- Joined
- Mar 7, 2005
- Messages
- 976
Hi! I am new-ish to LIW, I thought I would take the time to re-introduce myself to everyone here! Some of you might remember me and may have been a fellow LIW back in 05 with me! Others, not so much. J I loved being a part of LIW and BWW all those years ago, especially with waiting to be engaged, getting engaged, then planning the wedding and then finally getting hitched. Such a great place to bounce ideas, frustrations, joys and tears. I big puffy heart the dear friends I have made in the past here and look forward to making new ones!
With that being said…I am starting all over again. A few years after my joyous travel through this site, my, now EX, husband and I decided to get divorced. Without pointing fingers or directing blame, we will just leave it at a healthy; we decided to end our marriage. I know there are some who know the whole story and who tell me, to this day, that I am too nice. LOL, well, here is my take. Karma sucks!! 
It was hard and I have been through a lot since that point. A few days after I decided to leave ex-Mr. Strawdermangrl, my mom ended up in a coma. She was a cancer fighter for almost 10 years at that point and had a bad fungal infection in her lungs, we decided to put her in a drug induced coma and on a ventilator so that she wouldn’t have to work so hard to breathe so that maybe, the meds would start to work. All during this, a great friend of mine was there every step of the way. We were relatively new friends, met through some mutual friends, and he offered the love and unwavering support that I so desperately craved. I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t date for 2 years after my divorce but ended up breaking that vow. ‘R” and I started dating in July of 2007. It was bliss, truly. Amazing, he was everything I had read about in books, seen in movies and prayed for my whole life. Definitely, the opposite of my last, less successful relationship. Miraculously, Mom came out of the coma and went on to live the next 8 months. We had such a blessing in her and sadly she passed away in April of 2008. My heart was already in pieces and that just shattered the bits it was in already. Leaning on my friends and family and ‘R’ pulled me through the toughest thing I have ever been through. I was, obviously, a wreck. I held it together for my Dad, losing the love of his life and the only woman he had ever kissed and loved, I couldn’t let him see how much I wanted to fall apart. I, did , however let ‘R’ see the dark and depressed side, it helped me heal to expose those emotions and cry. I was so happy I had him. Dad and I decided to take a month off and travel, we had to get away for a bit and have family everywhere. Dad offered to pay for ‘R’ to join, citing he knew that I would have never made it through this without his support and love. Dad said to take the time from work and he would cover all expenses, bills ect. that he needed. Or if he wanted to join us in different places for a few days at a time, that would be fine too. R seriously considered but something kept him from coming ( He is a chef, works for himself and has the ability to take off long periods of time, as he did for trips with friends and family, really whatever he wanted). I went away and R started becoming more and more distant. One night, I didn’t hear from him until 4 am. I knew something was wrong. Come to find out, he was sleeping with another girl that worked for him. Starting 3 weeks after my mom died. We had just moved into our new house. We had decided we were going to get married. We had it all planned out. Needless to say, not the best thing that could have happened. I was completely devastated. I have NEVER felt pain like that. Sad to say, my marriage ending didn’t hurt me as badly as that did. I will not lie and tell you that I got over it easily, I fought the urge to make it work, I fought the urge to not move out. I fought the urge to just brush it aside because, I couldn’t handle losing something else. I was the most broken woman I had ever known and I hated myself for where I was. I blamed myself for him cheating. It was my fault, I was sad and he didn’t know how to deal. I pushed him into someone else’s arms, he had never lost someone before, excuses flowed from me to take the blame for his actions. Then one day, it dawned on me. I have no control over anyone but myself. How could I let myself be brought down by someone who was truly a wolf in sheeps clothing? After that, it all changed. I went back to school, got another degree that I have used and loved, I am working towards my masters and am hoping to achieve my PH.D. I have pulled thorugh the worst possible series of events and am happier and healthier than I could have ever expected. I have started dating again, SLOWLY, mind you. My biggest hurdle is to trust someone, completely, again. I do want to get married again, I want to have that once more but it is a slow process.
Anyway, long and very personal post but, I feel like to really re-join this community it is important that you all know where I am coming from! I am excited to be back, and maybe to rejoin LIW sooner than later.
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