The size is the thing!!

[ilovesparkly_things]

Good morning all,

I have a question that I hope you can help me with...I got engaged on 12.06.15 (caught totally off-guard, by the way), and when I saw the ring, I had to hug him to hide my face, because it's sooooo not my style!! He's very proud of the ring (he designed it himself), and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm not flashy when it comes to jewelry. I smiled really big yesterday and told him that we needed to discuss the size of the ring because it was a bit too big and flashy, and while he didn't seem hurt, I wonder if I made the right decision. I have to wear it forever, so I feel like I should LOVE it rather than just like it. Please help!!

***I'm attaching a photo for opinions

 

[Ally T]

Firstly, huge congratulations on your engagement! Exciting times!

Secondly, do you know what makes you feel really uncomfortable about your new ring? There are many on here who are not really big jewellery wearers as such, short of their wedding set, so often make a statement with those rings by themselves. Before you make any decisions, you should wear your ring for a while & enjoy it for longer than a few days. When I got engaged I was overwhelmed at the size & weight of my ring as I was not used to feeling it there & seeing it there when I saw my hand. I soon got used to it though!

Can you post a picture of your hand? We would love to see it

 

[Ally T]

Wow! That really is big! It's very lovely though!

 

[ilovesparkly_things]

Thank you. I really am embarrassed that I told him that it's too big, because his reaction was pleasant, but he did say "I don't think that a Man has ever been told that the ring is too big", and then he laughed.

 

[pearaffair]

Some thoughts:

Will he mind if one day you just wear a wedding band?

This ring will always bring you back to the moment he proposed. Congrats!

I love the style and think it's gorgeous, but I'll agree it is really flashy!

Weddingbee has some good posts about stuff like this.

Good luck and let's see a hand shot! I love how unique your ring is!

 

[madelise]

Is there a Centerstone and that ring? I think I see one but I'm not really sure if I'm seeing reflections of small diamonds and or metal. It definitely does not look like an engagement ring. Are you a traditional girl? I don't mean any shade on your fiancé at all, but I don't understand why someone would design something so… Out there… If they're not sure their intended would appreciate it. I'm very glad you were able to hide your face when he proposed. I would have not even thought to hide mine. I say you already spared him his feelings during the proposal. Now it's time for you to get honest with him. You love his effort, you love that he put his heart into designing it, but you want something more traditional. Something that won't get caught up on things or scratch your future children's faces. Something that actually looks like an engagement ring so people will know you are engaged when they look at your hand.

 

[mrs-b]

Hi Ilovesparkly_things

That's a whole lotta ring! Am I right in thinking the center stone is an illusion setting made from 4 smaller stones? I can't get a good look at it, so I'm not sure I'm seeing it correctly. It's also not what I'd call a big ring - though there is definitely a lot to it. It's more what I'd call a very busy ring.

I'll be honest and say - this is not to my taste. To me, it appears much more like a cocktail ring than an engagement ring. The problem, however, is that if it's been entirely custom made, I'm not sure what line of recourse you have. However, if there *is* a return policy, and you decide you'd rather go a different direction, then my first bit of advice would be to return it promptly before any associated return period could expire.

If you prefer not-blingy jewelry, I think this ring will never be to your taste. This would rank as one of the most detailed e-rings I've ever seen, so this is waaaay down the end of a spectrum in which you seem to sit at the other end. My guess is that you might prefer a solitaire or a three stone, perhaps, or something with a lot less 'fizz and tizz'. I'm also not sure how you wear a wedding ring with it, and a lot of women would be disappointed if that option wasn't possible.

I think your only way forward is to bite the bullet and tell him. I've always encouraged women to honor the ring they're given - and the effort behind it - but only if the ring is something that is at least close-ish to their taste. But if the ring is a long way off, your fiance will be more hurt by you never wearing it than if you just 'fess up now and tell him. Most men also hate the idea of wasted money, so if you can get a refund and buy something you prefer, he'll probably like it better than if he spent the money and the ring just sat in a box.

Do you know where he got the ring? IS a return possible? If you decide to go a different route, come back here and let us help you find something you love.

Good luck!

ETA I agree wholeheartedly with Madelise - this ring would bang against and scratch almost everything with which it comes in contact. It's definitely NOT a ring you could wear everyday.

 

[junebug17]

Congratulations on your engagement!

I think you did the right thing in telling him your concerns about the ring. I do feel it's just not an everyday ring. My own personal opinion is that it's too busy and too cumbersome to be worn as an engagement ring. I agonized over how to respond to this because I don't want to disrespect or insult your fiancé; I'm sure he's a great guy but I think he missed the mark on this and should have considered your own personal style and preferences. Again, I'm not trying to be mean but it sounds like you feel the same way as I do about the ring and I feel a woman should love her engagement ring. I also think honesty and communication are important in a relationship, and that's another reason why I feel you did the right thing in voicing your feelings.

As mentioned, not sure what recourse you have since the ring was custom and might not be returnable. Hopefully you and your fiancé can discuss this more and come up with some options. It sounds like he's handling the situation well and not getting overly upset or hurt about it, which it great.

 

[Sphene]

Congratulations on your engagement!

But ooh thats large maybe if you can afford it you could keep this one for party occasions (tell him your worried about being robbed or loosing stones from such a precious ring) and buy another one more to your taste

 

[telephone89]

Congratulations on your engagement!

But ooh thats large maybe if you can afford it you could keep this one for party occasions (tell him your worried about being robbed or loosing stones from such a precious ring) and buy another one more to your taste

I don't think it's a great way to start off a marriage with a lie, so I would not suggest this.

Look, you two are going to spend the rest of your lives together. You need to be able to talk about things! What is it that you don't like? I agree with a pp - it is very busy. Is it that it draws too much attention? Gets in the way of every day life? Doesn't have a traditional e-ring feel? I would try to pinpoint what about it you don't love, and articulate that.

You do have a few options though. You can keep the ring as an occasional ring, special events, anniversaries, date night, etc. With this idea, you'd likely only wear a wedding band. You can re-purpose the ring. Maybe design something together - either an engagement ring or maybe an eternity band with the diamonds. You can return it (if possible) and use the money for something else. A wonderful trip, put towards the wedding or honeymoon maybe.

Congrats on your engagement! I hope you have a long happy marriage!

 

[Tourmaline]

Oh my goodness, quite a predicament. Good luck and best wishes!

 

[lovedogs]

Congratulations on your engagement!

I think you did the right thing in telling him your concerns about the ring. I do feel it's just not an everyday ring. My own personal opinion is that it's too busy and too cumbersome to be worn as an engagement ring. I agonized over how to respond to this because I don't want to disrespect or insult your fiancé; I'm sure he's a great guy but I think he missed the mark on this and should have considered your own personal style and preferences. Again, I'm not trying to be mean but it sounds like you feel the same way as I do about the ring and I feel a woman should love her engagement ring. I also think honesty and communication are important in a relationship, and that's another reason why I feel you did the right thing in voicing your feelings.

As mentioned, not sure what recourse you have since the ring was custom and might not be returnable. Hopefully you and your fiancé can discuss this more and come up with some options. It sounds like he's handling the situation well and not getting overly upset or hurt about it, which it great.

I think this is great advice. I also read through this earlier and wasn't quite sure how to respond. I think your fiancé probably wanted you to have something unique and special, but in the process maybe made something so "different" that it doesn't quite read as an engagement ring, and maybe isn't in line with your personal style.

So I think being honest (while still being sensitive to his feelings) is your best bet. Also the idea that a previous poster had about keeping this ring for special occasions (if you can afford it), might help minimize him feeling like you are completely 'rejecting' it. And it is definitely true that this would be a hard ring to wear every day because of the size and all the angles where you could bump it and knock a stone out.

Either way, congrats on the engagement! and please keep us posted!

 

[HopeDream]

Wow! That is an intense ring! I think I need sunglasses. ( )
He must love you so much!!!

I think you could develop a certain fondness for that ring over time, but I definitely see where your coming from in terms of it being a bit bulky for your delicate hand.

Others have already given you great advice about communicating with your fiance about returning the ring.

But.. If that's not an option...

If he put that much effort in to the ring and it's a custom design, returning it might not be an option.

So here's a plan B:
Part 1) Make sure you get a wedding band that you love and fits your style and have him engrave something personal and special on the inside that you can love and cherish forever.

Part 2) How do you feel about "Loving the ring to death?" Basically the quad set princess center stone is actually a fairly fragile element, and over the course of daily wear (maybe over 5 years or so) something will probably happen to unset or chip one of the quad stones. Quad settings are generally non-repairable, so you will have the unfortunate task of taking the ring and stones to a jeweler to have it melted down and remade into something more "your style" (Or trade the materials in for something completely new). You will eventually get what you want, but it will take some patience and the discipline of wearing the big ring as much as possible.

The big PS secret is that, for the most part, happy women buy their own diamonds.
What ever happens I hope you end up with a ring you love.

Congratulations on your engagement!
If he worked so hard on getting you a fancy ring, I think he will work hard to make you happy in life.

 

[Polished]

It sounds like size was the thing he thought would most impress for an engagement ring. The most important thing here is that he designed a ring in a spirit of pleasing you and this is the sentiment you can both take forward with you. I also thought it was lovely that you disguised your feelings by hugging him! I think you've been given some great advice here on how to tactfully proceed with getting something more in line with your taste. I wouldn't suffer in silence or feel guilty about approaching the subject. Your fiance sounds like someone who would like you to be happy with your engagement ring.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

****Honesty warning****

I do not ever understand why men do this. They seem to do it for themselves as men seem to thing big is better or something. What they NEED to do is find out what would please the woman they are buying it for!!! I don't have a problem with the ring as a cocktail, occasional wear ring for the right hand, but it simply is not what most people would consider an engagement ring.

So that's what I'd tell him. The ring is lovely as an occasional wear cocktail ring, but it is not an engagement ring so you will wear it for special occasions as a right hand ring (if you can fit it on that finger). Since he had it custom made, it likely can't be returned or exchanged. But I'd get this straight before getting married. He needs to consider YOUR needs, wishes, desires when buying a gift for YOU. My husband learned this early on, and he would never buy me any jewelry without getting my input. That way, I get something I like and he is pleased to buy me something he doesn't have to return. It is just like I wouldn't go surprise him with a car or electronics that he had not picked out himself.

I'd suggest using that one for a special occasion right hand ring, get a beautiful diamond wedding band, and then for a later anniversary, get a new diamond ring to wear with the wedding band that is more to your taste.

 

[Rhea]

Congratulations on your engagement!

Your ring is very pretty. I agree with some of the others that it doesn't seem much like a typical engagement ring. It is very large with a lot of diamonds and it would be very difficult to wear a wedding ring with it. It's sweet that he had it custom made for you and he clearly put a lot of thought into it. I'm a bit surprised that the designer or jeweller didn't stop him at any point and ask if he was sure this is what you'd like. Or maybe that did happen and your fiancé just hasn't mentioned it to you.

I honestly don't know what you can do in this situation. Since the ring was custom-made it's unlikely to be returnable or exchangeable. Because it's an engagement ring it's likely he spent the budget he had to spend so replacing it might prove difficult. I think that discussing it with your fiancé is a good idea, but there might not be anything he is able to do. If not, I think it's pointless to over-discuss it or argue about it. I've been there, done that and the hurt feelings on both sides can last longer than its worth. It's supposed to be an important ring but it is just a ring at the end of the day. If that's the case then my recommendation would be to chose a wedding ring you love (and can't wear with your engagement ring) and tuck your engagement ring away for occasional wear. Once some funds have been replenished and on a future anniversary you can hopefully decide together to pick another ring which goes with your chosen wedding ring.

 

[motownmama]

May we see a handshot???

 

[AprilBaby]

Ditto on the hand shot!

 

[kenny]

Congrats on your engagement!



I'm 99% sure the center stone is actually four princess cut diamonds that are set closely together.
This part of the ring is called an invisible setting, and here's a recent thread discussing it.

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/how-do-you-feel-about-invisible-set-rings.217849/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/how-do-you-feel-about-invisible-set-rings.217849/[/URL]

You should be aware of how to care for this unique type of setting.
They are delicate because a channel has been ground into the sides of those four princess cut diamonds.
Compared to rounds princess cuts are already relatively vulnerable to damage.
Removing material by grinding out channels on the already-delicate sides (girdle) makes invisible-set princess cuts even more vulnerable to damage from hitting the ring on something.
Repairs (if even possible) are likely to require a new exact duplicate diamond get channels ground into it, something every corner jeweler may not be able to do.

Since you said YES, I'm sure he's a wonderful guy but it would have been nice if he learned more before commissioning this ring ... especially if he had learned YOUR preferences.

I'm of two minds on what to do next:
1. Since you're about to spend your lives together it's never too soon to speak up on what is important. You both need to collaborate on important decisions.

2. Say nothing and don't hurt his feelings. Being custom and elaborate he must have a great deal invested in the design and what he hopes that means to you. He meant well, but perhaps he blew it on this one.

Perhaps you can just forgive him this time.
Perhaps the ring grow on you.
Perhaps not.
Perhaps flip a coin.

Tough call.

 

[Dancing Fire]

If I bought my wife this ring she would shoot me first and then divorce me...

C'mon ladies, Tell the OP how you really feel about her E-ring...

 

[artdecolover71]

I think honesty is the best policy. Where do you currently stand now with the ring?

 

[purplesparklies]

Firstly, Congratulations!

Sorry the ring is not your dream ring. That is a tough situation to be in. The fact that he took the time to design it himself indicates that he cares deeply and wanted to go above and beyond, even if his attempt was misguided based on your taste. I think honesty is important but I also feel it is important to do so tactfully. I would probably let him know that this ring, while lovely, is not a style you feel is going to work for you for daily wear. It would make a nice special occasion, right hand ring. Perhaps you could choose something much more simple for an engagement ring. Not only for style but also because a ring of that size is likely not very comfortable to wear for day-to-day life. Personally, I prefer a thinner style just because I don't like all that metal between my fingers.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you can have an open, productive conversation and move forward in love and excitement for the future. Good luck.

 

[motownmama]

With all those channel set diamonds, I'm not sure it's not "wearable." I'd still love to see hand shots. The OP's gone quiet - maybe overwhelmed.

 

[tyty333]

Could this have possibly been a stock ring that he had the head added to turn into an "engagement ring"? I just can't imagine someone designing this from scratch. It looks to have a lot of gold in it and a
Lot of diamonds set into it. In my mind this should have been a lot of money to do from scratch. So my point is, I wonder if the head can be taken off and put on a simple band for an engagement ring. That way you could have something a little simpler for an engagement ring and have the other ring (without the head) as a right hand ring or a special occasion ring. Of course, my first option would be returning it if possible.


Congratulations on your engagement! Now you get to put some of your communication/sensitivity abilities to work! Good luck, we're here for you.

 

[ariel144]

If I bought my wife this ring she would shoot me first and then divorce me...

C'mon ladies, Tell the OP how you really feel about her E-ring...

LOL, I must agree. It looks like a right hand ring and very out of todays styles. If my husband bought that ring I would shoot him...but no divorce (of course he might be dead so divorce not a factor! LOL). I can't imagine a jeweler making something like that for an engagement ring without trying to talk the potential hubby out of it. I partially blame the jeweler for not intervening. if my fiance had that bad of taste I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings as it would hurt more when I refused to wear it.

Sorry OP, you asked. Get him to return it and make something you like that is your style. The jeweler should have known better ...shame on them.

 

[Queenie60]

What happened to the OP's original picture in her post?

 

[motownmama]

good Q. I hope she found peace with her situation, one way or another

 

[rainydaze]

Hmmm, reading through and seeing the OP and the picture disappeared, I'm thinking this was another troll post.

 

[Rockinruby]

I wondered the same thing since the original pic is gone. Very odd!

 

[junebug17]

Yeah, I agree, seems fishy.