The Suspense!!!

[bigdiamondtinygal]

So as I''ve posted before my BF and I have been shopping for rings on and off for the last 6 months or so!! Of course, I''m most excited about the fact that we will become husband and wife, but come on we all know that I''m also really looking forward to getting the RING!We have found 2 rings that we really like and are in our budget. One of them is already made and the other would need to be custom. I honestly love them both and would be happy with either one. Two weeks ago when we were making plans for this summer (trips, visits from his parents and brother late this summer), out of nowhere during the conversation he said "Don''t worry honey, you''ll have the ring by August." I was of course dying inside, because this is the FIRST I''ve heard as to when it may happen.

I reacted calmly then, but now that it is getting closer I can''t stop thinking about the rings. Lately, I have been finding myself really wanting to go back to the custom vendor. We went for one visit so he could see what I liked, but we didn''t pick out "our" stone. I am so particular about what I know I would ideally want within our budget, that I really want to be involved if he is going to go w/ the custom ring. I also think that we can get more stone for our money if we go this route. The thing is, I don''t want to be pushy. Do I ask him if we can make another appointment together with the custom vendor soon?

He has said that he wants me to give him a few ring choiices and then leave it to him. I do respect this and I think I can do it. The suspense of not know what he is going to pick is killing me, especially if it is custom and I am not involved. Inside, I keep telling myself that I shoudln''t be so concerned with the ring...that I should love whatever he gives me because he is giving it to me and because of what it represents. I also have been lucky to have some input here so far (which is more than many people can say).

What should I do??

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

You''re lucky that he values your input and wants you to give him choices. I''m one of those people who just doesn''t get when a man wants to pick out the ring all by himself.

I''d ask him if you could visit the custom vendor together. Then set aside a few rings that you''d be happy to have. If there''s one above the rest, let him know. "I''d say I love all four of these, but I ESPECIALLY love this one." Or let the vendor know which is your favorite. That way the vendor can help sway him.

And August is getting really close! So you don''t have to worry about this much longer! Yay for that!

 

[Luckyeshe]

IMO you can make a suggestion about going to the vendor together and when looking at rings, make sure you pick out the ones you like a lot and give him some choices to pick from. The other way to go about it (and this is the way my FI and I did it) is look over some rings and talk about what you do and don''t like about each of them. So he can see what you are looking for in your ring. After that you should just trust him. I think he''ll be able to pick out the best ring for you.

 

[sparklyheart]

That''s so exciting that he kind of gave you a deadline!

My only concern with bringing up the custom vendor is what if he already picked the ring? I would try to do some investigating and find out if he has already bought a ring or is already in the process of having it made. That way, he won''t be offended if you bring up the diamond you want while he already has the other ring hidden in the closet.. you know what I mean? (and no, I don''t mean go look in the closet!! Just see if you can find out if he has bought a ring yet!)

Since you already told him two rings that you liked, I would relax and just wait to see what he picks out for you. I''m not going to lie, I''d be DYING to know.. but at this point he may get offended if you try to change things up on him! I mean, afterall, us girls are NEVER indecisive, right??

I think it would be one thing if he didn''t want your suggestions and you were scared you were going to get a gumball machine ring, but it sounds like you gave him the information he needs to pick out a gorgeous ring for you and he was agreeable to those choices!

Here''s some *******dust******* and keep us updated!

 

[lilmissrugger]

*dust!!!* to you! I actually sat down with the FF and wrote a list with him of things we both like (I''m a pretty simple person, and I''d prefer a more memorable proposal over a bigger ring) and that way it had elements of us both, he knows what I want but he still gets to pick!

Good luck!

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

Thank you for the opinions and advice! It is so helpful to get other perspectives on this situation. Honestly, I don''t think he has the ring yet. In which case, I may just casually ask him if we can go back to the custom vendor for one final visit before I leave it all up to him. I am so excited about having a time frame and I can''t wait to see how it all plays out. Thanks for the support and dust!

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

So after all that worrying, I just decided to dicuss my concerns with my boyfriend this week. As soon as I brough it up he got this sheeping look on his face and said "Honey, I don''t know how to tell you this. But I called the store last week to check on the ring we saw that we loved and someone bought it. But I talked to them about it and we can make another one." I was so pleased and excited to hear that he had done this on his own that I didn''t even care that the ring was gone. Ok...well I cared that it was gone a little because I loved it and it just looked right on me. But I really believe that it wasn''t meant to be. So now, we''re talking the custom vendor about coming in for another appointment hopefully in the next few weeks. So, we''ll see!!

 

[Indylady]

Date: 6/28/2009 10:50:34 PM
Author: bigdiamondtinygal
So after all that worrying, I just decided to dicuss my concerns with my boyfriend this week. As soon as I brough it up he got this sheeping look on his face and said ''Honey, I don''t know how to tell you this. But I called the store last week to check on the ring we saw that we loved and someone bought it. But I talked to them about it and we can make another one.'' I was so pleased and excited to hear that he had done this on his own that I didn''t even care that the ring was gone. Ok...well I cared that it was gone a little because I loved it and it just looked right on me. But I really believe that it wasn''t meant to be. So now, we''re talking the custom vendor about coming in for another appointment hopefully in the next few weeks. So, we''ll see!!

How sweet!

 

[tyty333]

Date: 6/28/2009 10:50:34 PM
Author: bigdiamondtinygal
So after all that worrying, I just decided to dicuss my concerns with my boyfriend this week. As soon as I brough it up he got this sheeping look on his face and said ''Honey, I don''t know how to tell you this. But I called the store last week to check on the ring we saw that we loved and someone bought it. But I talked to them about it and we can make another one.'' I was so pleased and excited to hear that he had done this on his own that I didn''t even care that the ring was gone. Ok...well I cared that it was gone a little because I loved it and it just looked right on me. But I really believe that it wasn''t meant to be. So now, we''re talking the custom vendor about coming in for another appointment hopefully in the next few weeks. So, we''ll see!!

Are you sure he''s not the one that already bought it and he''s trying to throw you off?

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

szh07 - Thanks!

tyty333 - I did think of that possibility and even joking asked him if he really bought it. He said he wish he had but that it really was gone and he didn''t know how to tell me. Also, he has contacted the custom vendor to make an appointment. I don''t know that he would really go that far to fool me. I don''t know though!

 

[madiamondgirl]

That''s so exciting!!! Congrats!!!!

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

Thanks for alll of the advice and comments Ladies. Here''s the update!!

So we went back to to custom vendor today. It was fun, emotional and overwhelming all in one. We ended up being there for a few hours mulling over 3 or 4 different center stones that we liked that ranged in size to try to fit his budget. Of course I fell head over heels for a stone/setting combo that is only $500 away from the top of the budget and I really liked another that was exactly the top amount he said he would be willing to spend. To give him a range of choices, he asked me to pick a smaller stone so he could have a less expensive option. After much mulling to find one I liked (don''t love it b.c it is just quite too small for what I would pick for myself) but I would be willing compromise if he decided to buy that one b.c it is his money and I respect that.

I''m not going to lie though. I felt a little sick over it standing in the store at the moment - picking a stone I didn''t love. I am so excited that he will ask me to marry him...and that is the most important thing. And I didn''t want to act or seem like a brat. But it was just so hard for me to see him have some sticker shock and backing up from the budget we have talked about for months! In the end, 1,000 dollars less is not that much of a different price. Trust me. He''s not strapped for cash, he''s just insanely economical. Part of me knows that I would be hurt and disappointed if he buys the stone that I don''t love just because it is a better deal. It isn''t like I''m asking for stone that is a carat bigger or something...and out of the range entirely!

Overall, we chose 1 stone 1 adore (though even this one is a size compromise too from our intial discussions), 2 I love (one big as I would like and 1 smaller but lovely), and 1 that I like (which is the cheapest and smalles). I now need to step out the process and let him do his thing. He has been so great in being patient with me and including me in the process up to this point. I''m going to go nuts worrying about the possibilities and not knowing what/when he will do it. But I have to let it be. I know I do. I just needed to vent.

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

After sleeping on this, I seem to be even more upset/stressed about this. The thought of being in such an amazing moment when it finally happens and not being happy with the ring (if he chooses the smallest/cheapest one) is killing me. He knows me too well...I wouldn''t be able to hide my disappointment and I know that would just be so wrong/unfair. I wish I wasn''t so focused on the size but it really does matter to me. Does anyone have some words of wisdom to impart to keep me calm?

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

p.s. i mean it would be wrong/unfair to him. i can''t do that.

 

[ms.halo]

I was a little crushed when I saw my ering for the first time. Not because of the size, but because it was a princess and I had really wanted a RB. I found out later that he had purchased the princess because it was a better price. I wish I had been clearer with him BEFORE he made the purchase, as it caused a lot of angst for me over the years. I know conversations about spending money can be very difficult, especially before you''re married. But I''d somehow, very pleasantly, make sure he knows which ring you''d prefer the most.

Good news, though: My husband upgraded my stone in January for our 5th anniversary and now I have the RB I always dreamed of. Nothing HAS to be forever (not even diamonds).

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 7/13/2009 2:23:19 PM
Author: ms.halo
I was a little crushed when I saw my ering for the first time. Not because of the size, but because it was a princess and I had really wanted a RB. I found out later that he had purchased the princess because it was a better price. I wish I had been clearer with him BEFORE he made the purchase, as it caused a lot of angst for me over the years. I know conversations about spending money can be very difficult, especially before you''re married. But I''d somehow, very pleasantly, make sure he knows which ring you''d prefer the most.


Good news, though: My husband upgraded my stone in January for our 5th anniversary and now I have the RB I always dreamed of. Nothing HAS to be forever (not even diamonds).

to add to that, even if you get the smaller one now, look at it as more money saved to go towards the wedding? and then you''ll have a wonderful anniversary gift to look forward to.

dust!

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

Ms. Halo - Thanks for sharing your story. You raise a very good point. I am very glad to hear that you two were able to resolve it with an upgrade. You were very patient!

Sqirrly - Yes, that is true. He does seemed to be already stressing about wedding costs. I''m sure that has something to do with it. Frankly, I''d rather have a nicer ring and spend less on the wedding. I''ll just have to wait and see how it turns out!