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Thinking of proposing - please tell me whether I''m crazy or not

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saltydog75

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OK, so, long story short, back in July we fell totally in love. Already had the conversations about how many kids we''re going to have, what we''re going to name them, what our house is going to look like - sort of joking, but not really, and we both knew it. No doubt on that.

Cut to the end of September. She works for the government and has to go overseas for a year - to a place where you wouldn''t want to visit, and the State Department wouldn''t let you even if you did, let''s just put it that way. We started out e-mailing and calling regularly, we had the "you''re the only one for me, I can''t wait to start our life together" talks, but it just wasn''t working. Too hard to be apart, so we have only been communicating sporadically. We had agreed to go our separate ways while she''s gone, just because it wasn''t practical for us to feel like we had a relationship while she was gone. But the last e-mail I got from her, around Thanksgiving she had just gotten a birthday card from me, said it made her "cry forever", and that she missed me.

She''s coming back a week from today for three weeks. I''ve been sooo nervous about not knowing what it''s going to be like, that I haven''t been sleeping, so I started drinking several glasses of wine before bed just so I could sleep (I know, bad coping mechanism, but otherwise I was literally sitting in bed all night not being able to sleep). And so one night after those glasses of wine I decided, I know I want to marry her, I''m getting a ring. So I did.

She''s going to be back for three weeks, then gone again for 3 months, then back again for 3 weeks, then gone again for 3 months, then (hopefully) back permanently.

I really, really, really want to propose when she gets back, assuming things are OK. Obviously if we aren''t getting along I''m not going to. :)

Is that totally crazy? We had only been together for 2.5 months before she had to leave and it''s been almost 4 months since we''ve seen each other, and she''s still going to be gone for most of the next 8 months. But I know I love her and that she''s the one for me. And I just cannot be at peace until I know we''re going to be together forever.

Just trying to figure out how good my chances are of a yes. Would appreciate some input from women as to how you would feel in that situation. I *really* don''t want to get a confused "why are you doing this?" look back.

Also, to keep a little more on topic:

- I ordered from Blue Nile. I order everything online, not a fan of brick and mortar anything. Round, excellent cut, 0.75 carat, J color, SI2 clarity, platinum 4 prong band. I actually tried to get her ring size before she left, she was storing all of her jewelry in prep for going away, and she commented how one ring fit her perfectly... so I surreptitiously used a piece of paper to mark the circumference of the ring and tried to size based on that. But it didn''t seem right at all - came out way too large. So I ended up going with 6 because it''s apparently average and I''m hoping it fits enough for her to hopefully show everyone. :) She''s basically average size. Fingers crossed. Hoping she will like it.

- We both are huge fans of "The Office", so here''s what I was thinking of doing as far as a proposal. For her coming home present, I spent weeks editing together all of the episodes of season 3 and the deleted scenes from the episodes into something like a "director''s cut" of the season, and burned them all onto DVDs. I think it''s going to blow her away. Hopefully anyone who''s a big fan thinks the same.

So I''m thinking of giving it to her, and telling her it''s a limited edition with a special bonus gift inside... and putting the ring in there. I figure it will totally take her by surprise.... and maybe give it to her after dinner or something (probably at home, I''m not sure I''m ready for doing that in public).
 

vc10um

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I think that the proposal idea sounds fabulous and very special.

I''m a firm believer in "when you know, you know"...but not everyone is. I know *I* was ready to say yes to my SO after 6 months, but I don''t think he was ready to make the commitment at that point. So I can''t really tell you how SHE''LL respond. But I''m going to wish you the best of luck!
 

saltydog75

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Thanks for the input. I''m getting the ring tomorrow. Right now I am fashioning a "bonus disc" DVD holder that will have written on the front "Bonus Episode: The Proposal".... which I *think* will be stealth enough for her not to catch on until she opens it and the ring is inside. Guess I''ll just keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. :)
 

vespergirl

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Date: 1/11/2010 5:16:55 PM
Author: vc10um
I think that the proposal idea sounds fabulous and very special.

I''m a firm believer in ''when you know, you know''...but not everyone is. I know *I* was ready to say yes to my SO after 6 months, but I don''t think he was ready to make the commitment at that point. So I can''t really tell you how SHE''LL respond. But I''m going to wish you the best of luck!
Ditto - I think it''s great, and I bet that your girlfriend will be so excited. Please let us know how everything turns out! Regarding the ring, my DH has gotten me several pieces of jewelry from Blue Nile (including my wedding band) and everything has been top-notch quality. The ring sounds just beautiful!
 

saltydog75

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Thanks. It''s so hard to decide how much to spend - of course you want the best for someone you love. I originally was thinking of a budget almost five times as much as what I actually spent, planning to save up and get it in a year or so, but then I figured I could just get something now, that would still be really nice (just not extravagant) without going into debt, so that I could propose now. That''s more important to me than having an extra carat. And hopefully just start the engagement ASAP and save up the money for an awesome honeymoon or something. Putting the cart before the horse a little, I guess, but here''s to optimism.
 

MissMina

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You''re not crazy.
My parents dated for only two months before eloping.
They were married for 64 years before my dad''s passing.
Best wishes to both of you.
 

saltydog75

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Thanks. It''s always good to hear from someone else that it isn''t completely loony. :). I didn''t get the ring today. It should be here tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed that someday we can be a "married for xx years" couple. :)
 

missbennet

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If you love her, go for it. I''m marrying my high school sweetheart (well we didnt go to highschool together but whatever)

don''t reserve yourself. think about how you would feel if she got away. i would say do it...she probably wants it more than you do :)

good luck !!!!
 

saltydog75

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That was exactly my thought process. We met literally a week after she had committed to go overseas for a year. And it''s been really hard on us both but all I can think is - I can stand 8 more months apart only if I know we''re going to be together after it.

Thanks for the input.
 

saltydog75

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I got the ring. Picture should be attached - sorry, it''s not very detailed but it''s the best my iphone could take. We already talked about rings (so I guess she can''t be too surprised, right?) and she said she liked something classic.... hope this fits the bill. It''s sparkly... I guess I''ve never really looked closely at a diamond. Really happy with it.

ring911421.jpg
 

winelover23

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Date: 1/13/2010 11:50:40 AM
Author: saltydog75
I got the ring. Picture should be attached - sorry, it''s not very detailed but it''s the best my iphone could take. We already talked about rings (so I guess she can''t be too surprised, right?) and she said she liked something classic.... hope this fits the bill. It''s sparkly... I guess I''ve never really looked closely at a diamond. Really happy with it.
OMG romantic as all heck so I''m on the "go for it" bus. Follow your heart! Oh and please keep us posted after the proposal!

The ring is perfect!
 

Bella_mezzo

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Go for it! The proposal sounds fantastic and the ring looks like it fits the bill, classic and sparkly
3.gif
 

ksluice

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Friends of mine were engaged 3 months in. At the time I was shocked, but 4 years and a baby later, they are a magical and wonderful family. Then my DH and I were together for all of 3 months before what I call the "real" proposal...although he didn''t have the ring and his was a more test the waters and ease into the "official" proposal, which was fine with me.

My only caution is this: you know her, so you probably know whether she''ll want time to digest it all or whether she''ll be more inclined to an instant yes. I *love* the "proposal episode" dvd idea, and think its so romantic, but if she doesn''t say yes instantly, if I were in her shoes it would be really wonderful if somehow you could be completely ok with that response too. It''s probably impossible b/c you''re so excited, and I bet she''ll be just as excited. It''s a lot to take in tho, if she isn''t expecting it, I would just be a little prepared mentally in case she needs some time.

That said, we also have had to do the long distance thing, and its been a great comfort to me to know we''re really in this together. We just passed our 4 mo. anniversary and I never thought I could be so happy. So I say go for it. I know she''ll say yes, and being engaged makes the L.D. thing worth it.
 

saltydog75

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Totally with you there. In fact I''ve been thinking of telling her that I know the circumstances are crazy and that I would understand if she doesn''t say yes. I guess it''s one of those things you rehearse over and over in your head and then when the time comes you just end up winging it.
 

saltydog75

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Putting it all together... here''s the box that holds all the DVDs.

present-100001.jpg
 

saltydog75

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Here are the DVDs... hey, that one on the bottom looks kinda different.

present-100002.jpg
 

saltydog75

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Hmmmm.... bonus episode... but wait... there was no bonus episode to season 3?

present-100003.jpg
 

saltydog75

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Hopefully at this point her jaw is on the ground.

present-100004.jpg
 

ts44

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This is seriously the most romantic and fun proposal I''ve read on here. PLEASE give us an update on what happens when it does!
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vc10um

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Ahhhh...SD, that turned out so well! Best of luck to you!!! And the ring is just lovely!!!
 

Bella_mezzo

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So fun!!!!!! I can''t wait to see handshots and hear how she likes it. This is such an awesome proposal.
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jmtomaui

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SD, the thought and work you have put into this will blow her away.

Short romances can work! DH and I were set up by my best friend who was his boss. He proposed 1 week after our blind date, married 9 months later and we just celebrated our 7 year anniversary. We have been through a lot together w/outside concerns and come through them all stronger and more in love than ever so we fail safe in saying we''ve survived the better and worse...

Best wishes to both of you!
 

saltydog75

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She''s coming home tomorrow, so we''ll see what happens. :)
 

Natylad

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I met my fiance'' on a plane from Athens - Greece to Canada!He is lebanese and he had just finished his vacation back home in Beirut with his familly. He was flying to Canada via Athens. It just happened that i was sitting next to him and after a while we started talking. He told me that he had been working in Kuwait for the last three years and he was now moving to Canada to continue his studies and get a master''s degree. Plus, his sister is married and she lives in Canada too, so he felt that it would be nice having her around. To make the long story short, we fell in love on that plane. It took us nine hours of flight to realize that it was our destiny to meet up there in the blue skies...When we arrived, we kept communicating through sms and the phone and we met only once before i went back to Greece (my father is very strict and even though i was 30 years old, he wouldn''t alow me to go out with a stranger,so my mom and brother managed to offer me an alibi just for once, so that i could see him before i left). The day that we went out, at the moment that we were saying goodbye, i remember myself crying my heart out and feeling devastated. I thought that i''d never see him again...He told me that he''ll come visit me in Greece and that i shouldn''t be afraid...everything would be alright...He came to see me eight months later. In the mean time we were communicating through mail, e mails, sms, messenger, etc!!! Four months later,i said to dad that i''ll visit my cousin in Montreal and i went to him (mom knew the truth!!!). We spent two weeks together. The story kept on like this for FOUR YEARS and last July, on a wonderful lebanese night, up in the mountains of Beirut, he proposed to me with his entire familly being around us...We''re getting married in May and he''ll move to Greece in order to be with me...(After all this time, dad has finally learned the truth, he,he,he!)
Bottom line...It''s never too early to know that you''re in love and that you''ve really found the person with whom you should spend your life...And there''s no distance that can keep two people apart if they really love each other...
I wish you the best of luck with the proposal and may you have all the happiness in the world with your chosen one...
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vc10um

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Date: 1/17/2010 2:24:12 PM
Author: saltydog75
She''s coming home tomorrow, so we''ll see what happens. :)
SD, we need an update!!!
 

ts44

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Date: 1/19/2010 4:50:22 PM
Author: vc10um

Date: 1/17/2010 2:24:12 PM
Author: saltydog75
She''s coming home tomorrow, so we''ll see what happens. :)
SD, we need an update!!!
Here''s hoping no news is good news.
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saltydog75

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She just got back into town last night so she immediately went home to see her parents ( they''re 2 hrs away) and both of her parents'' birthdays are this week. She''s going to be down there for a few days and I''m working. So, may have to wait a bit. I''ll pass on any updates.
 

saltydog75

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No happy ending, unfortunately. She is really enjoying her job overseas and extending it for several more years. So, no engagement. But thanks, everyone, for your support. Blue Nile has a good return policy and I learned a few things about diamonds and how to put together a proposal. :)
 

CharmyPoo

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I don''t know if I should say I am sorry or not. It was a beautiful plan and it seems like you care a lot about her. A few more years though could be very difficult.
 

saltydog75

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Oh, no worries, we are breaking up. It''s the only sensible thing to do in this situation. We did love each other very
much but circumstances weren''t on our side. I guess if it''s meant to be, we''ll reconnect after she''s back in the country. :)
 
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