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The infamous “THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME”

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JasonFaber

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Ok, without sounding condescending, (many but not all) women seem to base (much) of their life off of emotions (which is great, it makes life that much more exiting). In fact, some theorists (I can give you referances of books if you want) even state that women are “addicted” to their emotions. As such, one of life’s grandest emotional periods for a woman is getting engaged/married and everything that precedes that event. Now, I believe the “suspense” from waiting has more of an emotional impact then everything attributed to receiving the ring and the days thereafter. For example;

The suspense of waiting;
- Joy/happiness
- Aggravation
- Depression
- Sorrow
- Lack of focus
- Frustration
- Excitement
- Anticipation
- ETC
(All of these emotions seem to exist from the day the word “married/engaged” pops up in a relationship all the way up until the deed is accomplished, even if that means months or years)




After getting engaged
- Joy
- Satisfaction
- Thrilling
(These emotions only seem to last a few weeks at the most)






This may sound cruel at first, but from a logical perspective (yes I’m a "logical" guy), wouldn’t it be better to hold off a bit and keep her in the state of “suspense” for a while, as she lives in a state of "elevated emotions", or what I have said is complete and udder nonsense?

Your thoughts, please………





(I hope I didn't just let out a whole bag-o-worms
)






(edited; as to not offend anyone)
 

gwendolyn

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On behalf of the ladies who have been waiting many years (myself not being one of them), please define "a while."
 

fieryred33143

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So based on your logic, it is much better to wait so that you can experience aggravation, depression, sorrow, lack of focus, and frustration.

Those are the emotions that you take little happy pills for. Not exactly a good selling point.

P.S. I agree with just sitting tight and waiting but those emotions are not something I would advertise as a good reason to wait lol
 

CNOS128

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See, you say "without sounding condescending," but you kind of do sound condescending, or at least a little naive. I think it's a mistake to think that women "base their entire life off of emotions," whatever that means. Obviously, not all women are the same, nor are all women emotional or "addicted to their emotions." I think it's almost a little offensive to suggest that all women are the same, overly emotional beings.

Since the rest of your post seems to stem from your own misguided conclusion, I won't address it.
 

smithsmith

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Well, let''s put it this way. How would you like it if your boss was holding out on a huge promotion you have been working for just for the pleasure of watching you sweat it out in "excitement"? How much would you enjoy it if your wife decided to hold out on sex for a month or two just so you could "enjoy the anticipation"?

Trust me, it sucks knowing that something you want so bad is completely out of your control. I know a lot of men get pleasure from watching us squirm on this subject (my boyfriend included), but to purposely hold off a proposal just so your girl can supposedly enjoy all her emotions for longer is pretty sick if you ask me.

I''ll bet a lot of the BIWs around here would tell you that the satisfied, thrilled, happy emotions that go along with being a fiancee last a lot longer than a couple weeks, too.
 

gwendolyn

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Date: 3/24/2009 5:58:19 PM
Author: TheBigT
See, you say 'without sounding condescending,' but you kind of do sound condescending, or at least a little naive. I think it's a mistake to think that women 'base their entire life off of emotions,' whatever that means. Obviously, not all women are the same, nor are all women emotional or 'addicted to their emotions.' I think it's almost a little offensive to suggest that all women are the same, overly emotional beings.


Since the rest of your post seems to stem from your own misguided conclusion, I won't address it.
The part that irked me that was similar to that was the "from a logical perspective (yes I’m a guy)" part, as if only guys would be logical.
 

JasonFaber

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Date: 3/24/2009 5:54:51 PM
Author: gwendolyn
On behalf of the ladies who have been waiting many years (myself not being one of them), please define ''a while.''
Well my GF has been very antsy ever since we looked at rings (as to be expected), which was only a few weeks ago. Ever since that she has shown every single emotion known to mankind, which is getting very confusing for me. I just do not want the thrill to go away once I give her the ring, as I have observed in so many other engaged couples. Do I just go with the flow an be like everyone else, or should I wait a bit longer ?
 

fieryred33143

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Why would you purposely want her to go through the negative emotions that are associated with “suspense”?


My FI purchased my ring and didn’t propose for over a month later. I went through some of those emotions. But he didn’t sit tight just to make me feel them. He was waiting for his perfect moment to propose.


If I knew that he made me wait because he thinks those emotions are healthy then I would think he was manipulating me. Will the excitement of the engagement die down? Yes it will. Having her wait even longer isn’t going to stop that from happening. But what does last is the meaning behind the engagement which is starting a life together. That doesn''t go away.
 

gwendolyn

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Date: 3/24/2009 6:04:03 PM
Author: JasonFaber
Date: 3/24/2009 5:54:51 PM

Author: gwendolyn

On behalf of the ladies who have been waiting many years (myself not being one of them), please define 'a while.'
Well my GF has been very antsy ever since we looked at rings (as to be expected), which was only a few weeks ago. Ever since that she has shown every single emotion known to mankind, which is getting very confusing for me. I just do not want the thrill to go away once I give her the ring, as I have observed in so many other engaged couples. Do I just go with the flow an be like everyone else, or should I wait a bit longer ?
That sounds like a bit more of a normal question.

I think what you see as dwindled excitement in engaged couples is a change in energy--mainly, the wedding planning, which is no doubt exciting, but also stressful. The moments surrounding the proposal are just of the excitement of the intent to share a life together, to love each other forever, and all that lovely mushy goopy stuff. What happens after--the wedding planning--is dealing with lots of details and (often) paying lots of money for things you don't even realize you need, which is why people say you'll go about 1/3 over budget so try to budget for that too, if you can. Some folks love the planning and probably stay excited the whole way through the wedding and honeymoon, but many people get stressed--really stressed, even if it's only a relatively small wedding. There's just SO MUCH TO DO. So, the energy that went towards re-telling the proposal story a hundred thousand times instead goes towards finding a photographer who is affordable, napkins and tablecloths that match the wedding colours, wedding favours, gifts for the wedding party, food, cake, make-up, dress, veil, shoes, bag, transportation, a venue that is where you want it and a rabbi who will perform the ceremony, all on the same day...plus a thousand other things. You get the idea.

Also, if you look at rings, get all excited with your girlfriend about an upcoming proposal and give her signs that it's coming "soon" (and your soon is 'boy soon' which could mean 2 or 3 years and makes some of us rather nervous), and then it doesn't happen, she might wonder if you've changed your mind and maybe don't want to marry her after all. Some gents on this forum have tried so hard to surprise their girlfriends to get them off the proposal wavelength for a surprise that it totally backfired and the ladies almost broke up with them because the ladies thought it was NEVER going to happen.

Basically, you may talk like it's all fun and games to you, laughing and enjoying your girlfriend's misery/excitement, but be careful you don't take it too far.
 

CNOS128

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Date: 3/24/2009 6:09:30 PM
Author: fieryred33143

If I knew that he made me wait because he thinks those emotions are healthy then I would think he was manipulating me. Will the excitement of the engagement die down? Yes it will. Having her wait even longer isn’t going to stop that from happening. But what does last is the meaning behind the engagement which is starting a life together. That doesn''t go away.


what she said.
 

Sharon101

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Date: 3/24/2009 6:04:03 PM
Author: JasonFaber

Date: 3/24/2009 5:54:51 PM
Author: gwendolyn
On behalf of the ladies who have been waiting many years (myself not being one of them), please define ''a while.''
Well my GF has been very antsy ever since we looked at rings (as to be expected), which was only a few weeks ago. Ever since that she has shown every single emotion known to mankind, which is getting very confusing for me. I just do not want the thrill to go away once I give her the ring, as I have observed in so many other engaged couples. Do I just go with the flow an be like everyone else, or should I wait a bit longer ?
Do you really think you sound logical? You sound all emotional and irrational going by this post. So what are you really scared of? Also, you dont seem to have a very grown up view of how the world works. Why would the thrill go after you give her the ring? You sound like a very odd character to me personally.
 

JasonFaber

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Date: 3/24/2009 6:11:54 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 3/24/2009 6:04:03 PM
Author: JasonFaber

Date: 3/24/2009 5:54:51 PM

Author: gwendolyn

On behalf of the ladies who have been waiting many years (myself not being one of them), please define ''a while.''
Well my GF has been very antsy ever since we looked at rings (as to be expected), which was only a few weeks ago. Ever since that she has shown every single emotion known to mankind, which is getting very confusing for me. I just do not want the thrill to go away once I give her the ring, as I have observed in so many other engaged couples. Do I just go with the flow an be like everyone else, or should I wait a bit longer ?
That sounds like a bit more of a normal question.

I think what you see as dwindled excitement in engaged couples is a change in energy--mainly, the wedding planning, which is no doubt exciting, but also stressful. The moments surrounding the proposal are just of the excitement of the intent to share a life together, to love each other forever, and all that lovely mushy goopy stuff. What happens after--the wedding planning--is dealing with lots of details and (often) paying lots of money for things you don''t even realize you need, which is why people say you''ll go about 1/3 over budget so try to budget for that too, if you can. Some folks love the planning and probably stay excited the whole way through the wedding and honeymoon, but many people get stressed--really stressed, even if it''s only a relatively small wedding. There''s just SO MUCH TO DO. So, the energy that went towards re-telling the proposal story a hundred thousand times instead goes towards finding a photographer who is affordable and a venue that is where you want it and a rabbi who will perform the ceremony, all on the same day...plus a thousand other things. You get the idea.

Also, if you look at rings, get all excited with your girlfriend about an upcoming proposal and give her signs that it''s coming ''soon'' (and your soon is ''boy soon'' which could mean 2 or 3 years and makes some of us rather nervous), and then it doesn''t happen, she might wonder if you''ve changed your mind and maybe don''t want to marry her after all. Some gents on this forum have tried so hard to surprise their girlfriends to get them off the proposal wavelength for a surprise that it totally backfired and the ladies almost broke up with them because the ladies thought it was NEVER going to happen.

Basically, you may talk like it''s all fun and games to you, laughing and enjoying your girlfriend''s misery/excitement, but be careful you don''t take it too far.
I guess I am just like some of those other gents on this forum and wanting to suprise my GF to get her off the proposal wavelength for a surprise, but I am not going to wait THAT long. Although, what she had done is she actually put in her planner when she thought I was going to propose and then planned her entire work schedule around that. That just seemed so impersonal to me, it was a bit of a turn off. And of course she got a bit upset when I didn''t.......


What would you do?
 

gwendolyn

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Date: 3/24/2009 6:23:26 PM
Author: JasonFaber
I guess I am just like some of those other gents on this forum and wanting to suprise my GF to get her off the proposal wavelength for a surprise, but I am not going to wait THAT long. Although, what she had done is she actually put in her planner when she thought I was going to propose and then planned her entire work schedule around that. That just seemed so impersonal to me, it was a bit of a turn off. And of course she got a bit upset when I didn''t.......



What would you do?
Hmm, I can understand why you''d be put off by her putting her suspected date of engagement in her planner--in your place, I wouldn''t have proposed then either. Have you talked to each other about a time line? You want to surprise her, she clearly wants a proposal sooner rather than later, but there is a simple way of both of you staying (relatively) happy with the circumstances by agreeing on a time frame that works for both of you. It could vary depending on whether or not you have the ring at the moment (sounds like you do?), but maybe say by the end of April, or the middle of May, or something like that, so you have plenty of time to surprise her (she''ll still be waiting on pins and needles but not AS much as she is right now when it''s all so new and she expects it any second). Plus, she''ll be engaged (relatively) soon.

But when talking to her, try to be sensitive to the fact that she''s eager and excited because SHE WANTS TO MARRY YOU, which is what this whole engagement thing is all about. And you don''t want to punish her for wanting to spend her life with you. However, you also have to let her know what you would like out of the proposal as well (mainly, the opportunity to surprise her, without her spoiling things by writing supposed proposal dates in her planner).

Really, it doesn''t matter at the end of the day what any of us think about when you propose, as long as it''s cool with both you and your lovely lady.
 

JasonFaber

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Messages
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Date: 3/24/2009 6:29:38 PM
Author: gwendolyn


Date: 3/24/2009 6:23:26 PM
Author: JasonFaber
I guess I am just like some of those other gents on this forum and wanting to suprise my GF to get her off the proposal wavelength for a surprise, but I am not going to wait THAT long. Although, what she had done is she actually put in her planner when she thought I was going to propose and then planned her entire work schedule around that. That just seemed so impersonal to me, it was a bit of a turn off. And of course she got a bit upset when I didn't.......



What would you do?
Hmm, I can understand why you'd be put off by her putting her suspected date of engagement in her planner--in your place, I wouldn't have proposed then either. Have you talked to each other about a time line? You want to surprise her, she clearly wants a proposal sooner rather than later, but there is a simple way of both of you staying (relatively) happy with the circumstances by agreeing on a time frame that works for both of you. It could vary depending on whether or not you have the ring at the moment (sounds like you do?), but maybe say by the end of April, or the middle of May, or something like that, so you have plenty of time to surprise her (she'll still be waiting on pins and needles but not AS much as she is right now when it's all so new and she expects it any second). Plus, she'll be engaged (relatively) soon.

But when talking to her, try to be sensitive to the fact that she's eager and excited because SHE WANTS TO MARRY YOU, which is what this whole engagement thing is all about. And you don't want to punish her for wanting to spend her life with you. However, you also have to let her know what you would like out of the proposal as well (mainly, the opportunity to surprise her, without her spoiling things by writing supposed proposal dates in her planner).

Really, it doesn't matter at the end of the day what any of us think about when you propose, as long as it's cool with both you and your lovely lady.
Thank you, and you have been a great help. I do want it to be a suprise for her, and yet I want her to be happy about the situation as well. I will probably then tell her within the next 2 months (but will probably be much sooner
).
 

jcarlylew

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Date: 3/24/2009 5:54:51 PM
Author: gwendolyn
On behalf of the ladies who have been waiting many years (myself not being one of them), please define 'a while.'
HAHHAA.
yes.
guy time versus girl time is usually what kills us.


eta - i agree with firey and gwen. Don't purposely make her wait just becuase you think its an elevated emotion. really, its not. its not just the thought of being engaged that emotions rolls through (at least). its more than that - its the future of a wedding/ceremony, starting a new life together, a family, etc.
as for what gwen said - have you guys talked about a time line? that usually helps. A LOT.
 

JasonFaber

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Date: 3/24/2009 7:02:56 PM
Author: jcarlylew

Date: 3/24/2009 5:54:51 PM
Author: gwendolyn
On behalf of the ladies who have been waiting many years (myself not being one of them), please define ''a while.''
HAHHAA.
yes.
guy time versus girl time is usually what kills us.


eta - i agree with firey and gwen. Don''t purposely make her wait just becuase you think its an elevated emotion. really, its not. its not just the thought of being engaged that emotions rolls through (at least). its more than that - its the future of a wedding/ceremony, starting a new life together, a family, etc.
as for what gwen said - have you guys talked about a time line? that usually helps. A LOT.
Her timeline is always "NOW" or when it''s the most conveniant to her work schedule. My timeline is when she least expects it, or when I can throw off her perfectly planned schedule from her planner (exept of course unless she has something extremely important in her schedule). But I do not have the patience to wait more then 2 months or so, as I really want to start our lives together soon.
 

jcarlylew

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well its good to know that your soon is an actual soon (under 2 months). your last post sounded like you really want to start a life together - very cute.
I highly doubt that she is trying to plan around her work schedule in the way you are portraying it out. i am sure she is just excited by the thought and wants to be able to concentrate on the awesome event that will be coming up? i mean, i''m even making sure my nails look nice every weekend, and that my work is done on friday so i can make sure if i need to, i can take monday off. maybe a silly quirk, but its all about excitement!
 

fuzzers

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From a "logical" female''s perspective... She''s not going to get off the proposal wavelength anytime soon. If ever. Just get it over with!
 

sammyj

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Date: 3/24/2009 6:04:03 PM
Author: JasonFaber

Well my GF has been very antsy ever since we looked at rings (as to be expected), which was only a few weeks ago. Ever since that she has shown every single emotion known to mankind, which is getting very confusing for me. I just do not want the thrill to go away once I give her the ring, as I have observed in so many other engaged couples. Do I just go with the flow an be like everyone else, or should I wait a bit longer ?
Personally, I don''t think a proposal is something you wait to do just for the sake of waiting. You do it when you want to do it because you want to do it.

Whether she has something written in her planner or not, she will most definitely be surprised and absolutely thrilled whenever you decide to propose. Her pre-proposal anxiety will NOT affect how special she''ll feel when you propose, at least that''s what I experienced.

My SO proposed within 10 minutes of picking up my ring on his way home from work. He didn''t even bother to take off his coat and work bag...talk about being completely and utterly surprised! It''s that easy.
 

LaraOnline

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Date: 3/24/2009 5:58:19 PM
Author: TheBigT
See, you say ''without sounding condescending,'' but you kind of do sound condescending, or at least a little naive. I think it''s a mistake to think that women ''base their entire life off of emotions,'' whatever that means. Obviously, not all women are the same, nor are all women emotional or ''addicted to their emotions.'' I think it''s almost a little offensive to suggest that all women are the same, overly emotional beings.


Since the rest of your post seems to stem from your own misguided conclusion, I won''t address it.
Further to this post...
What is ''over-emotional''? What is ''under-emotional''? What is disfunctional? are men really that non-emotional?
Or do they simply exercise a socially sanctioned power over co-operative women, which gives them the opportunity to make a woman wait...
Most people in the criminal justice system are male...yet you seem to assume that the (stereotypically) masculine perspective is a more valid one, or even a better functioning one than a woman''s?

Personally, when it comes to sex and love, I think a lot of it, if not almost all of it, comes down to the woman''s acute awareness that making herself available romantically is intrinsically tied to reproduction.
Being involved with a man forces her to shoulder a risk of pregnancy, and that is not at all easily dismissed, no matter how artificial contraceptives or other pregnancy-avoiding routines are incorporated within the lifestyle.

In the animal kingdom, heterosexual sexual behaviour results typically in babies. The undeniable origins of romance means that women have every biological ''right'' to expect something to come of their romantic activities. Contraception may prevent that event from occurring, but it cannot prevent a woman from striving (''emotionally'', even hormonally) to attain that state in which it would be safe for her to conceive.
 

lucyandroger

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Date: 3/24/2009 5:50:29 PM
Author:JasonFaber




This may sound cruel at first, but from a logical perspective (yes I’m a ''logical'' guy), wouldn’t it be better to hold off a bit and keep her in the state of “suspense” for a while, as she lives in a state of ''elevated emotions'', or what I have said is complete and udder nonsense?

Your thoughts, please………

Yes, what you said was complete nonsense.

First of all your generalizations of women are offensive. Second of all, getting engaged is not supposed to be an opportunity to manipulate your girlfriend or create some sort of power play.

I mean how dare she be excited about wanting to marry you and wanting to plan her schedule around one of the most important events in her life. Wait, that might actually be a logical thing to do
Maybe you''re the one being "emotional"?
 

HopeDream

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Hi JasonFaber,

If you''re ready and she''s ready, why wait?

It sounds like maybe you just don''t know how to suprise her (I sense you want to catch her off guard or ambush her)

so... why don''t you write a date in her planner, and then propose to her at least a week before the scheduled time?

If you want to be sure that your lovely lady has the time to be swept off her feet, why not have her friends or family schedule some kind of fake event on your behalf that she can schedule in (maybe some kind of fancy dress up dinner with friends, maybe a fake meeting someone at the airport), and then use that time (she sounds busy!).

So man up and do it already - you seem well studied so I''m sure you can be devious.

There isn''t a text book method, no proven formula for the perfect proposal - maybe this scares you.

Don''t be too much of a perfectionist getting it all exactly right - she''s going to love you for asking and be completely excited no matter what

as my friend Dave says: Done is better than perfect.

It sounds like your sweety is someone who likes a lot of structure - clarifying an unknown for her and giving her peice of mind could be the best engagement gift ever. (maybe it would surprise her if you oproposed exactly on schedule?)

For some people "not knowing when" is one of the most stressful experiences there is.
 

gwendolyn

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Date: 3/24/2009 6:41:35 PM
Author: JasonFaber
Date: 3/24/2009 6:29:38 PM

Author: gwendolyn



Date: 3/24/2009 6:23:26 PM

Author: JasonFaber

I guess I am just like some of those other gents on this forum and wanting to suprise my GF to get her off the proposal wavelength for a surprise, but I am not going to wait THAT long. Although, what she had done is she actually put in her planner when she thought I was going to propose and then planned her entire work schedule around that. That just seemed so impersonal to me, it was a bit of a turn off. And of course she got a bit upset when I didn''t.......




What would you do?
Hmm, I can understand why you''d be put off by her putting her suspected date of engagement in her planner--in your place, I wouldn''t have proposed then either. Have you talked to each other about a time line? You want to surprise her, she clearly wants a proposal sooner rather than later, but there is a simple way of both of you staying (relatively) happy with the circumstances by agreeing on a time frame that works for both of you. It could vary depending on whether or not you have the ring at the moment (sounds like you do?), but maybe say by the end of April, or the middle of May, or something like that, so you have plenty of time to surprise her (she''ll still be waiting on pins and needles but not AS much as she is right now when it''s all so new and she expects it any second). Plus, she''ll be engaged (relatively) soon.


But when talking to her, try to be sensitive to the fact that she''s eager and excited because SHE WANTS TO MARRY YOU, which is what this whole engagement thing is all about. And you don''t want to punish her for wanting to spend her life with you. However, you also have to let her know what you would like out of the proposal as well (mainly, the opportunity to surprise her, without her spoiling things by writing supposed proposal dates in her planner).


Really, it doesn''t matter at the end of the day what any of us think about when you propose, as long as it''s cool with both you and your lovely lady.
Thank you, and you have been a great help. I do want it to be a suprise for her, and yet I want her to be happy about the situation as well. I will probably then tell her within the next 2 months (but will probably be much sooner
).
That''s very sweet that you want to propose soon (as in, real soon
). Best way to do it without upsetting her would be to phrase it in such a way that she doesn''t feel like you''re taking something away from her, but rather enhancing the whole experience by adding the element of surprise to it, and tell her that surprising her is important to you. Maybe something like, "Baby, you know I''m really excited to start our lives together, but I want to make sure the proposal is really something special for you, so I''m going to need a little time to plan it out to try to surprise you to make it that much more special for you. I know waiting is difficult, but I promise we''ll be engaged by the end of May at the latest. I love you so much, kissy kissy, etc." That way she can''t really get angry with you for trying to make it wonderful and special for her, and you''re easing her mind about there being an actual end date to her waiting.

Let us know how it goes!
 

JasonFaber

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Date: 3/25/2009 1:41:20 AM
Author: HopeDream
Hi JasonFaber,

If you're ready and she's ready, why wait?

It sounds like maybe you just don't know how to suprise her (I sense you want to catch her off guard or ambush her)

so... why don't you write a date in her planner, and then propose to her at least a week before the scheduled time?

If you want to be sure that your lovely lady has the time to be swept off her feet, why not have her friends or family schedule some kind of fake event on your behalf that she can schedule in (maybe some kind of fancy dress up dinner with friends, maybe a fake meeting someone at the airport), and then use that time (she sounds busy!).

So man up and do it already - you seem well studied so I'm sure you can be devious.

There isn't a text book method, no proven formula for the perfect proposal - maybe this scares you.

Don't be too much of a perfectionist getting it all exactly right - she's going to love you for asking and be completely excited no matter what

as my friend Dave says: Done is better than perfect.

It sounds like your sweety is someone who likes a lot of structure - clarifying an unknown for her and giving her peice of mind could be the best engagement gift ever. (maybe it would surprise her if you oproposed exactly on schedule?)

For some people 'not knowing when' is one of the most stressful experiences there is.
You know, I think that is one of my problems, waiting until everything seems perfect. I'm sure your right though, if I wait until everything is perfect, it will never happen. I just want to make her feel like "she is on top of the world" and it will "be a day that she will never forget", but nothing that I can think of ever seems good enough......

I would love to do it this Saturday actually, seeing as her mother is comming into town, but I still cannot think of a single "perfect" place to do it that would be good enough.
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Date: 3/25/2009 12:44:05 PM
Author: JasonFaber
Date: 3/25/2009 1:41:20 AM

Author: HopeDream

Hi JasonFaber,


If you''re ready and she''s ready, why wait?


It sounds like maybe you just don''t know how to suprise her (I sense you want to catch her off guard or ambush her)


so... why don''t you write a date in her planner, and then propose to her at least a week before the scheduled time?


If you want to be sure that your lovely lady has the time to be swept off her feet, why not have her friends or family schedule some kind of fake event on your behalf that she can schedule in (maybe some kind of fancy dress up dinner with friends, maybe a fake meeting someone at the airport), and then use that time (she sounds busy!).


So man up and do it already - you seem well studied so I''m sure you can be devious.


There isn''t a text book method, no proven formula for the perfect proposal - maybe this scares you.


Don''t be too much of a perfectionist getting it all exactly right - she''s going to love you for asking and be completely excited no matter what


as my friend Dave says: Done is better than perfect.


It sounds like your sweety is someone who likes a lot of structure - clarifying an unknown for her and giving her peice of mind could be the best engagement gift ever. (maybe it would surprise her if you oproposed exactly on schedule?)


For some people ''not knowing when'' is one of the most stressful experiences there is.
You know, I think that is one of my problems, waiting until everything seems perfect. I''m sure your right though, if I wait until everything is perfect, it will never happen. I just want to make her feel like ''she is on top of the world'' and it will ''be a day that she will never forget'', but nothing that I can think of ever seems good enough......
Believe me. She will be on top of the world regardless of whether it''s in a restaurant, on a mountain, at the beach, in the car, or in bed. She just wants you and she wants to know once and for all (remember actions speak louder than words) that you want her too.
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
Date: 3/25/2009 12:46:13 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Believe me. She will be on top of the world regardless of whether it''s in a restaurant, on a mountain, at the beach, in the car, or in bed. She just wants you and she wants to know once and for all (remember actions speak louder than words) that you want her too.
A ginormous DITTO to this.
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Date: 3/24/2009 6:09:30 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Why would you purposely want her to go through the negative emotions that are associated with “suspense”?

My FI purchased my ring and didn’t propose for over a month later. I went through some of those emotions. But he didn’t sit tight just to make me feel them. He was waiting for his perfect moment to propose.

If I knew that he made me wait because he thinks those emotions are healthy then I would think he was manipulating me. Will the excitement of the engagement die down? Yes it will. Having her wait even longer isn’t going to stop that from happening. But what does last is the meaning behind the engagement which is starting a life together. That doesn't go away.
Lord knows I went through some of 'those' emotions, as FI made me wait too. 8 months after we had the 'talk' and a few months after he had purchased the ring (although I didn't know he had the ring).

I will admit I am, at times, 'overly emotional,' or am I???? But had I not been that type of woman, I still think I would have been the same mess that I was last year...because it drove me crazy. And, that emotional rollercoaster DID NOT make my engagement more special. If anything, FI apologized for making me feel the way I did. But he didn't apologize for waiting until the end of the year, because his timing was based on what he thought WOULD make our engagement all the more special...and homeboy was right
 

purrfectpear

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
4,079
I think it''s sort of funny how many PS women have jumped Jason''s case and told him how offensive and off base his post is.

Seriously, do you read the same LIW forum that I read


While there are plenty of smart independent cookies here, there is also no shortage of addlebrained, focused on "the ring" and "the engagement" only, women who post here. I don''t have much respect for those women, but I''m not going to pretend they don''t exist. Maybe Jason''s future FI falls into that category
 

CNOS128

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
2,700
Date: 3/25/2009 3:54:53 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I think it''s sort of funny how many PS women have jumped Jason''s case and told him how offensive and off base his post is.


Seriously, do you read the same LIW forum that I read



While there are plenty of smart independent cookies here, there is also no shortage of addlebrained, focused on ''the ring'' and ''the engagement'' only, women who post here. I don''t have much respect for those women, but I''m not going to pretend they don''t exist. Maybe Jason''s future FI falls into that category

Sure, those women exist. And maybe his girlfriend is one of those women. But he didn''t start out his post talking about how his girlfriend was really emotional -- he started by talking about how women "base their lives off emotions," which is a sweeping generalization. He then edited his post to tone it down a bit when he realized what a sweeping generalization he''d made, but perhaps a prudent approach would have been to ask the question about his specific situation, which is what happened a few posts later.
 

JasonFaber

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 24, 2009
Messages
74
Date: 3/25/2009 6:26:03 PM
Author: TheBigT



Date: 3/25/2009 3:54:53 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I think it''s sort of funny how many PS women have jumped Jason''s case and told him how offensive and off base his post is.


Seriously, do you read the same LIW forum that I read



While there are plenty of smart independent cookies here, there is also no shortage of addlebrained, focused on ''the ring'' and ''the engagement'' only, women who post here. I don''t have much respect for those women, but I''m not going to pretend they don''t exist. Maybe Jason''s future FI falls into that category

Sure, those women exist. And maybe his girlfriend is one of those women. But he didn''t start out his post talking about how his girlfriend was really emotional -- he started by talking about how women ''base their lives off emotions,'' which is a sweeping generalization. He then edited his post to tone it down a bit when he realized what a sweeping generalization he''d made, but perhaps a prudent approach would have been to ask the question about his specific situation, which is what happened a few posts later.
I really do not want to turn this into a flame thread
, but I did know that some would take my posting in a stern mannor. It does seem to me as well that some here make out the word "emotions" as something that is bad. It really isn''t, it is what separates us from animals or even the robots that we create. Without emotions, we really would not know the full potential of what GOD has given us, and it just so happens that (in general) women seemed to have tapped into this more then men. (haven''t you heard the roomers of what would happen to a guy if he felt the same "pleasures" as women?) I am actually a bit jealous.
 
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