Home The Working Moms Life/Balance Thread

[janinegirly]

Date: 4/26/2010 1:22:38 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 4/26/2010 1:11:11 PM
Author: ChinaCat
Janine-

Ugh, that's tough. Before Babies, it's a no-brainer, right? I guess it depends on what you want long-term. If your only goal is to stay home more, and SAH eventually, then not sure it's worth the extra pressure. OTOH, if it leads to better pay, that's always good for saving purposes and also for putting you higher up on the food chain, so to speak, for if/when you want to return to work.

Question: Is the new role interesting to you? Is it something you want to do and would enjoy doing? The good thing is it wouldn't be MORE hours.

Ditto. Where do you want to be 5 years from now?

I think we're about the same age, so I figure we're sort of in the same place career wise. We've come a long way, but there's still always room for advancement and really senior positions. I was a big time career woman in my 20's into my early 30's. I still enjoy working. What I will say though, is that my drive to climb the corporate ladder has gone poof. 5 years from now, I don't want to be a VP of anything. I just want to be working for a nice paycheck in a higher role (like I am now) but I don't want to be in senior management. I want life balance. I want to be able to do my job and focus on my family, even when Amelia is in school. And when she does go to school, I want to be relaxed at work and have a mentally easy job so I can enjoy my life and pursue other hobbies that I didn't get to try before Amelia was born.

I don't want to SAH, but i don't want any more responsibility either. And I'm fine with that. Work and career are no longer tops in my life. Good thing it was in my 20's, since it made me work my butt off and get me where I am today - comfortable with a good reputation in my industry.

Well, 5 yrs from now I'd like to be home. I've been in my current job/role for 4 yrs and to be honest I have not pursued promotions I should have in an effort to push obtaining the day from home. So I do feel I need to fight for that extra piece or settle for something I know is a bit uneven with my peers. The role is not for senior mgmt and would not impact my hours (I leave at 5 whether people like it or not). Why do it? Well promotion and extra cash helps with savings and puts me in spot I want to be for when I do leave. But yea it would mean extra responsibility. I do want life balance absolutely. But maybe I do have a pretty good set up (1 day at home, 8-5pm hours, 6wks vacation), but it's just not ideal (I have friends who have same set up, more senior roles and 2-3 days at home). Hmm, tough.

 

[snlee]

Date: 4/26/2010 1:24:31 PM
Author: janinegirly
CC: thanks for chiming in!It's a catch 22..yes more pressure for short term gains. But potential extra $ and better position for re-entering the work force is important too. I am ready for a change so timing is good in that sense Also the the unsaid piece is if I say no it'll actually reflect badly on me. Yes extra day at home would be great, but still not a guarantee and I guess my long term goal is to put myself in best position possible for when I do SAH. Guess I kind of answered my own question. It is tough though since there are competing instincts.

How about you, any more thoughts on your situation?

janine, from this post it sounds like you should go for it. Such a tough decision and I feel for you. If you do end up taking it, I hope you can continue to work from home one day a week. Wow, you get 6 weeks of vacation a year? That's awesome! Wish I had that much but I'll take the 17 days that I do get.

 

[MustangGal]

janine - It''s awesome that you get the 1 day of work from home, my huge company doesn''t allow it at all. I say go for it, especially if you have another 5 years of working before you stay at home. I just moved to a position with more responsibility as well, and being busy/fulfilled at work makes the day go faster and the mommy guilt less (at least for me

).

 

[vizsla]

janine- that is tough. and if it makes you feel any better i have zero friends who are able to work from home even 1 day a week i do think it is hard, not to compare situations with friends. and somehow *i* always manage to get the short end of the stick ;P

anyhoo, my thought is this - how much would 1 or 2 years in the new position impact your return into the workforce in 10 years? will the experience be obsolete at that time? if not, i say go for it - particularly, if it won''t increase your hours (since the second day at home is not a guarantee). if the experience would have minimal impact on a return into the workforce - and rather your YEARS at said company/in the industry would be just as beneficial as you experience - then pass on the job and enjoy the last few years working with little stress.
-----------------

so, i didn''t want to post anything because it''s soooooooo not even close to even becoming an opportunity BUT i have been in talks with a company that is literally .2 miles from my house. our emails/phone calls are very sporadic, but they are definitely headed in the right direction. this could - potentially - be HUGE for me. in talking with them i''ve explained my desire (nee, need) for work/life balance - to which the company was totally supportive. the pay is about a 10% decrease from what i make now - but it is a serious career leap - one that, if i have to work, would LOVE to do everyday.
did i mention i could literally WALK to work. just that opportunity to visit with C at lunch and have ZERO commute has me practically peeing my pants. i don''t want to get too ahead of myself because it may never come to fruition but - if it works..... oh how my life would change. any juju/dust you could muster......

 

[ChinaCat]

Janine- The practical answer seems to be to go for it. The cons don''t seem that huge, esp since the 2 day home thing isn''t a given regardless. Plus you are right that it might reflect badly if you don''t. That being said, I have moments where I am thinking about this stuff where I want to throw someone OUT THE WINDOW if they try to be practical with me when I am feeling sad about missing out on seeing O (i.e., my DH last night). So I do understand if your response is simply "But I don''t want to." Sounds like a pretty good deal though, from my end- 9-5, 6 weeks vacation. That would be a job I would want NOW. Let us know what you decide!

Viz- Ok, keeping things in lowercase so as not to upset the dust/juju gods but oh my gosh. Everything crossed for you and sending you loads of dust. Really really really hopes this works out for you. That would give us all hope.

AFM- Not sure it''s going to work. Have hit a roadblock figuring out how many hours to work/how much to reduce my salary. Not sure that we can reduce my salary to the point where the hours thing would make a difference. So in order to actually work less and mean it, I''d have to take such a serious pay cut that I am not sure we can afford or maybe can afford or are willing to do. What we can afford isn''t really enough to make a difference, so why take the pay cut? So the option is still there, but not sure I can make it work. Yes I cried all night about it, esp since O is sick. But am trying to think proactively and figure it out.

What I think I figured out last night though is that I just don''t like what I do enough, no matter how much I get paid. So at least going forward we can start planning so I don''t have to do this forever.

Sounds reasonable, but I''m not really good at future, I''m very much a "now" person.

Trying to put my big girl pants on today, I really am.

 

[janinegirly]

Thanks everyone. It's true that I should be grateful for that one day--I forget how most are not able to even negotiate that. But I did fight very hard for it, went to HR and over my boss's head. This was back in 2008/2009 when the market was really in the tank. So I stuck my neck out, but at that point in time it was either that or quit, so being laid off would have been a happy medium so I had nothing to lose. I had multiple business proposals to them to prove/propose how this made sense from their end too. It's crazy to me that I had to fight so hard!

Anyway, day 2 would have been a long shot but I will never give up that one day. Or my 5pm leave time. No one else leaves that early but I come in early and work during lunch and pop on remotely if need be. I also have been passed over for previous promotions despite doing as much or more as everyone else on my team--but I've accepted this so as not to rock the boat on the things I was given a pass on. Today however my boss had the nerve to say "oh leaving early? I don't see so and so leaving this early" (so and so referred to the new team I will be reporting to--probably some politics involved in his change of tune). I snapped back subtly but it just pisses me off that I should be made to feel guilty for trying to squeeze in time with my daughter. I do not see her in the morning and they get the majority of my prime time-so spare me the guilt trip! So frustrating.

Viz: sounds like a great opportunity and wow walking to work--that's awesome! I hope it works out, I would love something like that. And you're right that a new title/role doesn't help re-entry 10yrs for now, but I need to prepare for all scenarios. What if it's 2 years from now or what if I'm not cut out for SAHM? You never know and so I want to be prepared for all possible scenarios and put myself in the best position without sacrificing too much at home hopefuly.

Chinacat: it's tough isn't it? I hope you come up with something that works. To be unhappy with your job on top of it all is not a good spot. I'm not ecstatic about my job, but not miserable (yet, haha), but I feel like that point might not be as far away as I thought so trying to make sure Plan B and C are in place. Maybe come up with all possible scenarios and go with one that has the most balance but least traumatic to your current lifestyle. Nothing is perfect, but we all just try to find the closest version. Hang in there, it will get better once you find more balance. Like you said, sometimes you have to do what you need to do to be happy.

 

[vizsla]

janine - ugh, that''s EXACTLY how my current employer is. very very guilt ''trippy'' about leaving (ahem) ON-time. just b/c everyone else stays past doesn''t mean the time has moved. KWIM? that caveat of my job is the driving force behind finding something new. i told myself that i would spare any potential employer the guesswork of when viz is coming and going by just telling them from the get-go about my need for a work/life balance. i''ll give 110% while i''m at work, but please don''t expect weekends/nights. it''s all such bull that you would have potentially been passed over for promotions because you put your family on equal ground as work... hello? glass ceiling. think about how many great businesswomen are out there who never got the chance to take charge b/c some (explicative) higher ups think that time spent at work = productivity and dedication. it makes me so pissy. ((hugs)) to you!

cc- crappy crap crap crap! it seemed like reduced hours would be your light! i''m so super dupery sad that it doesn''t look like it is going to work out the way you had hoped. is that still the only viable option? would they hire you as a ''contractor'' or just for special cases? (i know nothing about law so this may actually be the most ridiculous idea ever). one of the options i thought of for myself was to try and go ''freelance''. which would mean i may work 3 weeks out of the month - but have an entire week at home.
one of the people i work with had her baby the day after C. she works even longer hours than i do and is miserable. her thought on the situation is that she is going to live like they only have DH salary and, basically, bank her salary for a few years. then she can stay home while she looks for something that better suits her.
i was reading earlier when you said after baby is not a time to peruse your goals... but, if that would make you a happier china, a happier mom, a happier wife - how can you not?

i''m soooo a ''now'' person too.. and i hate being practical. i know there is a solution out there for you!!! we need to set up a huge IM brainstorming session