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The e ring shoppers here, is pre owned/vintage off the table unless specifically asked for?

caolsen

caolsen

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 21, 2010
Messages
1,488
This is not a snarky question, quite the opposite, I promise. I know I am an odd ball in that most of my big pieces are all pre owned or vintage stones or full pre owned pieces. I do it because you get soooo much more bang for the buck when it comes to the stone & using a stone that’s already out of the ground is just better environmentally.

Do most erring buyers just not consider this option or is it because the intended receipt has expressly said new ring, new stone? Is it cultural?

In an era where younger buyers are moving more and more to Vintage items for the value and social, political, and environmental benefits - does this apply to engagement rings? I have directed a few ring shoppers I know at work towards vintage, either for a full piece as is or to harvest the stones for a new ring and the receipts have been blown away by the size and scope of what their fiancée could do with the given budget. The now wives did not ask for vintage, these were just normal e-ring consumers where the now husband came to me for advice since it’s pretty obvious I like rings and precious stones :) Thoughts?
 
Some people have very strong feelings about secondhand rings of unknown provenance, whether that's due to fear of "bad vibes" or more practical considerations such as the structural integrity of an older ring, uncertainty around the stones etc. Some people just don't like "used" things, especially for something that symbolises a new life together. (I love old / pre-owned / vintage / used etc, but I think PSers do not represent the majority in this).

There are practical benefits to buying new when an inexperienced jewellery shopper - the ring may need to be exchanged if the sizing is wrong or the recipient doesn't like it, which is often not possible with vintage / pre-owned. It will often come with a warranty which is useful for the inexperienced ring wearer.

If the recipient is involved I would definitely recommend that they consider pre-owned, but if it is to be a surprise, new can be safer. But, like you, I would always at least suggest that pre-owned is considered as you can get so much more for your money.
 
I actually started my journey looking for a preowned diamond for my engagement ring to save money. Unfortunately the ones I found weren’t ideal diamonds to PS standards and the more I looked and learned about diamonds, the more I longed for a super ideal cut, so I went with a new diamond instead.
 
There are a few benefits in buying new versus pre-loved. I think some savvy new e-ring buyers choose vendors with lifetime upgrade policies. They won't take a loss on their diamond in the future when upgrading to a larger diamond. Also, buying new allows the buyer to consider diamonds with reputable lab reports and they can choose diamonds with the best cuts.
 
As I've become more and more aware of the antique, vintage, preloved market I wished I had known about it when we were getting engaged. In my circle of friends (early 30s), it's unheard of to get a ring that's not brand new. I think being young and naive I wouldn't be sure I'd be okay with it but now knowing what I know, I totally would be.

I guess the first major jewellery item for most girls is the engagement ring. Most don't research enough about jewellery. I've been on PS for years and through this forum I've seen what amazing antique items are and how beautiful they can be.

In Australia, we don't have a very good market for antiques and most are overpriced and ugly. I would have never considered an old cut if it weren't for PS.
 
I am not currently a buyer but I hope my opinion is ok. If you read other forums with jewellery boards on them I think you'll see a lot of people are just not interested in pre owned. Some because they never thought of it and many because they want to be the first ones to wear their ring. I've seen sooooo many comments about "bad vibes" and "what if it was a divorce ring???" My personal opinion is different about "divorce rings". I see them as stones who originally had a bad ending but I can give them a happy one now. The happy ending they deserve.

The only excuse for not wanting preowned that sometimes wierds me out a little are the ones where they insist they think the ring killed people after they inherited and wore it. I never quite knew what to say about that particular story. But as an owner of a "divorce stone" and an estate sale setting I can safely say 99 percent of them are not going to have stories like that particular one. If I was someone super superstitious about "divorce rings" I would go and have it blessed and bury it in salt for a bit lol. On the other hand lots of stones are trade ins and most people probably don't even know. So I feel like the omg wat if it's a divorce stone?? Is kind of silly lol. But I know people can't help their feelings so I try not to be judgy when people say no to pre-owned. All you can do is offer it as a somewhat earth friendly and more wallet friendly choice and see if the ring buyer is interested :)
 
I would have absolutely bought pre-owned/vintage had the right stone/ring appeared. It's not the stone's fault that a marriage failed, or anything like that. I am also not a superstitious person. I think a lot of my peers would feel the same way.

When I think about it....I have an OEC. I bought it "new" from Jewels by Grace. But what does that even mean here anyways? It's probably 100 years old, give or take. I am sure it lived many lives before landing on my finger! It would be naive to think otherwise.

And getting a bit more abstract - I think the idea of "newness" when you are talking about a mined diamond...a mineral that took millennia to come to fruition - then cut into a stone that passed along countless hands through supply chain, potentially even recut from an older stone...I think "new" really doesn't really mean much all that much in that case.

Now, branding, reassurance of buying from a particular vendor because of trade-up / returns policies, etc...that is different. I am more thinking about "I want something NO ONE has ever owned before!" It's such a weird, manifest destiny attitude that something like a diamond would be for me, and ONLY me, to have ever possessed.
 
Personally, I'm astounded more people aren't open to pre-owned e-rings. I think so much of that though has to do with the wedding industry's and diamond industry's emphasis on advertising. They can't make money if everyone uses an inherited/pawned/antique store diamond ring, so people have to buy into the idea of newness=purity. Oh well, I'll snag the bargain if they won't! ;-)

ETA: ALL of my jewelry is pre-owned. I never hesitated to purchase pre-owned, e-ring or otherwise, as I wanted the biggest bang for my buck. I'm just not superstitious in any way. Zero regrets.
 
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For me, personally, I’d be totally on board with a pre-loved stone, but not a vintage ring because that’s not the style I want for my e-ring. So that’s the biggest factor stopping me from a secondhand ring. Also, not having good return policies etc (like when you buy from a private seller) makes me nervous and prefer a new stone, or at least one offered by the jeweler and covered under their policy.
 
My husband picked out a beautiful vintage ring from a local jeweler when he proposed almost 20 years ago. It was a simple Tiffany style solitaire in platinum which was so classic that he couldn’t go wrong! I wore vintage clothes and jewelry so he knew I would love it. I know some people might have superstitions if it was ore owned- what if they got divorced or something awful happened? But I don’t think that way at all, it’s just a ring! It’s such a great option, and since we were students at the time it was much higher quality than anything new in the budget would have been.
 
It wouldn’t have bothered me in the least bit if I had known more when we got engaged. I’ve started to make an effort to actively pursue pre-owned options before buying new for most of my purchases. My current white whale is a long acrylic console table.
 
Preloved and custom can include a lot of (sometimes intimidating) legwork for the buyer. I think for many men and women an engagement ring is the first big jewelry purchase, and they lack the knowledge and confidence to go that route. Part of what you pay for going “new” (and why so many people go to mall jewelers) is convenience. It’s the same reason people pay to have their oil changed or hire a plumber to snake your pipes when the toilet backs up.
 
We weren't hunting for pre-loved when we picked out the stone for my ring, but it happened that way. After he proposed, we sat down a couple days later to start ring shopping. He had a couple things he wanted, high clarity (purity, as he called it) for example. He also wanted a good cut and color, as did I. He deferred to me on choice of branded cut, since he knows I know that part. He also had a max amount he could spend, and to my surprised set a minimum. He wanted to get me something nice. Finding stones that fit both our requirements wasn't easy, but we found a few. He was insistent on VS1 or better, but really wanted to get a VVS or IF. I didn't want to go below I color because I can see color well. We'd also found a couple settings we liked, and realized we'd be best off finding a stone close to either 7mm or 7.5mm. He wanted to go with 1.5 carat, or close, if possible, so 7.5. We were really close to going with a CBI that was right near 7mm, and I'd have been thrilled with that one.

Late one night we were about to go to bed, I jumped online for a minute and did a quick random search, and a pre-loved Eightstar popped up. Or all the branded cuts, that's the one I love the most. But they're so expensive, I didn't even consider them. But the price on this one was in our budget, so I looked at the specs. It checked every box on both our lists, with room to spare! Plus it was a tiny hair over 7.5mm, so it would fit the setting we both loved, and the whole ring would come in right in the middle of our budget range. I couldn't get my man in front of my computer fast enough. He said "Isn't this that brand you talked about a few times?". I said "Yes, it's the brand I could only dream of until right now". He said "Email me the link". I did, thinking he'd get it in the morning. Instead he opened his computer, and bought it on the spot. :love::love::love:

So it short, we have a pre-owned diamond in a new setting. We did agree that he wouldn't give it to me in the used setting, neither of us wanted that anyway. I put a sapphire i that setting as an alt engagement ring for if I'm going to be a but rough on my hands.

1.55 ct
H color
VVS1 !!!
The ring of my dreams, from a man I couldn't even have dreamed of. :kiss2::kiss2:

ETA: A trade-in policy wasn't a factor at all, because I'll never give this ring up.
 
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Cerulean said:
I would have absolutely bought pre-owned/vintage had the right stone/ring appeared. It's not the stone's fault that a marriage failed, or anything like that. I am also not a superstitious person. I think a lot of my peers would feel the same way.

When I think about it....I have an OEC. I bought it "new" from Jewels by Grace. But what does that even mean here anyways? It's probably 100 years old, give or take. I am sure it lived many lives before landing on my finger! It would be naive to think otherwise.

And getting a bit more abstract - I think the idea of "newness" when you are talking about a mined diamond...a mineral that took millennia to come to fruition - then cut into a stone that passed along countless hands through supply chain, potentially even recut from an older stone...I think "new" really doesn't really mean much all that much in that case.

Now, branding, reassurance of buying from a particular vendor because of trade-up / returns policies, etc...that is different. I am more thinking about "I want something NO ONE has ever owned before!" It's such a weird, manifest destiny attitude that something like a diamond would be for me, and ONLY me, to have ever possessed.
Click to expand...

This.
 
Rons Wolfe said:
We weren't hunting for pre-loved when we picked out the stone for my ring, but it happened that way. After he proposed, we sat down a couple days later to start ring shopping. He had a couple things he wanted, high clarity (purity, as he called it) for example. He also wanted a good cut and color, as did I. He deferred to me on choice of branded cut, since he knows I know that part. He also had a max amount he could spend, and to my surprised set a minimum. He wanted to get me something nice. Finding stones that fit both our requirements wasn't easy, but we found a few. He was insistent on VS1 or better, but really wanted to get a VVS or IF. I didn't want to go below I color because I can see color well. We'd also found a couple settings we liked, and realized we'd be best off finding a stone close to either 7mm or 7.5mm. He wanted to go with 1.5 carat, or close, if possible, so 7.5. We were really close to going with a CBI that was right near 7mm, and I'd have been thrilled with that one.

Late one night we were about to go to bed, I jumped online for a minute and did a quick random search, and a pre-loved Eightstar popped up. Or all the branded cuts, that's the one I love the most. But they're so expensive, I didn't even consider them. But the price on this one was in our budget, so I looked at the specs. It checked every box on both our lists, with room to spare! Plus it was a tiny hair over 7.5mm, so it would fit the setting we both loved, and the whole ring would come in right in the middle of our budget range. I couldn't get my man in front of my computer fast enough. He said "Isn't this that brand you talked about a few times?". I said "Yes, it's the brand I could only dream of until right now". He said "Email me the link". I did, thinking he'd get it in the morning. Instead he opened his computer, and bought it on the spot. :love::love::love:

So it short, we have a pre-owned diamond in a new setting. We did agree that he wouldn't give it to me in the used setting, neither of us wanted that anyway. I put a sapphire i that setting as an alt engagement ring for if I'm going to be a but rough on my hands.

1.55 ct
H color
VVS1 !!!
The ring of my dreams, from a man I couldn't even have dreamed of. :kiss2::kiss2:

ETA: A trade-in policy wasn't a factor at all, because I'll never give this ring up.
Click to expand...

Love this =)2
 
I think it just depends, though I realize that's not very helpful lol. If it's some young guy picking out a ring for his young bride, I could see her maybe thinking he went cheap and not being proud to show off the "used" ring he got her to her family and friends.

Or, she could love the idea and enjoy participating in picking it out. In general, I'm not a fan of a ring being chosen with no input from the one who will be wearing it. When the bride is included in the decision, a lot of costly mistakes and disappointments can be avoided.

Then again, I think some couples do prefer the traditional way and in that case, I'd think it's safer to stick to the custom of buying a new (and returnable/exchangeable) ring. Unless someone in the family has a diamond to pass down, which I believe is also traditional (it is where I come from, anyway).
 
What a great discussion - thank you for so many great points of view & lived experiences . I think that PS is the most civil forum on the interwebs ❤️❤️
 
caolsen said:
What a great discussion - thank you for so many great points of view & lived experiences . I think that PS is the most civil forum on the interwebs ❤️❤️
Click to expand...

Thank you for starting this discussion. I kind of wished someone had this discussion with me about 10 years ago hahaha. I think though as you get older you are able to accept things that are different to the norm. When I got engaged - we wanted to save money for a house and ended up with a sapphire ring which most of my friends thought was not a real engagement ring because it wasn't a diamond. I wished I thought of preloved or antiques back then.
 
No, pre-owned can be just fine. Depends upon the recipient.

Spouse wore a pre-owned wedding dress ($300!) to save money. Even wore white satin Isotoner slippers (that she custom-beaded) since it was just barely long enough (OK not quite long enough). It's still a family joke =)2
 
We went vintage. My ring is in the same size range all my husband's friends and for about a third of the price. That was huge to us in our very early 20s. We were definitely proud of our used ring! When discussed with friends, and it often was 15 years ago when we married, even if it wasn't the choice the friends would have made there was always a certain congratulatory response for what we found at that price.

I'd happily recommend both new and used just depending on what that particular buyer is after. I don't think it's automatically off the table. I just think people don't think about it or believe everything they hear from their local jeweller who may not have an estate case.
 
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