The "Spirit" of PS

[Mayk]

I hang out here often since joining this forum 2 years ago and since joining it has changed me from having a modest interest in jewelry to diamonds becoming a new obession for me. I was a girl that would spend $5,000 on a new titanium road bike frame and fork (no wheels mind you)..and now I'm trying to figure out how to sell my prized bicycle on eBay to fund a new Emerald Cut diamond.. Recently a few threads have lead me to think that possibily personal agendas sometimes over shadow the best interests of the forum.

I do not claim to know much about diamonds, in fact I'm often asking for advice and reading through threads to gain information..and I'm the first one to say.. I've made diamond booboos, although in the end I do firmly make my own decisions and live and pay for them. I've seen some passionate exchanges, vendors up in arms about other vendors diamonds and all sorts of things, even posts critical of other PS'ers buying bigger diamonds . But...I'm always happy when I see posts where people come back and they are so excited about how much information they have gained and how happy they are with their choices. I know when we bought our first ring it was not like that and after finding PS we were happy with the changes we made based on the knowledge we gained here.

In a recent thread a guy had picked a lovely diamond and setting he just wanted to know if it would look good together. The question of quality came up when he revealed his choice of pave'' setting in his original post and then there was a pile on about how only certain pave' settings were "worthy" (basically is what it came down too). While he stuck with his decision one of his quotes in a later post were "I guess this forum was not the place to ask this question".

All this to say.. I know there have beeen exchanges of "passion"; I call it this because the regulars here are clearly passionate about bling, be it a consumer or a vendor that posts, but have those "exchanges" caused the feedback to be skewed? Be it against a vendor or a regular poster who is just looking to make changes (we all make changes some more than others).

I for one have done business with a number of PS vendors and some not on PS who have done lovely work for me. I love this forum I'm sad when I see posting that is "overly critical". Afterall, some of these vendors are feeding families and paying taxes etc. and this is how they stay in business to keep us all happy looking at their beutiful creations. I know.. there's a balance here of providing advice but in the end.. not all CONSUMERS are PS'ers... and what they are looking for is not always what we (PS'ers) would look at through the lens of our 30X loupe.

Just curious if others thrive off the so called tension.. or find it sometimes... gets in the way of what I call the "Spirit of PS".

 

[Enerchi]

Very nicely said! I know I am not as knowledgeable as many on here and I know I have only purchased from a few vendors, but I tend to be more of a positive encourager, than one who is overly critical. Kenny will say "people vary" - and it is very true. Each of us has a different perspective that we bring to the table.

I like how you've said this MayK. Maybe if a criticism is warranted, it could be said in a more positive way? (that could just be the wimpy Mom in me speaking --- ever the peace maker!!)

 

[chrono]

Mayk,
I typically only scout out EC or cushion threads when I leave the Coloured Stone side of PS so I do not know the example you wrote of. I've read complaints of the same in CS, possibly more critical than this though. Yes, the vendors need to feed their families but we work very hard for our money too and want to be sure it is well spent. For some, it might be their only or most expensive piece of jewellery so our aim is to get the very best for their budget. That's the way I see it. Ultimately it is their decision but we've laid out what we feel is their best options.

 

[Niel]

I would like to say, though i know you think i was trying to dissuade him as well ( and i wasnt I was just passing a post along) I wanted to post something as well. My apologies if it seemed rude, i just wanted the customer to know the situation

Personally, I came her because i liked the discussions and enjoyed the "diamond ****" that gets posted from time to time. But lately I have began to feel very unwelcome. Maybe its because I dont have the same taste, budget, or opinions as others. Or maybe because I am to outspoken. But i really liked coming hear and having an open discussion. but now i feel like if i dont tow the party line or agree with some specific PS darlings than my posts are irrelevant or open for increased scrutiny. I dont get this feeling from everyone, but i get it from enough that sometimes after reading some responses, i get a little

 

[Mayk]

Mayk,
I typically only scout out EC or cushion threads when I leave the Coloured Stone side of PS so I do not know the example you wrote of. I've read complaints of the same in CS, possibly more critical than this though. Yes, the vendors need to feed their families but we work very hard for our money too and want to be sure it is well spent. For some, it might be their only or most expensive piece of jewellery so our aim is to get the very best for their budget. That's the way I see it. Ultimately it is their decision but we've laid out what we feel is their best options.

Chrono.. I would consider you one of the more passionate and knowledgeable posters... do you think personal feelings overshadow some of the feedback you see.. be it toward a vendor or a poster...?

(for reference I've seen both... people sometimes really get on the PS'ers making changes... so this is not just about vendors)...


ENERCHI... thanks MOM!!! (you know we are the same age..almost....

 

[kathley]

Very nicely said! I know I am not as knowledgeable as many on here and I know I have only purchased from a few vendors, but I tend to be more of a positive encourager, than one who is overly critical. Kenny will say "people vary" - and it is very true. Each of us has a different perspective that we bring to the table.

I like how you've said this MayK. Maybe if a criticism is warranted, it could be said in a more positive way? (that could just be the wimpy Mom in me speaking --- ever the peace maker!!)

Well said!

 

[Mayk]

I would like to say, though i know you think i was trying to dissuade him as well ( and i wasnt I was just passing a post along) I wanted to post something as well. My apologies if it seemed rude, i just wanted the customer to know the situation

Personally, I came her because i liked the discussions and enjoyed the "diamond ****" that gets posted from time to time. But lately I have began to feel very unwelcome. Maybe its because I dont have the same taste, budget, or opinions as others. Or maybe because I am to outspoken. But i really liked coming hear and having an open discussion. but now i feel like if i dont tow the party line or agree with some specific PS darlings than my posts are irrelevant or open for increased scrutiny. I dont get this feeling from everyone, but i get it from enough that sometimes after reading some responses, i get a little

Nielseel... please don't let me make you feel unwelcome.. I'm just saying.. I think sometimes.. the past exchanges overshadow the new posts.. and it's sad... Please.. don't take this personal. I'm also asking about how some personal advice is provide.. even you and changing your pear.. you've struggled and you are looking for a change again.. sometimes the feedback is tough.. I'm not always sure it's tough love.. Poor Phoenix who wanted to change got a psyche evaluation.. I wish I was Phoenix and could change and upgrade and own a Holly..but I'm not.. but providing harsh feedback and evaluation about how unhappy she must be in her life.. is that the purpose of this fourm? I felt bad for her.. maybe I'm just trying to stir people to think about the true Spirit of this fourm and how much some of us love it here.. I know I do... Don't go.... hugs!!!

 

[TC1987]

"I guess this forum was not the place to ask this question".

That's any Internet forum, not just this one. People are very outspoken and and opinionated and not always tactful. As soon as that guy asked "What do you think?" I thought "Oh no! Duck and cover!" I didn't see how that thread would up but I knew for certain his choice would be picked apart and/or panned by one or more people, no matter what he'd chosen. To answer a question like that, people are stuck with essentially only 3 choices: Love it; Love it But; and Get Something Else.

 

[Niel]

I would like to say, though i know you think i was trying to dissuade him as well ( and i wasnt I was just passing a post along) I wanted to post something as well. My apologies if it seemed rude, i just wanted the customer to know the situation

Personally, I came her because i liked the discussions and enjoyed the "diamond ****" that gets posted from time to time. But lately I have began to feel very unwelcome. Maybe its because I dont have the same taste, budget, or opinions as others. Or maybe because I am to outspoken. But i really liked coming hear and having an open discussion. but now i feel like if i dont tow the party line or agree with some specific PS darlings than my posts are irrelevant or open for increased scrutiny. I dont get this feeling from everyone, but i get it from enough that sometimes after reading some responses, i get a little

Nielseel... please don't let me make you feel unwelcome.. I'm just saying.. I think sometimes.. the past exchanges overshadow the new posts.. and it's sad... Please.. don't take this personal. I'm also asking about how some personal advice is provide.. even you and changing your pear.. you've struggled and you are looking for a change again.. sometimes the feedback is tough.. I'm not always sure it's tough love.. Poor Phoenix who wanted to change got a psyche evaluation.. I wish I was Phoenix and could change and upgrade and own a Holly..but I'm not.. but providing harsh feedback and evaluation about how unhappy she must be in her life.. is that the purpose of this fourm? I felt bad for her.. maybe I'm just trying to stir people to think about the true Spirit of this fourm and how much some of us love it here.. I know I do... Don't go.... hugs!!!

I wasn'teaning you I was just using your thread as a way to vent I guess. I agree. My post about Is feels a little like Phoenix s but maybe I'm being to defensive. Either way, I'm leaving for work but wanted to say I think an open discussion like this is good idea!

 

[Enerchi]

[quote="Mayk|1361886687|3390774]

ENERCHI... thanks MOM!!! (you know we are the same age..almost.... [/quote]

Sadly, I'm OLDER... I wanna be young again...

 

[chrono]

There could be a few things: some know the past history while others don't. Some can stay objective and some let emotions creep in. Some are tactful and some give it straight up. It's the the nature of a forum in general, although I think we can surely treat each other with more respect and courtesy.

 

[two_little_birds]

I can only comment as someone relatively new to PS, and someone who continues to learn and develop knowledge.

My personal thought is that sometimes people delve too deep into the "stats", HCA and what others here own in comparison. This is all fine and dandy, and I agree with the knowledge and research to back a purchase... but sometimes someone may just love a stone, simple as that. Also I know everyone recommends to see a stone in person, but that is not always an option for a lot of people. Whether they live in different countries, have extra tax or duties to consider, or perhaps they have a busy lifestyle and career that doesn't allow them the luxury of seeing a stone in person. Pictures and video are fabulous, and with technology these days online shopping has become the "norm", sight unseen, and away you go.

I try to stay as positive as possible, trying to support others. I jump in when I can, or when I see something that strikes a chord with me for whatever reason. Some days are harder than others though, as sometimes things can get overly critical.

In the end, we're all here because we share a passion for jewellery - specifically diamonds for the most part. Some are here to learn, some are here to share their knowledge, and some are here just to share in general. This is what a forum is all about.

 

[Phoenix]

"I guess this forum was not the place to ask this question".

That's any Internet forum, not just this one. People are very outspoken and and opinionated and not always tactful. As soon as that guy asked "What do you think?" I thought "Oh no! Duck and cover!" I didn't see how that thread would up but I knew for certain his choice would be picked apart and/or panned by one or more people, no matter what he'd chosen. To answer a question like that, people are stuck with essentially only 3 choices: Love it; Love it But; and Get Something Else.

First, thanks for starting this thread, Mayk.

And I agree with the bolded part. I think as I said, in my admitedly outburst in my last thread RE the cushion, a lot people hide behind the veil of the internet to voice out what I very much doubt they would say to another person face-to-face, "cyber bullying" you might call it.

Now I am a big girl and I can defend myself but sometimes after I defend myself, I ask myself why. I mean I don't owe anyone any explanations, what I do is my business and it's none of anyone else's beeswax!! And yet I find myself defending my choices and my decisions on PS. So why do I even bother?! It is baffling, even to myself. I guess it's because I value a lot of PS'ers - they've been amazingly comforting when my mom passed away and I've got a lot of useful advice and information over the years from PS. Some PS'ers are incredibly selfless and devote a large amount of their time helping others, and not just in diamond-buying decisions either. I am grateful to those PS"ers and I remain interested in PS as a whole.

Turning the attention away from those PSers to those who are....hmmm....more outspoken. I don't personally understand why some people would tell me to go and serve the poorer people in some third world countries and to find other pursuits that might somehow "better" my life!! I am paraphrasing but you get my drift (?). This is terribly PATRONISING to say the least and PRESUMPTUOUS!! It presumes that I am not already doing any of those aforementioned things and it presumes to tell me how I should go about "bettering" myself. Seriously, as stated in my again admittedly outburst, I can't think of a single person whom I know IRL who would even DARE hint at any of these, let alone tell me outright, all under the proclamation of "caring for me", how I should behave - all for my own good . Again, I am not quoting verbatim what was said in the last thread - I can't be bothered to go back and read it. But as another PS'er rightly pointed out, if someone really cared that much the poor people in some third world countri(es), then why don't THEY go and do something about it instead of signing onto this FIRST WORLD forum and critise me and ASSUMES that I DON"T do anything about it?! Okay, fair enough, they may already do so (am trying not to be presumptuous like the person who offered that so-called "advice" to me); but where do they get off believing that they have the RIGHT to tell someone else what that someone else should do?!

People are free to voice their opinions BUT how many who post contentious posts really THINK about what they post before they actually do? I can think of at least a few examples of people who have been driven off this forum because they've been critised by others who know absolutely NOTHING about their lives and what they get up to. Diamondfan comes to mind. This is a diamond forum and I so enjoyed the bling Diamondfan posted. Unfortunately, the numerous criticisms she received has - I don't doubt for a single second - resulted in her leaving this site for good. I can quote a few other examples, if anyone would like, of people coming here seeking advice on diamonds or showing off their diamonds - which is the main PURPOSE of this forum - only to be driven away because of these callous comments. As for me, I DON"T intend on leaving this forum any time - either now or at any other time in the future, just in case there is any doubt! But I can't imagine the upset these criticisms must have caused to those who've decided that enough is enough.

One can offer constructive advice without having to get into personal attacks or being presumtous and patronising in the giving of that advice. I fear this is the art or skill (whatever you might want to call it) that few people have mastered. Now, I am NOT holding myself out to be the authority on this matter, but at least I think about what I post before I post, lest I offend or upset the other person at the receiving end of my posts - even if he/she is a total stranger to me and someone I may never ever meet IRL.

Furthermore, what I do not understand is why if some poster who spends endless number of hours, if not days or even months or years, perusing eBay and "scores" a great bargain gets numerous applause and praise from many many PS"ers; yet when another person who peruses other "obsessions" (say investments or whatever) and do well in that regard decides to spend some of the fruits of that labour on (bigger) bling gets criticised? I mean if someone squanders a large inheritance without having had to spend an iota of efforts in the receipt of that inheritance, then fair enough I could understand some raised eyebrows. But in these two instances, what is the difference? Both of these PS'ers have expended huge amounts of energy and time doing their research and taking risks, and thus reaping the rewards of their efforts and yet whilst the former receives unquestioned adulation the latter gets mocked and questioned endlessly? Where is the logic?

Anyway, I shall end my long post by saying that I shall always adopt my philosophy: I shall, at least try to, be courteous and kind and considerate towards other PS'ers as I do to people whom I come across IRL. Other people might have a different philosophy but I remain resolute: do unto others what you want done unto yourself.

 

[Phoenix]

There could be a few things: some know the past history while others don't. Some can stay objective and some let emotions creep in. Some are tactful and some give it straight up. It's the the nature of a forum in general, although I think we can surely treat each other with more respect and courtesy.

Agreed 100%. This is what I've been brought up to believe in.

 

[GemFever]

I think it would be more appropriate to talk about the "spirit of Rocky Talky," the "spirit of SMTB," the "spirit of Hangout," etc. I believe (though I don't read every thread) that people mostly say nice things and admire pieces in SMTB. If all you want is to share your excitement about your new pretty, then post it in SMTB and you'll get lots of love. However, if you come to RT and post a question about your stone, ring, etc... well, be prepared for answers, not just sugarcoating. I think in the long run, it's more helpful. It may sting at first, but as Chrono said, we are all spending hard-earned money and most posters are just trying to make sure we don't make expensive mistakes.

As for psychoanalyzing posters... it can go too far, but again, I think it's done with good intentions in most cases. I know that I personally sometimes get overly obsessed and need to take a break from gem fever ( ). People speak from personal experience. It's not always welcome or timely, but it's meant to he helpful.

I think we should not take for granted that amount of work the regulars do to help a ton of people looking for stones. Finding candidates, evaluating choices (usually politely and respectfully), helping with settings, ideas, more stones, more settings... every day. It's really something not to be taken for granted.

And lastly... maybe some of us just have the February "blahs." It's dreary outside and it may affect some people's moods. Spring will be here soon though.

 

[Circe]

Re: The "Spirit" of PS

Uh... Phoenix? Any given piece of your bling has a gazillion page thread of compliments! And they are well deserved. But I think the five or ten concern/concern-trolling comments are a drop in the bucket compared to the support. I actually recall Dreamer (for example) getting some similar pushback in her "quest" - I can recall things getting personal to the point of nastiness over an OEC three-stone. Which isn't to say your feelings aren't valid ... just that it isn't a double standard.

I think in general (the 3rd world charity person aside, 'cause that was random), almost all of the off-topic psychoanalysis comes from a place of genuine concern, just like the vendor suggestions. I'd rather have that than a chorus of sycophants yes-manning my every thought, regardless of how unrealistic it might be.

It does make me think we might need a sub forum, though. We generally cut it into SMTB for praise and RT for critique. Maybe we need a ... cheer-leading section? A place where it's etiquette to just BE NICE about people's projects, same as we would about finished pieces?

ETA - heh, cross posted with the wise GemFever, who said what I was thinking more eloquently an more succinctly. Co-sign!

 

[nyquestioner]

I am not a regular poster like most of you, but I have been reading many posts here over the past few months to try to learn more about settings. I also read the thread that Mayk is referring to, and found it really anxiety-provoking due to the tone of a few of the posts. It seemed that the poster was just trying to get a nice ring that his girlfriend would love, and that he was succeeding. People were trying to help by suggesting some options for alternate vendors, but the tone of a couple posts came off as if people were telling him he was not doing right by her unless he was using specific preferred vendors, when really that was a matter of taste, and of quality differentiation on a scale that obviously may matter to regular posters but maybe not to a one-time jewelry purchaser.

Overall the people here are so helpful and generous, but it seems that a few people have difficulty differentiating between objective measures and subjective matters of taste and vendor relationships. One example that I have noticed is certain threads where people mention that they are planning to use Leon Mege or Steven Kirsch. When people say they are planning to use LM for their settings, there are a couple of posters who always go on those threads and say, "Don't ever go to LM. He is really mean. Instead you should go to SK. He is at least as good, but much nicer." Honestly, as novices, we were so afraid of Leon that we almost didn't go to the appointment. But you know what? He was so, so nice and accommodating, and he totally "got" us in a way that Steven didn't. Our experience at the appointment was fantastic. I feel that instead, people should be saying (as some people already do), "If you are considering LM, you might also want to meet with SK. He has similar work, but a very different personality, so different people find they mesh better with one or the other."

Similarly, sometimes when people say they are going to Steven for pave, sometimes people bring up the Frankie thread and say no, you must go to Victor Canera, because he is the best. Well, that thread, while useful, is a matter of taste as well--it is not objective, and as other posters have pointed out, there are several differences between the rings that are just differences that any of the three could do if requested.

In summary, I feel that the threads here have helped us a lot in figuring out our setting, but sometimes the tone makes me a little anxious.

 

[Laila619]

I find it really annoying and inappropriate when people push their tastes/preferences and their favorite vendors onto the newbies, and state their opinions as fact. I think this is something all advice givers need to be mindful of.

 

[Phoenix]

I am not a regular poster like most of you, but I have been reading many posts here over the past few months to try to learn more about settings. I also read the thread that Mayk is referring to, and found it really anxiety-provoking due to the tone of a few of the posts. It seemed that the poster was just trying to get a nice ring that his girlfriend would love, and that he was succeeding. People were trying to help by suggesting some options for alternate vendors, but the tone of a couple posts came off as if people were telling him he was not doing right by her unless he was using specific preferred vendors, when really that was a matter of taste, and of quality differentiation on a scale that obviously may matter to regular posters but maybe not to a one-time jewelry purchaser.

Overall the people here are so helpful and generous, but it seems that a few people have difficulty differentiating between objective measures and subjective matters of taste and vendor relationships. One example that I have noticed is certain threads where people mention that they are planning to use Leon Mege or Steven Kirsch. When people say they are planning to use LM for their settings, there are a couple of posters who always go on those threads and say, "Don't ever go to LM. He is really mean. Instead you should go to SK. He is at least as good, but much nicer." Honestly, as novices, we were so afraid of Leon that we almost didn't go to the appointment. But you know what? He was so, so nice and accommodating, and he totally "got" us in a way that Steven didn't. Our experience at the appointment was fantastic. I feel that instead, people should be saying (as some people already do), "If you are considering LM, you might also want to meet with SK. He has similar work, but a very different personality, so different people find they mesh better with one or the other."

Similarly, sometimes when people say they are going to Steven for pave, sometimes people bring up the Frankie thread and say no, you must go to Victor Canera, because he is the best. Well, that thread, while useful, is a matter of taste as well--it is not objective, and as other posters have pointed out, there are several differences between the rings that are just differences that any of the three could do if requested.

In summary, I feel that the threads here have helped us a lot in figuring out our setting, but sometimes the tone makes me a little anxious.

Great post for someone who doesn't post often!

I'd like to think those people (the part bolded) are few and far between and most PS'ers offer, or at least try to offer, objective opinions.

 

[04diamond<3]

I find it really annoying and inappropriate when people push their tastes/preferences and their favorite vendors onto the newbies, and state their opinions as fact. I think this is something all advice givers need to be mindful of.

Laila! I couldn't agree more! I feel SO bad for new posters that get bombarded by "well, IMO" or IMHO or whatever. Especially those that keep insisting! It really annoys the living crap out of me! I've been trying to just say "well what do YOU think!" "it's YOUR money". I get we're here to be helpful, but hounding the crap out of people is just not right.

 

[Niel]

The number one issue I have with new posters is when people come and they want ring advise and it turns into an evaluation on their relationship. Like, someone comes in wanting to spend less than there girlfriend and it turns into "you two need to sit down and decide what's really important to you. Sounds like you aren't ready for marriage

Or, when someone really really wants something and people try and dissuade them. Someone knew their girlfriend wanted nothing more than a surprise engagement And a lot of people ignored that and tried to get him to get her input.


I just think its too easy here to forget why people come for advise. I think we are guilty sometimes

 

[rubybeth]

I find it really annoying and inappropriate when people push their tastes/preferences and their favorite vendors onto the newbies, and state their opinions as fact. I think this is something all advice givers need to be mindful of.

I concur, Laila. It's in the Prosumer Rocky Talky Guidelines that we should respect the poster's choice of vendor and help them in whatever way we can: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/rockytalky-prosumer-guidelines.145983/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/rockytalky-prosumer-guidelines.145983/[/URL]

If someone is set on a particular vendor, I try to work with that unless I really think they'd be better off going somewhere else (ex., less expensive stone with same specs, or same setting style but 18k vs. 14k) and show them the options. It's up to them to decide, I just want to help inform their decision. I really hate seeing people get taken for a ride or ripped off, and all of the posts where people say "I have a friend who is a jeweler..." make me nervous. I think we all want to see people get what they want and they deserve high quality, but there is a tactful way of helping people decide without insulting their choices thus far.

 

[milton333]

I like to post in RT around the major "engagement holidays," because it's fun helping men pick out engagement rings, and usually there's some sleuthing involved in trying to maximize budgets. IMO, that's kind of the primary function of RT, helping truly "clueless" (and I say that fondly) posters get the most bang for their buck.

The issue of repeat posters who spend a lot of time thinking about and purchasing diamonds, it's kind of a completely different demographic from the other main driving force on RT, the men looking for engagement rings. IMO, it almost warrants a separate forum. Because I totally get and know how to interact with men who are hoping to get an amazing engagement ring or anniversary gift or something for a loved one. But I'll admit that I'm stumped by women with hundreds or thousands of posts about their own jewelry collection and their usually indecisive, nit-picky waffling about their jewelry purchases. Those are different needs, often emotional/psychological needs, than the ones presented by the guys looking to buy a ring.

And with the repeat posters, you tend to become aware of things from the other PS boards that bleed into the discussion on RT. Years ago, there was a poster who was upgrading, often by pretty miniscule jumps (0.2 ct and one higher clarity grade, for example), every few months. It went on for more than a year. And she was simultaneously posting about marital problems, in another board. And it's not unreasonable to note that the drive for more and better diamonds seems to be motivated by personal and emotional issues, kwim? Similarly, when you see a poster who has repeatedly upgraded diamond and/or setting several times before the wedding day, you kind of notice that there's sort of a roving sense of dissatisfaction that it doesn't take a psychologist to suspect might be rooted in something other than the engagement ring.

Over the years, you see patterns. Maybe that's not fair to every poster, but the vague dissatisfaction and kind of endless need to tinker with diamond purchases reappears often with frequent thread posters, and, IMO, it's frustrating and exhausting to be dragged into the endless upgrade/dissatisfaction cycle. It's kind of emotionally toxic. Because these posters seem unsure of what they want, and always push back a lot at any suggestion you make that "that's not it." They have unrealistic expectations for what can be accomplished with their budgets. They post dozens of threads on the same topic, getting all the answers the community has to provide, but it's still not enough. They seem to be looking for something that we can't provide, because there's more of an emotional investment in the issue than there is with a straight-up consumer looking for the best ring on budget.

This is off-topic from the OP's post, I think, but on the issue of the "spirit" of PS. I think some posters who feel they have had bad experiences here are seeking something from the forum that is different than the typical information and guidance that is usually offered.

 

[04diamond<3]

Milton - that's interesting that you bring that up because psychologically, yes, it makes sense to see that kind of pattern for those that have bigger problems not related to jewelry. But I do think there are also those that do it because it's fun! I can't wait to upgrade my stone, put it in a temp setting and then upgrade the setting. What I'll do after that, I'm not sure. It'll depend on what our financial situation's like...but I agree, there are those who change things just for the heck of changing them....This forum is an escape for us all but I think more so for those people.

 

[Karl_K]

I kinda had to chuckle a little.
PS is calm and collected compared to past years.
Almost in some ways boring.
hmmm think I will go pick a fight with David to liven it up a little!! Just kidding.

re: personal comments:
When you hang out with people for years and let them into different parts of your life on a board just like in real life you open yourself to comments from your well meaning "friends" about your life.
Sometimes they are welcome and sometimes not but hey no one is perfect. :}

 

[milton333]

Milton - that's interesting that you bring that up because psychologically, yes, it makes sense to see that kind of pattern for those that have bigger problems not related to jewelry. But I do think there are also those that do it because it's fun! I can't wait to upgrade my stone, put it in a temp setting and then upgrade the setting. What I'll do after that, I'm not sure. It'll depend on what our financial situation's like...but I agree, there are those who change things just for the heck of changing them....This forum is an escape for us all but I think more so for those people.

And I think there are those posters and it's not a big issue, because it's kind of fun to be in on the project with them. I've upgraded my e-ring diamond once, plan to do so again, found a new home for my original e-ring stone, etc. I don't begrudge people the hobby, or the money they spend on it.

But surely you've noticed that there are some people who seem, well, driven and profoundly dissatisfied with seemingly anything, and they place particular strains upon the other regular posters on the forum. Not just having an eye for quality, but suggesting or outright stating that no diamond or ring will ever be good enough for them, which is proof-positive that there's an underlying emotional/psychological issue or need that is driving the diamond quest. Back to OP's point, it's also not helpful when posters who themselves cannot be satisfied with a diamond or setting are picking at the choices made by newbies.

 

[04diamond<3]

Milton - that's interesting that you bring that up because psychologically, yes, it makes sense to see that kind of pattern for those that have bigger problems not related to jewelry. But I do think there are also those that do it because it's fun! I can't wait to upgrade my stone, put it in a temp setting and then upgrade the setting. What I'll do after that, I'm not sure. It'll depend on what our financial situation's like...but I agree, there are those who change things just for the heck of changing them....This forum is an escape for us all but I think more so for those people.

And I think there are those posters and it's not a big issue, because it's kind of fun to be in on the project with them. I've upgraded my e-ring diamond once, plan to do so again, found a new home for my original e-ring stone, etc. I don't begrudge people the hobby, or the money they spend on it.

But surely you've noticed that there are some people who seem, well, driven and profoundly dissatisfied with seemingly anything, and they place particular strains upon the other regular posters on the forum. Not just having an eye for quality, but suggesting or outright stating that no diamond or ring will ever be good enough for them, which is proof-positive that there's an underlying emotional/psychological issue or need that is driving the diamond quest. Back to OP's point, it's also not helpful when posters who themselves cannot be satisfied with a diamond or setting are picking at the choices made by newbies.

Yes I have and I agree with you. I just looked at the thread that MayK first referenced and it's just SAD! They nit pick at everything and what irritates me is not everyone has 9k to spend on a setting, but not just that...when did it turn in to a mathematical equation to purchase something beautiful as a sign of your love? I love the hca tool, but I don't think it's always necessary. I honestly could care less about crown height being out of someone else's comfort zone. I feel awful for those that don't know anything being bombarded with these tiny things. My usual comment is just on the depth because you don't want to loose size. Anyways, yes, I got your point and I'm glad Mayk, that you started this thread.

 

[ladidalola]

I think it would be more appropriate to talk about the "spirit of Rocky Talky," the "spirit of SMTB," the "spirit of Hangout," etc. I believe (though I don't read every thread) that people mostly say nice things and admire pieces in SMTB. If all you want is to share your excitement about your new pretty, then post it in SMTB and you'll get lots of love. However, if you come to RT and post a question about your stone, ring, etc... well, be prepared for answers, not just sugarcoating. I think in the long run, it's more helpful. It may sting at first, but as Chrono said, we are all spending hard-earned money and most posters are just trying to make sure we don't make expensive mistakes.

As for psychoanalyzing posters... it can go too far, but again, I think it's done with good intentions in most cases. I know that I personally sometimes get overly obsessed and need to take a break from gem fever ( ). People speak from personal experience. It's not always welcome or timely, but it's meant to he helpful.

I think we should not take for granted that amount of work the regulars do to help a ton of people looking for stones. Finding candidates, evaluating choices (usually politely and respectfully), helping with settings, ideas, more stones, more settings... every day. It's really something not to be taken for granted.

And lastly... maybe some of us just have the February "blahs." It's dreary outside and it may affect some people's moods. Spring will be here soon though.

I'm new in this forum and this is exactly what I perceive/feel. This forum is overflowing with good intentions and such helpful and knowledgeable people who really try their best in giving advice/feedback or whatever one may call it.

But back to the first post, this forum is indeed making me a bit diamond obsessed! No purchases yet, but I'm definitely coming here when I'm ready to buy my diamond studs!

 

[Harpertoo]

I am very new to this forum, but I have really valued the advice and responses I've received....and the posts I've just randomly read.
I think a little static is a small price to pay for a lot of very useful information!

I have felt, at times, that some simple questions are used as a proxy to argue past disputes. I'm certain the OPs can read between the lines, but I do see that some of the very basic questions we newbies ask are sort of insufficient for the depth of discussion preferred by many members.
Maybe a new topic area is warranted for those seeking more basic advice/opinions.
The one shot engagement shoppers and those of us unlikely to permanently join the hunt for the ultimate stone.
Just a thought.
But then again, who doesn't enjoy a good debate.

 

[aljdewey]

It's clear that many of you think this topic was started with a specific thread in mind, and I'll confess I don't really know which one it is, so my comments below are really more generalized and not specific to any single thread.

There are times when, though well intentioned, people seem to miss the mark on what is being sought for help. I recall about 6 months ago, a poster came on asking for guidance on one/two specific areas of concern......and well-meaning people offered input on other things he wasn't asking about and then got somewhat irate that he appeared not to be heeding their advice. I can't remember the specific details, but an comparable example would be posting a photo of yourself in a sleeveless, short-hemmed bright pink dress and asking only "do you think the hem length of this dress is appropriate for a church wedding" and then getting pushback on the fact that the dress is sleeveless or pink.

There's a thread going on now about the resalability of diamonds, and one of the non-negotiables is that his wife/gf wants a princess cut. Responders keep harping on that as making it harder to resell, and the poster has already acknowledged that yes, he understands princess isn't as widely sought after as a round but that part of his choice won't change because it's what she wants. That should be enough to stop commentary on his cut selection.......he understands the hit that element may cause, but it's a non-negotiable for him.

I feel like we shouldn't be telling people what they should prefer/want; only how the various choices may affect market value, etc. The goal (for me, anyway) is to make sure people understand what the variables mean to them, not which variables they should like or prefer more.