Time to come out.

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Tomorrow would be 2 months before my wedding, so I feel like I should let everyone know that I am not getting married. For those who have been so supportive and taking the time out to give me perspective and wisdom, thank you so much, it did not go wasted.

There were many events that led to us splitting up. Our relationship was all we could ever talk about, we couldn't go on normal dates, or enjoy each other's company. It really felt like a battlefield sometimes. We followed through counseling religiously, but it didn't seem to have a good enough impact for us. Towards the end, he said something that still breaks my heart whenever I think about it - he said that if we called off the wedding, he didn't think he ever wanted to get married. At the point I really felt the ultimatum from him and too much pressure to marry him. There was no way I could continue planning a wedding just because I felt it was the only way to be married.

It's been a few months since we split up and we still remain good friends. We share our adorable dog and there was nothing ugly about the split. It almost felt like our time was up, even though it hurt to say goodbye and move out of the house. We both know that there's a possibility of reuniting in the distant future, but there's a lot that we each have to figure out and improve on until then. Right now I'm trying to get used to living on my own, and learning that it's OK to lean on others for support which has really helped me get through this new change in my life. I've also even been able to go on a few dates which have been nice, but I'm in no rush to start a relationship. Some days I miss my ex-fiance like crazy (the bad days), and other days I know I did the right thing (the good days). But I have a huge support system that gets me through each day and I am forever grateful for that.

All this makes me think how funny life can be. I spent the last two years or so having a crystal clear idea of what my life would be like, and where it would go. And over the course of just six months it all changed. That's not to say it's all bad though. I've learned so much from the 6 years I spent with him and have been able to reflect on where I can improve as a person and as a significant other for my future relationships. I've been able to refocus myself on the relationships I do have now with friends and family and really appreciate all the good things around me. My sister got married in March and is expecting a baby boy in September. My brother is starting college at BU in the fall, I survived my first year of medical school, and my mom and I are taking a much needed vacation for both of us to China in June.

I've been lurking for a while, and finally feel ready to let everyone know what has been going on. Everyone has been so supportive here and I wish all you wives-to-be all the best! <3 <3

 

[mrscushion]

I wish you all the best on your new path. It's great to hear that you have such a strong support network to rely on. Hugs.

 

[sillyberry]

I'm so sorry to hear about your split, but I'm happy it sounds like you're coming out on the other side a happier and healthier person.

::hugs::

 

[slg47]

sweetpea...sorry to hear this but glad to hear that you have a strong support network at home. you have us at PS too! *hugs*

 

[rosetta]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I think you did the right thing from what you've said. Best wishes to you.

 

[Tuckins1]

Sweetpea, sorry to hear about this, i'm sure it wasn't an easy decision to make. Best wishes to you in your future, and congrats on being brave enough to make that very difficult and mature decision!

 

[decodelighted]

Thanks for the update. It sounds like you are doing everything right! Congrats on being strong enough to follow your own gut! That ability should serve you well in life & in your career. Also: HUGS.

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

Good luck to you! You sound like you are doing well, all things considered. Here's to hoping those bad days grow fewer and farther between.

 

[blacksand]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time, but I congratulate you on having the strength to make the right decision for you. Best of luck to you! Remember that this is a good thing for you, even if it doesn't always feel that way.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I'm sorry about your split, hon. It is not easy. But sometimes it is the most courageous thing you can do, to take the risk of changing course in life. It can happen in relationships, jobs, any aspect of your life. I wish you all the best!

 

[HopeDream]

Hugs Sweetpea!

You made a tough decision, but I think you are a stronger women for it. Some relationships just have expiration dates and when they're done, they're done!

I hope you feel better soon, and that your trip with your mom is realxing and enjoyable - you deserve a break honey!

 

[mrswahs]

So sorry to hear about the split but you are strong and you will get through this. It sounds like you guys made the right decision and that you're going to be just fine

-hugs-

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Thank you so much everyone, it means a lot to have this much support <3

I'm still trying to get through resisting the urge to lean on my ex-fiance. It's still weird to call him that. It used to be so easy to rely on him for everything, and it's hard to remind myself that I can't do that anymore. I've been going through a good deal of health problems lately and the cause of these are currently unknown but still affecting my daily life. There are some days I can't get out of bed and other days where I can barely make it through the end of classes and those days I just to curl up with him and a cup of tea. It's so tough when we know neither of us are bad people, and it wasn't a single act that separated us. Those days it's really difficult to be strong and channel the independent, resilient me. But every day is a new day, I get through them, and I'm learning more about myself which is something that I haven't had the opportunity to do in a long time.