The Bachelor Party

[bensbride]

So my FI came home from work today and said, "So I guess my bachelor party is giong to be co-ed." I smiled and asked, "Strippers? Eww!" He smiled back and explained that no, there would not be strippers. However, one of his best man''s old roommates is only in town for one night and wants to visit, so he is stopping by and bringing his girlfriend because she has nowhere else to go. That doesn''t bother me so much. However....another one of our friends is bringing his girlfriend. This one annoys me. I think it probably annoys me more than my FI, but I had to vent on PS because its really making me grit my teeth. Anyway, we have a dear friend who just started this hot and heavy puppy love relationship within the last month. They are cutesy to the point of nausea. They do everything together and can''t possibly be separated for one night, so he''s bringing her to my FIs Bachelor party this weekend. This annoys me for a few reasons:

1. My FI was looking forward to "guys night" and now there will be girls there. Its just a different dynamic when girls are there and I feel like he''s missing out on his time with just the guys.

2. I wasn''t invited, obviously. None of the other wives were invited. I have plans anyway, so even if they make it officially co-ed, I won''t be able to go. It annoys me that these other girls are going to be a part of it, but I''m not. I''m probably being selfish, but it just annoys me. Plus, its kind of obnoxious that they can''t spend one evening apart from each other. In my opinion, our friend either needs to go alone or not go.

3. This girlfriend spent the whole night of my bachelorette party with all the husbands and apparently all she talks about is sex. The guys think its funny and cool, but I''d rather not have my FI discussing sex with a relative stranger. Its one thing to talk "guy talk" when its with the guys that he''s known since elementary school. Its quite another to discuss our sex life with a girl he''s met twice before in his life.

Would this stuff annoy you or am I being silly?

 

[CNYHopeful]

It''s OK. I''d be disappointed too. In the end, if your FI isn''t too terribly distraught and the ladies doesn''t entirely ruin his bachelor party, and nothing overly embarassing goes down, it should pass over like a brief storm.

1) If your FI misses out on the guy time, he can get together with a few of them for a game and some drinks another time.

2) I understand the whole feeling left out if other girls are going, but in all likelihood, not too much will happen that you''ll hear about later and think "dang, I really wish I were there!"

3) As for the one girl having sex conversations with strangers, that''s just rude. If she''s brash like that, I''m sure your FI would respect you and your privacy enough to not divulge your history to her. If he''s like most guys I know, if it''s the general topic of sex, that''s fair game but if another woman asks about his personal sex life, he''ll just laugh it off and switch topics. It''s just not cool to talk about it with another woman. If he''s smart, he wont'' take the bait and that''s that.

 

[Porridge]

Oh for god''s sake can he not leave his lover home for one night for a freaking bachelor party?!? Seriously! BACHELOR party. GUYS ONLY! How very uncool on both their parts.

 

[LilyKat]

It would annoy me a lot if I was your FI or one of the guys. If I were one of those girls I wouldn''t go along even if asked. I think your FI is being very accommodating, but unless he wants to speak up about it, I guess you just have to let it go. If you''re worried about the sex talk, I''m sure your FI knows better, but have a chat with him about it if it would reassure you.

But look on the bright side, they are less likely to do anything completely inappropriate with the influence of girls around

I also think it''s really nice that you are concerned that he should have a great bachelor party, rather than trying to curb his fun. Bodes well for the relationship.

 

[cocolaw]

the girl sounds like an attention w****! that''s my experience with girls who constantly talk about sex in front of guys at least! yeah i think it''s inappropriate for her to be there. i would not appreciate that.

 

[honey22]

For God's sake, tell these boys to get a life! You don't take your gf's to a bachelor party. She will be fine on her own for one night. This is your FIs night, if he doesn't want to have chicks there, he needs to tell them. OMG, what kind of women actually want to tag along to a bachelor party anyway, I can hear the ball and chains clinking all the way from here.

 

[newsboysgrl777]

Date: 6/19/2009 5:16:52 AM
Author: CNYHopeful
3) As for the one girl having sex conversations with strangers, that's just rude. If she's brash like that, I'm sure your FI would respect you and your privacy enough to not divulge your history to her. If he's like most guys I know, if it's the general topic of sex, that's fair game but if another woman asks about his personal sex life, he'll just laugh it off and switch topics. It's just not cool to talk about it with another woman. If he's smart, he wont' take the bait and that's that.

Agree with this one..and this is really my biggest 'concern.' Just have a little chat with FI about your concerns re: your personal lives (sex-life or otherwise). It's really something that should stay between the two of you..and ESPECIALLY not with some stranger-girl. If he's the type that doesn't think it matters if he discusses your personal life, ask him how he'd feel if you told one of your friend's BOYFRIEND'S (who is a complete stranger, btw) all about your sex life? Kinda sheds a different light on it, don't ya think?

Also, the fact that he told you about it is good...means he's not keeping anything 'hidden' (whether well intended - to not upset you or worry you - or otherwise).

PS I think you've hit the nail on the head by saying it's a 'hot and heavy puppy love' thing because what girl goes around talking about sex with random people? ESPECIALLY while seeing/dating someone? Some people are so sad....and unfulfilled.

That's the only reason I can fathom for her wanting to garner this kind of attention.

 

[NuggetBrain]

That is so bizarre - what dude brings his girlfriend to a bachelor party? And what woman wants to go? Ugh. I guess as long as your FI is okay with it, there''s not much you can do without running the risk of being the "bitchy bride". But if he''s not, I would definately tell him to tell his boys to leave their ladies at home for the evening as he wanted to spend some time with just the boys.

 

[Blair138]

As the girlfriend, I would be embarrassed if he brought me! These couples need to get a clue, it''s a BACHELOR PARTY not a get together to hang out. They need to stay home.

My FI would be like yours and say "whatever" and it would bother me more. His friends sound like selfish morons right now.

 

[galvana]

My FI would NOT allow girls to come, no matter what the situation. not for his Bparty, you only get that once and i know he''d say no.
Im sorry this is happening, but i agree w/you and i would be very bothered by it

 

[Lanie]

WHAT?!?!? Both of these tagalongs should get together and go get mani-pedis and go shopping! And leave their boys alone! I'm infuriated and I don't even know you!!!

I'd be willing to be that this girl who talks about sex all the time is cool and fun for right now, but by the end of the trip, she will be super annoying. Wow. If I were your FI, I would tell their boyfriends to leave the girls at home...it isn't about them, it's about HIM.

ETA: If that first guy was from out of town, he could have left his girlfriend back home! Surely she has something to do there! Even if it's just sit at home and watch TV! UGH!!!!!

 

[ladypirate]

I knew of one case among our friends where a girl went to the bachelor party and she was not dating any of the guys, just a really close friend of the guy getting married. I think girlfriends tagging along on a guys night out (unless they are super close friends with the groom) is just odd.

 

[Kelli]

I''d be annoyed too, for all the same reasons you are. I wouldn''t be so mad if it meant that I was invited too and we were all having a bash together. But I''d be annoyed that other girls got to enjoy my DF''s bachelor party and I didn''t. That hardly seems fair. It also seems pretty freaking pathetic that they can''t spend one night apart.

 

[bensbride]

Okay, WHEW, I''m not the only one who thinks its odd! I think it does bother my FI, but not to the point that he''ll say something and risk offending his friend.

Also, I should know and trust my FI well enough that he won''t be dishing out dirty secrets just because some girl is there. He''s a good guy and deep down I know it will be fine.

Thanks for all the support! I''m getting toward the "1 week mark" and everything is starting to hit at once!

 

[ilovesparkles]

DITTO! I would be MAD, not just annoyed. That is just pathetic. And H would probably put his foot down too. If he didn't agree, for my sake.

Stupid people

ETA: I was trying to DITTO Lanie's post. Oops!

 

[JerseyGrl81]

Yeah- that''s not cool. How is it a bachelor party then? Can you invite the girlfriends to hang out with you that night instead?

 

[bensbride]

I did have an honest little convo with FI before he left saying, "Please do not discuss our personal intimate details with Miss Puppy Love" and he ended up venting that he was angry that she was coming, but didn''t want to anger people or purposely say, "I don''t want you there."

I got a text this morning, and FI said he had a great time and is driving back home soon! I''m pretty sure it worked itself out. I''m fairly certain that "puppy love couple" did not attend. I think they went to see her out of town relatives instead. I feel bad that "Mr Puppy Love" missed it, because he truly is a dear friend, but I''d rather he not go than to the bachelor party with a date.

Thanks so much for the support! I love you guys!