Thoughtful gifts that fall a little flat

[FlashyFlamingo]

I started dating a new guy four or five months ago. We are both professional people with some disposable income. He knows that I like jewelry and so he went to Saks and bought this:

It isn't exactly my style and frankly I think he got ripped off, but I of course pretended like it was the most gorgeous thing ever. So my question is: how do I get out of wearing it around him all the time? I'm certainly flattered that he took the time out of his day and spent quite a bit of money on a gift, it just isn't something I would ever normally wear.

 

[FlashyFlamingo]

Also, if this isn't a first world problem, I don't know what is.

 

[winnietucker]

For that much money I’d be super honest and be like, “this isn’t my style.” I’d then ask to exchange it for something that is. That’s way too much money on something you don’t like.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I know exactly what you mean... I hope things work out between you guys and you can steer him towards the behaviour most PS husbands seem to learn eventually: no expensive "surprises" ...and if you must at least not without running them by PS , lol

 

[lyra]

Well, that wouldn't fly with me. I hate that it has the word "Possession" on it. I know that could be taken many ways, but I just don't like it, nor do I like brand names/symbols on anything I wear. Of course that's all up to you, but it seems like a lot of money wasted when you could easily find something you actually do like.

 

[MamaBee]

I agree with @winnietucker..He spent a large amount for only dating four to five months. He obviously likes you a lot..This would be a test to how he handles you gently telling him that you love the thought but it isn’t your style..that you would like to pick out something else with him. I would not go over the amount he spent. I would even go as much as picking something that costs less if you really like it..I wouldn’t want him to think I was high maintenance but that’s just me...I’m weird though..haha

 

[KaeKae]

Simply stating my first reaction: Although I do like the basic style of this bracelet, the word "possession" would send me running. Is he giving you a message with that?

 

[House Cat]

I could never, in a million years wear something that branded me as another person’s possession. I would have to put my foot down on that one...firmly.

 

[missy]

I would be completely honest but do it gently.

That is too much money to let it be a waste and more importantly better to get off on the right foot with this gentleman so you have open and honest communication. The best way to start any relationship IMO.

I would say something like this is such a generous and thoughtful gift but it's not something I would enjoy wearing. Would it be possible to go back to Saks and exchange it for something that more reflects who I am as a person? (Yeah the word possession gives me pause too). And do it together making it that much more meaningful. I would be very gentle saying this and I would make sure he gets how appreciative you are that he bought you such a lovely gift. Just not your style that's all.

It's not easy because he got you a thoughtful gift but jewelry is so personal that it really is challenging to pick out jewelry for someone you have been with for 20 years let alone a few months. IMO.

 

[Scandinavian]

I would wear it and learn to love it if I really (really!) liked him ...

 

[VRBeauty]

I suppose the word “POSSESSION” could just be hipster irony - acknowledging conspicuous consumption by branding it - but I still wouldn’t want to wear it.

I’d use this as an opportunity to check compatibility where communication is concerned.

 

[missy]

I would wear it and learn to love it if I really (really!) liked him ...

So funny sweet Scandi because in this case I feel the opposite. If I really really liked him I would want to be completely honest and if I didn't care that much about our relationship I might not say a word...but then again if I didn't care that much I could never accept such an expensive gift. Definitely a quandary. And I think there is more than one right way to handle this. Though I always say honesty and communication is best in meaningful relationships. I can see both sides.

ETA I went through a similar scenario but it was after we were together for 5 years and well I had to tell Greg no I want to exchange it because it just isn't something I would wear and I did it very gently. He was at first hurt but when I explained it to him he got it and understood and was 100% onboard with us going there together to exchange it. And come to think of it I did the same thing with the first ER. LOL though it was too late to exchange it as he held onto it for 8 months before he gave it to me knowing I was not ready. But haha I guess we all draw from personal experience and what works for us.

 

[kenny]

It all depends on you, and how you prefer your relationship to be.
People like different ways of being.

There's nothing wrong with telling him you don't want surprises when it comes to X, Y, or Z, jewelry, perfume, clothing, make up ... personal stuff.
There's also nothing wrong with just loving the sentiment of whatever he surprises you with.

Also, some people like feeling that they "belong" to another person.
Others would find that creepy.

 

[Scandinavian]

So funny sweet Scandi because in this case I feel the opposite. If I really really liked him I would want to be completely honest and if I didn't care that much about our relationship I might not say a word...but then again if I didn't care that much I could never accept such an expensive gift. Definitely a quandary. And I think there is more than one right way to handle this. Though I always say honesty and communication is best in meaningful relationships. I can see both sides.

ETA I went through a similar scenario but it was after we were together for 5 years and well I had to tell Greg no I want to exchange it because it just isn't something I would wear and I did it very gently. He was at first hurt but when I explained it to him he got it and understood and was 100% onboard with us going there together to exchange it. And come to think of it I did the same thing with the first ER. LOL though it was too late to exchange it as he held onto it for 8 months before he gave it to me knowing I was not ready. But haha I guess we all draw from personal experience and what works for us.

LOL I think I’m influenced by a “you never exchange gifts” kind of family

 

[prs]

I'm trying to think what was going thru his mind when he decided to give you a "POSSESSION" bracelet. My kindest thought is he liked the look of the bracelet and didn't stop to think about the implications of the word "possession".

IMHO you should sound him out as to why he chose it. If he has an acceptable answer, and you really like him, then gently but firmly suggest you both go together to swap it for something you really like. If he doesn't have an acceptable answer, then let him know in no uncertain terms that he screwed up big time! Then see how he reacts, it would be quite instructive,

 

[Calliecake]

If he walked into Saks and bought the bracelet, he probably had no idea the bracelet even had a name. My guess was he saw the bracelet, found it was pretty and thought she would like it.

If I cared about this man, my first thought would be his feelings. They have dated for a short amount of time. It is a new relationship. I would be thrilled he took the time to buy me a thoughtful gift. I would wear the bracelet.

 

[Elizabeth35]

Possession is a fairly large line for Piaget, I would not take huge issue for that as it seems he went to Saks with good intentions.
While I agree with others about stating your tastes—this is a relatively new relationship and I would err on the side of thinking he was trying to please and be generous.
Remember, Pricescopers are super particular about their sparklies.

This is the first major gift he has given you right? So think of his feelings. How would you feel if you spent $4K and he said it wasn’t right. It’s a sensitive subject.
I don’t know your taste. if this bracelet is maybe too splashy for your profession I guess you could tactfully say it is too extravagant for every day wear, and request that you choose something that works for day time wear. But to most men, you are really saying that their gift failed.
So I am on the Scandinavian side—-if this guy is important, accept the gift graciously and maybe work on choosing things together in the future.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I would wear it and learn to love it if I really (really!) liked him ...

me too
mind you
i havn't been gifted much jewlery
id wear a kid's plastic ring picked up off the beach if the sentiment behind it is genuine

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

just took a closer look at it
its really pretty
im goung to err on the side of caution, thinking the whole possessions thing is over thinking

 

[Phoenix]

just took a closer look at it
its really pretty
im goung to err on the side of caution, thinking the whole possessions thing is over thinking

I'd agree with this. I think there's too much political correctness going on these days. I'd wear the bracelet and enjoy this lovely gift.

 

[dk168]

Personally, I would be honest and inform him that it is not my style, and unlikely to wear it.
I would then suggest getting a refund, and then go shopping together for something that I would like to wear instead.
If I can't be honest with the gent from the onset, what hope is there for the relationship to survive?
Besides, the wording "possession" bothers me. What if he meant it that way??? Need to nip it at the bud I'd say!
Personal opinion and all that, of course.

DK

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I initially had try he same reaction to the word " possession", I'm 2000% with @Calliecake : it's highly unlikely that he knew about the name when he bought it in a store.

 

[MamaBee]

I stated my opinion above..but I endured really horrific expensive jewelry from my husband for years until I could muster up the courage to tell him. I would wear them out to dinner with my husband and hope no one I knew saw me...That’s bad...I eventually got him to where we would go together...Now he gives me mad money to get whatever I want. I’m married a long time so I don’t have sentimental feelings over jewelry...I actually am really sentimental about the cards he gives me. I save those.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I would just be honest and ask if you could go exchange it together. If I HAD to keep it I'd have that "possession" hunk removed and replaced with a gemstone probably

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Can you sell it to him from a "bang for your buck" perspective?

Tell him that you LOVE the fact that he gave you jewellery but you are a cheapskate and this is a rip off so you die a bit inside knowing how much of a rip off it is so can you exchange it for something better value?

My poor husband has spent almost two decades knowing that any presents he buys me must be discounted (except the worms for my worm farm, you can't really wait for discounted worms).

Once he ended up in a Kate Spade shop in the US. He said he saw lovely bags but not discount. He was tempted to buy me one but could hear my shrill voice harping at him "Just stab me now if you are going to pay full price."

In the end he settled for a lovely green chopping board at Walmart that I adore!

 

[Austina]

I told my DH from the get go if I didn’t like something. He worked hard to earn the money, and I didn’t want him to waste it on something I didn’t like or wouldn’t wear.

Explained in the gentlest way that you’re thrilled that he would want to buy you such a lovely gift, but would he mind if you went a chose something together, that you’d wear all the time.

 

[Rubymal]

I was in a similar boat when I was 15, with my first boyfriend. He bought me a pearl necklace with a tiny diamond on it- I was not a pearl girl at all ( it was pretty low quality, from Shaneco) but for us and especially him back then, it was considered a substantial purpose. I wore that ugly thing nearly every damn day until we broke up 5 years later. It grew on me over time, but still never quite liked it.

I wasnt satisfied with my diamond from my husband when he proposed. For that, I did tell him, tried to exchange, was denied. So I just went and bought myself another one! The original one is still sitting in a drawer a year later.

 

[kgizo]

Did he get you the bracelet just because or for an occasion? Since you acted like it was the most gorgeous thing ever perhaps you can say that it is so delicate you are afraid to wear it and could the two of you exchange it for something else? Praise whatever he got right and try to stay close to his original intention, RG bracelet with diamonds, if possible.

 

[Calliecake]

I owe you an apology @FlashyFlamingo. I’m sorry, I just now noticed that the bracelet actually says POSSESSION on it. That would make me feel uncomfortable.

I’m hoping he spotted the bracelet and thought it was pretty without noticing the word. There is a real possibility he didn’t notice it. I missed it when I first looked at the picture.

 

[MamaBee]

I owe you an apology @FlashyFlamingo. I’m sorry, I just now noticed that the bracelet actually says POSSESSION on it. That would make me feel uncomfortable.

I’m hoping he spotted the bracelet and thought it was pretty without noticing the word. There is a real possibility he didn’t notice it. I missed it when I first looked at the picture.

I did the same thing...I missed that it said it on the bracelet. That changes everything for me. I didn’t think he noticed that the brand was Possession..or what it implies...but the fact that it’s on the bracelet...I would worry that he thought of me in this way..