Thinking of proposing to him

[Bubblypink]

My boyfriend and I are highschool sweethearts and have been dating for 3 1/2 years. We''re both in college and have discussed the possibility of marriage before. I''ve decided that since he seems to be taking his time, I''ll be the one to propose. I''d like a long engagement so that we can finish school and start our careers. I''m scared and excited about doing this but I''m not sure how. Any Ideas?

 

[Forbin]

I'd say if you're going to have a long engagement anyway, wait a little while. At least till you're both done with school. It's easier for either of you to save for a ring once you've got a job and get yourself established. Just my 2 cents...

 

[AtlantaC]

That advice is the same I would give. Be patient, especially if you know you're a couple of years from actually getting married.

 

[Bubblypink]

I appreciate all the input but I'm ready to do it now. We both have decent jobs and buying the ring would not be a problem. I'm so in love with him that I have my heart set on doing it sooner than later. The reason I'd like a long engagement is because I want to plan everything down to the last detail. Maybe this is all a bad idea.

 

[aljdewey]

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On 2/19/2004 11:49:15 AM Bubblypink wrote:

I appreciate all the input but I'm ready to do it now.

Maybe this is all a bad idea.

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I hate to rain on anyone's parade.....but yes, I think it's a bad idea.

An overwhelming majority of men feel very strongly about wanting to be the one to propose. It's great that you're ready now, but what if he's not? Have you prepared for that?

If it's meant to be, there is absolutely no rush. And asking now won't change anything, by the way. You could agree today to marry in two or three years, but a lot can happen between now and then and engagements can easily be canceled. My point is, you aren't gaining anything by pressing the issue so early, and you may be losing something.....taking away his chance to propose, the surprise for you, etc.

 

[weemodin]

I think it's a bad idea.

I wouln't propose to him. If the two of you have talked about marriage, he's obviously intending on proposing sometime. If he were ready to be engaged now, he'd propose now. If you proposed, you'd be stealing his thunder. He might also find it emasculating to be proposed to by his girlfriend.
Futher, you are still in college. Wait till you graduate, then talk to him about it once again -- sort of a reminder for HIM to propose.

I'd think twice before doing it. Actually, I'd never think about doing it at all, but that's just me. I just don't buy into the whole role-reversal thing. Men enjoy the pursuit, and if you reverse this, your guy might get the heebie jeebies.

Futhermore, it really doesn't take all that long to plan a wedding. Most people I know have extremely involved, extravagant, lavish weddings -- and they've all planned them by themselves without a coordinator in a year or less. So, even if you are a type-a anal retentive bride, you really don't need a long engagement to plan even an extrodinarily detailed wedding wedding. Heck, there's no crime in you buying bridal magazines now if you want to start getting ideas -- just make sure to hide them well from your boyfriend or he'll likely freak out.

Plus, if he proposes, you'll likely get a nice diamond to boot!

Just my two cents -- but hey, if you decide to do it anyway, good luck and congrats!

 

[Nicrez]

Have to agree with Weemodin on this one.




I NEVER like to recommend to anyone who hasn't finished college to get engaged. Because the stresses of career and "adult life" of homes and bills, etc will change the relationship a bit, and that stress compounded with the stress of being engaged can be death to a marraige in the future. Grow together, and enjoy that time together, but be happy in the fact you have a future together.




Get your ducks in a row otherwise, work, school, etc, THEN discuss when you are both at that level stage and maybe even have more saved! Good luck either way, and do take this as just some friendly advice! All the best to you both!!

 

[ChooChoo]

And just so you don't think that the board is discriminating against women, you can search this topic - and you will find that guys who want to propose while in college are told the same thing - wait and see what happens when you are both out!

But, I do think that the romantic proposal generally means more to the woman - so even if he says yes, you might regret not waiting for him to do it because you would have gotten much more enjoyment out of the surprise

 

[ClownFishFunk]

Hello there. One thing that worries me about your original post is when you said, "I've decided that since he seems to be taking his time, I'll be the one to propose." To me this sounds as though your boyfriend isn't yet ready to propose, and if he isn't ready to do the proposing, then he may very well be even more uncomfortable receiving a proposal.

I understand how it feels to have to wait, as my boyfriend and I are also high school sweethearts, still in college, and it seems like waiting until after college to be engaged is extremely far away, but we know that waiting at the very least until our senior year is the best decision - he will be the one deciding exactly when because he will be the one proposing - and then having a semi-long engagement. Of course you know what is best for your relationship, and you know much better than we do how ready your boyfriend is. If I were to propose to my boyfriend I am sure he would be really touched, but I have a feeling he would still buy me a ring and do his own proposal anyway when he was ready to, because he wants to be able to give me that special memory. Do you think your bf would feel that way? If he would it may not be worth it anyway.

Maybe you could give him a promise ring or something of that nature instead, so you can give him the nice experience of a proposal, a little hint that you are ready to be with him forever, yet still not steal his thunder for the real proposal. Just a few thoughts. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[Obsessed]

Your boyfriend is too young to get married. This is, ofcourse, a generalization, but most men are not ready to get married at that age. I really hope that your case is the exception, but you might want to check out the overwhelming statistics on highschool-college-marriage success/failure rates. Personally, I have only seen the sour stories unfold, as one or both of the parties realize they are too tempted by life outside of their relationship.
I wouldn't be surprised if half the men who
do propose aren't even really ready.

Truly, however, I hope the best for you, and that he proposes in the near future. But don't propose to him.

 

[Bubblypink]

Sorry but I wanted to propose and so I did. On friday night I sang a song to him and told him how much I love him and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He said yes and that he wanted to get married right away. So... we bought tickets to vegas and got married Saturday Morning. It was quick and fast but so romantic. I love to be spontaeous and we have never been happier. Sometimes you have to follow your heart regardless of what others say. We told our family and not only were they shocked but they were really happy for us. I just want to say thanks to everyone who gave me advice.

 

[Nicrez]

Bubbly, I wish you both all the best and may all your lives be as fun and romatnic as your proposal and wedding! In the end, each case is different, with it's own laws that govern a relationship, and that you took a bold step I applaud you. I still would not have suggested it, but I say as a testament to those who didn't think you two were "ready", you go out there and have a wonderful marraige and be HAPPY! CONGRATS!!!!!

 

[Bubblypink]

Thank you so much! That means a lot to both of us!

 

[Nicrez]

And now it is incumbent on the new bride to impart all the (PG13) details of the whole endeavor! Where did you go? Which chapel (was Britney there?), what did you wear? What did he wear? Did you have wedding rings? Any pics? DETAILS!!!!

 

[ClownFishFunk]

Hey Bubbly, congratulations on your engagement and wedding! You don't have to be sorry! You did what you thought was best for your relationship and it turned out well, so good for you. I hope you had a great time in Vegas - that sure is spontaneous! Do you think you will eventually have another ceremony with your family involved and all? I'm sure we would all love to hear the details. Again, congratulations!

 

[weemodin]

Wow. That took cojones. Congratulations!