paying the 25 bucks and avoids therapy. He would be utterly justified in thinking ''Mom and Dad let things get this bad, and I don''t see why I should have to take time out of my Sunday to help fix it.'' You may need to reach out to him and let him know how sorry you are that you have let things get so bad, and that you really feel that he would be able to provide some valuable insight to the situation. There are a lot of innocent victims in this dynamic, and they need some special care and feeding.

((((((((hugs))))))) Good luck! I''ll be praying for you.

I agree...I went to personal therapy with my doctor and she helped enlighten me a bit...

I agree that staying clear of not being seen as an advocate for my second daughter is first and foremost something I must do not just for son #1 and daughter #1, but for ALL of the kids...I am setting a precidence(I probably spelled this incorrectly!) for all the others, not just her older siblings.

Redirecting even the smallest of issues that she may have with her Dad or another sibling is where I have actively and currently seen I have had the most impact. If she has an issue with someone, I tell her she is needs to follow up with that person and it does not involve me and to remember to listen twice as much as she talks. So far, it has borne fruit and she and her Dad came to an understanding about the other day regarding therapy and that''s between them...if he wants me to know, he''ll tell me...if not, that''s fine, too.

As for son #2, he has been re-directed as well to his Dad and they talked as well. To tell you the truth, it has been quite smooth so far even with myself and D#1. She and I are chatty and watching tv shows together and I am cautiously optimistic. I am not reading too much into anything...just enjoying things as they are.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/17/2006 3:02:28 AM
Author: monarch64

Wow, I wish my family had invested the time and patience in family therapy when I was still at home! Deanna, all I can say is bravo to you for keeping the faith alive! This is a tough period to go through in any family situation, and you have dealt with it head on like there''s no tomorrow. I applaud your efforts and for taking the bull by the horns to steer your family through a difficult time. I hope and pray for you that all of these heartaches will pay off in the end and someday you will all look back and thank your lucky stars that you worked through the hard times as a family. I''m pulling for you guys!

Thanks SO much!!!

Your support along with others is more than appreciated...

I, too, wish my family growing up had done this...I have 3 brothers that I hardly see, one of which I have an ongoing relationship with. The other two have told my folks they really have no need to stay in touch with me...which is sad...more than I can say in words...

...But if they called and needed something, I wouldn''t hesitate to help...I talked to my mom today as a matter of fact...she was having a good day with her dementia so it was positive. I got the current ph. numbers for the other two and I plan to call them FIRST to see about re-starting things...i am not hoping for a miracle, just a few minutes with them...

All of this has taught me alot...I want to be close to my family...and as my therapist said today, with the older kids, change in our relationship is more necessary for them than for me to reach their potential...Yes, lines have to be drawn, but I need to take things slow and not hope for more than today...for now...and I am trying...

 

[princessv]

Oh Deanna I just wanted to say *BIG hugs* as I have been following your story. I don''t have much to add that others haven''t already added except I truly sympathize with the position you are in and that I hope everything works out for you!

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/17/2006 8:50:45 PM
Author: Princess V
Oh Deanna I just wanted to say *BIG hugs* as I have been following your story. I don''t have much to add that others haven''t already added except I truly sympathize with the position you are in and that I hope everything works out for you!

Princess, it means more than I can share with you to have your support by just chiming in...and things WILL work out...they just have to...

We actually had a nice family meal, minus 2 of our family members due to work responsibilities...Even Son #1 was here and everyone got along really well...I was SO excited that I felt like I didn''t want to breathe for fear it would be over...

I am reading three books right now--off and on--to lend me a little support and it really helps. I love reading the books by Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura. They just make sense...I also am reading "Boundaries" by Drs. Townsend and McCloud and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

Once the kids go to bed and with my hubby traveling like he is tonight, I have a little time to read and spend a bit of time on PS...

Again...thank you...

 

[mrssalvo]

Deanne, i''m so glad to hear you all had a nice dinner. sounds like a very positive baby step. I hope the books you''re reading will help to give you some true insight not only into your husband and kids but yourself as well. thanks for keeping us posted

.

don''t you have and anniversary trip coming up soon?

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/18/2006 9:19:33 AM
Author: mrssalvo
Deanne, i''m so glad to hear you all had a nice dinner. sounds like a very positive baby step. I hope the books you''re reading will help to give you some true insight not only into your husband and kids but yourself as well. thanks for keeping us posted

.

don''t you have and anniversary trip coming up soon?

Thanks for remembering!!!

I went out to do a little bit of shopping for the trip...and have some additional stuff I would like to get to make it just that much more special...Yes, I am hoping the books I have been reading will assist me...my anniversary is the 14th of February and we leave for St. Lucia on the 21st of February after the Valentine rush. We kind of need to be here at home to help with the flower shop then we can relax...

 

[Kaleigh]

Deanne,
As a mother I applaud you for your efforts. I had an idea, that maybe before you go on your anniversary vacation, you could write a special letter to your kids that are in conflict (And for that matter all your kids.) One telling them individually how much you love them. Giving specific reasons and perhaps apologizing for things that have gone a wry. I have no expertise in this, but grew up in a house full of conflict . If I had gotten a letter of love and support it would have meant the world to me. Just my 0.2

Lisa

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/19/2006 1:31:48 AM
Author: kaleigh
Deanne,
As a mother I applaud you for your efforts. I had an idea, that maybe before you go on your anniversary vacation, you could write a special letter to your kids that are in conflict (And for that matter all your kids.) One telling them individually how much you love them. Giving specific reasons and perhaps apologizing for things that have gone a wry. I have no expertise in this, but grew up in a house full of conflict . If I had gotten a letter of love and support it would have meant the world to me. Just my 0.2

Lisa

You know...I wrote Christmas Letters to each of my kids, from me to them, and it was a big hit and I got great response from most of the kids. I feel the anniversary letter is in that vein, but with the twist you suggested...

...it would be extra meaningful, I hope, to each of them...

As I write this, Son #1 and Daughter #2 are at counseling at Son #1''s suggestion...I am hoping and praying whatever happens there is helpful...keep your fingers crossed!!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Wow big progress is being made, that''s great. Keeping my fingers crossed that the session went well. I didn''t know you already wrote letters at Christmas. Perhaps my idea is redundent?? But I know with my kids I write them letters all the time telling them how much I love them and am proud of them. I love sticking them in their lunches or at the end of their beds so they can see them when they wake up in the morning.

 

[mrssalvo]

Lisa, that is so sweet, you are such a great mom. I live in the same city as my mom and she sends me little cards all the time. We normally talk 4-5 times a day too

. My mom also wrote notes on my lunch napkins while I was in school. Every day until I graduated from HS. My friends totally got a kick out of it. Those little notes meant the world to me and still do.

Deanne, I think of you family often and say a little prayer that peace will supernaturally find it''s way back into your home. It sounds like things are starting to progress positively. You trip is going to be awesome too and I think it would be great to write them all a second letter even though you just did one at Christmas

 

[crafftygrrl]

Deanna,

I am also glad that progress is being made. I can''t add much to what others have advised. You are a strong and kind woman. I feel for your situation and you are in my prayers.

I also hope you have a FABULOUS time on your anniversary trip.

 

[DonaBella]

Date: 1/19/2006 9:39:42 PM
Author: mrssalvo
Lisa, that is so sweet, you are such a great mom. I live in the same city as my mom and she sends me little cards all the time. We normally talk 4-5 times a day too

. My mom also wrote notes on my lunch napkins while I was in school. Every day until I graduated from HS. My friends totally got a kick out of it. Those little notes meant the world to me and still do.

Deanne, I think of you family often and say a little prayer that peace will supernaturally find it''s way back into your home. It sounds like things are starting to progress positively. You trip is going to be awesome too and I think it would be great to write them all a second letter even though you just did one at Christmas

Thank you for your kind words...and those prayers are much appreciated...

Tomorrow, we are having a family bowling birthday party for Son #1 and i am really hoping that what has been happening continues...

 

[DonaBella]

Update on family bowling party...Well, we had a late start but a great time was had by all...

...Son #1''s birthday was celebrated with this party and a few friends came to enjoy the fun time at the bowling alley.

Everyone got along really well and we even took a few family pics that had us lined up in order of oldest to youngest. The pic was taken by my FDIL. I am not sure if the pics were taken with my camera or FDIL''s...

Family therapy with the counselor was not held this weekend due to problems with everyone''s schedule and the counselor being ill and calling it off.

We did add an interesting element to our family: we got a dog...

...A friend of a friend found this cute little guy and told us about him. He is a true mutt with a little Maltese in him for sure, but we don''t know what else. He is a year old, has been dewormed and neutered by the lady who found him. We picked him up last night and are having fun with him...I have to run to get things done, so I will tune in later to update you when I can...

 

[Patty]

I''m glad that the birthday party went well Deanne!

And congrats on the dog. Post pictures of him iplease! With a bit of Maltese in him, he should be adorable!

 

[mrssalvo]

I''m glad the B-day party went well too. and I second the request for pictures of the new doggie

 

[DonaBella]

I am up later than I should be so this post will be short...I appreciate anyone taking the time to keep this thread going...Yes, we have a new dog and he is a joy!

We finally named him tonight...His name is Kobe, like in Bryant. He went from "Squeaky" to "Buddy" to "Lucky" to finally "Kobe" and he is adorable...I will take pics and post them as soon as possible...

The dog is bringing us all a bit closer together. Son #1 even slept here last night and was cheerfully awakened by Kobe. We have only had a couple of pee pee accidents and that''s not too bad.

And I am definitely spoiling him...

I am heading off to sleep...more on family and doggie tomorrow...

BTW, Daughter #2 is not moving out any time soon...her choice after session with Son #1...

 

[mrssalvo]

that''s great deanne. I believe pets are so special and their unconditional love is something that can really bring a family closer together..