This LIW is driving her FI crazy with Ring Talk!

[Cinna]

Just a little rant:

My Fiance decided that it would be best for me to pick my own ring, despite my objections that I would rather be surprised. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so he really wanted me to get the perfect ring I wanted since he doesn't believe in upgrades...

Well since we're keeping the engagement a secret until he proposes (Ring isn't due back from the jewelers until mid-April) I've been talking/discussing to him about all the diamonds, rings, settings etc. (It's been 4 months now, and we've got the diamond and have finally chose the setting) I have no one else to tell and I'm so excited about the e-ring. He told me that there hasn't been a day that goes by where I don't talk to him about the e-ring for hours (a bit of an exaggeration) and it's driving him crazy.

Sigh. I CAN'T WAIT. I want to tell some random person on the commute and show this stranger my setting choice and if she thinks if it would look better with a 3/4 pave around or a 4/5 around just so I don't have to bother him with every decision I make... and every decision is major!

To show you how much I've been obsessed with researching... I went into the jewelry store the other day and they thought I worked in the industry. And today I guessed some random lady's ct weight of her solitaire and got it right on the nose and she asked if I was a jeweler. You did this to me PS!

I feel like a little kid who was able to solve something but am unable to show/tell anyone... maybe like a little kid in a candy store but has no money. Devastating! It's too hard not to bother him about it more!

Is there anything you use to get your mind off of a ring when it's in the works/counting down the days?

 

[LadyJane83]

Wow, I can''t even imagine what I''ll be like 4 months into this process! I''m hoping it doesn''t get that far. My bf and I have been together almost 5 years, and for the last 2.5 to 3 years we knew we would one day get married. But we just started formally looking at rings at jewelers and online last Saturday. I am totally obsessed. I can barely sleep, can''t get anything done at work. The funny thing is, I didn''t think I even wanted a diamond engagement ring at first...

So... I guess I can''t give any advice, but I do sympathize! Does the excitement and anticipation sort of "wear off" or only get worse with time? I at least need to find better ways to cope so that I can concentrate at work!

 

[babycush]

Hey ladies. I think that I am just one click further along in the ''process'' than you. After purchasing a solitaire and a separate setting in December, we just brought them to a jeweler''s yesterday to get put together. So that was over three months of having the ring "hidden" in his mancave (I knew where it was and would occasionally check on it... bad babycush) and I know that I got annoying to him sometimes. We aren''t telling people until we get the ring back and he officially asks me, so I too was bursting for months!!

As soon as we made the appointment last week to go in yesterday, all of a sudden I felt like the urge to talk to him about ring business was gone. He has told me many times that he already feels engaged, and I think that I started feeling that too yesterday. It''s a big relief on my part because I hate to be a nag.

All in all, I know you can get through this trying time! Coming to LIW really helps with coping when you''re being secretive and haven''t shared with your friends and family yet.

 

[Cinna]

Get ready for it.. since I''m about to spill thinkgs i''ve wanted to say for a while to my friends but haven''t been able to

Long paragraphs coming up.

LadyJane: I hope it doesn''t last that long either! I worry sometimes that I might put my priorities in wrong order because at this time the diamond and ring seems so all consuming! Imagine what will happen the first few months I get it?! I will be so distracted by staring at it, I''m afraid for my safety! when walking across streets or driving. I''ll be fine until I see a flash of light from my finger and go.. "What is that?... OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE MY RING

" and not pay attention to my surroundings.

For me, it was so exciting at first and completely overwhelming. Then it started to give me a headache and stress trying to get the PERFECT ring put together... and then exciting again. But now that excitement is just all consuming, I''m so used to it that it''s a sort of like a background noise in my head that''s excited all the time. I think it would definitely be different if you were able to show/tell people. I fought the urge so hard that I could barely contain my excitement. Now I just now I can''t so it''s just a dull dissapointment that I have to tell them the opposite, like we''re just thinking about marriage.

BabyCush: On a side note, I totally kept reading your name as BabyCrush for some reason >.<
So to clarify, I think we''re on similar timelines. We bought a setting the day we officially started looking. Then I searched for my diamond for 3 months. Finally got a winner! Then I didn''t think the setting would go well with my diamond so when I finally got my loose diamond I returned the setting and went on a new quest. He let me keep the diamond safe because he knew "I would guard it with my life". Then for the next month (and a half), as I oohed and ahhed at it in my room, I tried picking the winning setting. Finally chose it but it''s backordered so I left my diamond with the jeweler and now I''m starting the process of waiting until it''s finished... which will take another month or a month and a half. So the entire process is really taking 5-6 months.
Thanks BabyCush! I really hope that the urge goes away because I really do feel like I''ve been bugging him nonstop about it. But I think I''d really go insane if I had absolutely no one including him to to talk to about it. But as he says "You''re driving me crazy!"

And we''ve been sort of calling each other fiance for the past month or so. He said why do we need to wait for the ring? I told him it''s because he hasn''t really asked me with the magical words. So over the phone he goes "Fine, will you marry me?" I laughed, scolded him and said yes but he needed to do it properly on one knee.

 

[dinamit]

Hi Cinna,

I really feel for you and symphatise at once!Whilst it''s fantastic to be given free reign to choose the ring you want, being a bit of a perfectionist myself, I know what sort of pressure you can put on yourself to find THE perfect ring, as you say, especially as there won''t be upgrades down the line.

I just posted myself moaning about the fact that I think the craftsmanship on my ring isn''t ideal, but my boyfriend picked it up today and said it looks great. I''m sure it will look great to most people, but like you I''ve been agonising over every little detail. I have to keep reminding myself that ultimately it''s the purpose of the ring that''s all important.

I think you should give your fi a break, even if you are bursting at all seams, as even the most sweet, patient man has a limit when it comes to all things girly, i.e. jewellery, shopping. Whilst he is very excited himself, men just aren''t as elaborate as us. So my dear, use us! Tell us all about your ring, your dilemmas, thoughts, share, share and share! You''ll find a more recepient crowd here than your average commuter for sure

...

...and as many OP have said in other threads, enjoy the ''high'' of waiting for your ring even if it''s agonising; there will never be another time like it.

All the best,

dinamit

 

[babycush]

I think my lowest point in being obnoxious about being engaged was actually before we bought the ring. I must have been going on and on, because at one point he said "What are you going to talk about once we''re engaged?"

Oh man that hurt. It was pretty embarrassing. I mean, I am an educated woman, I have lots of interests, but I had shriveled into an annoying little snot. I realized that I was obsessing waaaaaayyyyy too much, and made a real effort to cut back after that.

 

[Cinna]

LOL Dinamit!

Your post made me go

at my desk today.

We took our loose stone to the independent appraiser and opened the box with him. I kept asking about the little negatives in the stone while all my fiance could say was "Wow, it looks bigger than I thought, and it's SO shiny!.. Don't you think it's a little too big for you?" To that I just gave him my side "..." look.

But I explained to him that focusing on the negatives at the beginning didn't mean I wasn't happy with it, I just have to rationalize it myself to see all the negatives, get past it and then I know it's perfect.
And I think we are definitely alike. I would do the SAME thing if the craftsmanship wasn't perfect, and have done it with a lot of things before. He says it looks fine or great and I'm pointing out to myself the glaring things that are not fine. He usually just says in the end, if it bothers me so much, then to do something about it or stop complaining though.

I like to talk about things that I get very excited with, even if it is simple things. So we made a deal in the beginning of our relationship that I wouldn't try and tell him all about my dresses etc. Because he really doesn't care. I really have to catch myself when talking to the Fiance as of last night, making sure I don't talk anything about the ring. He's been more than patient I realized, especially since he doesn't get as excited or stressed as I do about every little step of the process.

The stone is great and I'm sure the appraiser would have told us if it wasn't, he comes highly recommended. I took some pictures before I parted with my diamond though and there are some big dark steps in the middle that only showed up in the camera pictures but I think it might have been because of my camera. I got worried needlessly... I hope.

What are you talking about Dinamit?! There's the waiting of the wedding ring... and anniversary rings... and etc.

BabyCush: Oh man, I'm totally at that point right now. The thoughts of the ring just seem so prominent in my mind because I feel like there are so many decisions I have to make about it and they are all so crucial, making it hard to think about other things. I need to stop stressing out every single detail!

I'm sure I've totally driven my jewelers and diamond guy absolutely bonkers by calling so many times over the weeks, contacting them with questions almost every day or every other day.

 

[LadyJane83]

Great to know that there are other people in this position! I''m not a jewelry enthusiast, so I am really surprised about how preoccupied I am with this! (But I guess I shouldn''t be b/c I tend to get like this with lots of things... but this is the worst!)

I think it kills me that I have no control over when or how I am getting this ring. I am glad he involved me in choosing it, since I am picky and wouldn''t want to hurt his feelings if he got the wrong thing, but in a way I wish I didn''t know about this... I can''t take the anticipation!

Wow, I just used a ton of exclamation points

 

[Mrs.SE]

"So... I guess I can''t give any advice, but I do sympathize! Does the excitement and anticipation sort of "wear off" or only get worse with time? I at least need to find better ways to cope so that I can concentrate at work!"

I think it''s worse knowing! I know I have a ring in progress, I know the proposal is coming in the next month. He told me just last night once he gets it, he doesn''t plan on holding onto it so he can "officially" make me his fiance''. It''s been driving me nuts! 2 weeks ago he asked where I''d like to go for a really romantic dinner...I was on the edge of my seat all week thinking somehow the ring had gotten finished early. Finally, I told him while I love being a semi-part of choosing the ring, on the flip side it''s also horrible! Since you know it''s coming, every moment keeps you on the - is this it? Is tonight the night? Lol - I have since joined the forum last week to find people to empathize and sympathize with since I can''t do it with him or any of my friends wouldn''t really understand.

 

[Cinna]

LadyJane: I know!! Jewelry was never important until now, or the more time goes by, the more I check pricescope constantly! Th exclaimation points just show how much more excited you are!

I specifically told him what I do prefer and what I do not like when it comes to proposals. Like I would hate to be in a room full of strangers to be proposed to or on a jumbotron at a sports events. Because he should know that I'm a pretty shy person with strangers and hate all sports. I would love to be in front of friends and family and he said he would like it private. I told him all I want to be is surprised so it's all up to his decision now that he knows my likes and dislikes when it comes to the proposal.

Mrs.SE: You've definitely found people!

Yeah it's pretty bad. He wants to surprise me but it's just so painfully obvious that he's so bad at it. We were talking about proposals and the next day he asks "Just curious, but where do you consider our most romantic spot?"

We're thinking of sending the ring straight to our appraiser for insurance purposes and then opening it together with him but he keeps asking when I'm going to start wearing the ring. I want it to be after he proposes... but we're probably getting it before that and I won't be able to resist wearing it and waiting if it's right in front of me! ULTIMATE torture to have it yet not be able to wear it... which is what you're going to go through sooner than I am. BE STRONG!

BTW... He wants to take all the credit for the ring picking. He wants to be known for picking such a perfect ring for me... so my 5-6 months of constant obsession and research will only be known by Pricescopers!

 

[luckynumber]

ok that''s it.

you guys are going on and on about your rings.

but no one''s posted any pics or stats yet!!!!

please rectify this immediately ladies!!

(prettly please!)

 

[slangofoil]

Lordy I can relate with this whole thread. I wear so little jewelry most of the time and never gave a thought to diamonds before but I''m obsessed now too! And like some others here I picked my ring out. I did it entirely. My boyfriend and I are in a special situation because he lives in another country and we made the decision to get engaged partly due to immigration necessities. We had definitely already talked about marriage and knew it was coming, but we just decided together one day "alright I guess we''re engaged" after weighing our options. So ANYWAY, I picked the ring and even bought it because he''s a poor student and I''m a working professional. But I''m still waiting to get a real proposal from him before I wear it. I''m going over there next week so it''s going to happen then. But I''ve had the ring for over a month now and it''s BRUTAL not being able to wear it! Only ONE day has gone by without me putting it on for a little while. I can''t wait for the real proposal and to be able to show off the ring!

(And yes, I''ve agonized over the craftsmanship as well and it''s not ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, which has bothered me. I totally do the whole analyze-the-flaws-to-death-before-realizing-it''s-amazing thing too. It''s tough being a crazy perfectionist lady!)

 

[dinamit]

Oh ladies, it''s such a relief to read that I''m not the only one! Slangofoil, you said it, it''s tough being a crazy perfectionist lady! Bf thinks it''s tough on him (he is incredibly laid back) but it''s tough on me too. He thinks my standards are too high, but I am just the same with myself - I guess I expect and admire when people do their best - whatever that is. Bf picked up the ring today and said it looks great but then quickly added "but I''m sure you''ll probably find something", which was quite sad, so I will try my very best not to - I already got a lecture about this from my mom.

Cinna, we are definitely similar in our little obsessive traits

. Glad I made you

. I guess I just get lost in the details of life sometimes and I can go on and on about it, like you said, it can be a dress or anything else. I was the same with my diamond - it''s an SI grade and no one could see the inclusions, but because I have a pic of the stone under a loupe, I knew where they are and could see them if I really tried. This bothered me for a whille, but I know chilled out as it''s truly a beautiful stone and I actually prefer it to my ACA (the e-ring stone is not an ideal). My bf just kept commenting how bright, clear and shiny the stone looks, and that it''s the most beautiful diamond he''d ever seen. I am now making an effort not to obsess or go on about things as much in front of him as a) he is a guy and these things just don''t matter as much, and b) I don''t want to drive him nuts. However, this is definitely easier said than done!

Cinna, I would love to see a pic of your stone, it sounds gorgeous! As with regard to waiting for future lovelies, I keep hoping that it won''t be as agonising (bf and I have been together for 7 years, so it''s been looooong time coming) as waiting for an engagement ring, though I imagine the build up to the wedding and the band will be just as exciting (but hopefully nowhere near as long). Now I just have to figure out how to hold on till the proposal...He hasn''t come home from work yet, but knowing that he will have the ring with him and that I am not allowed to see it is killing me!

Luckynumber, you can see a pic of a ring that my ring is based on in the thread ''Things are moving on'' linky https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/things-are-moving-on.137833/

 

[LadyJane83]

Well, I feel like I''m going really nuts now! I thought I was 100% sure I wanted a shared prong or pave setting with small diamonds around all or part of the band.

We went to the jewelers today to check a few more things and I think I really like the look of the white gold solitaire Tiffany setting. I think it looks so classic and looks lovely with a diamond wedding band. I am completely torn and am going to drive the bf crazy with all my back and forth! I feel like whichever one I decide on I will wonder whether I should''ve gotten the other, I told him just to surprise me, but I keep bringing it up anyway lol.

Oh well, it''s fun to rant. Glad I found a place where no one judges

 

[Cinna]

LuckyNumber:

I would be delighted to tell you about it! 1.51 E VVS2 Emerald cut, and I'm getting it set in a stunning BGD setting. Wish I had some good pics!

Slangofoil: Oh my goodness! That must be torture! But you're so close, so think about other things and place your focus somewhere else! Treat yourself to nice things like manicures for now! It's tough but it also yields AMAZING results to be a crazy perfectionist lady and in the end your significant other will be very thankful of it!

Dinamit: You're welcome to tell it all to us but I'm sure it is a GORGEOUS diamond. My guy says the same thing about mine but I'm the same way as you!

I wasn't able to take any good pics so the next time I'll post any is in April

You can do it Dinamit! I'm sitting here and I'm just soooo excited for you!!!!

LadyJane: Maybe we can help you on your quest to choose? It's ALWAYS different from what you think you initially thought you wanted. If you're visiting the mall anytime in the near future, you could do what I did. We went to the mall for other stuff and I just decided to stop by in the jewelry shop and tried on a few different styles of settings. He gave me his opinion on which one he liked better and that was extremely important in my decision making. I had two in mind and was heavily leaning toward one.
I took him and tried on both and he picked the one I was leaning toward. However, if he had picked the other one, I probably would have gone with the one he picked? I think?

 

[luckynumber]

thank you ladies!

sounds gorgeous

 

[LadyJane83]

Cinna- even though I''m getting a round, I LOVE emerald cuts, the size and quality of your stone sounds great! I haven''t actually tried on any emerald cuts... but I probably shouldn''t go there b/c then I will agonize over that too!

I just don''t know about the solitaire v. pave for a .75 round. Maybe I should actually just let him surprise me (instead of just saying that but bringing it up and agonizing over it every 5 mins)

The pave settings are beautiful, but I''m afraid I might just be temporarily awed by the sparkles... I don''t know if it''s "me" or not. My bf told me that he would have thought I wanted a solitaire b/c it is more in line with my casual/simple style. I think he might be right . . .

Also, I might (?) be able to get a better quality stone with the money saved. I think a solitaire setting would save $500-600 over a pave one, but I''m not sure if that should factor in b/c I don''t think the difference in size/quality would be substantial.

I''d probably be the most happy with a very good quality 1 carat in a solitaire setting... but I think that would go over what we feel comfortable spending, and the stone will likely be 3/4 carat no matter which setting we choose. Guess I''m just thinking out loud

Hope everyone is hanging in there!

 

[Cinna]

Thanks LuckyNumber! I was really lucky in finding it!

I can''t wait until it''s mid-April and I get to finally post pictures!

Lady: Lol, I''ve never wanted any other shape but an EC since I was a child. I came onto PS and I was totally swayed by the AVC''s and almost went that direction. But I stayed course and I''m super happy I did, no regrets.

Hmm... I was a clean, no frills solitaire kind of girl but once I got onto PS, that actually did change. I got a pave setting but I thought it would be okay since most EC''s lack the fire of RB''s.

I would say number one: try searching to see how much of a difference in stone size/quality you can get with the dfference. If there is a huge difference and you prefer a bigger stone (more closer to your ideal) then I say definitely consider that option before the pave versus solitaire since you seem so on the fence about it. Or you can get a simple micropavehalo to make the RB look bigger (to make it look like 1 ct+) and have a clean solitaire band for your setting so there isn''t much blingyness in the setting.

Then I would say try researching on PS to compare pictures of your size RB with pave vs solitaire settings. What you thought you liked doesn''t matter in the end but what you like most now matters the most since he''s trying to make you happy with the perfect ring.

Maybe contact a few vendors and tell them what size RB you''re looking for, how much you''re willing to go down in clarity/color and see if they can find something with a great cut in your budget!

 

[LadyJane83]

Thanks for your help Cinna! I took your advice and went to another jewelry store this weekend. It''s funny b/c the sales people always insist on giving me the 4Cs rundown... I''m like "I could teach this," lol.

Still a bit undecided, but I think I''m really liking the way the plain white gold band looks on my hand. The halo is a good idea, but I don''t like them on me as much for some reason.

I just hope something happens for us soon, hope everyone had a great weekend!

 

[Cinna]

Please update LadyJane!

Hope everything is going well.

He asks me yesterday if I'm going to wear it as soon as I get it. We were planning on sending it straight to the appraiser if the date is close enough anyway. We're getting it MID-APRIL.

I told him no, I will resist will ALL my strength but I will wait until he proposes. He asks me two things if he could do:

1. As soon as we get it at the appraisers, how about I propose?

2. Why don't you just wear it and I'll propose later?

LOL. I told him all I wanted was to be surprised but he's just too cute when he just tries to think of logical solutions to such an emotional time. OH! and I told him NO to both of course!

 

[LadyJane83]

Good! Getting the ring is so exciting... it must be hard to resist wearing it right away. But, if you want a surprise proposal, you could end up regretting it. Hang in there, you don''t have much longer.

I think I''m perhaps more like your bf. I keep thinking, we have already decided to get married and we''re as good as engaged in my mind, so . . . But, I think a part of me wants a bit of surprise too.

Anyway, I think I''m 100% sure on a white gold four-prong solitaire setting. He''s still in the process of picking the stone. I think he''s confusing himself, lol. It''s almost like there are too many choices with these online vendors, and such minute differences (that you probably can''t even see in real life). Oh well. I think we are definitely much closer... I''m sort of hoping for mid-April too. I don''t know if he''s going to get it appraised and insured beforehand... do you know how long that takes? I just want it!

Keep me posted!

 

[Cinna]

Oooh! a classic and very elegant setting! Congrats on a decision! Now you guys can move forward and get that on your finger fast!

For me, I got the stone and the process of getting it shipped to my appraiser took VERY long due to some miscommunications on their part. But as soon as I got it with the appraiser and was able to finally make an appt, he took a solid hour with us and provided proper documentation. I suggest once you're finalizing a stone to see how your appraiser's schedule is like. That is if you're getitng it appraised and insured beforehand on the loose stone. If they're super busy then make it in advance, you can always cancel later.. better that than waiting another week to get it appraised while you have it. The faster you can get it set the better, right?

Check with where/who is setting your diamond on your setting. If it's like Whiteflash, they will not insure your diamond while it's being set if you didn't buy it from them. If they're like BGD, they will insure your diamond for you while you get it set and make sure to charge you for the insurance while it is being shipped if it is not their diamond. So with the latter, you do not need insurance until after but the other, you need to get it before you let the diamond leave your sight. Some people say that they should insure it as soon as you get it but if you don't get the loose stone appraised, I'm not sure how you can get insurance on just the loose stone.

And then I hear the usual is 8 days average to make your ring? That is if it's not on backorder. But not too sure about that.

 

[LadyJane83]

Thanks for the suggestions! I told my bf that it might be a good idea to make an appt with an appraiser. I don''t want to be tortured any more than absolutely necessary hehe

 

[legallyspoiled]

Cinna,

You remind me sooo much of myself!

"My Fiance decided that it would be best for me to pick my own ring, despite my objections that I would rather be surprised. I''m a bit of a perfectionist..."

"To show you how much I''ve been obsessed with researching... I went into the jewelry store the other day and they thought I worked in the industry."

"Is there anything you use to get your mind off of a ring when it''s in the works/counting down the days?"

"For me, it was so exciting at first and completely overwhelming. Then it started to give me a headache and stress trying to get the PERFECT ring put together... and then exciting again."

Thanks so much for making me NOT feel like a looney toon!

 

[Cinna]

LegallySpoiled, so glad to help you realize our kind is not crazy!... or that we can be crazy together!

I haven’t been able to focus on anything but on how the ring would look… and have been holding my breath and jumping at every single email alert I get on my cell phone (Didn''t know when I would get CAD images). So I wrote an email saying I wouldn''t call... and then I ended up calling BGD and spoke with Jamie at BGD today. She could not stop laughing at my plight (She’s extremely kind btw). I was trying to describe to her how Thursday (when I might get my CAD images) is an ETERNITY away, about how PAINFUL it is.

We are a dying breed, but we shall stand proud! or die obsessed trying to get what we want as perfect as possible!... or overanalyze and obssess over it until all flaws have been dealt with and understood in order for it to qualify as perfect!

... AND then claim that we would have been fine with whatever our significant other chose for us.

 

[legallyspoiled]

Cinna, something tells me that we may have the same compulsive tendencies. My friends and family know how bad I get it a case of it when it comes to stuff like this. Everyone is coining me a Bridezilla and I don''t even have a ring on my finger yet! I''ve begged my Mom for a planner b/c I can''t even imagine. I need to be as hands-off as possible otherwise I sincerely believe that I will lose it. And unfortunately, I am not joking!