Tiny private wedding then party a few months later?

[LilyKat]

I'm not engaged yet, so feel a little cheeky coming over here, but my SO and I have been talking about marriage. Our ideal plan is to get officially engaged in March and then get married in September. However, my sister is getting married in June and I obviously don't want to encroach on her time - but I don't want to wait too long either, as we are not living together until marriage and want to start our lives together. (My sister is not the possessive sort and is fine with us getting married a few months later).

I've never wanted the big wedding thing and would be happiest with a small civil ceremony with just immediate family present. But my parents are set on having a big celebration of some sort, although it would not have to be on the same day as the wedding, and they don't want it to be too close to my sister's (neither do I).

I was wondering what you think about having a small private wedding for just parents and siblings (like an elopement with a few extras), and then a party for everybody maybe 4-6 months later? Would you think it was weird or does it sound ok? Do you know anyone who has done this?

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 9/15/2009 5:42:20 AM
Author:LilyKat
I''m not engaged yet, so feel a little cheeky coming over here, but my SO and I have been talking about marriage. Our ideal plan is to get officially engaged in March and then get married in September. However, my sister is getting married in June and I obviously don''t want to encroach on her time - but I don''t want to wait too long either, as we are not living together until marriage and want to start our lives together. (My sister is not the possessive sort and is fine with us getting married a few months later).

I''ve never wanted the big wedding thing and would be happiest with a small civil ceremony with just immediate family present. But my parents are set on having a big celebration of some sort, although it would not have to be on the same day as the wedding, and they don''t want it to be too close to my sister''s (neither do I).

I was wondering what you think about having a small private wedding for just parents and siblings (like an elopement with a few extras), and then a party for everybody maybe 4-6 months later? Would you think it was weird or does it sound ok? Do you know anyone who has done this?

I personally don''t like the idea of having a party to celebrate my wedding 6 months after the event but if you really want to keep your wedding very small and you want to please your parents then a party is o.k I guess. My FI''s twin brother had a very small wedding and said he would have a party afterwards. He never did have the party but nobody in the family really cares anyway as they''re happy

 

[cocolaw]

i think it would be fine! i think the guests would feel ok about it if you were to go somewhere with your immediate family, so that the guests don''t feel left out of the original ceremony. even if it is just a cabin in the woods! i would also send out save the dates either the day you are married or a few days before you are married so that the guests don''t feel like you just got married and then decided 6 months later to have a party so that you could get gifts or anything. i think that the more you can make the guests see that this is thought out, that you really want to include them from the beginning, the better!!

 

[ksinger]

I did that very thing. My mom, his dad, and a judge. BUT, we didn''t wait 6 months, but 6 weeks. I sent out invites to the party about 6-7 weeks before the actual wedding, and I can tell you, if you''re thinking of waiting 6 months, don''t count on a "Save the date" saving your party. I had people who lost that invite in quite short order. I did a bunch of PR and personal reminders. Having experienced how unable people really are (busy lives, piles of mail, etc) to save that date, I''d be sending the invite much closer to the actual event, and I would not wait 6 months. Get married quietly with your family, if anyone says anything, you can just tell them you only had family. No one can get their knickers in a twist at that: if no friends are invited, then no discrimination or leaving-out has taken place. When you do send your invite, send it with something breezy, like, "We got married small with family only, and now we''re inviting YOU to share our joy at a big bash!" or some variation thereof.

Our party was a great smash. We still get things like, "So you guys need to get married again so you can throw another one of those parties!"

 

[LilyKat]

Thanks guys! Do you think a party 2.5-3 months later would be a better idea then (late Nov/December)? The wedding would literally only be parents and siblings so hopefully no-one will be offended.

I would happily do without any party at all, but my parents are really keen to have one, and I''m not too opposed to it as they''ll be hosting the whole thing and it would make them happy. I just hate being the centre of attention, so am hoping a party it will be more low-key and less pressurised because it''s not a "wedding" as such.

 

[sillyberry]

Last night my mom suggested this very thing to me. I said "no way!" But I''m an attention whore.

I see no problem with holding a party whenever you want - from a day to a year (First Anniversary Bash!). People understand small, particularly in this economy, and if they know you (and that you don''t care for a big fuss) they''ll get it. Besides, anyone who would judge you for your decision would judge you for your choice in flowers/menu/band, anyway.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

I''m doing this very thing. Getting married a few hours from here, in January, with just my parents, his parents, my grandparents (who I''m very close to) and my brother. No friends, no extended family. So it''s totally an all-or-none thing when people ask. We haven''t finalized the party yet, but it''s going to be no later than 2 months after the wedding. We''ll be sending out Save the Dates for that party so people know ahead oftime that we do want them to celebrate with us.

I''m the same as you - I just don''t enjoy the attention of hundreds of people on me. I''d rather my wedding me an intimate event with the people I''m closest to - we''re giving them a weekend getaway to relax and just be together as I get married. I guess you could call it a destination wedding of sorts, as it is in the mountains and hours from here.

I think you should totally do what you want to do - if this is what you want and what makes you happy, DO IT. No questions. We struggled for a long time at how to do what we wanted but not make our entire extended families feel left out. This was a good solution. We''re not saying our vows in front of them, but we''re having a celebration later. Don''t know if there will be dancing, but it will be dinner and a few hours of something. It''s probably going to be at an aquarium, so there will be things to keep people occupied as well.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 9/15/2009 7:48:15 AM
Author: Londongirl1

Date: 9/15/2009 5:42:20 AM
Author:LilyKat
I''m not engaged yet, so feel a little cheeky coming over here, but my SO and I have been talking about marriage. Our ideal plan is to get officially engaged in March and then get married in September. However, my sister is getting married in June and I obviously don''t want to encroach on her time - but I don''t want to wait too long either, as we are not living together until marriage and want to start our lives together. (My sister is not the possessive sort and is fine with us getting married a few months later).

I''ve never wanted the big wedding thing and would be happiest with a small civil ceremony with just immediate family present. But my parents are set on having a big celebration of some sort, although it would not have to be on the same day as the wedding, and they don''t want it to be too close to my sister''s (neither do I).

I was wondering what you think about having a small private wedding for just parents and siblings (like an elopement with a few extras), and then a party for everybody maybe 4-6 months later? Would you think it was weird or does it sound ok? Do you know anyone who has done this?

I personally don''t like the idea of having a party to celebrate my wedding 6 months after the event but if you really want to keep your wedding very small and you want to please your parents then a party is o.k I guess. My FI''s twin brother had a very small wedding and said he would have a party afterwards. He never did have the party but nobody in the family really cares anyway as they''re happy

This is what I am hoping for!

Lilykat, our plan sounds similiar to yours right now. We have significant dates that we are considering, the first being in April, the other in September. They would be 5 months apart to the day. We are planning to elope, just the two of us, and FI wants to have a party/celebration later. I''m fine with doing it if he is going to lead the planning, but I won''t be planning an activity that I don''t want... so I''m hoping, as Londongirl mentioned, that after we get married, he''ll be too lazy to plan anything

Sorry for rambling. I have wondered the same thing about spacing the events out... I think the closer together, the better, generally speaking. But, on the other hand, there is another family wedding in between you events, so spacing things out might be better for people to be able to participate. Are your guests mostly locate or out of towners? It is your wedding though, and people will adjust/accomodate whatever you choose. Most people just love a good party

 

[lala2332]

we are doing our wedding that way, but its all the same weekend. That way the few friends that we want at the small wedding don''t have to travel twice. You could get married Friday in a civil ceremony and then have a ce;ebration party on Saturday, that way everything is still together, but you get to keep your small wedding and still please your parents.

 

[Still_Waiting]

We are planning a destination wedding for just our closest family and friends...those who are the most important in our lives. But, like you, are also planning a celebration when we get home. I''m just not sure when. It''s looking like it''ll probably be late fall/winter of next year...but I''ve been envisioning our at-home reception as an outdoor event. Hmm...thanks for bringing this up! I don''t think I''d like waiting until mid-summer (to be safe, weather-wise). On the otherhand, it''d allow for more planning time.

I say, do what you want. For me, I think it wouldn''t be as exciting to wait so long to have the party. But, I also think you should do what makes you guys happy!

 

[honey22]

I think it''s fine for your folks to throw you a party after the wedding, but I too would suggest keeping it a bit closer to the wedding. You could also have your photog (or DIY) make up a slideshow of your best pics to display in the background on a screen somewhere, so your guests can actually see your pics from the big day.

You could even slip off during the night, get back into your wedding gown etc and suprise your guests by recreating your first dance or something. I know it would be especially important for my grandmother to see my in my actual wedding gown (she can''t make the DW).

 

[oddoneout]

I think it''s fine...you get to do what you want and what your family wants.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 9/15/2009 5:46:39 PM
Author: honey22
I think it''s fine for your folks to throw you a party after the wedding, but I too would suggest keeping it a bit closer to the wedding. You could also have your photog (or DIY) make up a slideshow of your best pics to display in the background on a screen somewhere, so your guests can actually see your pics from the big day.

You could even slip off during the night, get back into your wedding gown etc and suprise your guests by recreating your first dance or something. I know it would be especially important for my grandmother to see my in my actual wedding gown (she can''t make the DW).

LOVE this idea! Totally stealing it! I def did not want to wear my dress for our reception/party, but I think this is a good compromise, and it would be really fun to ''transform'' over the course of the night!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I see nothing wrong with a small family wedding in Sept. and a larger reception within a few weeks. June to September is enough of a gap between yours and your sister''s weddings. I really don''t see any reason to wait months to celebrate.

 

[LilyKat]

Thanks for all the great advice! It''s good to know I''m not the only one thinking of doing this.

Trillionaire, most of my guests will be out-of-towners, as we are having the wedding in my hometown (so it will be local to my immediate family). I would actually love it if my parents "forgot" to plan the party afterwards, but sadly don''t think it''s likely

Diamondseeker, I''m glad you think 3 months is enough gap between my sister and my weddings - I didn''t want to feel I was encroaching on her time.

Luvthemstrawberries, it''s good to know I''m not the only one who is an attention anti-whore! The thought of saying vows in front of more than 10 people gives me a cold sweat...