The Ceremony.... reflections.

[Gypsy]

DMB's thread got me thinking... as a bride, planning all the minutae that goes into a wedding (I think I spent a total of 3 hours in Michaels just agonizing over ribbon colors and textures for our favors!) really forced me to focus on the most ridiculous things (ribbon) that on the day of the wedding were just background noise. Especially when I was standing at the altar with my husband.

I think we spent a total of maybe 5 hours on our ceremony script and our vows. And that's in 12 months of planning. But on the day of... that ceremony and my groom were everything to me that day. The flowers, the dress, the ribbons (lol)... none of it mattered. I swear to you.

So I wanted to share some of the words that meant so much me. And that in the months since our wedding, through my husband's layoff, through my own job stress, through family illness, through the celebrations that we've had, and the troubles we've faced... I have genuinely re-read for strength, perspective and for hope.

For us, we've been together for a while (10 years last week). So this reading in particular meant a lot to me because I've lived it, and felt it so deeply when I heard the words read, and now every time I read them still . And when one of our brides was struggling 2 weeks to her wedding day about whether or not to postpone... these words that helped me provide her with some shared insight.

From Union by Robert Fulghum:

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will”- those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “ You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word.” Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

Our vows, of course, are something I have come back to as well. Sometimes several times in a month when things have been bad and I've needed strength. But the words above, they reminded me, before I was a wife, of the vows I had been making since the day I met my partner, and now, as a bride... of the vows I make to him daily.

So I thought, perhaps this might be a nice thread to share our thoughts, our readings, passages, and our insight with one another.

Because honestly, I agonized over the shoes (bought several pairs of them), over the dress (I bought 4, or maybe 5...or was it 6), and over everything else. But now that the wedding is behind us (thank god!) it's all about the marriage. And it's funny how as brides we can (and I was guilty of this myself) lose the most important part of it all, in ribbons, and lace and stationary and I wanted to share with you all what... months after the lace, ribbons and stationary are just images in an album this is what remains for me.

I was lit major. And there was a line in a TS Elliot poem (The Wasteland) that when I read it, at 17, struck a chord in me. "These fragments I have shored against my ruin"... and at that age I started collecting fragments, words, peoms, readings, memories, moments and that reading is one of my fragments. So I guess I'm asking you, what are the fragments that you have shored and saved and hoarded that give you light and that you feel (or felt) needed to be said at your ceremony, on the day that you pledged your life to another.
Please share... and maybe they can become someone else's fragments.

 

[honey22]

Gypsy, your post was beautiful, it made me bit emotional.

I adore that reading. We have chosen it for our own ceremony, as it touched me in a way I couldn''t explain, and we both felt like it was totally perfect for our ceremony. I found it on PS a few years ago, and the instant I read it, I knew we would use it for our own wedding day.

We have spent hours and hours and hours pouring over our vows. We will write a section, leave it for a few days or weeks, then revisit them over and over again to make sure they are perfect. Some would say I am obsessed, but these words are the most important ones I will ever speak to my best friend, lover and partner in life. For us, they have to be right. In all the details of our wedding, our vows are top of the list in importance, hands down.

I really hope this thread makes all of us Brides in waiting take a few moments to think about what really is the most important part of the day. The vows and promises you make to your life partner.

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you very Honey and I hope so too. I am so happy to hear you are using the passage too. It was very fitting for us, and still is, and I think it really is one that will have meaning for most couples. I hope your wedding and you ceremony are as amazing as ours was. Because it truly was a once in a lifetime moment (and I mean that in the best possible way). What I love about that reading is that it basically says that... the vows did not start on this day, and they do not end on this day. It's a continuous process, that started once you decided to commit yourselves, and never ends.

(BTW... for any nitpickers, because I am one myself, I realize that one interpretation of the the TS Elliot line is that it is a mock in effect stating that the fragments cannot stop the progression of ruin... but I am a romantic, and have always thought that since there is some ambiguity, there are ways to shore your ruins and that not all is hopeless).

 

[honey22]

Gypsy, I have to say, your wedding looked amazing. You can feel the love jumping over the pages of your pics, you both look so blissfully happy. I love that you bawled and didn''t care. I am going to bawl and I don''t care. I am allowed to be happy and emotional and bawl, it''s my wedding day!

We have been together a while too (13 years next week) and we really felt that Union really related to our lives at some stage or another. We met young, I was just 17, so there were many conversations that started, when we, someday, etc and now we are here. We have been so much for each other, and now, finally we will be husband and wife. I couldn''t be happier. Everytime I read that last line, I cry, I can''t help it. My darling Mum actually asked if she could read our other choice (both Mum''s are doing a reading each) as she couldn''t keep it together reading it, and FIs Mum, is practising all the time for our November wedding so she can get through it.

 

[Gypsy]

Aww.... Honey, your story made me emotional too. Your FMIL is gonna lose it. Our officiant (John''s uncle) practiced for MONTHS and even he got gruff and teary eyed during our ceremony. Thank you so much for the compliments on our pics. We really just ignored the photographers for the most part because we were so comfortable with them and were just US. I''ve read and heard that people feel that their photographer''s don''t or can''t capture truly ''real'' moments, but I really feel that the photographers can only capture what''s there. If you FEEL posed you photos come out posed. We didn''t pose. We were just us.

I have some really HILARIOUS shots of me LOSING IT from our ceremony (did they use a macro lens!?!)... but they just make us smile. See... no posing (and this is, sadly, one of the more COMPOSED pics of me during the ceremony

)

 

[Dannielle]

We haven''t made any decisions yet but I will definately be reading your reading to FI when he gets home from work. I got to "All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will”-" and burst in to tears. I''ve had to make myself some tea to calm down.. I don''t know if I would be able to keep it together if we had it read at our wedding.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Wow, Gypsy, this is the most heart-felt post I have ever read on PS and it has caught me off guard and I am now a bit emotional myself. That reading is just beautiful, and I hope that we may be able to use it in our wedding as well. I''m going to have to call up H and read it to him. It is just beautiful! We haven''t started on vows or the ceremony pieces yet, but perhaps we should start. I think it may help relieve some of the stress around "how are we going to afford this, how are we going to agree on that, how are we going to convince your mother is this, etc..." Because you are right, and it reminds me of what H says when we don''t quite see eye to eye on whatever aspect we are discussing, "babe, as long as I am up there with you by my side, I don''t care." That really sums it up!

 

[honey22]

Gypsy, you are the epitome of a beautiful bride. The emotion and honesty of that shot is just beautiful. I am praying my pics are half as good as yours.

 

[princessplease]

Aw, gypsy.

but in a wonderful, insightful and meaningful way. Your words are so eloquent and touching. You have a way with words, my dear. Thank you so much for sharing.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Gypsy, I couldn''t agree more. Everything else about the day pales in comparison to holding your partner''s hand and vowing to stand by his side for the rest of your lives. I never cried at weddings before my own, and now every time I see a ceremony it makes me teary-eyed because I now understand how meaningful that moment is for the couple.

Our ceremony was short and sweet, but we spent a lot of time writing our vows and choosing a reading that was perfect for us and I still call it the best 15 minutes of my life, haha.

 

[Diva0413]

Aw, you have no idea how much I needed to read that. Very well said and it definitely put things into perspective for me during the planning process. Thanks Gypsy!

 

[ash313]

Gypsy, thanks for a beautiful post. I hope to emulate your class and style on my wedding day. That is a beautiful reading, and one I would love to include if we were not having a religious ceremony (Catholic - no outside readings allowed!). I think perhaps I''ll have someone read it at the rehearsal dinner? I don''t know.

As to your question about "fragments" (and that''s such a beautiful concept by the way, and I interpreted the Eliot poem in the same romantic way) I do have several fragments that always get me, that always bring me back.

I hope you don''t mind me sharing them here, maybe they will strike someone else in the same way they strike me:

This one will go somewhere, maybe in our programs?

“In you I wrap a thousand onward years.”
~Walt Whitman

Ok, maybe I want this one in our programs. It was written about a same-sex relationship, and I really feel compelled to include this as a nod to several of our gay friends in relationships who cannot marry in Michigan:

"I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money.
I give you myself before preaching or law;
Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?"
-Walt Whitman

My fiance will read this after a short toast right before we eat dinner:

"Wedding Prayer" by Robert Lewis Stevenson

Lord, behold our family here assembled.
We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the health, the work, the food,
and the bright skies that make our lives delightful;
for our friends in all parts of the earth.
Amen

Here''s another favorite short one:

"What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life — to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories?"
~George Eliot

And another "fragment":

"For one human being to love another: that is the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test of proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation"
--Rainer Maria Rilke

A short Irish blessing, since we are Irish:

“When the roaring flames of your love have burned down to embers,
May you find that you’ve married your best friend.”

And, because Pablo Neruda is possibly the world''s most beautiful poet when it comes to love (this is from Sonnet XVII):

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

That this: where “I” does not exist, nor “you”,
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

Ugh, it''s so gorgeous, and just gets at that feeling of closeness, of togetherness.

Finally, I stumbled upon this beautiful poem, and I think I plan to read it to my fiance at some point on our wedding day. It is my dream to find a private moment with him: it shares perfectly my sentiment that someday, life won''t be easy, and we will have struggled, but I hope we are still able to lose ourselves in one another. Read it a few times, it starts to make better sense:

Prayer for a Marriage
By Steve Scafidi
From ''Sparks from a Nine-Pound Hammer''

When we are old one night and the moon
arcs over the house like an antique
China saucer and the teacup sun

follows somewhere far behind
I hope the stars deepen to a shine
so bright you could read by it

if you liked and the sadness
we will have known go away
for awhile – in this hour or two

before sleep – and that we kiss
standing in the kitchen not fighting
gravity so much as embodying

its sweet force, and I hope we kiss
like we do today knowing so much
good is said in this primitive tongue

from the wild first surprising ones
to the lower dizzy ten thousand
infinitely slower ones—and I hope

while we stand there in the kitchen
making tea and kissing, the whistle
of the teapot wakes the neighbors.


I read through these when I am feeling overwhelmed with wedding plans. They bring me back to what the day is about for me. Thanks for reminding me of that, Gypsy, and giving us a place to share!

 

[CNYHopeful]

What a great post, Gypsy! Thank you for putting it out there. It struck a chord with me and certainly captures the heart of what the wedding really is all about. FI and I haven''t begun planning our ceremony yet, but I suspect since we both love music, that really a lot of ourselves will be expressed through the songs we choose. I''ve heard some priests use letters that the couples write to each other as part of their homily and it''s such a moving moment. Our presider knows both of us well and we''re really looking forward to sitting down with him and planning our ceremony.

This week was a powerful week for us as a couple. FI and I went to our first pre-cana (pre-marriage counseling) meeting. It was refreshing to talk wiith our mentor couple about how we met, what we are committing to, what areas we complete each other, and our different needs. In the midst of all of the wedding aesthetics planning, it was so meaningful for us to realize that come May 22, 2010, all of those "when we do this" will come true. I can''t even begin to tell how excited I am!

Great post, Gypsy

I''m forwarding the Fulgham quote on to my dear one.

 

[SapphireLover]

Wow, that reading is amazingly perfect. Its so true! Beautiful

 

[GoingCrazy29]

GYPSY! That is the reading that we are having at our ceremony. I LOVE IT and it is so us. I''m so glad that it was perfect for you too. Thank you for your post/wise words.

 

[Haven]

Gypsy--What a beautiful post. I could not agree with you more. I sobbed during our ceremony, and I will forever hold those moments in my heart as some of the most cherished moments of my life.

My favorite fragment from our ceremony came from the last line of our ketubah, our marriage contract:
May we live each day as the first, the last, and the only day we will have with each other.

This line is preceded by more text, the last bit of which I also love:
The groom and the bride pledged together: "We will strive to be ever accepting of one another while treasuring each other's individuality; to comfort and support each other through life's disappointments and sorrows, and to share in each other's joys, hopes, and dreams. We vow to establish a home based on love, kindness, understanding, and the traditions of our heritage. May we live each day as the first, the last, and the only day we will have with each other."

I know it's pretty basic stuff, but I read our ketubah often, and I think of that last line even more often. We framed our ketubah in a giant frame and it hangs on a wall right in the center of our home, which is perfect--it is, after all, the concrete representation of what lies at the heart of this home.

 

[ladyciel]

Gypsy, I don't know if it was a post of yours or another PSer where I first saw that Robert Fulghum reading, but we used it in our ceremony last September. We haven't been together nearly as long as you and your DH, but it definitely struck a chord with us as well. From very early on in our relationship we began talking about our future life together, and that reading made me realize how smoothly we progressed from "what if" to "when". Somehow we came to a spoken, yet unspoken, agreement with each other of what our life would be like, knowing we were committed to share it even before any formal proposal or vows took place. A good friend of mine did the reading for us, and she did such a wonderful job that I got chills listening to her while standing at the altar.

I haven't really posted about our troubles on PS, but to keep it short, DH developed a frustrating (and to him, embarrassing) health problem during the honeymoon. Despite some interesting adventures it caused, we still enjoyed our time in Maui. Though he's slowly made progress since then, the doctors were never really able to give us an actual cause (though they made many incorrect guesses) or any effective treatment for his symptoms. As a result, he's struggled terribly with his self-image, confidence, and wondered if he'll ever be able to provide for me and our eventual children as he would like. His words to me once were "I feel horrible...like I tricked you into marrying a lemon." Your post made me think more about how even though that reading speaks so much to the hopeful and happy promises we make to each other well before the wedding, it was in our vows, on our wedding day, that we also vocalized the more important promises. To be there when times are tough, to help each other through the rough spots, and that our love will bolster us through anything if we make the effort together.

ETA:
As for "fragments", we used this one in our programs:

Whatever souls are made of, his and mine
are the same. - Emily Brontë

My family has some relation to the Bronte sisters, so it was extra special to me to use one of their quotes. Though, it was rather difficult finding one suitable for a wedding given how sad most of their love stories (written and in life) were.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

Gypsy, I am sitting here sobbing once again. Thank you for sharing the beautiful post and your pictures. I know that I will be a sobbing bride. I know that I will be unable to speak my words at times and need a moment...but after seeing that picture of you, it reminded me that no matter how much I am crying, or how I look, I will still be a beautiful bride in the eyes of my husband. He sees me cry all the time - I even cry during the National Anthem at baseball games and he teases me for it! BUT...thats part of ME. Seeing that picture of you reminded me of the beauty of crying, whereas before I was so scared that I would "ruin my makeup" or "ruin the vows" by being a crying mess. Thank you for opening my eyes.

And thank you again for reminding us all of what is important. I was never too crazy about the details - the music is the thing I care about the most - so I am trying not to stress about colors, napkins, placecards, even my own bouquet and jewelry...things that are just not that important to me.

Thank you again!

 

[DMBFiredancer]

This is from a Dave Matthews Band song called "Water/Wine" that I''d love to use...maybe even in the vows (Their music is very special to us because we both a huge fans and met at a DMB show back in 2002)

I will give you water
if you will share your wine
and I will feed your heart
if you promise to feed mine
and we will dance together
until the end of time...
until the end of time...


Another from a song called "Loving Wings"

So take your place here next to me
I take my place there next to thee
no matter how far you may roam
it''s by your side I make my home
I give to you my everything
you''ve given me these loving wings
angels have all gathered ''round
to hear my sing my love out loud

 

[packrat]

Gypsy, seriously, that picture of you could make me sit here and cry! It''s so so sweet!

We got married 8 years ago in November, so we''re an old fuddy duddy married couple by now. I remember cheesing out the whole day-just running around grinning like a little kid. I remember being in the little vestibule thing waiting to start, and my 2 BM''s and another friend who was my personal attendant kept telling me to take deep breaths, stay calm etc, and it just made me laugh that they were so nervous and freaked out, and I was so excited I thought I might just skip down the aisle. We ended up w/several "cheesing out" pictures.


This is what we had on the back of our programs, and my uncle read it.

The Promises of Marriage by Bettie Meeks

Marriage is a promise of companionship,
of having someone to share all of life''s experiences.
Marriage does not promise that there will not be any rough times,
Just the assurance that there will always be someone who cares and will
help you through to better times.

Marriage does not promise eternal romance, just eternal love and commitment.
Marriage can''t prevent disappointments, disillusionment or grief,
But it can offer hope, acceptance and comfort.

Marriage can''t protect you from making individual choices or shelter you from the world,
But it will help to reassure you that there is someone by your side who truly cares.
When the world hurts you and makes you feel vulnerable, marriage offers the promise that
there will be someone waiting to listen, to console, to inspire.

Marriage is the joining of two people who share the promise that only marriage can make--
To share the sunshine and the shadows, and to experience a richer, more fulfilling life because of it.

 

[KimberlyH]

This was read at our wedding by my aunt, who has been married for 55+ years.

Love
By Roy Croft
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can''t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber in my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

 

[violet02]

Gypsy, your wedding was beautiful you were radiant and I was so honored to be there to take way too many photos of everything, lol!

We are not particularly sentimental or sappy folks but this is what we picked for our reading. It was on a list that the pastor gave us.

From Victor Hugo.
“You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. The great acts of love are done by those who are habitually performing small acts of kindness. We pardon to the extent that we love. Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. And great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves. And even loved in spite of ourselves.”

Our invitation quote was:

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
- Sam Keen

I thought that suited us both to a T!

 

[lauralu]

what a great thread ! Thanks for starting it!. You looked so lovely gypsy. I agree and relate totally. I too spent many hours over ribbon. I do not even want to know what the ladies who work at Michael's were thinking when for the 3rd time in one day. I was back.....

When our day came I was so calm, in love, ready. Nothing was not as it should be. i swear it literally could have rained cats and dogs and it would not have mattered. I may not have even noticed. Nothing would have bothered me. I was so in a place of calm and peace. Unlike anything I had been feeling up to that day with making all the plans, getting everything ready ect. Just was a beautiful emotional day of Love between us. DH was the same. We had no groomsman. Only my two daughters and our daughter together. His dad who is 89 held the rings and stood up to give them to us when it was time. DH had a lot of reflection time between when I left the house to go to the venue to get dressed and when he walked out before we did. He to said he felt so calm and happy. It just hit us and the day was so perfect. We both cried during our vows. People were sniffling...we should have had Kleenex out.
When I would be pouring over things in the weeks before our wedding. I would always stop and say. In the end, this is not going to matter, and it did not. However, it still never stopped me from going into Michael's at least a dozen times during the making our our invites and supplies for our flowers and decorations.
Here are some of our favorite phrases and words spoken at our ceremony.
First these are words we had as part of our invites. It is part of a letter DH wrote to me during our first year together.

“A call for a friend, a cry out for one last chance
One last chance to live a life full of Love and peace
Let us not forget the hardest part is over my Love.....finding each other"

These are the words our officiant said at the start of our ceremony
We come together not to mark the start of a relationship, but to acknowledge and strengthen a bond that already exists. This ceremony is an affirmation of that bond, and joins together this man and this woman in marriage.
A marriage is more than a wedding. The act of a wedding is only a symbol, a public announcement of that which is within; a union made legal, but which the law can neither create nor destroy. At its heart, a marriage is the promises made and kept by two individuals.
Marriage embodies all the values and warmth which grow from human companionship and love. It represents the ultimate intimacy between a man and a woman. It should be entered into with certainty, with mutual respect, and with humor, happiness and joy.

This was right before our vows
No one can marry you but yourselves, and the promises that you are about to exchange, serve as a verbal representation of the love and commitment you pledge to each other.

Our vows...simple, short and sweet, but full of meaning for life...
As the sign from my heart,
that I desire to live with you
from this day forward as my wife/husband
and that you may remember forever
that I have chosen you above all others.

Ring Ceremony:
The wedding ring is a symbol of lasting commitment and enduring love, an expression of that which is without beginning and without end. Just as these rings have no ending, so may your happiness and love be endless.

“With this ring I marry you / my best friend, my love. / For I am you and you are me, / together we are one / without beginning, without end.”

These are the passages my daughters read
from the "Velveteen Rabbit"
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit. “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

From the movie "Stardust"
You know when I said I knew a little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable. I never imagined I’d know love for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

my youngest read this and everyone just smiled and got all teary eyed. The littlest one always gets the most reaction
Lives are for living, I live for you.
Dreams are for dreaming, I dream for you.
Hearts are for beating, mine beats for you.
Angels are for keeping. Can I keep you?

That is a lot of what we had...I wish I could have slowed the day down. it goes so fast. I wanted to just stay in the moment longer.....

We played the song "let go" by Fru Fru 5 minutes before the ceremony started
My girls walked into Beyonce's "Ava Maria"
We walked into Crazy Love by Van Morrison
and we walked out to U2's "Beautiful day"

After we got home from our honeymoon, the next day I got up about 7 and found DH in the kitchen putting wedding stuff away and organizing things.He had a towel hanging over his shoulder and he was wiping his face. He had been up since 5 am reminiscing about our ceremony and playing the songs from our wedding. He hugged me so tight and said everything was so perfect. This was the perfect time. Thanks babe for everything
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love him....

 

[CJ2008]

Gypsy,

I don''t have any fragments to share right now...

But I wanted to stop in real quick and say thank you for starting this thread - I think it''s so sweet that you''re taking the time to remind other brides that on the day of it''s all about the man in front of you and nothing else matters - everything else is just the background.

I, too, obssessed over every detail - but on that day, I was on cloud 9 - I didn''t even NOTICE that there flowers on each of the chairs at the ceremony - even though everyone else told me they were indeed there, it wasn''t until I saw the pictures that I actually BELIEVED it - I was just so focused on DH and felt so happy inside it was a feeling I never had before in my life.

If through sharing our stories we can help other brides be a little more calm, have a little bit more perspective (Deco would definitely agree with that, I know), and understand that on that day everything will be just perfect even when it''s not "perfect", that''s a great thing.

 

[Laila619]

This was my favorite reading from our ceremony. I loved it so much! Blessing of the Hands:

"These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.”

Everyone told us how moving it was.

 

[Scorpioanne]

Gypsy, this is a great thread as I feel that sometimes we get to focused on the day that we forget the LIFE. Your reading made me cry (maybe it''s because i am premenstrual

).
These are the readings we used. I was so glad I wasn''t doing the readings because I always cry at the Velveteen Rabbit.

"The Rhythm of Free Partners"
A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on
some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly,
because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and
swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart''s. To touch heavily would
be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly
changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the
possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch
in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back - it does
not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same
rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it.
When the partners each love so completely that they have forgotten
to ask themselves whether or not they are loved in return; when they each
only know that they love and are moving to its music - then, and then
only, are two people able to dance perfectly in tune to the same rhythm.
(from Anne Morrow Lindbergh''s Gift from the Sea)

READING #2 (from the Velveteen Rabbit)
"What is ''real''?" asked the rabbit one day, "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"''Real'' isn''t how you are made," said the skin horse. "It''s a thing that happens to you. When a person loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real you don''t mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn''t happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That''s why it doesn''t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don''t matter at all, because once you are real you can''t be ugly, except to people who don''t understand." -from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams

 

[pocahontas]

Gypsy, you are such an eloquent writer! On so many occasions I have been moved by the passion, honesty and vulnerability in your posts - THANK YOU! DH and I were married in a Catholic Church with a full mass, however our priest allowed us to have one non-religious reading. We seriously considered Pablo Nerruda's sonnet XVII that LeeNY posted (totally agree he's one of the greatest romantic poets). However, the following poem really struck a chord for both of us and we kept returning to it over and over again. Io be honest, it never ceases to move me everytime I read it:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

~ee cummings

I bawled through the entire thing. I mean snotty-nosed, bawling...it wasn't pretty and it was captured on film...but you know what? It makes me smile everytime I look at that picture.