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TGal, how is your IVF friend?

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/17/2010 10:57:05 PM
Author: neatfreak
I''m not sure what advice to give but am happy to answer any questions she has!

I followed the modified on demand feeding schedule. Which meant that I would feed them both when the first one woke up and wanted food. I highly recommend this, because otherwise by the time you''re done with one the other two will want to be fed and you''ll have to start again. I BFed them so it was a little different, but when my DH fed them in the early months he would just line them up in boppies on the floor and feed them. There''s a thing called a podee system and I bet she will love it if she gets one. Allows you to feed (bottles) without hands without propping them on blankets. We didn''t have one but a lot of twin moms loved it and I would think it would be essential for a triplet mom so she can feed them all at once.

If she''s BFing she can do two at a time. Line boppies up on the couch one on each side. Put on nursing pillow. Lean over and grab one baby and put them on nursing pillow. Then do the same with the other one (be careful to make sure the first doesn''t fall off!) and then latch them both on. Reverse the process when done. I recommend the EZ2 Nurse if she is BFing as it''s made for twin moms and is much better than a boppy or the like.

Bathing them, seriously babies don''t need baths everyday. Far from it unless they had a blowout. At best mine got bathed every other day and at worst every 3-4 days or so. My doc recommended this and I love her for it. newborns really aren''t getting dirty after all unless they have a blowout or a bad puke.

As for bathing I would again line up the boppies or bouncy chairs in the bathroom and then bathe one at a time. Bathe, diaper, put back in the bouncy, and repeat. This would work just as well with trips as with twins just more trips back and forth to the bathroom!

And for her own sanity she needs to get comfortable with taking them out or else she will NEVER leave the house. It really isn''t too bad and my kids actually are much happier out in the stroller esp. when they are cranky.

Hope that helps-let me know if she has any other questions.
Thanks NF. I recommended the podee system awhile back to her since I found it on the triplets forum I think you linked me to. I read it works for some, not for others, but I think it will come in handy soon and worth a try.

She''s a germophobe and a bit OCD, but I think the sheer exhaustion will make her understand babies don''t need to be bathed every other day, or even longer. Heck, my toddler has been known to go a few days due to her lazy mama.


I don''t think she is going to BF. No milk, and too stressful at this point. I will tell her about your modified on demand schedule, thank you!
 

hlmr

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Hi Tgal, just wondering how things are going? Is everyone at home together now?
 

TravelingGal

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Nope, just the two. One is still not feeding well. Everything else is fine, but he''s fussy on the bottle and with her having triplets, they are not letting him go home unless he''s a champion eater because it would be too stressful for her.

I haven''t seen her in a few days because I am sick and staying away. All I know is their lives seem crazy, but everyone is surviving. I''ll definitely keep everyone posted if anything new and good develops. I haven''t had time to ask her if I can post pics here because I just know she''s overwhelmed and don''t want to stress her out.
 

hlmr

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I feel sad for the little one not with his brothers, but I know they are doing what is best for everyone. Hopefully they can be reunited soon.

Glad to hear everyone is surviving, and I guess how could it be anything but crazy?! No worries on the pictures.....if it works out sometime to post a pic of the three of them together, that would be great!

Sorry to hear you are sick! I hope you feel better soon! Thanks for updating!!
 

TravelingGal

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All three are home. Noah came home this past Friday.

And my friend? Well, she just calls me from time to time to ask who she is.
 

Tacori E-ring

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I am SO glad all three boys are home. Much luck to your friend. Sounds like she has a lot of support though!
 

TravelingGal

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Date: 3/1/2010 5:48:23 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
I am SO glad all three boys are home. Much luck to your friend. Sounds like she has a lot of support though!
It''s not enough. She doesn''t have time for me to come over and help out, as weird as that sounds. My other friend (the one with the son I posted about) and I agreed we''d at least do lunch duty since that is an area that is a struggle right now. She doesn''t have time to grocery shop or eat. Her mom is also unable to cook at this point. So we''ll take turns and bring over food. We''re trying to schedule a time for me to come over and take back all the registry stuff for a refund, but we can''t even fanagle an hour to do so right now.

Her sister (the one who has twins) is struggling now too since her DH has gone back to school full time. The twins are two months old an are much more demanding. She''s alone since her mom is at my friend''s.

So everyone is overloaded and starving, and my friend''s mom is trying to help 5 babies and 2 women. Everyone is running off to the doctor''s at different times (the triplets all have their own appointments) and everyone is sick and wearing facemasks around the babies.

Just hearing about it makes me really think raising one child is a piece of cake.
 

curlygirl

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I''m so glad all 3 babies are home but my heart really goes out to your friend. I can''t even begin to imagine what it must be like without having consistent help. I''m all for going at it alone but not with 3 at one time. Would she consider a baby nurse for a little while? I know they can be expensive but in her case, it would be worth every penny. They stay around the clock which could be huge for her to just get a few nights of real sleep. I''m sure it would make her feel a little better and help her regain some sense of self. I wish there was something I could do to help. Still sending all my positive thoughts her way.
 

hlmr

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That's great news, that everyone is at home together, but I cannot even begin to imagine how overwhelmed she must be right now. Thank goodness she has two good friends helping her out by bringing food over. Her poor Mom must be exhausted doing this at her age!! Kudos to her, as a lot of mothers couldn't begin to take on that kind of responsibility. I'll bet her Mom wouldn't have it any other way though....


Has she been able to take pictures of the boys for her photo album? She probably doesn't even have time to think of that, but maybe if you and your friend can take some for her when you visit, she would be so happy to have them down the road, when she is able to come up for air.
 

cara

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Ayeyeye. Yes its great the boys are all home and thriving, but their poor mother! And grandmother! And sister with new twins and less help cause she''s not a desperate as her sister with triplets! I really can''t imagine. I think a night nurse or some assistance is a great idea, but can imagine how orchestrating that would seem like an impossible challenge right now... Even if the food deliveries seem like a small thing, I''m sure they help some. When the adults remember to eat.
 

TravelingGal

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Yeah, that''s why I am not updating all that much. I mean, pretty much all the update is going to say is that she is exhausted, exhausted, exhausted. I didn''t expect differently.

She is amazing though, in that every time I talk to her, she sounds very upbeat...I sounded way more blah only dealing with one baby.

Curly, no, I don''t think she is going to consider a baby nurse yet...but it''s still early in the game!
 

Mara

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thanks for the update TG. gosh seriously i am in awe of anyone raising multiples, i know i have said that like 500 times since J came out but really. our neighbor has twins and i was over there borrowing their baby tub last nite and she was regaling me with newborn twin tales. really, the woman is a saint and superwoman mixed together! i know that people 'just do' whatever is necessary obviously and the capacity for PAIN is limitless when it comes to parenting hehe...but i feel like i can barely do a decent job with one. i can't imagine three.

TG...can you and 1-2 friends offer to take the babies for an afternoon or something one weekend to give her and her mom some time off? even just to sleep or go get a pedicure or something fun for herself? that seems like it'd be amazing if she'd go for it...not sure if she is letting people watch the babies.

oh and baby nurse sounds like a dream, someone was saying somewhere (can't remember) that someone had one of those who would come at night to relieve the parents.
 

Mandarine

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I have two and can''t imagine how moms of triplets do it!!!!!. I guess it''s how the singleton moms feel about mom''s of twins! But three just seems almost impossible. There are just two arms! I can still snuggle them both when they are cranky and let them fall sleep on me...I think with three that''s just impossible.

Sounds like she''s handling it well though. It''s hard to help, I know because sometimes people would offer and I didn''t have time for them to come help...and yes, that sounds crazy but it is true!.

I wish people would have cooked for me or done grocery shopping...that would have been huge help!!!!. I had to do all the cooking because my mom suddenly forgot how to cook and DH can only do the basic stuff. So I had that duty and truly hated that nobody was doing that for me (still do! hehe)

So I would say dropping off comfort food and maybe some snacks would be the biggest help for her!...and maybe offering to take her laundry and drop it off the next day (rather than doing it at her house)
 

neatfreak

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So a different perspective but it's tiring and frustrating for someone to come and say "how can I help?" when you are already overwhelmed. But it is NOT for you to say "I am bringing you lunch and taking over feedings for an hour so you can rest". Or "I am coming over to do laundry".

I think that it may help a lot if instead of offering to come help, you tell her you ARE coming to do dishes, laundry, whatever. If she doesn't have to think about what to have you do, she is much more likely to accept the offer IMO.

When your brain isn't functioning it's much easier to just say no than think of something for someone to do. But if someone offered me something specific, "I am bringing you dinner" "I am coming over and doing your dishes" and I didn't need to think and I ALWAYS appreciated the help.
 

TravelingGal

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Mara I think we''ll get there. I just spoke with her to discuss lunch and she said she''s still up for help at some point.

Yes, I offer her specific things when I can. Tomorrow we made a date so I can pick up all her extra stuff and return it to babiesrus. I''d offer to help her do laundry, but she''s scary anal, and I''m not touchin'' it!


So for now, calls for food runs are about it, in terms of how I can help. Once I get better from this cold, we''ll go from there.

She told me today things are going well, but she misses the bonding element that she thinks that singletons moms have. It''s a constant assembly line of feed, change, get the kid down, etc, while trying to take care of herself too. She is missing the opportunities to just sit still and hold babies.

We made a tentative date for maybe breakfast this Sunday. Her mom and DH will take 2, and she''ll be able to get out of the house with one baby in tow to get some sun and fresh air...both of them!
 

Mandarine

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Date: 3/2/2010 1:48:30 PM
Author: neatfreak
So a different perspective but it''s tiring and frustrating for someone to come and say ''how can I help?'' when you are already overwhelmed. But it is NOT for you to say ''I am bringing you lunch and taking over feedings for an hour so you can rest''. Or ''I am coming over to do laundry''.


I think that it may help a lot if instead of offering to come help, you tell her you ARE coming to do dishes, laundry, whatever. If she doesn''t have to think about what to have you do, she is much more likely to accept the offer IMO.


When your brain isn''t functioning it''s much easier to just say no than think of something for someone to do. But if someone offered me something specific, ''I am bringing you dinner'' ''I am coming over and doing your dishes'' and I didn''t need to think and I ALWAYS appreciated the help.
Ditto!
 

Mara

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well TG if it helps her to know this... i actually just felt like an assembly line was going on for the last few weeks too and i only have a singleton. it''s only been maybe about a week that i have felt like i am really ''bonding'' with the kid. i know that maybe every mom is different but i don''t think that every mom feels the instant bond when you are just feeding, diapering, rocking the baby and he would take it from anyone around. it''s only been in the last week i really feel like he knows ME. that ''houseplant'' analogy someone referenced re: newborns in the 0-12 thread is totally apt IMO.

and NF has a point re: saying ''i will be over to do X'' ... i don''t like taking help from anyone, not even my MOM a lot of the time because you don''t want to be an imposition or make your issues someone elses. but if someone won''t take no for an answer and it''s helpful rather than being a pain to coordinate or deal with, then you can just accept it.
 

TravelingGal

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Date: 3/2/2010 2:12:29 PM
Author: Mara
well TG if it helps her to know this... i actually just felt like an assembly line was going on for the last few weeks too and i only have a singleton. it''s only been maybe about a week that i have felt like i am really ''bonding'' with the kid. i know that maybe every mom is different but i don''t think that every mom feels the instant bond when you are just feeding, diapering, rocking the baby and he would take it from anyone around. it''s only been in the last week i really feel like he knows ME. that ''houseplant'' analogy someone referenced re: newborns in the 0-12 thread is totally apt IMO.

and NF has a point re: saying ''i will be over to do X'' ... i don''t like taking help from anyone, not even my MOM a lot of the time because you don''t want to be an imposition or make your issues someone elses. but if someone won''t take no for an answer and it''s helpful rather than being a pain to coordinate or deal with, then you can just accept it.
Hey, I didn''t particularly like my kid until she as about 6 weeks old, so definitely normal. However, I don''t want to tell her stuff like that because I''m not sure it helps. Her days and nights are so long, I think it would be scary to say, "it''s going to be like this for WEEKS!" Hehe.

I hope I get a chance to bond with them a bit because honestly, there''s nothing about the baby stage that appeals to me anymore. I''m over it. The toddler stage is so much more fun, and challenges my brain a lot more. Of course, that''s because my brain didn''t function very well in the early days!
 

TravelingGal

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Hi everyone...

Seems a couple of people were curious as to how she is doing, so I thought I''d post an update. My apologies for not posting pics of the kids yet...it just seems there is never time to take them, and I always forget to ask if I can post the birth pics. And I forgot my camera yesterday so I could at least take a pic of her baby ring.


Anyway, I stopped by yesterday and hung out until 2 am. She still is keep a sense of humor, but it is still hard for her. She said that I was right about that two week honeymoons and she misses those days where all they did was eat and sleep. It is DEFINITELY more challenging now.

Noah (the oldest but smallest) was admitted a couple of weeks ago to the hospital for a respiratory virus. He is the one who tries their patience as he must be carried or held or else he loses it. I was fascinating for me to witness this yesterday. Repeatedly he fell sound asleep in their arms (or on their back as they use a Korean style baby carrier) but within 5 minutes of being put down, he would start screaming bloody murder. What my friend finds really interesting is that he was that way BEFORE he was admitted to the hospital, but for some reason at the hospital, he was fine with being put down in his crib to sleep. Did not need to be held as much. They got home and he was fine for 2 days, until her mom insisted on carrying him again and he decided full force he didn''t want to be put down. He is more sickly than the other two, so he definitely gets a bit more TLC (and he demands it anyway with the crying).

The other two are bigger...about 10 and 11 lbs and do really well. They are even tempered and manage to sleep on their own just fine.

She''s getting flack from her MIL that she should never let any of them cry for more than 10 minutes...very difficult to do when you have three babies and not three people to take care of them! But amazingly, considering they are short handed, they do amazingly well at addressing the babies when they cry. However, because she has triplets, even at this age (nearly 3 months) she isn''t opposed to let them CIO. One them, she and her mom were busy with two of them and Caleb was in the swing and started crying. She just couldn''t deal with him right then and let him cry. She said 10 minutes and he just passed out and woke up happy. She''s finding out that it''s really not a big deal to let them cry a bit - and she really has no choice in the matter anyway.

But it was fairly chaotic. Even with me helping out, it was a production to get all three babies fed, bathed and down for sleep. There is constant noise...a baby is almost always crying and there didn''t seem to be much of a window when all three were quiet. She says any mom who is raising a single baby and says it''s hard, she wants to kick in the teeth.
I laughed and said it certainly didn''t compared with raising three, but still one baby IS hard. The difference between one baby and three was that she is missing out on the quiet moments and the joy of just lavishing attention on one child. She is constantly moving; constantly needing to do things to care for her sons, but rarely does she get to sit down and just stare at them and play.

On top of that, she wants to reestablish intimacy and affection between her husband and herself, but everyone is too exhausted to do anything.

Still, she''s a trooper. I have nothing but respect for her and her mom, who is absolutely amazing.
 

cara

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Thanks for the update TGal! Wow what a job. Good to know the adults are hanging onto the edge of reason, somehow.
 

hlmr

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Just seeing this now....thank you for updating us TGal. She is coping amazingly!!


Aren't some MIL's so very helpful during extraordinary stressful times? Mine screamed at me to bottle feed because my son wasn't latching on very successfully. She said he was starving and I needed to fix it now! Ahhh, memories.
 

TravelingGal

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hlmr, sounds like she was a winner...


I was over yesterday and MAYHEM. Her sister was there with the twins and it was five babies under 6 months - which really hit home when I realized there were FOUR women there and not enough people to hold all the kids! When her sister left with the twins, we thought...ahhhhh...feels SO much more manageable now. Who''d have ever thought triplets would seem manageable? But that''s perspective for you.

Which, by the way, was why we all agreed once again that Octomom is crazy.
 

hlmr

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Date: 5/6/2010 9:00:11 PM
Author: TravelingGal
hlmr, sounds like she was a winner...


I was over yesterday and MAYHEM. Her sister was there with the twins and it was five babies under 6 months - which really hit home when I realized there were FOUR women there and not enough people to hold all the kids! When her sister left with the twins, we thought...ahhhhh...feels SO much more manageable now. Who'd have ever thought triplets would seem manageable? But that's perspective for you.

Which, by the way, was why we all agreed once again that Octomom is crazy.
LOL, winner is one word...

Yes, Octomom is crazy!! And if she wasn't quite there before, she must be there by now.

I am thinking that once all of these babies become mobile, there will be a whole new perspective on what is managable.


It is so wonderful for both daughters, that they have a Mom who is so helpful and involved!! Please wish them all a Happy Mother's Day!
 

TravelingGal

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spde made a point that any new pics aren''t going to make it the new PS2, so I thought I''d finally post the newborn pics of the triplets. Plus they obviously don''t like this anymore and the mom is OK with old pics.

Thanks again for the good wishes on this thread. They are doing great...we took them out in a TRIPLE mountain buggy urban stroller and my friend couldn''t walk 5 feet without comments from every passerby.

In order of "age"...

Noah (he was on the bottom and came out the smallest and most battered):

NOAHa.jpg
 

TravelingGal

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Caleb

CALEBa.jpg
 

TravelingGal

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Elijah (who was on top, came out the biggest and definitely was most content and comfy in the womb)

ELIJAHa.jpg
 

Bella_mezzo

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Messages
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Wow, Noah does look like he had a rough go of it from his brothers. No fun to be on the bottom on an in-utereo triplet pile-up!!!!

Hope they are growing like weeds and that life isn''t too overwhelming for their parents!!!
 

TravelingGal

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Date: 5/27/2010 1:19:06 PM
Author: Bella_mezzo
Wow, Noah does look like he had a rough go of it from his brothers. No fun to be on the bottom on an in-utereo triplet pile-up!!!!

Hope they are growing like weeds and that life isn''t too overwhelming for their parents!!!
Yeah, noah had no hair (anywhere), red marks all over his face (he still has some although they are fading). The other two look like normal little babies now. Noah still looks a bit beaten up because his eyes are puffier and has skin issues.

It''s kind of interesting...where they were in the womb has a direct correlation in their personality. Noah is a high maintenance baby. He cries if he''s not held and is angry a lot more. Probably because he was smaller and therefore more sickly. Elijah is happy, easy going, content (he was on top). Caleb is right in the middle.
 

MonkeyPie

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You can tell which one was where in the womb just by how they look in those pictures. I''m glad they are all doing well and I really hope mom gets some time to love on them as they get bigger!
 

curlygirl

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Apr 9, 2005
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Wow, TGal, thanks so much for sharing those. It is pretty amazing to see how different they all look (and behave) based on where they were in utero. I''m constantly fascinated by the miracle of life. Hope your friend is doing well. I think of her often when I hear people complain about their singletons!
 
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