The two-month rule: did they or didn''t they?

[ursulawrite]

Just curious, really. Did your husband/fiance abide religiously by the arbitrary De Beers rule, or did they spend much less? Or maybe even a whole lot more?

My husband, personally, spent about two week's wages. This is what he felt comfortable with at the time, being that he had huge law school loans to pay, saving for an apartment etc. etc.

 

[Cleopatra]

I thought it was a "three month" rule??? Or is that just my greedy mind??

 

[Cleopatra]

I should add that my FI spent almost three month''s salary on my beautiful ring - not because of "some rule", but because it was what he wanted to get me....if he had wanted to spend 2 DAYS salary on my ring, I would have been just as happy.

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 4/17/2008 12:01:26 PM
Author: Cleopatra
I should add that my FI spent almost three month''s salary on my beautiful ring - not because of ''some rule'', but because it was what he wanted to get me....if he had wanted to spend 2 DAYS salary on my ring, I would have been just as happy.

Three months? Wowsers!

Hubby chose mine, when it was loose, from a tray containing dozens of stones. He said he couldn''t take his eyes off "the one"

 

[lovelee]

Is the two month rule before or after taxes?

We''re still on the hunt for "the diamond" but as far as I can see, our budget is going to be about 2.5 months salary after taxes.
That''s including the setting.

We''ve been looking for forever and I think he''s kind of getting tired of all this hunting.
Who knows, he might just end up sending me to Wal Mart.

 

[Pandora II]

Neither FI or I have any time for what is a load of marketing b*****ks from De Beers.

We spent what we felt happy spending, and I felt happy wearing.

 

[poshpepper]

My FI spent less than the "2 month salary rule".
He wanted to spend more than he did (he wanted a diamond center stone) but I wanted a Sapphire center so that ended up costing less than a comparable sized diamond would have.

 

[JSM]

My fiance spent about a month and a half on my ring - which was still a very small budget that didn''t get much at a chain store.

I would have said yes to anything, though! I''m not marrying him because I want a sugar daddy. My e-ring upgrade will be paid for by myself, and I will buy online when the time comes.

 

[niceice]

Date: 4/17/2008 11:57:19 AM
Author: Cleopatra
I thought it was a ''three month'' rule??? Or is that just my greedy mind??

Actually the three month rule is the standard that De Beers (DTC) advertised as the basis for buying an engagement ring in Japan and it is beginning to take hold here in the U.S.

Hmmm, maybe that is why Valerie was so intent on creating an "Asian" room in our house?!?! Yea, that might also explain why she''s always programming The Vapors song "I think I''m turning Japanese" into my iPod... Thanks to this thread, I''m beginning to "get it"

 

[noelwr]

My fiance spent more than 3 months. I am very conscience about my ring as I know if I ever lost it I probably won''t have a fiance anymore! when we first went looking, I was going for one month salary as I got him an engagement watch for about that amount and didn''t want him to spend more on me. however, the lady at the jewelry store was very cunning and managed to sell us a ring which was much much more (but also much much more beautiful than the others). it it the 10-prong antique ring I posted elsewhere. I love it and he was more than happy to spend that amount as he had the money and he knows that it has to be something I''m willing to wear the rest of my life. so to be fair, I will pay for the wedding bands.

 

[oldminer]

PandoraII has the right approach. You have to look at your financial picture, not just at your income. How much do you already owe? What additional purchases are coming soon which may be more important? Are you regularly saving any percentage of your income?

There is no valid rule about how much to spend for a diamond. You buy something that you feel is right for the person and the circumstances. If the recipient can''t live with reality now, how will they live with life''s major realities? Buying a diamond is not a test of your ability to provide or a test of anything else. Buy what you like, what you''d like to give as a gift and what you can afford. You can never spend enough in the contest of who has the biggest, the best or the most expensive unless you are an oil sheik.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

That marketing effort must be directly targeted at men--they catch them in their most vulnerable state (i.e. trying to make their gfs happy) and play on their insecurites about not buying something "good" enough. I hate that men have to feel that way about something so personal between two people in a relationship.

Women are much too pragmatic for that crap.

When I thought about an e-ring budget, I never even thought about his salary--I ONLY thought about savings. Specifically joint savings, though when I told DH that I wanted all of our rings to come out of our joint account, to which we contribute equally, he wasn't into my untraditional idea. Despite me really holding onto the symbolism of us paying equally (isn't that what marriage is about??), I didn't want to tread on something that was obviously important to him.

After we agreed that he would pay for it, he then told me about the 2-months-salary thing. I asked him what the heck his salary had to do with my ring?

So instead of looking at joint savings, I focused only on his personal savings and knew I didn't want to spend more than 5%...something I knew he could replenish in a month or so (with disposable income).

Anyway, my point is that I don't know what one's salary has to do if the savings isn't already there. Furthermore, a ring ranked VERY low on my savings priority--house, retirement, travelling, etc. were all higher on my priority list so a ring wasn't going to come out of those savings. Plus we knew we'd be paying for a wedding soon after, so the thought of buying something that was going to take more than a month to replace in his savings account made me very unhappy.

 

[Splinter]

I never realised that the whole 2 (or 3!) month myth was so prevalent. The boys at De Beers who came up with this (in 1947 I think) must have statues of themselves in the De Beers HQ. Personally, I''m waiting for their new revision...

style="WIDTH: 65.48%; HEIGHT: 34px">"If you love her, you''ll spend 2 years salary, give us a kidney and send us your first born child."
-De Beers Marketing Campaign 2009

 

[autumnlala]

Should be "two month suggestion"-- my DBF will end up spending about one month''s salary, which is significant considering we both have other debts (him-- small business, me, law school) that are a priority. Lucky him, he inherited the rock so all of that is going into a gorgeous custom setting. But I don''t want to upgrade so we wanted to do it right the first time. I will likely pay for at least part if not all of the bands, as I actually earn more than he does.

 

[iheartscience]

I just figured out what I wanted, within reason of course, and then figured out about how much it would be. My fiance was down with it, so it worked out great. (He probably would have been down with a cheaper ring, too, but hey-it''s all about compromise!

)

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 4/17/2008 4:31:04 PM
Author: thing2of2
I just figured out what I wanted, within reason of course, and then figured out about how much it would be. My fiance was down with it, so it worked out great. (He probably would have been down with a cheaper ring, too, but hey-it''s all about compromise!

)

See, I had no idea what I wanted. I didn''t own a single piece of jewellery before getting engaged. I just said, "Make it simple, and no yellow gold". Only after I got engaged did some of my husband''s colleagues rib him for spending--in their eyes, anyway--nowhere near enough of his salary to satisfy, erm... De Beers?

 

[Rhea]

We spent what we felt comfortable spending.

I truly don''t understand the what did he spend thing. Surely, in many cases, it''s we, not he, right? A lot of couples still have at least some joint finances. So even if he''s paying for the cost of the ring, he''s bring less savings into the marriage which impacts the couple as a whole.

I''m off topic. We didn''t follow "rules" set up by a company who needs to market their product to us to stay in business and feed their own families. I know what the ring cost but I can''t honestly remember how much he was making at the time. I remember that we decided to spend what would have been saved in one month as we wouldn''t miss one months worth of savings. It made more sense to us to base what we were willing to spend on our savings rather than salary.

 

[icekid]

We spent quite a bit less than 2 months on my ring. Screw DeBeers! I love my rings, but we value traveling and saving more.

 

[bee*]

D gave me a figure that he was comfortable with and I found the lucida that I loved for that budget. We went slightly over it but he adored the one that we picked. Not sure what it works out at in monthly terms as we didn''t work it out that way. It was a bit over three months I think. He bought it out of savings but he still has a huge amount saved.

 

[mandielee]

My fiance offered to spend an amount that is probably two months of his pretax salary, but I decided that an amount about one-third that was a more reasonable sum to spend on something sparkly (possibly the one time the depressing dollar/Euro rate has played in my favor!) I picked it out my ring-to-be, taking my guy''s preferences (6 prongs instead of 4, as it seems more secure) into account.

We''re throwing a big engagement party for our general acquaintance with some of the savings. The rest will most certainly find its way into our wedding and trips back to the States to visit my family.

Would I have liked a 10,000 EUR ($16,000) ring? Affirmative. Do I prefer a $5500 ring and $10,500 worth of parties and travel? Yep.

 

[butterfly 17]

Hey Ursula, I didn''t get a ring when we first got married and then got one for our tenth year anniversary that was way more than the two month rule, but I felt it was okay, because part of the money was mine since we had been married the whole time, plus I did have to wait a long time to finally get it.

It seems to me from some of your posts that you are not happy with the budget your DH allocated towards your diamond/ring. I notice a common theme with your posts.

How long have you been married now? Why not upgrade? I am all for it!

Esp. now since your DH is working and earning more money and you guys have your home(s) and I am sure the school loans are close to, if not completely paid off.


You already have a lovely near perfect color and clarity wise stone, so why not go for a honker that is a little lower in color and clarity, but will give you the size you want. Maybe it''s time to bring it up!

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 4/17/2008 5:46:44 PM
Author: butterfly 17
Hey Ursula, I didn''t get a ring when we first got married and then got one for our tenth year anniversary that was way more than the two month rule, but I felt it was okay, because part of the money was mine since we had been married the whole time, plus I did have to wait a long time to finally get it.

It seems to me from some of your posts that you are not happy with the budget your DH allocated towards your diamond/ring. I notice a common theme with your posts.

How long have you been married now? Why not upgrade? I am all for it!

Esp. now since your DH is working and earning more money and you guys have your home(s) and I am sure the school loans are close to, if not completely paid off.


You already have a lovely near perfect color and clarity wise stone, so why not go for a honker that is a little lower in color and clarity, but will give you the size you want. Maybe it''s time to bring it up!

Ha. Funny you should say so

We went to Tiffany''s a couple of weeks ago--entirely DH''s suggestion--to scout out two rings: one, for our tenth anniversary; the other, for a surprise. And you know what? I tried on some super-honking diamonds and I didn''t like them one me at all, which was weird, disconcerting etc. as it''s the one thing I''ve been made to feel bad about with regard to my ring all these years. Go figure. Anyway, for the 10th, I fell in love with a 2.5 carat Emerald/3-carat opal Alexandrite--both flawless, both totally drool-worthy. For the surprise, I shall leave it up to him.

The only thing I would change about my e-ring, honestly, is my inability to blot out the opinions of others. It hasn''t bothered me for aaaagggges, then last week someone passed comment, and I guess I was feeling a little vulnerable, hormonal, whatever--hence the post, perhaps.

 

[avlis]

I spent about 2 months take home pay. But this was purely coincidence. I had a total number in mind I felt comfortable with, a diamond diameter I knew I wanted, and then the rest was the setting. I wouldnt have spent much more, nor would I have spent much less because when I am buying something I know will be with her for the rest of her life, I didnt mind splurging somewhat.

I think the two month salary "rule" is a bunch of crap. It about what a person feels comfortable spending. A diamond should not remind someone of regret, debt, or a feeling or being taken advantage of.

 

[Linda W]

My DH and I were married 27 years ago and we didn''t have much money. He bought what he could afford at the time, as we both wanted to save for a house. I would have worn a cigar band, if that is what he would have given me.

Linda

 

[cectra79]

I think it'a somewhat treaky question... What if the guy is making not 1, 4, 7, or even 10 grand a month? What if he makes 20 or 30k? Do you go for 40, 60 k ring? No really?

My husband spent less than his 1 month salary, and it was as big and perfect as I felt comfortable wearing.

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 4/17/2008 1:05:58 PM
Author: Pandora II
Neither FI or I have any time for what is a load of marketing b*****ks from De Beers.

We spent what we felt happy spending, and I felt happy wearing.

Ditto!

 

[mimzy]

my FI had a budget in his head before he got his first job out of college, so i think it is highly unlikely that the ''rule'' ever entered his mind. he did up it a little when the time came to start looking seriously, but i think he was under budget by about a thousand dollars, which, purely by coincidence, put him at about the two month mark at his newish job.

i didn''t think anybody paid any attention to that "rule" anymore?? in my experience it''s only been referred to as a joke about something stupid that used to exist.

 

[purrfectpear]

I think it''s relative to the salary of the giver. If someone is making around $4K a month, I think you can find a pretty nice ring for around $6K. On the other hand if it''s an established attorney or doctor, I guess I''d be hoping for something around $15K or more. If the FI was with one of those companies giving out $80K bonuses, I''d hope that he''d spend a good chunk of it on me. That said, there''s a difference between hoping and expecting. It''s also relative to the importance of jewelry and size to the woman. I know several women who have no desire for anything above a one carat stone regardless of ability to spend more.

Personally I wouldn''t turn down a big honkin'' rock

 

[Kath1609]

We spent what we were comfortable with. It was less than two months salary for either one of us. We paid for the ring from our joint savings account. The 2 months salary rule didn''t even enter our minds. It was strictly what we were comfortable spending without going into debt.

 

[tberube]

I added up what my FI makes in three months, and I would be horrified if he''d spent that much on my ring...(not that I''d complain about the gift...heh).