Thoughtful gifts that fall a little flat

[arkieb1]

Tell him the sentiment behind it was lovely the piece is lovely but it isn't your style would he be bitterly upset if you swapped it for something you would wear more often. Try and state it in a way where he gets lots and lots of praise while still breaking it to him that it isn't you.

I went through years of this - jewellery I hated, a car I hated, clothing and bags I hated..... etc with my husband, years of well meaning gifts that were not my style that I really really hated - now I just buy what I like.

My DH just bought a new computer desk for my son for Christmas and come home with it today as a surprise and it's the most hideous thing that doesn't match anything in our house..... *sigh*

Breaking it really gently and as nicely a possible to him now will hopefully prevent a life time of frustration....

 

[qubitasaurus]

Maybe try pointing out that it is truly lovely, but not 100% your style, espcially the branding of that specific piece. It is also going to be a strange icebreaker for your relatives and close friends. 'My boyfriend who I am thrilled about bought me this bracelet.'.

Better to go have something you are genuinely wanting to show your family and friends. But I'd do it really gently, as if it meant a lot to him I'd be willing to keep it in a heart beat and wear it everywhere. Over your relationship this will be so insignificant it is not worth hasseling over. However down the track I'd try to proactively make sure any engagement rings were mutually discussed first.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I was in a similar boat when I was 15, with my first boyfriend. He bought me a pearl necklace with a tiny diamond on it- I was not a pearl girl at all ( it was pretty low quality, from Shaneco) but for us and especially him back then, it was considered a substantial purpose. I wore that ugly thing nearly every damn day until we broke up 5 years later. It grew on me over time, but still never quite liked it.

I wasnt satisfied with my diamond from my husband when he proposed. For that, I did tell him, tried to exchange, was denied. So I just went and bought myself another one! The original one is still sitting in a drawer a year later.

On

I did the same thing...I missed that it said it on the bracelet. That changes everything for me. I didn’t think he noticed that the brand was Possession..or what it implies...but the fact that it’s on the bracelet...I would worry that he thought of me in this way..

Me three

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Call me an optimist but I think it’s possible to gush and give heaps of gratitude and positive praise for the effort AND gently tell him it’s not to your tastes.

I think it’s possible to make him feel good about being thoughtful and generous and sweet while still communicating your preferences.

I know if I spent a lot of money on a gift I would want the person to really love and be happy with it, not pretend for the sake of my ego. As long as they were still appreciative and kind about it.

Personally I’d go with something like “this is incredibly kind and amazing of you! (Insert hugs and more praise). But if I can be honest, i have all the jewelry I want for right now and I’d rather spend the money on some amazing dinners or experiences we can do together”. Maybe funnel the funds into a pampering spa weekend together? It changes the messaging a little bit from “I don’t like what you picked” to “I’d rather spend this money growing our relationship right now”.

And then maybe gently at some point mention that you generally have preferences about picking out your own jewelry given the cost and how personal your preference are.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Hehe. It’s kind of like faking an orgasm. You’re just going to give him the wrong ideas about what you like..

 

[FlashyFlamingo]

If he walked into Saks and bought the bracelet, he probably had no idea the bracelet even had a name. My guess was he saw the bracelet, found it was pretty and thought she would like it.

If I cared about this man, my first thought would be his feelings. They have dated for a short amount of time. It is a new relationship. I would be thrilled he took the time to buy me a thoughtful gift. I would wear the bracelet.

He's not really a details kind of guy. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even notice it said anything on it.

 

[missy]

Hehe. It’s kind of like faking an orgasm. You’re just going to give him the wrong ideas about what you like..

Exactly. That is why IMHO it is important to be honest from the beginning. But as Kenny always says, people vary. So what works for some relationships won't work for all. For me, in any healthy relationship, be it romantic or platonic friendship, honesty is #1. And the more I care about you the more critical honesty is. It shows respect and trust and that is everything in a relationship. It is all in the caring way you say something and if said with love and compassion and kindness it will be OK. If he is the one for you that is.

Respect, honesty and trust are hallmarks of healthy relationships. IMO.

 

[FlashyFlamingo]

Hehe. It’s kind of like faking an orgasm. You’re just going to give him the wrong ideas about what you like..

That's hilarious! That's pretty much how I felt when I was gushing over it.

 

[yssie]

The Possession line is to Piaget as Love is to Cartier. Both - explicitly- symbolize ownership. Some people enjoy that sentiment, some people take issue with that sentiment, some people don’t care about the sentiment and make their judgments solely on aesthetics. No rights or wrongs.

IMO... 4K is objectively a lot of money, but obviously impact differs depending on whether he’s bringing home 100k or 500k. Dating for just a few months? I personally would accept it and hush over it and wear it around him and plan to nip the next gift in the bud

I knew DH liked Mac n Cheese. Like, liked-liked - he requested it for childhood birthdays. So I decided he would have Mac n Cheese on his first birthday with me. I found the most complicated recipe, dozens of ingredients, I made my own vanilla extract and mustard two weeks in advance... and he told me he loved it I was thrilled. I liked it too, but hadn’t made all that much and figured he had dibs on his own birthday meal. So he ate that Mac n Cheese for four days.

About a month before his next birthday he told me he’d actually hated that Mac n Cheese but hadn’t had the foggiest how to tell me... and had been getting pretty desperate when it finally ran out

 

[prs]

Just a quick reminder that men are not born with the shopping gene. In fact most men hate shopping with a passion, and we particularly hate having to go shopping for presents for our SO when we have no idea what she wants, and have no idea if she will like what we choose.

Do not hesitate to put your man out of his misery by telling him what you want. Offering to go with him to help him choose would be a win win for both of you!

 

[Phoenix]

The Possession line is to Piaget as Love is to Cartier. Both - explicitly- symbolize ownership. Some people enjoy that sentiment, some people take issue with that sentiment, some people don’t care about the sentiment and make their judgments solely on aesthetics. No rights or wrongs.

IMO... 4K is objectively a lot of money, but obviously impact differs depending on whether he’s bringing home 100k or 500k. Dating for just a few months? I personally would accept it and hush over it and wear it around him and plan to nip the next gift in the bud

I knew DH liked Mac n Cheese. Like, liked-liked - he requested it for childhood birthdays. So I decided he would have Mac n Cheese on his first birthday with me. I found the most complicated recipe, dozens of ingredients, I made my own vanilla extract and mustard two weeks in advance... and he told me he loved it I was thrilled. I liked it too, but hadn’t made all that much and figured he had dibs on his own birthday meal. So he ate that Mac n Cheese for four days.

About a month before his next birthday he told me he’d actually hated that Mac n Cheese but hadn’t had the foggiest how to tell me... and had been getting pretty desperate when it finally ran out

I love every single word of this post!

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I would just be honest and ask if you could go exchange it together. If I HAD to keep it I'd have that "possession" hunk removed and replaced with a gemstone probably

i like this idea a lot

 

[missy]

The Possession line is to Piaget as Love is to Cartier. Both - explicitly- symbolize ownership. Some people enjoy that sentiment, some people take issue with that sentiment, some people don’t care about the sentiment and make their judgments solely on aesthetics. No rights or wrongs.

IMO... 4K is objectively a lot of money, but obviously impact differs depending on whether he’s bringing home 100k or 500k. Dating for just a few months? I personally would accept it and hush over it and wear it around him and plan to nip the next gift in the bud

I knew DH liked Mac n Cheese. Like, liked-liked - he requested it for childhood birthdays. So I decided he would have Mac n Cheese on his first birthday with me. I found the most complicated recipe, dozens of ingredients, I made my own vanilla extract and mustard two weeks in advance... and he told me he loved it I was thrilled. I liked it too, but hadn’t made all that much and figured he had dibs on his own birthday meal. So he ate that Mac n Cheese for four days.

About a month before his next birthday he told me he’d actually hated that Mac n Cheese but hadn’t had the foggiest how to tell me... and had been getting pretty desperate when it finally ran out

Yes totally agree. But cooking for him is different than purchasing an expensive bracelet that symbolizes possessing another human being. And ultimately he was honest with you and that says it all.

What you did was super thoughtful and I would have done the same as your DH. And I would not have critiqued it at the time. It was a lovely, warm, loving and thoughtful gesture. From the heart. And didn't signify you own him or anything like that. Just different and ultimately your DH was honest with you. Always the way to go even if it should be (and in your case I agree complete) delayed.

Common sense goes a long way. Your DH did the right thing and so did you @yssie. Cooking/baking shows love no matter if it is delicious or not.

 

[facetgirl]

Like is too short. Tell him it's lovely, but after wearing it a few days, this particular piece of jewelry is just not for you, and ask if he would be open to exchanging it for a different piece. He clearly wanted you to have something special. He may feel hurt initially but if he really wanted you to love it, he will understand and by picking out something together, it will be more special (and he'll understand your tastes). The reality is likely that he didn't even see the word "possession" and that alone is your out card. If he did see it, is offended that you don't like it, and is upset, maybe that's a signal you need to hear now as well. $4k is alot of money to spend on something that someone does not absolutely love.

 

[nala]

I know a few men who would be offended if you returned it and would use the return as a reason to never gift you jewelry again. My hubby. My friend. My nephew. All different ages but all have One thing in common: I guess my effort wasn’t good enough so not gonna put myself in that situation again. In this case, you might consider it a blessing, lol. I know that I love buying my own jewelry ever since that incident. My 25 year old nephew got his gf of 5 years her first piece if jewelry. He was so excited about it. And went as far as to tell me that is she didn’t like it, she wasn’t the one. Finally. My 59 yr old good friend shared with the lunch table that he never bought his wife jewelry again after she returned a piece he gave her. Keep in mind—these men are all otherwise very rational people but idk what it is about men and gifting.

 

[purplesilk]

From Piaget website:
POSSESSION BRACELET
Rose gold and diamond bracelet with a Possession band. A delicate luxury bracelet pairs the radiance of sparkling diamonds with the rounded elegance of a rose gold circle. The pure lines of the circle evoke the perpetual movement of a self-assured woman's life, while a line of diamonds gives this women's bracelet its captivating radiance. With the word "Possession" engraved on this precious companion, she makes her own unique imprint on the world around her.

The word possession evokes the image of a powerful woman not an object.

 

[lyra]

I think Piaget's campaign fell flat, sorry. There is just no way to spin the word possession into a positive thing IMO. I don't want to be one, I don't want to classify anything I own as one, and I don't think it evokes the image of a powerful woman. Ad people goofed.

 

[partgypsy]

This is a toughie. I don't really wear bracelets so I know if someone gave me a bracelet I would rarely wear (only exception a couple silver cuff styles I don't need help to put on.
I think it is good practice to figure out how to communicate, your likes and dislikes because if you don't he may continue to gift you with very expensive jewelry that is not your taste! If you tell him it may hurt his feelings. And men HATE returning things. It's almost like a pride thing. Especially when he has to face snooty salespeople. So while he may be open to going back and having you pick something else out, but there is also a definite possibility the giver may see you as being ungrateful/high maintenance/picky and decide not to give any more spontaneous gifts. So just weigh what is important to you. I was never good at this situation with my ex husband. But maybe other people have had better luck.

 

[House Cat]

From Piaget website:
POSSESSION BRACELET
Rose gold and diamond bracelet with a Possession band. A delicate luxury bracelet pairs the radiance of sparkling diamonds with the rounded elegance of a rose gold circle. The pure lines of the circle evoke the perpetual movement of a self-assured woman's life, while a line of diamonds gives this women's bracelet its captivating radiance. With the word "Possession" engraved on this precious companion, she makes her own unique imprint on the world around her.

The word possession evokes the image of a powerful woman not an object.

I gotta call BS on this Piaget’s interpretation of this word. Although it is nice that they wanted to put this spin on the word “possession,” the rest of the world will view the bracelet as some sort of ball and chain. I liken it as the branding of an animal. It’s crass.

Because this bracelet was given at such an early stage of the relationship, I view this as a HUGE warning sign. Narcissists want their partners to be their possessions. I view this as an N’s test to see if you will accept the brand of his ownership.

Who cares what the bracelet looks like? And frankly, who cares if he ever buys you jewelry again? There is an underlying current of emotional abuse happening with this particular piece of jewelry. It should be returned in order to make a stand that you won’t accept being someone’s possession.

Narcissists are incredibly charming in the beginning of relationships. You should read up on it. If you had a narcissist for a parent, you will attract them for a partner.

Let’s say I’m wrong...ok, then you returned an ugly piece of jewelry and got something you preferred instead. No big deal. Either way, I wouldn’t keep something you don’t like to preserve his feelings. You’re setting a precedent of sacrificing yourself and making his feelings more important than yours.

Edit: btw..how he handles your desire to return the bracelet will speak volumes.

 

[purplesilk]

@House Cat : you got me scared!

I wonder whether I'm too naive or whether I've been lucky in my relationships: in my experience average men fix a budget and ask the sale assistant to find a nice gift.

 

[distracts]

@House Cat : you got me scared!

I wonder whether I'm too naive or whether I've been lucky in my relationships: in my experience average men fix a budget and ask the sale assistant to find a nice gift.

It's more likely that it's just as you say and he gave no thought or did not even notice the word. But it's very important that OP find out which. If it was just a gift that did not have the particular implications of the word possession, I'd be much more likely to be in the "let it slide" camp - but given that this could be a warning sign that she later wished she'd paid attention to, I think she ought to have a conversation and see how it goes. If he's normal and not controlling, it'll go fine. If it goes badly, it's better that she find out who he is now rather than another year or two down the line.

 

[facetgirl]

Edit: btw..how he handles your desire to return the bracelet will speak volumes.

Truer words have never been spoken.

It's perfectly reasonable for anyone to be taken a back by feedback for a gift gone no so right. If and how one bounces back though.... thats an important thing to know.

 

[FlashyFlamingo]

@House Cat : you got me scared!

I wonder whether I'm too naive or whether I've been lucky in my relationships: in my experience average men fix a budget and ask the sale assistant to find a nice gift.

Apparently that's exactly what he did. I guess he went into Saks wearing his scrubs and the person at the jewelry counter looked him over, thought this sucker has money, and tried to sell him a 44k bracelet. When he told her that he would spend like 5k, this is what she came up with. He said he looked at it for about three seconds before he bought it. He was more than happy to let me return it, so now I have an awful lot of Saks store credit to spend on something I'd actually use.

 

[purplesilk]

@FlashyFlamingo
Great news for you:
you met a generous man who wants to make you happy and you have a cospicous credit!
Please please don' t stress your SO with useless conversations about what you should pick: he' s just a man, not a sale assistant or a mindreader...if you're in doubt, come here and share with us, we'll be happy to help you.
Best to you,
purplesilk

 

[facetgirl]

So happy this worked out! Have fun picking out a replacement gift!

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Apparently that's exactly what he did. I guess he went into Saks wearing his scrubs and the person at the jewelry counter looked him over, thought this sucker has money, and tried to sell him a 44k bracelet. When he told her that he would spend like 5k, this is what she came up with. He said he looked at it for about three seconds before he bought it. He was more than happy to let me return it, so now I have an awful lot of Saks store credit to spend on something I'd actually use.

Yay!!!! I'd be hitting the handbags myself

 

[distracts]

Apparently that's exactly what he did. I guess he went into Saks wearing his scrubs and the person at the jewelry counter looked him over, thought this sucker has money, and tried to sell him a 44k bracelet. When he told her that he would spend like 5k, this is what she came up with. He said he looked at it for about three seconds before he bought it. He was more than happy to let me return it, so now I have an awful lot of Saks store credit to spend on something I'd actually use.

I'm so glad this turned out well. Here's to finding a good gift AND a good man!

 

[missy]

Apparently that's exactly what he did. I guess he went into Saks wearing his scrubs and the person at the jewelry counter looked him over, thought this sucker has money, and tried to sell him a 44k bracelet. When he told her that he would spend like 5k, this is what she came up with. He said he looked at it for about three seconds before he bought it. He was more than happy to let me return it, so now I have an awful lot of Saks store credit to spend on something I'd actually use.

Woohoo!!!! So happy for you that he is a keeper and you let him know. What a relief it is for you I am sure. A weight off your shoulders and now you can get something you love that will make you smile and think of your beau each time you wear it. Happy New Year indeed!

 

[MarionC]

This is great! He sounds like a good guy...a very good guy.

And to REALLY put things in perspective, a friend of mine once got a toilet seat for Christmas...just sayin’...

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

happy ending !!

Best wishes for you